Fifty Shades More
by nuwriter
Summary: No change in characters from the original trilogy. This is a continuation. Ana and Christian have been together for 7 years. They have built a good life together and have 2 beautiful children. But, in spite of Ana's love, will Christian ever gain insight into his past and be able to deal with his pain? This is book 1 of 3.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Thank you for finding this story. It is a continuation of the Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy. This is book I of three. Book II is Fifty Shades…Clarity and book III is Fifty Shades…Full Circle.**

**Disclaimer:** This is an interpretation of copyrighted original material. The original characters of Fifty Shades of Grey are owned by E.L. James. The original content, ideas, characters and intellectual property of this story are owned by Nuwriter, as of 2012. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual. No copyright infringement is intended.

Rated **M** for adult language and situations.

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**Chapter 1**

Oh, my God this feels so good. The warm sun beats down on my body warming my skin, my bones, relaxing me. And the quiet. This is bliss. I am sitting on a chaise on the patio just outside the glass wall, facing the lake. The sun is dancing off of the water like twinkling stars and the soft warm breeze and smell of the sea is heaven. But most of all, it's the quiet. Christian is still at work, Teddy isn't home from school yet and I have put Grace down for her afternoon nap. Finally a brief moment just for me.

I'm worried. I don't know what's been wrong with me lately. I seem to cry all the time. I cry at the drop of a hat. I think I would cry at a bowl of cold oatmeal, given the opportunity. It's driving Christian crazy. He's constantly asking me what is wrong and I can't tell him, because I don't know, myself. It's making him mad as hell, but then, Christian is always mad.

I close my eyes, turn my mind off and let myself drift. The past 7 years have been a whirlwind. Not the direction I ever imagined my life would take. Who would have ever thought that within one short summer I would meet, lose my virginity to and marry the man of my dreams becoming ridiculously wealthy? Then become an editor at a major publishing house, get pregnant and give birth to the perfect child, and have that horrendous episode with Jack Hyde. But then, that is what my life has been like with Christian Grey. Never a dull moment. Oh, what I wouldn't give for a dull moment.

I'm so tired and a short nap would certainly improve my outlook on things. I let the soft breeze and lapping water sounds take my mind to thoughts of Escala and the Red Room of Pain. Thinking about my early days with Christian brings a faint smile to my face. This is bliss. It is so quiet. Shit, too quiet. Wait a minute, I haven't heard a peep out of Grace and she should be awake and screaming by now. Much as I hate to get up, I need to go check on her. Now I don't like the quiet.

As I enter Grace's room the afternoon sun is picking up on all the soft pink and pale yellow in the room. It's so very girly. My eyes trail over all the stuffed animals and dolls to her crib. Her small pink comforter is crumpled up in the center of the crib and as I peek in…..oh my God, where is Grace! She's not in her crib. Where in the world could she possibly be? My chest tightens and my heart is beating out of my chest. Shit. My daughter, where is she? "Grace", I call out loudly. "Grace, baby. Where are you?" "Carla Grace, answer me." I run out of her room and down the hall calling her name and I stop when I get to the door of the bedroom that I share with Christian. There in the middle of the floor sits my baby girl, quiet as a mouse. What is she doing in here? I run to her and bend down to pick her up and when she turns and looks up at me, I'm horrified. There sits my precious baby girl with flamingo pink lipstick all over her face, her tee shirt, her hands and the carpet. "Mama", she squeals as she looks up at me, with an ear to ear grin exposing the few teeth that she has acquired over her almost two years. Do I laugh or do I cry?

I pick her up and pull her to me squeezing her and kissing the flamingo pink off of her face. All I can do is smile at her and kiss her chubby little pink cheeks. Christian isn't going to be happy about the carpet. Oh, well. He'll get over it. As long as Grace has done it, it won't matter to him. She can do no wrong in his eyes. Christian loves Teddy, but he absolutely adores his little girl. And he should, she is just like him, bless her poor little heart. She is a clone of me, chestnut curls all over her head, a little pink pout of a mouth, those large blue/gray eyes surrounded by dark lashes. But her temperament is all Christian. I do believe she came out of the womb with a frown on her face, stamping her little feet and saying, "no".

Teddy on the other hand is a carbon copy of Christian. That copper hair, those gray eyes and as he gets older, he is losing that toddler look and becoming a tall, slender, athletic little boy. But he is such a gentle, kind child. He is thoughtful and smart. He is a pleasure to be around and I love him so. I never knew I could love so much, until these two munchkins came into our lives.

I never knew Christian had such a capacity to love until the kids came. I don't think he ever thought that he could love anyone like this. And he has been such a good father. He takes time with them, he reads to them, bathes them, and he gets on the floor and rolls around with them. I remember when he taught Teddy how to swim last summer, his patience with him was limitless. The man does have his good points from time to time. My fifty can always bring a smile to my face.

"Well little girl, I think we had better get you cleaned up, before your daddy gets home. Do you want a bubble bath?" Grace's eyes widen and she smiles and claps her hands. "I'll take that as a yes. Let's go run a tub of water."

As the tub is filling and the clouds of bubbles are getting bigger and bigger, I am pulling Grace's tee shirt off over her head, I hear the front door slam and a whirlwind come running up the stairs. "Looks like Teddy are home, Grace."

"Mommy, Mommy."

"I'm up here Teddy." My copper haired boy runs through the door and into the bathroom. "Mommy, look."

"What is it sweetheart?" what could possibly have him so wound up? He holds out a piece of paper with a drawing of an I-don't-know-what-some-kind-of-animal on it.

"Look what I drew today and I got an 'A" on it."

"That's wonderful, Baby." How can I tell him I have no idea of what it is, without breaking his heart? "Tell me about the picture, while I get Grace in the tub".

"What happened to her?' Teddy asks, frowning and looking at Grace with amazement.

"Oh, just a make-up experiment gone wrong," I tell him. "Now tell me about the picture. "

"Well, it's a picture of Walter", he tells me.

"Wonderful. Who is Walter?" I ask him while lathering Grace up.

"He is the rabbit at school." Ted informs me. "And guess what?"

I smile up at him as reply, "I can't even imagine. What."

"I get to bring him home and keep him over the summer break. Isn't that neat?"

Well, crap. The smile leaves my face, but it seems to mean so much to him. "That's wonderful, Baby. I know you'll do a good job of taking care of him." That means I'll have done a good job of taking care of him. Maybe I can convince Gail to do a good job of taking care of him. Whatever.

"Sweetie, your Dad will be home in a while. Why don't you go to your room and put your school stuff away, while I finish cleaning Grace up."

"Okay, Mom."

"That's my good boy." And heaven knows he is my good boy.

As I pull Grace out of the tub and wrap her in a fluffy white towel, trying to get her dry, I plant a quick kiss on her little button of a nose. To be such a terror, she is pretty cute. I wasn't able to get all the lipstick off without taking off a layer of her skin, so a few faint pink stripes remain on her face. It reminds me of a time I tried to wash red lipstick off of Christian after we drew the road map on his body. My guide of where to touch and where not to touch. We have come so far. My sweet, dear Fifty lets I touch him where ever I want to, now, and often.

"Ana".

Oh dear he's home early, and I don't have this mess cleaned up yet. "We're up here, Christian." I yell back to him.

Moments later my husband walks into the bathroom. I look up at him and my goodness is he gorgeous. He is dressed in a soft gray suit, with a crisp white shirt and a charcoal tie. His slacks hang at his hips in that way that drives me insane. He just gets better and better looking. How do men do that? "Mr. Grey, you're home early".

"Got out of my meetings early and just decided to come home to see my beautiful wife, Mrs. Grey".

"You may want to rethink the beautiful part. I'm afraid it's been quite a day. I must be a sight, Mr. Grey".

"Yes, and what a sight it is Mrs. Grey. My favorite sight. My two beautiful girls. Doesn't get any better than this."

Christian leans down and places a sweet, chaste kiss on my lips and then kisses his favorite daughter on her chestnut curls. He loosens his tie and turns to go back into the bedroom to change, when he stops in his tracks and stares at the explosion of pink flamingos on the bedroom floor.

"What the hell happened in here?" he bellows.

"Christian! Please. Watch your language around Grace. You know she repeats everything you say."

"Yeah. Okay. But what happened in here?"

Well, here goes. "I had put Grace down for her nap and was spending a few moments on the patio. When I noticed it was past time for her to be up, I came up to check on her and she had somehow climbed out of her crib."

"She did what? How did she get out of the crib?"

"Christian, I don't know. She's never done it before. I guess it's about time to get her a big girl bed. Anyway, when I got up stairs and found her, she was sitting in the floor and, evidentially, had gotten one of the lipsticks off of my dresser and had painted herself and the carpet with flamingo pink." I hand our towel clad daughter to her father and he checks her over assessing the damage.

His eyes narrow and he looks at me with disbelief on his face. "Ana. How could you let this happen?"

I knew this wasn't going to go well. "Christian, I'll have the carpet cleaners out to get it taken care of. Don't worry. It will be fine."

"Ana. I don't give an F…." My eyes glare at him. We don't need that word whirling around in our daughter's little head. "I don't care about the carpet. I can replace the carpet. Hell, I'll just buy a new house, if the carpet won't come clean."

"Then what's the problem, Christian?" I ask him with resignation that he is so upset. I knew it would go down like this. It always does. He can get so mad at me.

"It's Grace. How could you be so careless to leave her alone like that? She could have been hurt while you were napping on the patio. Why weren't you watching her more carefully?"

"Christian, she was only alone for a few moments and she is fine."

"That's not the point, Ana. She could have gotten in to more than lipstick. She could have fallen down the stairs, or hurt herself climbing out of that crib. How can you be so careless? I can't be here all day to make sure things run smoothly at the house. That's your job. That's why you quite work to take care of our children. Can't you even do that correctly?"

Tears fill my eyes and I feel them spill down my cheeks. "Christian, please don't yell at me. How can you question the way I take care of the children? "

"Why are you crying again?" He looks at me in exasperation.

"I don't know. Yes I do. You are always mad at me. It seems like you have been mad at me for the last 7 years. What do I do to make you so mad?"

Christian calms a bit and exhales, "Ana, Baby, I stay mad at everyone. It's what I do." He holds Grace in one arm and put his other arm around my waist and pulls me to him.

"Well, I'm tired of you being mad at me, Christian. I'm just over it. It's got to stop."

"What do you mean?"

As I reach for my daughter, I tell him, "Here give Grace to me. I need to get her clothes on."

Christian kisses my hair and then bends to kiss the tears on my cheeks and says,"I'll get her dressed, Baby. You take some time to calm down and relax a bit."

I smile up at him, "I'll take you up on that Mr. Grey." I plop myself down on the oversized King bed that I share with Christian and stare at the ceiling. I can't seem to stop the tears. What is wrong with me? Christian has calmed down. Everything is fine, I tell myself. But tears continue to creep down my cheeks. I turn over on my side and pull my knees up to my chest and curl into a little ball. I drift off as the tears seep out of my eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I stir as I feel Christian lie down on the bed facing me. He pushes my hair out of my eyes and behind my ear then brushes my cheek with his knuckles and kisses the side of my mouth. "Hey beautiful", he whispers in my ear.

Even now, after 7 years, his touch sends electricity through my body. I reach up and stroke his cheek with my hand. "I love you, Mr. Grey. Thank you for taking care of Miss Grace. I can't imagine ever being without you, Christian."

"I love you, too, Ana. My life started the day you fell into my office. I'm sorry that I got angry with you, Baby. You are wonderful with the children. I just have trouble dealing with things when I can't control them."

I know he really means, when he can't control me.

Christian kisses me softly on my lips and our kiss deepens. Exploring each other's mouths. Christian moans a deep sensual moan and my body begins to respond to him, just like it always does. How does he do this to me? I will never know. I'm just glad he does. "Did you lock the door, Mr. Grey?"

"Not only is the door locked, but Gail has fed the kids and is getting them ready for bed."

"Did you get dinner?" I ask him.

"Yes. You were sleeping so peacefully, I didn't want to wake you. Are you hungry?" he asks me.

I smile, "Only for you Mr. Grey." I pull Christian on to me and lose myself in my sweet, sexy husband.

We lie entwined for an eternity. Quietly listening to our hearts beating and our breathing, until peace descends and I drift to sleep, safe in his arms.

Light fills our bedroom and I stir opening my eyes ever so slightly. As usual I am too hot because Christian is clinging to me like plastic wrap. His head is nestled in the crook of my neck and I can feel his breath as he inhales and exhales. His hand is on my breast, as usual, and his knee is between my legs. Nothing ever changes. I look around our room and I feel at peace right now. I love this house. Not because it turned out to be exactly as I had envisaged, but because it is home. It is my home with my sexy husband and my two imperfectly perfect children. Suddenly, I remember that it is Saturday. Wonderful Saturday. I don't have to get Teddy off to school or Christian to work.

I lie back and as I run my fingers through Christian's copper locks and he stirs, opening his eyes and looking into mine, sleepy gray to loving blue. "Morning beautiful", he mutters. His mouth meets mine and I feel the stirring deep in my belly. I am his once more. Once more and always.

I stretch and smile, exhausted by our Saturday morning wake up sex. Gosh, how I love Saturdays. "Well, Mr. Grey what do you have on tap for today?" I ask him.

"Just you Mrs. Grey. Anything you want to get into?" he replies as he wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer to him. Once again I feel that need that I have for him.

"Mama!" I hear Grace squeal. I turn and she is standing beside our bed, giggling. "Daddy!"

"See Christian. I told you she can get out of that crib."

Christian smiles, and reaching down he pulls his baby girl into bed and puts her between us. "I do love the sound of that giggle", he says as he smiles down at her and kisses her chestnut curls. "Looks like purchasing a big girl bed is on our schedule for today".


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The breeze is blowing my hair and the sun feels so warm on my skin. I look over at my beautiful husband who is driving my new R8 convertible. It has become a tradition with Christian. I now get a new R8 every year for my birthday. More money than sense. He looks so hot. Does he ever look any other way? His copper locks are blowing in the wind and he is wearing his aviator sunglasses. He is sporting his usual casual attire, a white linen shirt, jeans, a pin striped jacket and on those sexy feet a pair of ridiculously expensive Italian leather slip-ons. Yes, he is mine.

Christian takes my hand and rubs his thumb over my knuckles. He has a stern look on his face.

"Christian, is something wrong? You look so serious".

"I want to talk to you, baby".

This isn't starting out well. "What about?"

"I'm worried about you, Ana. Lately you seem so distant, so preoccupied. And you cry so much. I just don't know what to do for you. How can I make it better?"

I look down at my knotted fingers in my lap. "Christian, I don't know. I wish I could figure it out. It's just, lately I feel so overwhelmed. Life has moved so fast for me. Faster than I ever imagined it would. Oh, I knew I wanted to get married and have a family, but I guess I always thought I'd use my education first. You know, have a career. Be my own person for a while".

Christian has a concerned look on his face. "I knew you were so young when we got married. Maybe too young, baby. Aren't you happy, Ana?"

"Oh, yes, Christian. I love you and the children more than anything else in the world. I can't imagine my life without all of you in it", I try to reassure him.

"I was talking to John the other day," he starts.

"I didn't know that you were still seeing John", I say in amazement.

"I only see him occasionally, now. You know, on an as needed basis."

"Oh. I wasn't aware". The man never tells me anything.

"Well, John thinks it might be good for you to make an appointment and go talk to him."

"You've been talking to John about me?" I know I have a horrified look on my face as I turn to look up at Christian.

" Well, not specifically, but you know it has come up in conversation that you haven't seemed happy for a while and John thinks that maybe talking about it would be good for you."

"What do you think, Christian?"

"I think it might be a good idea, baby."

"Well. Okay. I'll call him Monday. I guess it couldn't hurt anything to talk." I turn to look out the window at the passing scenery. Anything to try to keep Christian happy.

"Good. Now. Gail has the kids. Let's go find some lunch and get our daughter that bed before she breaks her neck." Christian steps on the accelerator and we lunge forward. He is grinning like a kid.

"Good morning, Ana." John greets me opening the door to his inner office. "Thank you for coming in so early".

"I didn't know you started office hours at 7 am", I remark to him.

"Well, I usually don't, but I wanted to make time for you. When someone makes the decision to come to see me, I like to strike while the iron is hot, you know, before they can change their mind." He gestures for me to sit down.

The office hasn't changed since the last time I was here, before I married Christian. Looks like he would have redecorated in 7 years. I sit down on the couch and John eases into a chair across from me. "Well, Ana, how are things going?"

For some reason, before I can answer him, tears begin to pour down my cheeks. Oh this is ridiculous. "I'm sorry, John. I don't know what brought this on." John just smiles and nods toward the box of tissues that is on the table beside me. So that is why he has tissues on the table in close proximity to his patients.

John sits silently and allows me to collect myself. "I don't know where to start."

"How about starting at the beginning, Ana."

"Which beginning? The beginning of my life or the beginning of my life with Christian Grey?"

"Where ever you think best".

"John, I just feel so overwhelmed lately."

"What is making you feel overwhelmed?

"Everything. The kids, the house, Christian." Suddenly it dawns on me. "I think I've been overwhelmed by Christian since the day I met him. I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells around him. I never know if he is going to be mad at me and yell, or take me in his arms and tell me how wonderful I am. His mood just changes on a dime and I stay so confused and stressed out".

"I see. You know Ana, Christian is my patient and I can't go into anything that we have discussed in my sessions with him. But I do feel like it gives me some insight into what you are dealing with. If my relationship with Christian makes you uncomfortable, I can suggest a colleague who is an excellent therapist."

"No thank you, John. I really feel more comfortable with you." All of a sudden it crosses my mind, "You think I will need more sessions? Do you think it is that serious?"

John smiles at me, "No Ana. It's not that serious, but I do think that a series of sessions will be good for you. It looks like you may be going through a mild episode of depression. And I think that some light medication and talking about what is bothering you and discussing how to make changes in your life will be very helpful".

Changes! What kind of changes is he talking about? "What kind of changes, John?"

We will begin to talk through what is going on in your life and through those discussions we can decide what you can do to make things better.

"Oh."

"Right now, you appear to be feeling like your life is out of your control, like you don't have the ability to make choices in your life."

I begin to cry again. Wow, he's pretty good. "Yes, John. I think you're right. I feel like my life belongs to the children and to Christian. The children I understand. I'm their mother and it's my job to ensure that they are nurtured and cared for. But…."

"Christian.' John finishes my sentence.

"I want to ask you, Ana. When you first came to see me, prior to marrying Christian, you said that you didn't feel as though Christian would have been attracted to anyone like you, unless he was very broken. You expressed feelings of not being good enough for him. I advised you to explore those issues. Did you ever follow through with that?"

"No. John, I didn't I didn't care why he loved me, just as long as he did."

"I see. Well, I think it's time to delve into that. And we can start doing that at our next appointment. In the meantime, Ana, I am going to give you a homework assignment."

What? Therapy involves homework? I really don't have time for any homework.

"I'll leave you with this. You need to understand that the relationship between a boy and his mother is a very delicate one, yet a very important one, especially for the child. It determines how he will interact in all his future relationships, especially with the women in his life. I know you are aware of Christian's start in life and his relationship with his birth mother. His mother was soul sick and body weary. She couldn't take care of herself, much less Christian. Boys feel a need to care for and protect their mother. And they need the protection, love and nurturing that they in turn receive from their mother. Christian didn't get that nurturing, love and protection. The only reasoning his young mind could make of it is that he wasn't deserving of it. And to add to that, he couldn't save her. She died and he saw that as abandonment. If she had loved him she wouldn't have died and left him, so to speak. "

"Now, Christian has a brilliant mind and he can logically see that she didn't abandon him, she died. He knows that she wasn't able to protect him, not that she didn't want to. Even though he can reason this out logically, he can't get rid of those inner feelings. Logic and feelings are two different things. What you feel deep down in your gut is very different from what you can reason in your head. "

"That is what makes Christian tick. That is why he has a need for control, a need to be loved even though he doesn't feel worthy of love, and an overwhelming fear of loss. He controls in order to prevent loss. He tries to control you in order to prevent losing you. I know it isn't rational, but that is Christian. Actually it's pretty classic for a man who has with a broken relationship with his mother."

"Ana, your task is to try to determine if you can live with this control. What is living with Christian doing to you? Is it something you can deal with or….not? I think by now you have seen that even though your loving Christian has done wonders for him, and changed the way he sees and reacts to the world, Christian will probably never be able to change. Not totally. If you are waiting for that…well, just don't. Love is a very powerful and overwhelming thing, but it isn't a cure all."

"Christian Grey is a very powerful and overwhelming thing."

John smiles and nods his head, "Yes he is. You can't love the problems away, Ana."

"You said something about homework".

"Yes. I want you to make time for, Ana. I want you to take at least one day this week and make it Ana day. You have staff at the house to care for the kids and Christian is a grown man so, there is no need for you to think that things will fall apart in one day. Go eat lunch with a friend, go shopping, and pamper yourself. Forget about taking care of everyone else and concentrate on yourself for a while "

Gosh, what I wouldn't do to have a day to just sit quietly and read. Undisturbed peace and quiet.

"Okay. I'll try that John".

"I've given you a lot to think about this week, Ana."

I stand and reach to shake his hand. "Yes. You have. But I do feel better."

"Oh, wait a moment". He leans over his desk and writes something down. "Here. Get this filled. Start taking them today and take it religiously every day. It will probably take about two weeks for you to start feeling better, but don't stop taking them. Their effect is long term, not immediate. This drug is pretty friendly and doesn't usually have any serious side effects, but let me know if you have any issues with it. If it isn't the drug for you, then we will find one that is. Remember take it every day."

Gee, I hope I do better with these than with the birth control pills. Wonder if they make a shot for this, too.

John shows me out of the office, "Until next week. And remember, Ana day."

I smile and turn to leave his office.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

As I leave the parking garage at John's office, I put the top down on the car my ridiculously over the top car. Gee I feel better already. Well no time like the present. I'm away from the house, so today will be Ana day. I push the button on the steering wheel and it dials, Kate.

"Ana!" It's Kate's voice. "What are you up to? "

"Oh, had to come into town and I was just wondering if you were available for lunch later."

"Oh, Ana, I'd love to. We haven't gotten together in ages, but I just can't today. I have deadlines to meet and I'm so behind. The baby has been sick most of the week and I haven't gotten much sleep. Can I take a rain check?"

I envy Kate. She has managed to keep her job and maintain her marriage to Elliott. She has her own life. "Sure. I know it was last minute, but I thought I'd give it a shot. We'll get together soon."

"Ana, are you okay?"

"Yes Kate. In fact I feel better today than I have in a while. Tell Elliott 'hi' for me and kiss the kids. Laters."

"Laters, Ana." We both laugh and hang up. I can't believe we are still saying that.

Let's see. I could go shopping, but I only enjoy shopping for the kids, not myself. But, today is Ana day, so I need to concentrate on myself. I know I'll go get my hair cut and maybe a massage and mani-pedi. I've never really been into that sort of stuff, but isn't that what most women do to pamper themselves? I pull into the garage at the salon and park. I know I don't have an appointment, but I've never had trouble getting in last minute. Being Mrs. Christian Grey does have its advantages.

I spend the rest of the morning, being washed, trimmed, rubbed and painted. You know this isn't half bad. I really should do it more often. It's not like I can't afford it. As I sip my glass of wine, I feel deliciously wicked.

Let's see, I think as I pull out of the garage. What can I get into next? I've called Gail and told her that I won't be home until later this evening. I'm so lucky to have her. She adores the children and is always ready to jump in and take care of them, even though nanny is not part of her job description.

Christian tried to convince me to engage a nanny after Grace was born. But I was insistent;' I didn't have children to turn them over to someone else to rise'. That's when Christian insisted that I quit my job. 'Well, if you want to raise them, then quit your job and take care of them.' So I did. I guess I can't blame him for not continuing with my career. It was my decision.

All of a sudden, I remember that Escala is around the corner. After we moved into the house, we decided not to sell Escala. It was a good investment and the location is perfect. Christian sometimes will go over there to work when he needs some peace and quiet or just go over at lunch time when he needs to get away from the office. We occasionally spend the night there when we come into town for a function and don't want the long drive home at a late hour. But the best reason is that we didn't feel comfortable with a play room in the new house, because of the children. So, sometimes we come over for a little mommy/daddy play time. Though not so much lately. Thinking about it brings a sly smile to my face.

It was about 3 months ago. Christian called from the office and asked me to meet him in town for dinner. We had a delicious dinner at the club and probably a little too much wine, so we decided to stay in town. We pulled into the garage and then entered the elevator and Christian punched in the code to the penthouse. He looked down at me and out of nowhere he scooped me into his arms and threw me against the elevator wall, pressing me to the wall and his mouth on mine pinning my head. He reached over and pushed the stop button bringing the elevator to a halt.

Christian's mouth never left mine as he quickly brought me the place I needed to be. "How was that, baby?" Christian murmured against my lips. All I could do is try to catch my breath.

Christian, pulled away slightly, and kissed my lips and quickly returned my panties to their proper place. He pushed the elevator button and it continued on to its destination. Christian, smiled giving me a wink. I tried to regain my equilibrium and wondered 'How does he do that?'

Once in the play room I knelt sitting on my heels. My hair in a long braid that fell down my back and wearing my white lace and satin panties. The room was dimly lit with soft, indirect light and it smelled of citrus and furniture polish. Christian opened the door and sauntered into the room wearing his soft, tattered jeans the top button undone. My eyes remained lowered and fixed on those sexy bare feet. Christian busied himself with something and didn't speak to me. I could only hear the toy chest drawers opening and closing behind me.

"Ana." "Ana. Answer me."

"Sir."

"Are you ready for me?"

"Yes sir."

"Yes sir, what?"

"Yes, sir. I am ready for you."

"Good." Christian walked over to me and stroked my head. "Good, girl."

Christian extended his hand to me. "Stand up." He orders and I take his hand as he pulls me to my feet. He ordered me to doff my panties and I complied.

Christian put his mouth to my ear and whispered, "I'm going to blind fold you now. You will have to trust me. What's the safe word, Ana?"

"Red, sir."

"Good."

Christian placed the blind fold over my eyes and I descended into darkness, leaving me to only experience sound, touch and smell. Christian turned on the iPOD and I began to hear a very dark, heavy song.

"What is that song?" I asked.

"It's none of your business. I'll tell you when you can talk. Put your hands together in front of you." I quickly complied as Christian placed leather cuffs on each wrist binding them together. I felt him stroke my cheek and lightly kiss my lips. "Come."

Christian took my hand and led me to the bed with red satin sheets. He restrained me on the bed the with my arms extended. "So beautiful." I hear him murmur. Christian took his role as my dominate teasing and taunting me into submission with the toys he had selected from the toy chest. He made me beg and took me harshly and with determination over and over again.

When we both were spent, he released my hands and then he removed my blindfold. I slid to the floor and he fell with me. We collapsed me lying on top of him, my back to his front. "Thank you, sir." I murmur.

Christian stroked my hair and kisses my neck. "No more. 'Sir'. It's me now baby."

"I love you Christian." I whispered and l felt his smile against my neck. Christian turned and pulled me to him and nuzzled my neck. "I love you Mrs. Grey. You are so good for me."

"Glad I can help, Mr. Grey."

"Mmmmmm", I hear Christian moan as he strokes my hair.

"How does that thing work? That vibrating belt thing?"

ZZZZT. I feel a quick vibration. "You mean that?" Christian says with a sly smile.

I gasp. "Yes. That."

"It's trickery." Christian grins and squeezes me.

"I like your trickery."

"You do?"

"Yes very much."

"It has a remote control, baby. And some day I want you to where it when we go out. I'll maintain the remote of course"

"Talk about control."

Christian grins. "Yes control."

We need to do that again really soon.

I think I'll just go over and spend the remainder of my day, having some wine and reading a book. My idea of relaxation. I pull in to the garage at Escala and park the car. Hmmm, most of our spaces are full, but we still keep several cars here for use when we are in town. We have so many that I can't keep track of which car is for what or belongs to who.

I make my way to the elevator. I do love this elevator. Thinking about it makes me smile. Yes. Christian and I need to come here more often. I put the code in for the penthouse, but the button doesn't light up. What's wrong? Did I punch the wrong numbers? I put the code in again, still nothing. Then it dawns on me that, just recently, Christian said that he had changed the pass code because security wanted us to change it more often. But, he didn't tell me what he changed it to. Darn! How am I going to get up to the apartment? I'll try something else. Let's see. As smart as Christian is, he's not terribly creative. I'll try my birthday. I punch it in and nothing happens. I then punch in Teddy's birthdate and voila, I'm on my way up. Do I know my husband or what?

The elevator doors open and I'm once again enveloped by the memories of our time here, good and bad. This is where my Fifty and I fell in love. This is where we made love, a lot of love. And fucked, a lot of fucking. Wonder which surface Teddy was conceived on? There were so many.

Gail still comes over once a week to clean and keep the pantry and refrigerator stocked. I hope she has left something good to eat, I'm starving. And if I know Christian, there will be wine in the cooler. I can't wait to run a hot tub, uncork a bottle of wine and enjoy the Seattle skyline with a good book. As I enter the kitchen I notice there are dishes in the sink and wine glasses. I guess Christian has been here since Gail last cleaned. Far be it for him to ever think to put a dish in the dishwasher. Well, I'm not going to clean up his mess. Looks like a couple of plates and glasses. He's been here more than once lately. Good grief, Christian, would it hurt you to clean up after yourself just once?

I look in the fridge and there is a chilled bottle of wine. It has been uncorked. Wonder if it is still drinkable. I open it and take a sip. Yep, still good. As I pour myself a full glass, I hear a faint voice. It sounds like Christian is here.

"I'll get that renegotiated contract over to you to sign today. And you can look for the additional funds to be deposit to be in your account by open of business tomorrow as agreed." He must be on his blackberry talking to someone. I hope he isn't mad that I have invaded his space this afternoon. After all it is my space, too. What's mine is yours and all that stuff. Maybe he'll be glad to see me. I could go for a little Fifty in the afternoon, on Ana day. A fission of excitement runs through me.

I look to the top of the stairs to see Christian's reaction to my being here so unexpectedly. What I see stops my heart and all the air leaves my lungs.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

There at the top of the stairs appears a young woman. A young woman who looks like me. Her long brown hair gathered into a single braid that hangs down her back. She is wrapped in a red satin sheet.

Dear God, this can't be. My mind is racing and my heart is beating out of my chest. I look at her and her eyes meet mine.

"Sir", she calls out.

"What is it?" Dear God, that's Christian's voice.

And then my worst fear becomes reality as Christian materializes behind her. He is dressed only in those soft tattered jeans with the top button undone and bare feet. I stare in disbelief as his eyes lock onto mine. Horrified blue to terrified gray.

"Ana! I. Ana. What are you doing here?" he gasps.

"I think the question is what are you doing here? Or should I say, who."

"Ana. This isn't what it looks like."

"Oh, Christian, There isn't a way in the fucking world that this isn't exactly what it looks like."

I want to be anywhere in the world except in this room right now. I need to get out of here, but do I want to leave him here with her. Do I stay or do I try to get out of here. If I get out of here, where do I go? What do I do? I want to kill him and at the same time I want to fall into his arms. I want to be brave and I want to cry. No, I want to wail. I want to wail and purge myself of this feeling. My eyes well up with tears. I turn and hurry toward the elevator. Hopefully it hasn't gone back down to the garage yet.

As I try to make my exit, I hear Christian yell my name.

"Ana. No Ana, please wait. Don't go. Please Ana, don't go."

Our eyes lock as the elevator doors close, putting a wall between us. I descend down into the garage, bracing myself on the elevator wall trying to keep my legs from collapsing beneath me. As the doors open, I make my way to my car and fall into it. I know Christian will either be right behind me or have me on his stalking radar. I need to drive. I need to get out of here. But all I can do is sink my head into my hands and sob. I hear, "Your Love is King", coming from my Blackberry, but I turn it off. I want to talk to him so badly, but I know that I can't, not now. I'm not ready. I need to think. I need to figure out what I feel, what I need to do, where I need to go.

I compose myself enough to start the car and I pull out of the garage and point the car toward home. It is all still like a dream, an awful, terrifying dream. But deep down in my soul, I knew this day would come. I knew all along I could never be enough for Christian. I knew I could never give him what he needed. I just thought that if I loved him enough, it would all change. Then I remember what John said this morning. 'Christian will never change. You can't love your problems away, Ana.' I guess John was right, because I sure have tried. If love could change him, I wouldn't have seen what I just saw in that apartment.

I wonder who she is. Where did he meet her? How long have they been together? Who else knows? Do Gail and Taylor know what is going on? Taylor usually knows everything that goes on in Christian's life. Usually more than I do. And Gail is in that apartment on a weekly basis. Surely she has noticed something. I can't believe that they haven't hinted at something. Then they do work for Christian, first and foremost.

Okay. Now I'm getting angry. This is good. Angry is better than distraught. I can work with anger.

I pull up in front of the house and turn off the car. Now I have to go in and face….the _Staff._ Taylor is the first to greet me.

"Mrs. Grey. Do you have any packages I can help you with?'

"Nope." Wonder if that was curt enough?

I hear Gail. "Mrs. Grey. I wasn't expecting you until much later. I have fed the children, but I'll be glad to fix you something to eat. What would you like, ma'am?"

Ma'am? Yep. Christian has called to tell them I was on my way. "Nothing, Gail. Thank you. Have you heard from Mr. Grey?"

"Um, not really ma'am. But I do believe he is expected later this evening."

"What do you mean not really? Either you have heard from him or you haven't ", I snap at her.

"Well, actually he called Taylor earlier to say that he would be home later and Taylor let me know."

I see the hurt look on her face and suddenly feel bad for snapping at her. She has been loyal to me all these years and I know this has put her in a bad position. Especially now that she and Taylor are married. If Christian fires one of them he will probably fire them both.

"I'm sorry Gail. I've had a really bad day."

She looks at me with understanding eyes, "I know, Mrs. Grey and I'm sorry".

"Where are the children" I ask.

"They are in their rooms. They have been fed and bathed and are ready for bed. They were just waiting for you and Mr. Grey to get home to tuck them in."

I smile and thank her. I need to see my children. I need to hug my children. I need to smell them and feel their soft skin and hold them. They are my lifeline, now.

As I walk upstairs, I hear Teddy. "Mom's home!" He runs down the hall and launches himself at me. I drop to my knees as he lands in my outstretched arms and smothers me with hugs and kisses. Grace follows. And they both tackle me bringing me to the ground. This is my life. These are my loves. This is what I live for. This is what I have to protect.

"Mom. Why are you crying?" Teddy asks.

"Oh, Baby, I'm just so glad to see you both. I've missed you all day."

I scoot my back up against the wall and lean against it, a baby in each arm. I kiss their soft chubby cheeks and run my hands over their curly heads. What have you both been up to today? Did you have fun?"

"Daddy!" Teddy screams with delight. And my boy is up and has launched himself up at Christian. Christian picks him up holding him in his arms. Grace squeals with delight as Christian bends down to kiss her on her head.

I look up at him, into those gray eyes. "Christian", that's all I can say to him.

"Ana. Please." I've never seen desperation in his eyes like this before. I've seen him scared when Teddy was born, and I've seen him sad when his Dad almost died, but I've never seen a look like this in his eyes. "Come on kiddos. Mommy and Daddy are home. Let's go. Time to get tucked in".

"Will you read me a story, Daddy?" Teddy asks.

"You bet, sport".

Grace looks up at Christian through her thick lashes, "Me, too, Daddy?" Grace begs and turns on the charm. God help me, she is her father's daughter.

"Anything for you, baby girl". Come on let's go. Christian puts his hand on her little curly head, still carrying Teddy, and starts down the hall with the children.

Christian stops and turns to look at me, "Coming Mommy?"

How can I refuse, this group anything? I get up and take Grace's little hand and head down the hall. "Come on sweetie. Let's go see how that big girl bed is doing".

The kids are finally tucked in and asleep, at least I hope they are asleep, because there is going to be one hell of a discussion, between Daddy and Mommy. I am in the bedroom, trying to decide if I want a bath or to just get into bed. Christian walks in with a bottle of wine and two glasses. He has a strange look in his eyes. I'm not sure if it is lust or sorrow. If it is lust, he can just get that out of his head right now. I hope he realizes just how serious this situation is. Pretty words and a good fuck, won't make everything okay this time.

I am tired, heart sick and brain dead. I want to talk to him yet I never want to talk to him again. "Christian, put that bottle down. That won't fix it this time".

"I know", he hangs his head with a look of defeat. "If you would just let me explain, Ana."

"Is there really an explanation, Christian? I don't see how there could be an explanation for what happened this afternoon. I feel quite certain that the situation is exactly what is seems."

Christian walks over and sits next to me on the edge of the bed. I slide away from him. I don't want to be that close to him, not right now. "Christian. You have no idea what I'm feeling right now. You can't imagine the devastation you have wracked on my heart, the utter and total betrayal that I feel. I told you that I would never be enough for you, that I couldn't give you what you needed. "

"But Ana, you are all I need, baby".

"No Christian, no." I feel the tears building up.

"Baby, listen to me, please". He reaches to put his arms around me.

I back up and the dam bursts. "Oh, Christian! How could you? How could you do this? How could you destroy us like this?" I don't know whether to cry or scream. "Why didn't you talk to me? Why didn't you let me know that you needed more from me? Why in the world did you run to another woman? "

I am able to compose myself somewhat. "How long have you been with her?" I ask him

He looks contrite, his eyes avoiding mine. "Just a couple of weeks", he says.

Oh my God, he is actually admitting it! My heart ties into a knot. How can I possibly live through this? This searing pain that is tearing my insides apart.

"Is she a sub?" I ask him.

"Yes".

'Do you have a contract with her?"

"Yes."

"An NDA?"

"Yes."

"Did you buy her a car? Clothes? Put money in her account?"

"Yes", he whispers. "It's strictly a business agreement".

A look of astonishment seizes my face. I can't believe he actually thinks I'll see this as another one of his business agreements. "Are you out of your mind, Christian? What are you thinking? Do you honestly think that I'll see this as merely a business agreement?" I raise my voice. "Do you think that I am that fucking stupid, Christian?"

"Oh, Ana. I know I fucked up. Tell me how to fix it, please, tell me."

" You can't fix this, Christian. Not this time. Your fucked up lifestyle has won out this time. I hope your kinky ass sub can keep you warm at night, because I won't be there to do it anymore."

"He looks up at me with horror written across his face, and terror in his eyes, "You're leaving me? You said you'd never leave me. You said you would always love me, no matter what."

"Christian, I will always love you. And I am not leaving you. You are leaving me. I think it is best that you get your things and move back to Escala. Tonight."

"Move to Escala? Why? How can we resolve anything if we are across town from each other? How can we work it out if we are apart?"

"Christian, I don't know if we can work it out, this time. And right now I can't stand to be this close to you". Well, that's a lie. All I want is to be safe in his arms again. I want all this to have never happened. But it did happen and I have to deal with it.

Christian straightens up and cocks his head to one side and steels his face. Here it comes, cold Christian. "Why the hell are you telling me to leave? I bought and paid for this fucking house, and everything in it, including those couture clothes you're wearing. I have a right to be here, and I'm not going fucking anywhere. If you can't stand to be around me then get your ass out and get in your fucking car that, by the way, I paid for and you move to Escala."

"Christian. I need to be here to take care of the children." I say as calmly as I can.

"That's what Gail is for. And, by the way, I pay for her ass, too."

"Listen here buster; I'm not setting foot in Escala ever again. It's fucking filled up with your deviant lifestyle, your mistresses, your subs, your shitty….," I hold my tongue.

I steel myself and take a calmer tone, "Listen, Christian. There is no need to stand here tearing each other apart and saying things we both know we'll be sorry for later. Please, just get your things and go. Please." Christian doesn't move. It's as if his feet are planted to the floor.

"PLEASE, CHRISTIAN."

"I don't know how I'll be able to survive without you, Ana."

"Well, Christian, you should have thought about that while you were drawing up that contract with that kinky bitch."

"I don't need to take anything. I have everything I need at Escala. Everything except you, Ana. I won't survive without you, you know."

"Yes you will, Christian. Just go. We'll talk later. Give us both time and space to do some thinking."

"Don't think too much, Ana. You know you always over think the situation. There is still a lot you don't know".

"Christian, I can't stand to know any more right now. My heart can't take any more tonight."

"Alright. Call you tomorrow? Maybe we can talk then."

"Call if you want to, but I'm not making any promises. And you had better damn well sleep in that apartment alone, tonight. Please don't make this situation any worse than it already is."

"Oh, Ana."

I know Christian can't bring himself to walk out the door. So I make the first move. "I'm going to take a bath. Please be gone when I get out of the tub. Good night, Christian".

I turn and walk into the bathroom and close the door behind me. And I fall apart. My hart lies shattered on the floor and I don't know if it will ever be whole again. I turn the water on in the tub to try to muffle my sobs. Please let him be gone. Please don't let him hear me. I step into the sweet smelling bubbles and sink into the warm water and put my hands to my face and cry like I've never cried in my life. The sobbing and wailing wrack my body. It's a sad, soulful, deep, desperate cry.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

I stir and open my eyes as the sun pours into the bedroom. I look around. Christian isn't there. Yes, it really did happen. It wasn't all just a bad dream. I have to face it, face this pain for yet another day. I want to close the shutters and pull the sheets up over my head and go back to sleep. I just want to sleep for ever, until it goes away.

The phone beside the bed rings and it makes me jump. Who in the world is calling at this hour? Ah, yes. Christian. Do I even want to answer it? It's so early; he probably hasn't even been to bed. My heart aches for him, what he must be going through, but it aches for me more.

"Yes, Christian."

"How are you, Ana?"

"Not good, Christian. It's early. Why aren't you asleep? You had a big day yesterday."

"I never went to bed, Ana. I can't sleep without you. I don't ever want to sleep without you."

"I know Christian. It's going to be difficult for all of us."

"Can we talk today? Can I come home?"

"I'm not ready yet, Christian. I'm not near ready. I think it might be a good idea for you to go see John. I think you may need him, considering what we have ahead of us."

"Oh, Ana." His voice is almost a sob. "How are the children?"

"I assume they are fine. They aren't up yet."

"Can I see them?"

"Christian, of course you can see them? You are their father and nothing will ever change that. You are a good, loving, caring father and I always want you in their lives. Just let me know when you want to see them, so I can be somewhere else when you get here."

"Somewhere else? Ana, don't you want to see me?"

"Eventually, just not right now, Christian. Look, please just give me some time and some space. Please don't push me, right now."

"Okay. I'll call when I can arrange to see them. "

"Okay. And Christian, we'll do whatever we have to do to make this work with the children. They are my main concern right now."

"Right. I love you, Ana."

What do I say? I decide on the truth. "I love you, too, Christian." I hang up the phone and try not to cry…again.

I lie in bed and try to think some things through. The only thing I have concluded is that I need to go into self-preservation mode. I have got to take care of myself so I can take care of my children. Do I need to go and see Flynn? Not sure. I know Christian will probably call him. I'll give Christian time to see him first. Maybe I do need my own therapist after all. Good thing he gave me these pills for depression. They certainly came at the right time.

The phone rings and it startles me again. What is this with the calls this morning? If it's Christian again, no I'm not ready to talk yet. I answer and it's Grace Trevelyan-Grey on the other end.

"Ana, darling?"

"Yes. Grace. You are up and going early this morning. How are you?"

"No dear, how are you?"

"Okay, I guess."

"Look, Ana, dear, I'm not going to play any games this morning. I don't have the time and you don't deserve to be treated that way. I wanted to let you know that Christian was at the house most of the night last night. He told me what happened."

I'll bet he didn't tell you everything about what happened. "He did? I mean he was?"

"Yes dear. I let him know just how disappointed I was in his behavior."

Well I'm sure that will teach him a lesson.

"Ana, I know what you are going through. Things haven't always been perfect for Carrick and me through the years, either. Things like this happen sometimes, but you don't need to let it destroy what you have. You and Christian have a good marriage, sweetheart. He loves you and I know you love him. I have faith in what you have together and I know neither of you wants to throw that away. Ana, we both know that Christian is a difficult man. "

News flash.

"I know trying to live with him isn't easy".

Double news flash.

"But you have brought him so far, Ana. He is a changed man since he met you. You gave him the ability to feel loved and cherished when no one else could. You breathed life into him. And giving him those precious, precious babies, Ana.

I can never thank you enough. You gave me my son. And my son was over here sobbing last night. I've never seen him cry, but last night that's all he could do. I held him and rocked him, but he was inconsolable. He is hurting so much. I know you are, too, sweetheart."

This is sweet of her, but where is she going with this?

"I just want you to know, darling, that I am here for you. Christian is my son, but what he did was wrong. It is almost inexcusable."

Almost ?

"If I can do anything, keep the children for you, be a sounding board for you, come stay with you."

Good Lord, please, not that.

"Whatever you need. Please, please let me do it. Carrick as well. He gave his son a good stiff talking to last night. He knows what Christian is going through right now and how he is feeling, because we have been through these ourselves. I won't keep you, darling. I know right now this is all new and the wounds are fresh and you are in pain. But it will get better. Please take care of yourself and let us help if we can. Will you darling?"

"Yes Grace. I will. I appreciate the call and your concern. And please, Grace. Take care of Christian. He isn't as strong as he thinks he is. We'll talk later. Goodbye, Grace."

Well, I'm glad Carrick gave Christian a stern talking to. I'm sure that will fix things. Who would have ever thought that Carrick had cheated on Grace? And he's still alive. Will wonders never cease?

Yes. Preservation mode. I think, first thing in the morning I need to retain a lawyer. I'll need a good one. I'm not sure if Christian and I will end up separating for good, but I need to be prepared, just in case. How to find a good one. I can't ask anyone. I don't want anyone to know what is going on right now. Can't let the cat out of the bag. Good grief if the paparazzi got hold of this, it would be a circus. Oh, why can't anything ever be easy? If Christian Grey is involved, it's always going to rival the sinking of the Titanic.

I know. I'll call Kate. She'll know. She knows everyone. I'm not sure how to get around her without letting her in in what is going on. But then, Elliott will find out sooner rather than later. Then she'll be mad that I didn't tell her. She'll probably be ecstatic, when she hears that Christian has really fucked up. But she is my best friend. She won't gloat about it. At least not too much.

I pull out my blackberry and press the button.

"Ana."

"Hey, Kate."

"Ana, I'm sorry I couldn't do lunch with you yesterday. I really wanted to get together."

'I know. Listen I'm calling for a reason. I need to ask you a favor."

"Anything, Steele. Shoot."

" Listen. Do you know a …"

"Amy Patterson."

"What?"

"Amy Patterson. She's the best divorce attorney in Washington State. A pit bull I hear."

"Kate! It's only 8 am. How in the world do you know?"

"Mia already called this morning."

"Mia knows?"

"Of course."

"I can't believe that Grace told her."

"Oh, Grace wouldn't do that. Mia was over at the house last night. She said Christian was over there most of the night talking to Grace and Carrick and, get this, crying. She put two and two together. Bingo. Trouble in paradise. I'm sorry, Ana. I didn't mean to make light of it. I know you must be going through hell right now."

"Actually, Kate, hell doesn't even come close."

"So are you actually divorcing him?"

"I don't know, Kate." I sound exasperated. "I haven't had time to think and Christian and I haven't even sat down to talk about it yet."

"Do you want to tell me what happened?"

"Not really. Not right now, Kate. I do want to talk to you, but I have a million things going through my head right now. I need to think things out and make some plans. I just figured that I probably should find an attorney just to protect myself and the kids. You know. Just in case."

"Well I would say that Christian not having you sign a pre-nup was a pretty great stroke of luck. Looks like Mr. Grey finally fucked himself over."

"Oh, Kate. Please. I still love Christian, very much. I haven't had time to start hating him yet. I still very much want him in my life. I just don't know what part he's going to play right now."

"I know, Ana. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry this happened, whatever it is. You know I'm here for you 100%."

"I know Kate. Thanks. You know I love you."

"Same here, Steele. Oh, some advice. I'd call Amy Patterson today. Once Christian has contact with her, regarding the case you can't retain her. He could potentially call every good attorney in the state and leave you out in the cold with no one."

"Okay. But it's Saturday."

"Trust me; she'll be in the office. Like I said, she's a pit bull."

"Okay. Bye, Kate and thanks,"

"Bye Ana."

Wow. Maybe I should be talking to Christian, instead of rushing out and retaining an attorney. Maybe all this is unnecessary. I remind myself, self-preservation. I'll go find her number.

I hear a happy, "Mama." And my Grace comes running into my room and throws her arms out to me. I grab her and pull her up into the bed with me.

I knew it was about time for the day to start.

"Mommy", now Teddy comes walking into the bedroom and climbs into bed with us. Grace and Teddy snuggle up next to me under the duvet. This is bliss.

"Mom, where is Daddy?" Teddy asks me.

Tears start to come to my eyes, and I do the best I can to push them back. "He had to go to work today, sweet heart."

"But it's Saturday. He promised we'd do something together today."

Gosh, what do I say now? "I know, baby, but sometimes things can't be helped. I'm sure he'll see you later today. Okay?"

"Okay." Teddy is pouting and looks like he wants to cry. "But, he said he was going to take us all out to breakfast this morning."

"Well, maybe he'll be back in time for lunch. Let's all go down and see what we can find to fix for breakfast. Anyone for pancakes?" I try to sound as cheerful as I can under the circumstances.

"Grace claps her little hands together and smiles, " Cancakes, Mama."

"Well, okay Miss Grace. Let's go get to work."

My call to Ms. Patterson will have to wait until later. And I need to call Christian. If he promised Teddy to spend time with him today, then he needs to do it. It will be difficult, but I'll make it happen.

"Yes. This is Anastasia Grey. May I please speak with Ms. Patterson?"

"This is Amy Patterson, Mrs. Grey. How can I help you?"

Answering the phone herself takes me by surprise. "I'm sorry I wasn't expecting you to answer the phone yourself."

"Well, Mrs. Grey, I often come in to the office on Saturday, but I don't ask my staff to work weekends. Therefore, when the phone rings, I answer it myself. What can I do for you?" Goodness she sounds so, so….. Competent.

"Well. " I stammer, feeling under prepared for this conversation. "I think I may be in need of the services of a divorce attorney, and you came highly recommended by a friend."

"I see. I won't put you on the spot by asking who the friend was, but thank them for me. I will be delighted to discuss your case with you Mrs. Grey. It is Mrs. Christian Grey, isn't it?"

"Yes, that's right. Mrs. Christian Grey." I guess you will be delighted, since this could potentially mean large amounts of dollars in your pocket.

"I can see you first thing Monday morning. Is that convenient for you Mrs. Grey?"

"Yes that will be fine."

"Do you have my office address, Mrs. Grey?"

"Yes, I'm sure I can find it. Thank you."

"Very good, Mrs. Grey. First thing Monday morning then. Oh and Mrs. Grey. I wouldn't mention this to Mr. Grey until we've had time to sit down and discuss everything. I like to retain the element of surprise whenever possible."

"I understand. First thing Monday, then. Good bye"

"Good bye, Mrs. Grey."

Smug bitch isn't she. She must be good.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Well, the kids are dressed and playing together in the family room. That's rare. I guess I need to suck it up and call Christian. I push the button on my Blackberry.

"Ana." Christian answers on the first ring.

I want to melt at the soft sound of his voice. Oh, Christian. I need you so much. Why did you do this to us? "Hi, Christian. I hope I'm not disturbing you…"

"Ana, you could never disturb me. I always have time for you. Always."

Please don't do this to me. I need to get through this call. "Christian, Teddy seems to think that you promised to spend time with him today. Take him out to eat or something like that."

"I did promise him, Ana. And I'd still like to do it, if that's okay with you." His voice is so soft and seems to have so much love in it. I know how much he adores those children.

"Yes, Christian. He was crushed when he found out that you weren't here this morning. Listen, I just told the kids that you had to go in to work. There is no need to tear their lives apart right now. Is that okay with you?"

"Of course. And I agree. They don't need to even suspect that anything is wrong right now. "

"We'll figure out how to handle the situation and decide on a plan. Oh, by the way your mother called me first thing this morning."

"Once again, she's pretty fucking mad at me. So is Dad. I thought they were going to send me to my room, take away my video games and ground me for the rest of my life." I can hear the smirk in his voice. "No, really, they were damn pissed off at me, but supportive. Even though I am their son, they certainly don't condone my bad behavior, and rightly so. But they do know how God awful I feel and how totally lost I am without you, baby."

"I know Christian. Take comfort that you aren't in the agony boat by yourself. What time do you want to come over?"

"Would now be too soon?" I can hear the eagerness in his voice.

"Sure. The kids are just playing together in the family room. They'll be glad to see you."

He pauses. "Will you be there, Ana?" he asks and I can hear the pain in his voice.

"Yes, Christian. I will be here. See you shortly."

"Bye, baby."

"Goodbye, Christian."

My mood feels lifted. I am almost looking forward to seeing Christian. As angry and hurt as I am, I do miss him. I am having trouble dealing with this idea of him being the center of my life and my best friend one second, and the next second he is the enemy and not to be trusted. How does that happen?

Well, guess I'd better get myself fixed up just a little bit. I run upstairs to change and put on my pale blue, lace panties and bra. Looking in the mirror, I still look pretty good even after having two babies. My tummy is flat and my post baby butt is pretty much where it was before the kids. My breasts are larger, but still fairly perky. Christian has never complained. I never had to worry much with Christian; he always thought I looked good. But I have kept myself in pretty fair shape. Good grief, the sex alone was a thorough work out every day.

Just thinking about it makes my body ache. I miss his touch so much. I miss waking up with him draped all over me. Those gray eyes looking into mine every morning. I miss his soft good morning kiss, which always led to wake up sex. I miss his goodnight kiss, which always led to goodnight sex. I miss Christian. I miss him so much.

I can't let myself think about that now. I slide into my jeans and throw on a white linen blouse. Some mascara and a light coat of lip gloss. Throw my head over and run my hands through my hair. Stand back up. There. Not bad, for a Mommy. I still wear my hair long. Christian likes it that way. It falls like a halo around my face and shoulders, just skimming my breasts. The sun filtering through the window bounces off of my hair and it glows chestnut. Yes. Christian will like this.

"Daddy." I hear Teddy yell.

That was quick, I think to myself.

"Hey, there sport. I'm so sorry I had to miss breakfast this morning, but I'll make it up to you, okay?"

My heart skips a beat. Christian is here.

"Hey Grace. How's Daddy's baby girl today?" I can hear the pride in his voice when he talks to the children. There's nothing sexier than a man who loves his children.

I walk down the hall and stop at the top of the stairs. Christian looks up and our eyes lock. Blue to gray. God help me he is gorgeous. And he is mi….. Well, mine for now. Could I ever live without him? Would I ever want to?

"Ana. You look beautiful." He says never taking his eyes off of me. Yes he is back. Mr. Sex on legs. But now is not the time to cave in. As much as I want to just fall into his arms and have him make love to me, I need to be strong. I just make myself think of that woman standing at the top of the stairs at Escala, yesterday and my resolve steels again.

"Thank you, Christian. How are you?"

"I've been better. It's good to be home."

Christian you aren't home. You're here to see the kids. I smile knowing that we have to keep it light in front of Teddy and Grace. As I get to the bottom of the stairs, Christian walks over and leans in to kiss me. I gently turn my head and his kiss falls on to my cheek. The disappointment is written all over his face. 'Sorry,' I mouth to him.

"So do we all want to go out to dinner?" he asks to the group. The kids jump up and down and clap their hands. "I guess that's a yes." He turns to look at me, "What about you Mommy? Want to go out to eat?"

"Actually I thought we could fix something here, if that's alright with everyone. Then maybe walk down to the water while it is still light outside."

Christian looks at me with such love in his gray eyes. "I can't think of anything I'd rather do more, Mommy. Is that okay with you guys", he says as he picks Grace up and kisses her pink cheek.

Teddy is grinning from ear to ear. "Can we get in the water and swim?"

"Honey, I think the water is still a little too cold this time of year for swimming, but you can take your shoes off and run through the water's edge."

"Okay", he says as disappointment registers on his face.

Christian throws his head back and chuckles at Teddy. "Don't worry son. We'll have a good time. We'll go swimming when the weather warms up some more."

It's Saturday, so Gail is off and I busy myself in the kitchen getting things together for dinner. Christian has become quite the grill master since we moved into the house. But he still can't function in the kitchen. How will he ever survive by himself at Escala? "Christian." I call out.

"Yes, baby", he answers while rolling on the floor with Teddy. Grace is busying herself with a stuffed rabbit and is oblivious to their game of rough house.

"Will you put some steaks on the grill in a few minutes?"

"Sure."

"Not right away. I still need to finish the potatoes and get them in the oven to cook before you start the grill." Before I can turn around, Christian is in the kitchen. He comes up behind me and sneaks his arms around my waist, pulling me to him." I still. "No Christian." He tries to kiss my neck." I mean it. Damn it, Christian. Don't do this. You are here to spend time with the children. If you keep this up, I won't be here next time."

He looks like I have just tried to kill him. Maybe I have.

"Okay." He mutters. "Just let me know when it's time to start the grill."

The sun is setting over the sound. The sky is opalescent with greys, deep blues, pinks and oranges. This is still the most perfect place to watch the sun set. Teddy is running through the water and making a thorough mess of his clothes. Christian and I are walking along the water's edge. Our pant legs rolled up and our feet bare. Christian is carrying Grace and she is asleep on his shoulder. It could be so perfect. Could be. But isn't.

"Listen, Christian. I think I would like to go visit my mom for a few days. I need her right now."

"What about the kids?' he asks.

"I'll take them with me."

"You mean take them out of state?"

Has he been talking to a lawyer? "Well yes, Georgia is out of state."

"There's that smart mouth. I miss it, Ana."

"The kids haven't seen mom since last fall and I think it will be good to get a way for a few days and let things settle down."

"When do you want to go?" he asks.

"Well, I thought about maybe Wednesday. I have a couple of appointments the first of the week, so middle of the week would be good." Shit I spoke too, soon. Here it comes.

"What kind of appointments do you have?"

Okay, get me out of this one. "Nothing much, just a doctor appointment to get some refills and an appointment with Teddy's teacher."

"Do you need me to go with you?"

"No, Christian. I can take care of them myself."

"Okay. I'll have the jet at your disposal Wednesday. How long will you stay?"

Being Mrs. Grey, does have advantages. "Probably just a few days. Maybe 3 or 4. We should be back first of next week."

"I'll miss you. I'll miss all of you."

"I know, Christian. We'll miss you, too."

"Will you? Will you really miss me, Ana?"

"Christian. You are so dear to me. I will always miss you when I am away from you."

I look up at him and I want to kiss him so badly. I wish I could kiss all the hurt and pain away for both of us.

I pull into the parking garage at the imposing office building where Ms. Amy Patterson has her office. I get out and make my way to the elevator and get out on the 23rd floor. The elevator doors open up directly into the law offices of Patterson and Associates. A neatly dressed brunette steps forward, "Welcome to Patterson and Associates. How may help you?" She is courteous and welcoming.

Wow. She must really be good. Everything is mahogany, polished brass and gleaming glass. I am impressed. Thank you, Kate.

"Yes. I am Anastasia Grey and I am here to see Ms. Patterson. "

"Oh, yes, Mrs. Gray. May I have your coat?"

I slide my spring coat off and hand it to her. She places it neatly over her arm and smiles at me." Can I get you anything? Coffee, tea, water perhaps?" I'm really glad I chose to wear my new Prada dress and my Jimmy Choo's that Christian insisted that I buy.

"Oh, no thank you. I'm fine."

"Very well. Please have a seat", as she motions to a grouping of large, wingback, leather chairs flanked by cherry Chippendale side tables and a matching coffee table. I take a seat as instructed and look around the impressive office of Ms. Patterson. There are large live flower arrangements on the tables and they give the office a warm feeling, sort of. I settle in for my wait.

Before I can get comfortable, Miss courteous and welcoming picks up her phone. "Yes ma'am. Right away."

She gets up from her desk and walks over to me smiling, "Mrs. Gray you can go in. Ms. Patterson can see you now."

I smile politely and get up and follow her into the office of Ms. Patterson. Why do I feel nervous? I can't let the opulent surroundings intimidate me. After all Christian and I spend most of our time in opulent surroundings. And my husband probably has more money that she will ever see in her lifetime. Still I am uneasy for some reason. Oh, well, Ana. Get on with it and get it over with.

As I walk in to the office, Ms. Patterson is sitting behind a beautiful, overly large, Queen Anne desk. She appears to be dressed impeccably. Her dark hair is pulled back smoothly in a neat twist at the back of her head. She is wearing a smart peach color spring suit and it is accented by a crisp, white blouse. She has large pearl studs in her ears and a matching pearl strand that falls in the notch of her neck. She gets up, smiling and comes around her desk to greet me and I look down at the cream Louboutins that adorn her feet. She stretches out her arm and extends her hand to greet me. My world starts to move as if in slow motion. Dear God. I can't believe it!

She takes my hand and shakes it firmly. "Mrs. Grey. How nice to see you again. And so soon. Though not totally unexpected."

I withdraw my hand and look at her in total horror. It's the woman from the top of the stairs at Escala. It's Christian's Sub. She's the reason I am here. What in the name of God is happening here?

"Mrs. Grey. I can imagine what you must be thinking." She stands smiling politely at me.

"No. I don't think that you can." I try to keep my composure.

"Please. Have a seat. I'd like to explain." She leans against the front of her desk and folds her arms across her chest as I lower myself into a chair.

Her secretary leans in and motions asking to close the door.

"Yes, please."

"Can I get either of you anything, Ms. Patterson?"

"No thank you, Carol. That will be all for now. And please hold my calls for a few minutes."

The door is closed and I am alone in a room with Christian's sub. Again, damn it. Does this ever end? Will I spend the rest of my cleaning up the mess that he leaves with his subs?"

"I don't understand." I try to get the words out of my mouth.

"There's nothing to understand, Mrs. Grey. I am Amy Patterson. We made an appointment to discuss your potential divorce from your husband."

"You are Christian's submissive."

"No, Mrs. Grey. I was his submissive. That contract has been voided. I have moved on to a new contract, but that's not what we are here to discuss, is it?"

"Why did you make the appointment with me? You can't possibly serve as my attorney. I don't care how good you are supposed to be. "

"Why not, Mrs. Grey? You obviously need an attorney. I am the best money can buy. You can afford me. I don't see the issue."

"But, isn't this a conflict of interest? You were involved with my husband. You are the reason I'm considering divorcing my husband."

"No, Mrs. Grey, I'm not the reason you are considering a divorce. Your husband is. And I wasn't involved with your husband. We had a business arrangement, supported by a contract, signed by both parties."

What is it with these people and their, 'it's only a business arrangement'?

She stands up, and walks around her desk and lowers herself in to her chair. She crosses her arms in front of her on her desk and her demeanor softens. "Look, Mrs. Grey, I have wanted to talk to you anyway. I want to explain the situation."

'Oh, by all means. Please explain away." I say as sarcastically as I possibly can.

"I don't know if this will help or not, but I think you need to know everything. The contract that I had with Mr. Grey, Christian, was different than the standard contract."

There's a standard contract? Can you pick those up at Office Depot or are they special order?

"You see," she goes on," I am married as well. I love my husband very much. Just as I know Christian is very much in love with you. But I have needs, as you might say, and my husband is neither prepared nor able to meet those needs. He loves me, but he just can't understand. I want to stay married to my husband. I never want to lose that relationship. And I know Christian never wants to lose you. We entered into this contract with the understanding that there would be no sexual contact between us. This was strictly for the Dominate/Submissive relationship. "

"But I don't understand. I thought the basis of the dominate/submissive thing was for sexual gratification. Why. I mean how. Oh, I just don't understand at all." I shake my head in confusion.

"Well, Mrs. Grey. It is for sexual gratification. Very much so. But neither Christian nor I wanted to be unfaithful to our spouses. I looked far and wide until I found Christian. Someone who could agree to my terms for the contract. You see, we play our scenes and when it reaches the point that sexual release is required, we go our separate ways and find our release…separately."

I stare at her with either disgust or horror on my face. I don't know which it is. And realize that my mouth is hanging open in amazement. I quickly close it and swallow, hard. I think I want to throw up. Oh, Ana. How did you ever end up in this? "I see." It's about all I can say.

"But wouldn't you be afraid that if you represent me that Christian will expose you and your, your relationship, contract, or whatever it is you call this arrangement?"

"No. You see, Christian can't expose me without exposing himself".

No pun intended I'm sure.

"Thus the adage, 'Never get involved with someone who doesn't have more to lose than you do'."

"It would not be to his advantage to make our arrangement public knowledge. Mrs. Grey, I like and respect, Christian, but we had a business relationship, plain and simple, and that is it. Nothing more."

"But, why would you take the risk of representing me? My husband is very rich and can be very vengeful when he feels as though he has been betrayed."

" You answered your own question, Mrs. Grey. Your husband is more than very rich. And, if I have done my homework correctly, you have no pre-nuptial agreement. That makes your divorce very attractive to me, Mrs. Grey. You stand to make me a very wealthy woman by taking your case."

"Personally, I don't care if you divorce Christian or not. It's none of my business and it won't affect me in the least. But professionally, I have a lot to gain by handling your separation. Now. Are you ready to discuss the particulars of the case?"

I can't believe I have agreed to let Amy Patterson represent me. I guess I realized that if she could convince me that she was the best choice, after I caught her with my husband, then she must be a damn good attorney. Right now I have to think like Christian. Put emotion aside and use my brain, not my heart.

Ms. Patterson and I have hammered out a separation agreement that protects me and the children, guaranteeing financial support, a tentative division of property and custody arrangements for the children. We will sign the agreement, which will provide Christian and me with a legal separation, not a divorce. Should we decide to move forward with a divorce, we can incorporate these terms or renegotiate the terms. This at least guarantees that Christian can't try to fuck me over with his team of very expensive lawyers, as he calls them. I need to get him to sign this before the kids and I head to Georgia on Wednesday. Amy said she would have it drawn up and delivered to Christian, by this afternoon. God, how I dread this evening. It won't be pretty.

I head home to resume my duties as mommy and mistress of the house. I did ask for the house in the settlement. Christian can keep the Aspen place and the New York apartment. And Escala. I want no part of Escala. But I do want our home on the sound. And absolutely the Maui place. It was my 5th anniversary gift from Christian. It will be sad to go back there without him, but it's mine and I want it. We've also asked for shared custody of the children, but their primary residence will be with me, at least until they are older. Christian will have to set up bank accounts for the children and a personal household account for me, as well as maintain the staff. Ms. Patterson is going to do a forensic financial accounting of Christian's assets before we ask for a final financial settlement and division of assets. And I have no idea what we are going to do with the company. I don't really want any part of it.

I just want my children to get what is theirs. I'm not worried about the particulars. Christian has always been generous with the children and me. I know he will make sure we are taken care of no matter what happens.

I pull up to the front portico and go into the house. It's a weekday, so Gail and Taylor are back at their posts. I don't really want to involve the staff in our personal issues. It's really none of their business, but they need to be told something. Taylor probably already suspects something is up, so I need to talk to Gail.

"Mrs. Grey. Did you have a good trip into town this morning?" Gail smiles and greets me.

"I accomplished what I needed to, Gail. Thank you. Gail do you have a few moments? I'd like to talk to you."

"Why of course, Mrs. Grey. "

I walk into the family room and Gail follows me. Grace is sitting on the floor quietly playing with her toys. Gail has fed her, but it is still early and she is still in her PJs. I'll get her dressed after I talk to Gail.

"Please sit down, Gail", and I motion to a chair across from the sofa where I'm sitting. Gail is looking at me with such compassion in her eyes.

"I'm not sure where to start. You and Taylor live with us and I know you are pretty astute to what goes on in this house." Gail nods in agreement.

"Well, right now Mr. Grey and I are having some issues that we are trying to work out. This will involve Mr. Grey residing at the Escala apartment for a while. I'm not sure how this is all going to play out or what the resolution will be, but I wanted you to be aware that there may be some changes to the household and the routine around here. At least for a while."

"Yes, Mrs. Grey. I understand. Are there any specific changes that I need to be aware of right now?"

"I can't think of anything right now. Mr. Grey may need you more frequently at the Escala place, but that will be up to him. If he lets me know, I'll inform you. And I may need more help with the children. I may have to be away from the house a little more often."

"Of course, Mrs. Grey. Anything you need will be fine."

"Gail, I know we never asked you to make child care part of your duties, but…"

"Mrs. Grey, I adore those children. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for them. You don't need to worry yourself about them. I'll certainly take care of them."

I smile at her, "Thank you Gail. Gail, Christian has always preferred that I not have any type of personal relationship with the staff, but you have been with me since the day I met Christian. You have seen me through all the ups and downs, trials and tribulations. You were here when I brought both of my children home. I have grown very fond of you over the years." I reach out and place my hand on her knee and she puts hers on mine. I look up and Gail has tears welling in her eyes.

"I understand, Mrs. Grey. You don't have to say anymore."

"Gail, can you do one more thing for me?" I ask with a faint smile on my face.

"What is it, Mrs. Grey?"

"Do you think that you can call me, Ana?"

"She rises and smiles down at me. I think I can give it good try, Mrs. Grey…Ana."

"Thank you."

As she turns to go back to the kitchen to resume her duties, she stops and looks back at me, "Ana, I am so sorry. I am very fond of Mr. Grey and you both. I hope things will work out for the best for everyone."

"Yes. I hope so, too, Gail."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

I have finally gotten the kids fed, bathed and tucked in. I have an early appointment with John in the morning and then the trip to Georgia. I think I'll go up and get a hot bath and hit the bed. It's certainly been an interesting day. Never a dull moment.

My bath was delicious the warm water filled with delicious jasmine bath oil. I have wrapped myself in an oversized fluffy, white, terry robe. I take the clip out of my hair releasing it to fall down my back. I get my brush and flip my head over to brush the tangles out of my hair. The vigorous brushing feels so good. I stand up and flip my head back and, "Oh good God! Christian you just scared the hell out of me." Christian is standing in the doorway to our bedroom. He is dressed in a navy suit and white shirt and red tie. His tie is loose and the top button of his shirt is open. His pants hang at his hips. He looks so tired. I don't think I've ever seen him look so rough around the edges.

"What are you doing here and why didn't you ring the bell or at least let me know you were coming over?"

"What the fuck is this?" and he waves a stack of papers in front of me.

I know what it is, but I act like I don't, "I don't know Christian. What is it?"

"You know damned well what it is, Ana. For Christ sake, Ana. Amy Patterson. Amy Patterson? Why Amy Patterson?"

"Christian, please lower you voice, the kids are asleep. Let me see what you have." I take the papers from his hand and look over them. Yep, this is exactly what I thought it was.

When I look up at him, his eyes are on fire. I think he is going to combust at any moment. "Why are you doing this Ana? Why?"

"Christian, it's just a preliminary thing. "

"It's a legal separation agreement, Ana."

"Christian, we are living apart and have been for a while. I just needed to get something in writing to keep the finances straightened out. You know so there wouldn't be any questions about stuff."

"Questions about stuff? Ana, have I ever denied you or the children anything? Haven't I taken care of you and made sure you were safe and had everything that you needed?"

"Yes, Christian. You have always been very generous with me. Overly generous in fact."

Christian moves toward me. His eyes never leaving mine he walks and stands in front of me, putting his hands on my shoulders.

"Christian. Please don't." I know if he touches me I am lost. I have been getting stronger, more self-assured over the past several weeks. Between the medication, talking to John, and being on my own without Christian I am feeling more like my old self again. But I'm not ready to be with Christian again. I'm not strong enough yet. Maybe one day, but not now. "Christian, I don't think we should be doing this. It won't be good for either one of us."

"Ana. It's what we need right now. I need to be close to you. I need to make love to you. You are my wife, my beautiful, beautiful wife and I need you. I miss you, baby. Please, please, let me make love to you, Ana."

Christian moves his hands from my shoulders up my neck cupping my face with his hands. He places his forehead against mine, "Oh, Ana. I love you so very much. I feel as though I have been cast into total darkness since I've been without you. "

I know he is going to kiss me and I don't really want to stop him. It's been so long and my body is aching for him. "Oh, Christian, I just don't know what to do anymore."

"Let me love you, Baby. Please. I need you so much, Ana." Christian bends down and places a soft sweet kiss on my lips and I don't resist. His kiss deepens, exploring my mouth and I know I'm about to melt in to his arms. He moves his hands down my neck and to my shoulders gently sliding my robe off of my shoulders. He brushes my hair away from my neck and trails soft warm kisses up to my ear and then begins the slow trip down my neck with his mouth. I can feel his warm breath on my skin. His breathing begins to quicken and I feel his hips begin to dig into my side.

His hands move down to my waist and with a swift tug he unties the belt to my robe and it falls open. "Oh, Ana, Ana, Ana." It sounds like a whispered prayer in my ear. "Oh, Baby. I know you've missed me, too." he whispers, his lips against mine. "Oh, Christian. I need you." My voice almost a sob. I reach up and put my hands around his neck and run my hands through his hair, my mouth never leaving his. "Oh, Baby. I've missed you so much", he whispers against my lips.

Christian lovingly picks me up in his arms. His eyes never leaving mine, carries me over and gently places me on our bed. "Christian, I need you.", I whimper. Christian would usually make me wait and make me beg, but he doesn't. I don't think I have ever needed him this much. I open my eyes and look into his. Looking up at my husband, who is looming over me I watch the muscles in his arms and chest flex with each movement. I don't know how much longer I can take this.

Christian takes me and that incredible feeling washes over my body driving me to the edge of consciousness. Christian relaxes and falls from me. Skin to skin. Our hearts are racing and our breathing begins to slow as tears begin to fall across my cheeks. I love him so. I need him so. Christian softly kisses my cheek. "Oh, Baby, I love you so much. Ana, don't cry. Please don't cry, Baby."

"Oh, Christian, I love you so. I will always love you."

Christian rolls to lie beside me, brushing the hair out of my eyes. He embraces me and pulls me to him. We remain like this in silence for a while. Just listening to each other breathing and feeling the closeness between us. He traces my lips with his index finger. "I love these lips, Mrs. Grey." I smile and quickly capture his finger with my teeth. "Ow", he grimaces feigning pain. I giggle and look into his eyes. "I do love that giggle he says smiling at me with love radiating from his eyes." He leans over and there is a wicked glint in his eyes. He plants a quick kiss on my lips, "Vanilla is good, but, now, let's fuck." And he takes me in his arms and I am his, again.

Christian and I sit in the bath tub, my back to his front. He rubs my shoulders as I play with the few bubbles left in the water. We're both silent. I hate to broach the subject, but it has to be done.

"Christian."

"Yes, Baby."

I hesitate. "What is it, Ana?"

"Christian, why did you contract with a new sub?"

Christian stops rubbing my shoulders. "I've been waiting for you to ask me that. I've been dreading it, but knew it was coming."

"Of, course, it was coming." I turn around to look at him. "It's the 800 pound gorilla in the room. I caught you with another woman, Christian. We have to talk about this." I am surprised that I am able to talk about it without falling apart. Perhaps it's the information Ms. Patterson imparted to me regarding their sexual status. "Well? Why were you unfaithful to me? Why did you get a sub, Christian?"

"I. I'm. I'm still trying to figure it out, Ana."

"That makes no sense, Christian. Stop evading the question. We're getting nowhere like this."

"I don't know, Ana. I was just feeling so out of control. You were so distant and crying so often. I didn't know what was wrong or how to fix things. I needed to feel like I had a grip on something, that I was in control of something."

"But you're in total control at work. You have control over 40,000 people and billions of dollars every day."

"I know. That's different. That's work. I can totally separate my work and my private life. I never let one bleed over into the other."

"I know that. You never tell me anything that goes on with your business. I'm your wife and I'm totally in the dark about GEH."

"There's no need for you to have to worry about what goes on at GEH. That's my problem." He kisses my hair softly and nuzzles my neck.

"We're getting sidetracked, Christian. What about Ms. Patterson?"

"Well I was hoping to try to sidetrack you. Guess it didn't work."

"No, it didn't. Christian this has to be discussed."

"Ana, I just needed to feel like I had some control going on in my personal life. One of those Fifty things. You know. It doesn't excuse what I did. What I did was unforgivable, but I'm hoping that you will find it in you somewhere to be able to forgive me, Ana. There are still things you don't know about the contract we had."

"Christian, Ms. Patterson explained quite a bit about your special contract."

"I wondered if she had. How in the world did you find her?"

"I didn't go looking for her, that's for sure. She was recommended to me for her legal services." Now I'll have to explain this.

"Who recommended her?"

Oh geese. The relationship between Kate and Christian is frosty enough as it is without him finding out Kate sent me to her. "Um, just someone …"

"Ana. Who?"

"It was Kate, okay? She certainly wasn't aware that Ms. Patterson was you latest sub."

"Well, she's not my sub anymore. Ana, I ended that. The minute I saw you in the apartment. I told her the contract was voided before I ever left to try to catch you. "

"I know. She told me. She told me something else about your contract."

"Ana. I was never unfaithful to you. I mean. I. Ana, I never touched her other than to control her and take out my aggression. And I never let her touch me. It wasn't the usual arrangement. "

"She tried to explain it to me, Christian. But, I guess I just don't get it. I'll never fully understand that lifestyle. That need that you have."

"Does that mean I'm forgiven?"

"No, Christian. It doesn't. Not by a long shot. You were intimate with her in other ways. Ways that you shouldn't have been. Ways that were inappropriate. Very inappropriate. I hope that one day I'll be able to forgive you, but I doubt that I'll ever forget. You've left a scar on our relationship that can't ever be erased. It might fade with time, but it will always be there. That's something that you are going to have to live with."

Christian lowers his head and won't make eye contact with me. "I know. I would give anything if it had never happened. If I could take it all back. I never want to hurt you, Ana. You don't deserve to be hurt. You are my beautiful, innocent, sweet girl. I don't ever want that lifestyle behavior to come in contact with you. Never, ever again."

"Christian, I'm hardly innocent anymore. I mean I have given birth to two children. They didn't magically appear."

He puts his arms around me and pulls me close to him. "I know. But to me, I'll always see you as innocent. My innocent, sweet girl." He kisses my hair.

"Christian. We have a lot more talking to do, but I have an early appointment with John. I need to get going this morning."

Disappointment colors his face, "Oh. Are you still seeing John?"

"Yes, I am."

"But things are okay now."

"No, Christian, they aren't okay now."

"What do you mean? Last night was ….."

"Christian, Last night was a mistake. It was the two of us needing each other and acting on it."

"What do you mean a mistake? How can you say it was a mistake, Ana? We made love. You let me make love to you."

"Yes Christian. It was wonderful." I turn to face him and put my hand on his cheek and he leans into my hand. "It was a moment of weakness, because I love you. I wanted to be near you, to be close to you. Christian, I love you and miss you. But we haven't resolved anything yet. "

"So, does this mean that I can't come home tonight?" He looks like a little boy who has just lost his puppy.

"No Christian. Not yet. And I'm still going to Georgia tomorrow with the kids."

"I see. I still want you to use the jet. I feel safer knowing that you are under GEH supervision while you are away."

Gee Christian, that's the majority of the problem. I can't continue living under GEH supervision for the rest of my life. But now is not the time to start this conversation.

"Christian, we still have a lot to talk about, but I need to get to John's office. "

"Okay. Can I take you to dinner tonight? Maybe we can talk then."

"Christian you still owe Teddy a dinner out. Do you really think that we could go out to eat and him not throw a hissy fit if he doesn't get to go? "

"Hmm. I guess you're right."

I let out a big sigh. " Why don't you come over this evening and tuck the kids in and maybe we can talk while it's quite. But, Christian, please don't expect a replay of last night. And expect to go back to Escala to sleep."

"Okay. But I don't have to like it."

"No Christian, you don't have to like it."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Good morning, John."

"Good morning, Ana. It's good to see you again. Please come in and have a seat."

I walk over and sit down on the leather sofa and he sits in his chair facing me.

"I'm glad you decided to come back, Ana."

"Well, John, I couldn't get a refill on the medication unless I came to see you again." I said jokingly with a smile on my face.

"So the medication is working for you?"

"Yes. I think it must be. I have been feeling somewhat better for the past several days. My head feel s clearer. It's easier to think."

"But, Anastasia, the medication isn't a cure all. We still have some work to do. I think you know that."

"Yes. I do. I was just hoping we could avoid it and let the medication do the work."

John sits with his legs crossed, his arms folded and his hands clasped in his lap. He chuckles at my masked attempt to let him know I am afraid of discussing my issues. "It would be nice if it worked that way, Ana. But then I'd be out of a job. Not good for me."

"No. I suppose not."

"I was hoping that you would be back on a weekly basis, but I haven't seen you in several weeks. Is there a reason for that?"

"I think you know what the reason is, John." Please don't play games with me. "I feel sure that Christian has probably been in to see you recently."

John nods his head. "Yes. He has. Did you do the homework assignment that I gave you?"

"Well, John, yes I did. If I hadn't, Christian and I would still be living under the same roof."

John looks puzzled. "Enlighten me."

"Last time I was here, I decided to make that day Ana day. There was only so much pampering I could stand and so I decided to go to Escala and spend the rest of the day relaxing by myself. I think you are probably aware of the rest of the story."

"You're angry."

"Damn right I'm angry. Christian betrayed me. He broke my heart."

"Does this come as a surprise to you, Ana?"

"Well, yes. Actually it does."

"Did you think he would change? Did you think he could change?"

I burst into tears. "I don't know. I just don't know anymore."

"Ana, the only person you can change, is you. Christian will change if he wants to. You have to make him want to."

"But how?"

"Ana, again I can't discuss any of the specifics of my sessions with Christian with you. I'll be glad to work with you as a couple, if you both agree. But on an individual basis, all discussions are private."

"Maybe, coming together would be advantageous."

"I think it might. But first we have work to do with you, by yourself."

I nod in agreement, wiping my tears with an ever present tissue from the box that lives next to my seat.

"John. I just want to be like I was when I met Christian."

"And how were you when you met Christian?"

"You knew me back then. I was a happy, bright inquisitive girl. Not this beaten down shell of a person that I feel like now."

"Why do you think that is Ana? Why do you feel like a shell of a person?"

"I think it is because I have let Christian take his issues out on me. He has all these feelings about his birthmother bottled up inside him and he needs to direct them at someone. He needs to get them out."

"So you let him take them out on you."

"Yes. I did. When he would yell at me call me stupid or accuse me things, I knew that he wasn't mad at me. Not really. I knew when he yelled at me, he was really yelling at his mother. I just happen to be standing in front of him at the time, so I was on the receiving end."

"So, you are saying that you allowed him to verbally abuse you."

"Yes. I guess I did. But I knew he needed to be able to say those things. I knew that he need to cleanse himself of all that hurt."

"So you allowed him to hurt you instead. How did that turn out, Ana?"

"Not good."

"No it didn't. Even though you could reason out that it wasn't you that Christian was actually angry with, you still accepted the brunt of his anger. You can't do that for very long without internalizing those feelings, Ana. You finally began to think that you really were stupid, careless and needed constant supervision."

"It was just easier to acquiesce than to argue with him. It kept things quiet and more pleasant. When Christian ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. If you get my drift."

"Yes, I get your drift, Ana. But here you are. This is what acquiescence has done. We need to work on getting your self-esteem back, Ana. Until you feel better about yourself, you'll never be able to deal with Christian."

"He is a force to be reckoned with. John. I was wondering…"

"Yes, Ana. What is it?"

"Can you explain the BDSM thing to me? I just don't get it. Especially after my encounter with

Amy, uhh, Christian's last sub."

"You have seen her again?"

"Not on purpose, I assure you. But. I don't know if Christian told you, but…I went to see an attorney about a separation and when I got to the office, the attorney turned out to be the woman I saw Christian with at the apartment."

"I see. That must have been uncomfortable for you."

"Uncomfortable? Come off of it, John. It was horrifying. But I just don't understand all of this. I can't relate to any of this and I need to be able to try to understand Christian. If I can't understand what all this is about, how am I ever going to understand him?"

"Well, Ana. To try to simplify, most of the time we relate to sex on the basis of our initiation to sex. From what I have been told, your initiation was with Christian. It was very tender, very personal…"

"Vanilla."

John chuckles a bit. "Yes. I guess you could call it that. But Christian's initiation was very violent and impersonal. His body responded to the stimulation, but he didn't get any of the emotional connection like the two of you had to associate with the sex act. For so long he didn't know that sex could be a very intimate, beautiful thing between two people. To him violence and pain led to sexual arousal and release. For a long time he thought that he needed that in order to become sexually aroused."

I stare at John, trying to take it all in.

"Then there is the issue of control that is involved. Christian's life has been all about control. He had been so emotionally scarred as a baby that he wasn't able to open himself up to anyone. He wouldn't allow anyone to touch him emotionally. And the issue of him being touched physically was really an emotional issue. Being touched physically hurt him emotionally. He kept everyone and everything at a distance. If he didn't allow himself to care then he couldn't be hurt. That's why he used a paid submissive for his sexual encounters. He paid them to keep a distance, yet give him what he needed physically."

"In addition, it allowed him to control what that other human being felt. He suffered painful abuse as a baby and this allowed him to inflict that abuse on to someone else. On a very basic level, if someone hurts you, you want to hurt them back. Christian's mother wasn't there, so he used other women as a substituted to take out his aggressions. To give that pain back to someone."

"Much like he has done with you. It would have been so much better if Christian had ever had the opportunity to confront his mother and tell her how much she had hurt him as well as how much he loved her in spite of the hurt. Direct his feelings at the source of the pain. He was never given that opportunity, thus his use of substitutes."

"I'm really trying to understand, John. If the dominate/submissive relationship is about sexual gratification, why did Christian's contract avoid that?"

"Well, sexual interaction may occur within a session, but it is not essential. It is all about the power exchange between the two parties. The control and the giving up of control."

"Well, why do they always say that it's just a contract? It's a relationship, John. Christian had a relationship with another woman. Why doesn't he see that?"

"It's seen as a contract, because it is. A BDSM contract makes a clear legal and ethical distinction between a consensual agreement between two people and a crime of violence. There are actually laws on the books that address this very subject, Ana. For instance, failure to honor a safe word is considered serious misconduct and could even change the consent situation into a crime. The contract will usually specify the parties involved, terms of service, the rules, duties of each party, the limits, both hard and soft, the conditions of termination and the signatures of the parties involved. Different countries have different laws regarding these contracts. In the U.S. they aren't legally binding, however they may serve as evidence of the parties' knowledge, intent, awareness and waiver of the risks involved."

"You have a puzzled look on your face, Ana. It's all very complicated and I'm sure it is a very foreign concept to you. There are volumes of literature on the subject. Freud even addressed it. I can compile a list of books on the subject for you, if you like. Perhaps some more research, will give you more insight into the practice. If you really want to know that much."

"Yes. I think I need to learn all that I can to try to understand it all."

"Okay, don't let me forget to get you a list of some reference materials."

"Change of subject. Well, I hear you are going to visit your mother for a while. I think that will be good for you. Some distance from the situation and different surroundings may be just the thing right now. I'm going to give you a refill on your meds. Any problems with them?" I shake my head. "Good. Continue taking them every day. Have a good trip and come to see me when you get back. And don't worry about Christian. I'll handle him for a while."

"Thank you, John. I always feel better when I leave your office."

John smiles at me as I get up to leave, "Is it because of the work we're doing or because you're just glad to be leaving?"

"Little of both, I guess. I'll call as soon as we get back. And thank you again."

"Safe trip, Ana."

"Christian wouldn't have it any other way." I wave back as walk out the office door.

I'm out of the tub and finger drying my hair. The kids are fed and bathed…again. Guess it has to be done every day. For some strange reason they like to be fed on a daily basis. The bags are packed and ready for our trip. I've let mom know what time to expect us. Sawyer is picking us up in the morning, because he is going with us. Oh, happy days.

I am powdered, perfumed, fluffed and dried. I slip into my pink satin thong and matching push up bra. I look at myself in the mirror. This isn't fair to Christian. Poor guy doesn't have a chance. When John said that I had to make him want to change, I don't think this is what he meant. I pull my sundress on over my head and add mascara and lip gloss. I put my diamond studs in my ears. They are way too big, but Christian gave them to me and Christian doesn't do small. Understatement isn't a virtue that he has been blessed with. I'm almost afraid to wear them, but I do occasionally just so he can see me in them. Makes him happy.

I hear the front door open. "Anybody home?" I hear Christian yell from downstairs.

"Daddy's here!" Teddy yells as he runs down the hall and down the stairs and launches himself at Christian. Christian picks him up and holds him in his arms. "Daddy, when are you going to come home?"

'"Well, son, I'm trying real hard to get back." I hear him say to Teddy.

"When Mommy, stops being mad at you, can you come back then?" My heart twists in my chest. I don't want my son to think that I have thrown his father out of the house. Even though that's exactly what I have done.

"Well son, right now, Mommy has a reason to be mad at me. But we are working on it."

"If Mommy gets mad at me, will I have to go live somewhere else for a while?" I'm standing at the top of the stairs watching Christian hold Teddy in his arms. He hugs our son tightly to him and kisses his cheek.

"No son. Neither Mommy nor I could ever get mad at you. You are the most important thing in the world to both of us. We love you very, very much, son."

Oh God, this is killing me. I want to burst into tears.

"Daddy!" Miss Carla Grace Grey, squeals as she runs down the hall in my direction. I bend down and catch her just before she tries to unlock the baby gate at the top of the stairs. What were we thinking buying a two story house with small children?

I pick her up and descend the stairs. I release her at the bottom landing and she runs to her daddy.

"Grace. How's my baby girl?" Christian releases Teddy who grabs Christian by the leg, and he picks up his evil twin of a daughter and gives her a hug and a kiss.

Christian looks at me and smiles. "There's mommy. Isn't she pretty kids?" Teddy rolls his eyes. Yep, that's my boy.

I smile at Christian, "Hi daddy. How was your day?"

"Well it started off pretty spectacularly, so it had nowhere to go but down hill."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Grey. I hope it wasn't too bad."

"It's much better now, Mrs. Grey. How was your appointment?" Christian walks over and kisses my cheek.

"Pretty good. We can talk about it later."

"Good."

"Well, why don't we go into the family room and spend a little quality time before bed?" I suggest.

"Sounds like a plan to me." Christian smiles and directs the kids toward the family room." You know, I really like this room." Christian says. "It has always been my favorite room in this house. Well, second favorite." He gives me a wicked smile. We sit on the sofa that faces the fireplace.

"Yes. I think we did a smashing job with this place, Mr. Grey."

"I hope to grow old with you in this house, Mrs. Grey. "

I smile at Christian. "That's my hope, too, Mr. Grey. I'd like to celebrate Christmas with my grandchildren in this room."

Christian is still holding Grace and she is on his lap. "But of course, grandchildren will be Teddy's responsibility, because Grace will never…."

"Ah hem. Mr. Grey, you can stop right there. Little people have big ears." I give him the look. "Hypocrite."

The kids are finally down for the count. It only took three stories. And Christian and I are sitting on the sofa in the family room. Christian has started a fire, because it is one of those chilly Seattle spring nights. The light from the flames is casting a glow as it bounces from the walls in the family room. We sit silently watching the fire. Well, I'm watching the fire. Christian is facing me on the sofa and staring at me. Christian pulls his Blackberry out of his pocket and looks at it. I guess to see who has called. He turns it off.

"It's not like you to turn your phone off, Christian. What if you have some sort of CEO emergency?" I smile at him.

"Nothing more important than this, Mrs. Grey." He reaches over and pulls a strand of my hair and puts it behind my ear, and then he runs his knuckles down my cheek. I press my face into his hand and smile.

"Ana, why can't I come home? What's wrong?" Christian has a worried look on his face.

"Christian, I'm just not ready to be with you yet."

"Why not? I just don't understand."

"I know you don't. John and I talked about it today and I got a better understanding of why I feel like I do."

"Well, can you talk to me about it?"

"I want to, Christian. I'm just trying to figure out how to make you understand."

"Understand what, Baby?"

"Understand how I feel and why."

"Can you start with how you feel?"

I smile a sympathetic smile at him. Bless his heart, he is trying so hard. "Well it seems that I am having an episode of depression. "

"Does John know why you are depressed?"

"We think we have a handle on why."

"So. Why?"

"I'm having some self-esteem issues right now, Christian."

"You? Self-esteem issues? You and that smart mouth?" Christian throws me a wide grin.

"Christian, please. I'm trying to be serious."

"I know. I'm sorry, Baby. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"I think we each are going to have a part to play in resolving this. John would like us to come in together, eventually, but not right now. Christian." I turn around to face him. "I think you realize that sometimes you can be a force to be reckoned with." Christian slowly nods his head.

"Sometimes you can just overwhelm me. Run over the top of me. Say things that aren't particularly kind to me."

Christian looks at me with a puzzled look on his face and cocks his head to the side.

"What do I say that is unkind, Ana?"

"Well, you know, like when you are mad at me. And you are always mad at me."

"Baby, I stay mad."

"Yes, I know, Christian. But you can't stay mad at me. Not anymore. Anger is okay occasionally. People get angry with each other. But, only occasionally. When you are angry at other people, you tend to take it out on me. And I can't continue to let you do it." Okay, now he looks totally bewildered. "I'm having trouble trying to explain this. I knew it would be difficult." It's difficult because I'm trying to explain without hurting his feelings. I'm protecting Christian at my expense again.

"Okay. I think I may understand. You think I get mad at you too often or too easily."

"Well not exactly. I think you take your anger at other people out on me. I think that when you are mad at people that you can't show your anger to, you direct that anger at me."

"Like what people?"

This isn't going well. "Well, like your mother".

"My mother! Ana, I rarely get mad at Grace Trevelyan-Grey, but when I do, I certainly let her know about it."

"No, Christian. Your birth mother."

"Ana. Have you lost your mind? What kind of crap is John putting in to your head?"

"Oh, I knew I wouldn't be able to make you understand."

"Hell, you're right. I don't understand." Christian has raised his voice.

"Christian. Please don't yell at me."

"Ana. I'm not yelling at you. I'm trying to understand what the fuck you're talking about. What the fuck does the crack whore have to do with you and me?" Christian runs his hand through his hair and is trying to control his anger, but I can tell his frustration level is rising.

I've got to tell him how I feel. "Christian, I will always love you. I just don't know if I can live with you anymore."

Pain rips across his face. "What do you mean; you may not be able to live with me anymore?"

"Christian, I was thinking about this before the incident at Escala. That was just the icing on the cake."

Christian looks at me, "What? You've been thinking about leaving me? Why."

We lock eyes, hurt grey to sad blue, "Because I'm tired of crying all the time, Christian. Because I'm tired of walking on eggshells around you all the time. Because I'm tired of being a non-person. Because I'm tired of being supervised, watched and controlled. Because I'm just plain tired of it all."

I know he has no idea what I'm talking about. I can see it on his face. "Christian, you never tell me what's going on in your life. You keep me in the dark all the time. And you are constantly scolding me when I cross some imaginary line that you have drawn for me. I'm not a child, Christian. I'm tired of you telling me that I'm stupid, careless, and thoughtless. I'm tired of constantly being supervised, managed and watched. "

I can feel the tears starting and I'm glad the kids are asleep. "I'm tired of having to live up to your expectations. I'm tired of you taking you anger out on me because I just happen to be the person standing in front of you at the time. Oh no, here it comes and I can't stop it. My voice rises a couple of decibels, "For God's sake. I'm not your mother, I'm your wife. I can't change what happened to you. Christian, your mother died. She didn't abandon you. She just fucking died. She neglected you. She didn't protect you. And that hurt you. But she is gone, Christian. She died and you never got the chance to tell her how much she hurt you. You were just a little boy, Christian, and your mother turned her back on you. She chose drugs over you. And you never got the chance to tell her that you loved her in spite of it all."

"Christian, you can live with the pain or you can let it go. If you want to stay with me, you have to let it go. You have to leave that pain up in Detroit in the cold ground with your mother. I can't love it away for you. I can't carry your pain for you anymore Christian. "

"Do you remember telling me once years ago that it was easier for you to carry your pain on the outside than on the inside? Well, maybe if I had let you whip the shit out of me on occasion it would have been easier than what you have done to me inside. For years every time you got angry at me for no reason, lost your temper with me, and called me cruel, thoughtless names, I knew deep down it wasn't me you were angry with. You needed to be able to take your anger out on your shitty birth mother and she wasn't here for you to yell at. By not standing up for myself, I consented to let you to use me as a substitute. How about that, Christian I was your sub after all." His expression changes. Finally, I think I have given him something he can relate to, something he can understand.

"I thought I could take it, if it helped you. If it made you feel better. I thought I could be strong enough for both of us. I thought I could carry your pain for you, Christian. But 7 years of verbal abuse and emotional beatings has taken its toll on me. There's nothing left of me inside. There's nothing left of the bright, smart, innocent girl that you married. I feel dead inside. Do you understand? I have no self- esteem left. I have no pride. You have just about killed me, Christian, and I can't deal with it anymore. I have to get out while there's still a chance for me. I need try to get back to the person that I was when you met me. For God's sake, Christian, can you understand?" I stand before him with tears streaming down my face uncontrollably. I fall to my knees on the floor in front of him and weep uncontrollably into my hands." Christian, let me go. I don't have the strength to leave you. Please, please, Christian, let me go. If you love me, if you ever loved me, let me go."

Christian remains motionless in front of me. The look on his face is indescribable. And yes, there are tears streaming down his face. He remains silent and I know he has no idea what has just happened. I know I need to get up and try to compose myself. Christian doesn't do hysterical well. Before I can move, he drops to his knees in front of me. He takes my face in his hands and tries to wipe away my tears. "Christian, no. Please don't." I beg. " Just let me go."

"Ana. Baby, I'm so, so sorry. I think I finally understand what you are trying to get me to see. I had no idea what I was doing. I knew you loved me unconditionally and I knew you would never leave me. Without realizing what I was doing, I was taking all my fear, all my hurt, all my pain out on you. Yelling at you, somehow made me feel better about myself, but I didn't see what it was doing to you. Baby, what I have done to you? You are my life. You are my reason for living. You are my strength. Oh, what have I done?" Christian takes me I his arms and begs, "Please, Ana, please let's try to work this out. Please don't leave me. Give me a chance to try to change. I can finally see what I've done. I couldn't take out my anger on you physically, so I did it emotionally. How have you stayed with me for as long as you have?"

I look up at him and my eyes meet his eyes, "Because I love you, Christian. Because I will always love you. But, Christian, I have to love me, too. I can't be there for you or the children if there is nothing left in me to give. I need help, Christian."

He keeps his arms around me and hugs me tightly to his chest. He kisses my hair. "I know, Baby. I know. What can I do? What do you need? I'll do anything to get you strong again."

"Christian, I don't know if there is any way to save us. I don't want to leave you, but I don't know what else to do."

Maybe it's time to drop this for now. Maybe this would better be done with John's help. "Christian, maybe we should discuss this with John. Maybe he can help us get a better handle on this."

Christian is fuming. "I'm not sure I want you going back to see John anymore."

"Well, you don't have a say in that. That's my decision." Christian looks at me like I have two heads. "And my decision is to keep seeing John."

"Do whatever you think you need to do. Just say you'll try, Ana."

I brush the tears away and wipe my nose with the back of my hand. "Going to visit mom will give me some time to think. I think the time and distance will be good for us. We've never really been apart, you know." Christian brushes my hair off of my face and kisses my forehead.

"Okay, baby. Whatever you need. I'll do it."

"Christian, I have a long day tomorrow and I think I need to get to bed. And don't even think about asking." I try to lighten the mood.

"Asking what?"

"You know very well what. Go. March yourself right back to Escala, Mr. Grey."

"Okay. I'll miss you while you are gone."

"I know. Me, too." I walk Christian to the front door and we stop at the doorway.

Christian turns and puts his arms around. "Take care of my children? And my wife?"

"Always, Mr. Grey." I smile at him and kiss him softly on his lips. "I do love you, Christian. Please don't ever question that."

Christian takes my hand and kisses the back of it. "I know. You're my girl."

"Always. Christian. Now go."

"I'll call you in the morning before you leave. Okay."

"I'll be disappointed if you don't. Bye."

"Bye, baby."

Christian turns and heads to his R8 getting in. I watch his car disappear into the black Seattle night and have to bite my lip to keep from crying. "Oh, Christian. I love you." I whisper into the darkness.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

I wake to the phone ringing beside my bed. I reach over still half asleep,"Hello"; I manage to mutter into the receiver.

"Ana?"

"Oh, Christian. Good morning."

"Aren't you up yet, Ana?"

"Well. I guess I am now."

"Sawyer is on his way over to pick you up. Why aren't you ready to go?" I can tell Christian is irritated with me.

I look at the alarm and I have either forgotten to set it or accidentally turned it off in my sleep. "I don't know what happened, but the alarm didn't go off."

"Ana. How can you be so careless? If you're late that means that Sawyer has to wait on you and the jet will be late taking off. There is a flight plan and a schedule that the pilot has to follow, Ana." Good grief, scolding me isn't going to improve the situation, Christian.

"Christian, I don't have time for you to scold me. I need to get the kids up and dressed. I'll call you when we get out to the tarmac before we take off. Bye."

"Bye, baby. Make sure you call me before take- off, understood?"

"Yes sir."

I hear Christian chuckle, "Much better."

I throw the receiver back down on the hook and jump out of bed. No time for a shower this morning. I brush my teeth, throw on my clothes and run a brush through my hair. I don't need to look great; after all it isn't a commercial flight. And I do own the jet…well, half of it anyway.

I fly into Teddy's room and lean over to kiss his hair." Time to get up big boy. The jet is waiting on us." Teddy just absolutely loves to fly. Christian can't wait until his son is old enough for him to teach him to fly Charlie Tango. I dread the day.

Teddy rouses and looks at me with half open little gray eyes. "Hey, Mom. I'm getting' up."

"Okay, baby. I've put your clothes out for you. Hurry up and get dressed. We'll get some breakfast on the plane."

I run into Grace's room and bend over and kiss her hair. "Baby girl. Wake up sweetheart."

"No. Go 'way." And my little girl turns away from me to face the other direction.

"Come on Grace, we need to get up now, baby." I try not to rush her too much, to give her time to acclimate. I rub her back and try to turn her back to face me.

"Nooooo." Her face begins to scrunch up, turn scarlet and the tears begin to fall. She rubs her little eyes with the back of her hands and sticks her lower lip out. "Daddy", she cries.

I reach down and pick her up, holding her on my shoulder. "I know baby, Daddy isn't here right now. We're going to see Grandma Carla and Grandpa Bob today. Won't that be fun?"

She still isn't real happy about it, but she nods a yes. I won't take time to dress her; I can do that on the plane. I take her to the bathroom and let her go potty and return her pull ups to their proper place.

"Teddy are you up?" I yell.

"Yes, mom." I hear back from his room.

"Are you dressed?"

"Yes, mom." I can always count on him. He is my little man. Thank goodness I didn't have two like Grace.

I pick Grace up and go to Teddy's room to collect him and then head downstairs. Sawyer is in the kitchen with Gail drinking a cup of coffee.

"Good morning, Mrs. Grey", and he stands to greet us.

"Good morning, Sawyer. I'm sorry we're running late."

"That's fine, Mrs. Grey. I have all the luggage in the car and we are ready anytime you are. Anything else I can do to help?"

"Here." I hand a groggy Grace to him.

His eyes grow to the size of saucers as he takes her in his hands and holds her at arm's length, "But Mrs. Grey, I…I"

"She won't break, Sawyer." I roll my eyes." She might bite you, but she won't break." Sawyer looks horrified.

Gail laughs out loud and goes over and kisses Grace on her cheek, "Be good, angel, and have a good time."

Gail bends down and Teddy gives her a big hug around her neck. "Take care and have a good time Teddy. I'll see you soon."

I grab my purse and turn to Gail. I give her a big hug. "Thanks, Gail. Take care of things. We will probably be back first of the week. You and Taylor make yourselves at home while we're gone."

"Don't worry about anything, Ana."' She called me Ana. I give her a big smile. "We'll take care of everything here. You concentrate on relaxing and taking care of yourself and these two."

"Thanks, Gail. Bye." And we run out the door in a whirlwind.

I hit the button on my phone.

"Ana." I hear Christian on the other end.

"Hi, Christian. I promised I'd call before we took off."

"That was quick. How did you get the kids up and over to the jet so quickly?" he sounds surprised.

"'It's what I do, Christian, and I'm good at my job." I say exasperated. "I just wanted to say good bye."

"Be careful, Ana. Take care of the kids."

"I will Christian. You take care of yourself and we'll see you in a couple of days."

"Okay, baby. I miss you, Ana. And I love you".

"Me, too, Mr. Grey."

"Call me when you land."

"I will, Christian." He won't hang up.

"I love you."

"I love you, too, Christian."

"Bye."

"Christian, hang up."

The kids have eaten breakfast served up by Ms. Natalia. I have gotten Miss Grace changed into her clothes and she has conked out in the seat beside me. Teddy is up front bothering Stephen, wanting to know what all the knobs and switches do. I can finally relax for a few moments. Natalia brings me a cup of Earl Grey, bag out, and I put my head back and close my eyes. I want my husband. I feel so alone right now. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I look out the window and see everything so far away and small. I wonder what Christian is doing right now. I'm sure he is giving someone hell about something at the office. I shouldn't think that way. He really is a thoughtful, sweet man. Unless he is angry, or in a bad mood, which can be a lot of the time. I'm sure he has been hell on wheels at the office since all this started between us. But the people that work for him really seem to like and respect him. They'd do anything for him. I'm so proud to be married to him.

I really hope he goes over and spends some time with his family while we are away. He doesn't need to spend so much time isolating himself. It will keep him out of trouble, too. I think I'll call Kate and ask her to invite him over for dinner or something while were gone. Then there's this BDSM shit. I wish he could find a way to exorcise his demons without taking it out on another human being. And I sure as hell have no desire to walk in on another sub again. I love him. But I can't live the rest of my life like this. Like John said I have to decide what I can live with and what I can't.

The jet begins to change altitude and it pulls me out of my stream of consciousness. I look over at Grace and she is getting a frown on her face. I need to find her binky so she can suck on it to pop her ears. I find it in my purse and slip it in to her mouth. It seems to help. And she eases back to sleep.

I run my fingers through her soft curls and I remember how she got her name. It was supposed to be Phoebe. I was about 2 weeks from delivery and Christian had decided to clean out his home office. He had stacks of files on his desk that were to be shredded, which was unusual, because he usually keeps everything on his computer hard drive. I never go into his office when he isn't in there, but I needed the checkbook. He never lets me carry a checkbook. Not since I wrote that 5 million dollar check. Evidentially, I am not responsible enough to write checks. Funny how wedding vows drain you of your ability to be a competent adult. Anyway, while I was looking for it, I accidentally knocked some of the files on the floor. When I tried to pick them up some of the paperwork fell out of one. I picked it up to put it back in the file and noticed that it had a small passport photo attached to it. A photo of young dark haired female. I began to read the information on it.

Name: Phoebe Smallwood

Address: 1337 Carter Pl

Seattle, WA

Place of employment: Northwest Medical Associates

Position: Advance Practice Nurse

DOB: September 9, 1980

Place of birth: Cincinnati, Ohio

Type of contraception: Oral

Height: 5'6"

Weight: 124 lbs.

Dress size: 6

Blouse size: Small

Jeans size: 6

Bra: 32 D (prefers underwire, no lace)

Ladies briefs: sz 5 ( prefers French cut, no lace)

Shoe: 7 ½ B

Contract dates: April 2, 2008 – January 17, 2009

NDA signed: April 2, 2008, copy to submissive

Contract signed: April 2, 2008, copy to submissive

Soft limits as noted on contract: to be determined at time of encounter

Hard limits as noted on contract: suspension, fisting and genitalia clamps

Safe word: strawberry

Misc: Good sense of humor. Usually very docile and compliant during play, but can be defiant if she wants 'extreme' control used. Occasional girl on girl.

My stomach twisted and I thought I was going to throw up. Needless to say when Christian got home I told him in no uncertain terms that we would NOT be naming our daughter Phoebe. When I told him why and what I had found, he insisted that he just liked the name, that it had no relation to the sub. I told him to get that shit on his desk out of my house. We argued for two days about that. Then I went into labor early. I had to have another C-section, even though I wanted to try again to deliver vaginally. Christian was relieved that I agreed to the section without going through hours of labor first. After she got here, they needed a name for her. I was knocked out for ages and Christian had no idea what to name her since we hadn't decided on anything. So, he used our mother's first names. Miss Carla Grace Grey. Even though we ended up calling her Grace. She just seemed like a Grace after she got here. Sweet Baby Grace. That's what he called her. Then she developed an attitude and hasn't been the same since.

We're on the ground in Savannah. Mom and Bob are here to meet us.

"Oh come here, come here. Let me see these precious babies", Mom squeals as she reaches out to hug Teddy. She squeezes his cheeks and kisses his forehead. Teddy tolerates it but rolls his eyes. I give him a smile of encouragement. I know son. Hang in there.

Then mom grabs for Grace who recoils in horror and starts to cry. Grace grabs my neck with a death grip. "She just doesn't remember you, mom. Just give her some time to get used to things and she'll come around." Mom looks so disappointed.

"Well come on Ana. Let's get back to the house." Mom is so enthusiastic.

"Mrs. Gray", I hear Sawyer say.

"Yes Sawyer?"

"I have a car waiting for you." Christian has insisted that Sawyer obtain a car for our use while we are here.

"Um. Okay. Just let me tell my parents we'll follow them."

We arrive at the house and I get the kids settled in to their room and get my bags unpacked. I walk in to the kitchen to see my mother who is busy getting dinner ready. "Mmmmm, what smells so good, mom?" Mom points to Sawyer sitting in the living room. "What do we do with him?'

"Oh, Christian insisted. I'll take care of it."

I head into the living room to talk to Sawyer. He is sitting in a chair reading a book. "Sawyer, what are the arrangements while we are here?"

He looks up at me over his book, "I am to stay with you and the children during the day and arrangements have been made for me at a nearby motel for the evening hours. But I can be here within 4 minutes when you call."

"Okay. Thank you."

I go back to the kitchen and whisper to mom," He's really very nice, mom. Just feed him and offer him something to drink occasionally and he'll take care of himself. "

"Well, okay." She looks warily at him.

I'm not sure if Sawyer is here to protect me or spy on me. I'll just have to deal with it.

"Your Love is King", springs from my phone. Holy Shit! Shit, shit, shit, shit, fuck. I forgot to call Christian. I run to answer it.

"Christian?"

"Ana. I take it you made it safely."

"You take it correctly, sir." Maybe that will appease him. "Christian, I am so sorry I forgot to call. We got off the plane and trying to deal with the cars and the children, it just slipped my mind."

"Did it not matter to you that I might worry, when I didn't hear from you?" He sounds irritated.

"Yes, Christian. It mattered. I didn't do it on purpose. Things have just been so hectic."

"Too hectic to let me know that my wife and children were safe?"

"Christian, if we had crashed it would have been on the news by now."

"Not funny, Mrs. Grey. But fair point well made."

"I know. I miss you. What are you doing?"

"I'm working."

"Don't work the entire time we're gone, Christian. Go visit with your family. Spend some time with Elliott. Do something fun."

"I don't have fun when I'm away from my family. I prefer to work."

"Okay. You're making me feel bad. I don't like it when you're unhappy."

"I don't like it either. I'm a big boy, though. I'll survive. How are our children?"

"They made it in one piece." I giggle. "Grace screams every time my mom comes near her, though."

"I can relate. I like to hear that giggle. You haven't giggled in a long time, Ana."

" I know. It feels good to laugh."

"I want to be responsible for making you laugh, Anastasia."

"Oh, Christian. I don't know what to say."

"Say you love me."

"Christian, you know I love you. Always."

"Well, I'll call tomorrow. Kiss Teddy and Grace for me when you tuck them in. Tell them that I love and miss them."

"I will."

"I love you, baby. More than you can ever imagine."

"Back at you Grey."

"Goodnight, baby."

"Goodnight, Christian."

Oh, what am I going to do? What am I going to do?


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N : Before I start this chapter I just want to thank everyone for being so kind and accepting of my story. I have never written anything other than a few college papers, but have always wanted to. It was scary and took me a long time to hit the submit button. **

**I had never heard of fan fiction until I heard about FSOG and had never been to the fan fiction site until a couple of weeks ago, looking for more of Christian and Ana. Not being familiar with guidelines, I looked at other stories and used them as an example of how far the envelope could be pushed. **

**At first it was hard to write the explicit sex into the story, but I wanted to remain true to Ms. James characters. I love them so. And it got easier quickly. After reading the notice posted on 6\4 I realize I may have pushed the envelope too far, and so I have revised my story to, hopefully, fall within the site guidelines. **

**As hard as it was to put the sex in; it was more difficult to take it out. The sexual relationship is the common ground for Ana and Christian. It is their level playing field. I have reposted a kinder gentler version of chapters 1-10, keeping the originals for myself. Nothing has changed****except the intensity of the sexual encounters, so the story should not change for anyone. I continue with my saga below. And thank you. E.L. James for breathing life into these characters. I just needed more of them.**

**Chapter11**

"Ana."

"Good morning, mom. Good morning, Bob."

"Morning, Ana." Bob mumbles from behind his morning paper.

I'm still half asleep but I grab a mug and a tea bag out of the cupboard. "Is this the only kind of tea you have, mom?"

"Well, yes. Did you want something else?"

"Do you have any Earl Grey Breakfast?"

"No, dear. We can pick up some at the store later, if you want."

I guess I'll make do with this for now. I pour the boiling water into the mug and drag the tea bag through the water. I take a sip. YUCK.

"Oh, Sweetheart. There was an overnight FedEx for you this morning. And a delivery." Mom smiles over at me looking over her readers.

"For me?"

"Yes. Bob, would you grab that package off of the dining room table and give it to, Ana?"

Bob complies and sets the package down in front of me.

I look at it warily.

"Who is it from, Dear?"

I don't even have to look at the return address to know it is from Christian. "I do believe it is from my husband."

"Just like those flowers in there?"

"What?" I turn to see a large wicker basket filled with 3 dozen pink and yellow roses." Good grief he is over the top sometimes.

I make quick work of opening the FedEx package. There is a card enclosed.

_For your enjoyment and protection._

_I love you. All three of you._

_Christian aka Daddy_

_P.S._

_Did I say I love you?_

I unpack the contents and find one box of Earl Gray Breakfast Tea and a tube of Water Babies sunscreen. I think I'm going to cry.

From: Anastasia Grey

Subject: You make me cry

Date: May 14, 2018 08:24

To: Christian Grey

Everything just arrived. You know me so well. And I did forget to pack the sunscreen.

Miss you. Love you.

A xxx

Mom looks over at me, "What are you doing, dear?"

"I'm emailing Christian. Just thanking him for the package."

From: Christian Grey

Subject: My wife's tears

Date: May 14, 2018 08:26

To: Anastasia Grey

I never want you to cry, wife. Wish I could kiss them all away.

Christian Grey

CEO, missing my family, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

From: Anastasia Grey

Subject: Wish you could…..

Date: May 14, 2018 08:27

To: Christian Grey

… kiss more than my tears.

A xxx

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Kissing my wife

Date: May 14, 2018 08:28

To: Anastasia Grey

The GEH jet flies both ways. I can be on it.

Christian Grey

CEO, on a moment's notice, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

From: Anastasia Grey

Subject: It's hard …

Date: May 14, 2018 08:29

To: Christian Grey

….to have transcontinental phone sex this evening if we are in the same state.

A ;)

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Well if we must

Date: May 14, 2018 08:31

To: Anastasia Grey

That sounds like a proposition, Mrs. Grey.

Christian Grey

CEO, yes it is hard, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

From: Anastasia Grey

Subject: Ohhhh Mr. Grey

Date: May 14, 2018 08:33

To: Christian Grey

It's a date.

A ;) Later.

From: Christian Grey

Subject: I'll put it on my calendar

Date: May 14, 2018 08:33

To: Anastasia Grey

I'll call you this evening.

Christian Grey

CEO I'm up for it, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

From: Anastasia Grey

Subject: I have to go…

Date: May 14, 2018 08:35

To: Christian Grey

…feed your spawn.

Ana

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Kiss said spawn for me

Date: May 14, 2018 08:37

To: Anastasia Grey

Bye, Baby.

Christian Grey

CEO, phone in hand, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

Oh my. Never a dull moment.

I hear a piercing scream coming from the direction of the den. Not a hurt scream a mad scream. Sounds like Grace.

"Mom!"

"Coming Teddy."

"Mom!" Teddy is sounding a little more urgent. "Grace is throwing a fit in here."

"She certainly is a handful, isn't she?" Bob smirks.

"I'm on my way." I yell back to Teddy. "You have no idea, Bob."

The kids are asleep after a full day of sand and surf. It is so nice to have a warm bath and get all the sand out of my nether regions. As I slide between the clean sheets…."Your Love is King", breaks the silence.

"Christian. Hi."

"Hi. How'd the day go?" he asks.

"The kids are half baked, but they are in bed and asleep. How was your day?"

"Usual mergers and acquisitions."

"Mmmmmmm. sounds intriguing."

"I may have to go to Taiwan later in the week or early next week. I'll need the jet. What day are you planning to come back?"

"Well, when will you be back from Taiwan?"

"Why?"

"Well, if you are going to be in Taiwan, we might just as well stay here for a while longer."

"I guess."

"Christian, are you okay?"

"Yeah. Just preoccupied".

"With what?"

"Just work, wife. I'm on top of it. Wish I were on top of you."

"That would be nice, Mr. Grey." Why do I feel closer to him when I'm away from him? If we were in the same room, he would be irritating the living hell out of me with that answer.

"Well, I think we have a date, don't we Mrs. Grey?"

"Yes I believe we do, Mr. Grey."

"What are you doing Mrs. Grey?"

"I'm in bed, Mr. Grey."

"Got you where I want you, then."

"Where are you, Mr. Grey?"

"I'm in a warm tub taking a bath."

"Are you washing everything? You know what a dirty boy you are."

" Yes. I have everything in hand…so to speak. Where are your hands, baby?"

"Oh, Christian, I want you."

"Baby. I can't wait for you to get home."

"Me too." Why am I doing this? The idea was for me to get away from him for a while. Damn him and his sexpertise. But then I made the date.

"Are you more relaxed, now, Mr. Grey?"

"Yes, Mrs. Grey. Thank you."

"It was all my pleasure, husband."

"I like to give you pleasure, wife."

"I wish you were here to hold me, Christian."

"Not as much as I do, Ana. I miss you so much. I don't know how much longer I can take being separated from you."

"I know Christian. I'm sorry. "

"I went to see John today." Christian mutters.

"You did? What did he have to say?"

"Not a lot. We just talked about me and my mood changes."

"They do change on a dime, Christian."

"I know. I'm going to work on that."

"Good. I like to hear that."

"What else did he have to say?"

"We talked about me holding in a lot of anger and ways I can let off steam that are, as he put it 'in a more positive direction'."

"I see. What did you think about that Christian?"

"I'm going to do whatever I have to do to make things better for you Ana. If that means working on myself then that's what I'll do. I want you back and I'll do what it takes to make that happen."

"You know, Christian, you need to work on yourself for you not for me. Once you are happier then we will both be better. I think we need to work on ourselves so that we can be better together. Does that make sense?"

"Now you sound like John."

I giggle. "I'm sleepy now. May I go to sleep, sir?"

"That giggle is just what I needed to hear. Yes you may. Just make sure you dream of me."

"Always. Good night, Christian."

"Good night, baby. I love you."

"I love you."


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: All is well and returned to original content. Future chapters will be as written. **

**Thank you for your comments and kind words. **

**Chapter 12**

"Mrs. Grey."

"Yes."

"This is Amy Patterson."

"Oh, hello, Ms. Patterson". I can't bring myself to be friendly enough to call her Amy.

"Mrs. Grey. Have you heard from your husband?"

"Yes. We've spoken several times on the phone over the past couple of days. I am in Savannah right now. Why?"

"I see. Well I need to let you know that I still haven't received his signed copy of the separation agreement document."

"I see."

"Has he mentioned it to you?"

"No. He hasn't, but then I haven't asked him about it either."

"I've sent several letters to his attorneys but I can't seem to get a response."

"If I know my husband, Ms. Patterson, Christian has no intention of signing those papers. My guess is he has told his attorneys to ignore your letters as well. I would have thought that you would have known my husband well enough to know how he would respond to this, or not respond as the case may be."

"Ms. Grey, I tried very hard not to become that close to Mr. Grey."

Whatever.

"Look, Mrs. Grey. It is imperative that I get those signed papers back as soon as possible. Is there anything that you can do to encourage Mr. Grey to get them signed and returned to me?"

"Well, actually, no there isn't. One never ever tells Christian what to do. At least if one wants to make a clean get a way, one doesn't."

"I see. Well. I also need to let you know that I am withdrawing as your attorney from this case."

"Why? What has happened?" Damn you, Christian.

"Nothing, Mrs. Grey. It's just that after close consideration and review of the facts in the case, and consulting with my associates, I feel that this case may not be the best professional direction at this point in my career. I will stay until the end of this week. If you can get those papers for me, I'll be glad to follow through and have them filed for you. Anything after noon on Friday, will be out of my hands, I'm afraid."

"I see. Ms. Patterson, what has Christian done to drive you off of my case?"

"I don't know what you mean, Mrs. Grey. Actually, I am due in court. If you will notify my office who your new counsel will be, I will be glad to forward him, or her, everything that I have concerning the case. It's been a pleasure Mrs. Grey."

"Thank you. Goodbye, Ms. Patterson." My blackberry falls out of my hand and to the floor.

I'm speechless. Speechless, but not totally surprised. "Christian Grey, I'm going to kill you."

I sit down on the bed and put my face in my hands and cry out of sheer frustration. Now what am I going to do?

"Ana." Christian's voice is very business- like.

"Christian, what have you done?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know very well, what I mean, Christian Grey."

"I assure you I have no idea what you are talking about, Ana."

Okay, it's formal Christian. "I just got a call from Ms. Patterson. She informed me that A), you haven't signed the separation agreement papers and B) She is withdrawing as my attorney. What did you do to her?"

Christian puts his hand over the phone, "Excuse me for one moment gentlemen."

After a moment, Christian returns to the phone. "I assure you I did nothing to Ms. Patterson, Ana. And as far as the papers go, I have no intention of signing them."

"Christian, why not?" I know I sound angry, but I am angry.

Split second switch to mad Christian. "Because I don't want a fucking separation. That's why. Ana, there is no way in this fucking world that I am going to agree to a legal separation."

"Christian. You make me so angry." What can I say?

"'I'm sorry that you feel that way, but the answer is, and will always be, not no, but hell no."

"Fuck you, Christian Grey. Go to hell. Go to fucking Taiwan and stay there." I slam the phone down. Well, that was mature, Ana.

Well it looks like I will need to locate another attorney. Should I call Kate again? Shit!

I'm lying on my bed staring at the ceiling. Thinking….and crying. I haven't heard from Christian, since I hung up on him. He didn't even call before he went to Taiwan. That's not like him. We've never gone this long without talking. What's going on with him? He is acting so strange. I know things are difficult between us right now, but this just isn't like him. Something is going on with him, I just can't get him to tell me what it is. Maybe I should break down and call him. But he shouldn't have interfered with my attorney. Damn him, he just has to be so in control all the time.

But do I really want to just give it all up? Do I throw away what we have without even trying to make things work? I don't want to give up on us. I want to fight. I would never forgive myself if I threw it all away without at least trying….

"Ana, honey?" I know that tone in her voice. Something is up her sleeve.

"Yes, mom." I wander into the kitchen to see what she wants.

"Sweetie, since you are going to be here for a while…."

"Mom, I'm not sure how long we are going to stay. At least until Christian is back from Taiwan. I'm not sure how long he is going to be there."

"Okay. Is something wrong, honey? Look I haven't wanted to ask you, but it's just not like you to be separated from Christian for this long at a time. Are you two having problems?"

"I really don't want to get into it right now, mom. But yes there are some issues we are dealing with right now."

"I thought I detected something. You haven't looked happy since you got here, but I thought you were just missing Christian. You two never stay apart for very long at a time."

"I know. Yes I do miss him." I go around and take a seat at the kitchen table. "Mom, do you ever feel overwhelmed? Like your life is out of control and you can't do anything about it?"

"Honey. Is that what's wrong?"

"That's part of it."

"Baby, you have two small children and you are married to a very powerful man. The only way you aren't going to feel overwhelmed and run over is to start standing up for yourself."

Mom comes over and sits at the table across from me. "Sweetie. You haven't been yourself for a while now. Since you married Christian, I've watched you take a backseat to him more and more. When you first got married you never took anything off of him. When he threw something at you, you threw it right back at him" She smiles over at me. "I think that is one of the things he loved about you."

"I know I did. I just don't know what happened to me, Mom?" I start to weep and she comes around the table and puts her arm around me and hugs me.

"Ana, you are a very bright, beautiful, educated young woman. I know how much you love Christian. Christian is a very kind, gracious, loving man. I also know that Christian can be very overwhelming, overbearing, frustrating, demanding…"

"I get it Mom, he can be an asshole."

"Well, I don't use that word, but yes, what you said."

"Over time I have watched you bend to him more and more. I've watched the light go out of your eyes, Ana. It hurts me so much to see the change in you. What happened? Was it having the children so early?"

"Oh, no Mom. It's not the children. I just think over the years I have allowed myself to be the brunt of Christian's anger and frustrations."

"My mother's voice gets very quiet, "Has he hit you, Ana?"

"Oh, gosh, Mom, no." Well actually he has, but with my permission. "Nothing like that."

"You know I've never talked about Steve. We had those issues. I was too embarrassed to talk about it, especially to you. That's why I didn't protest when you wanted to move back to live with Ray."

I look at her horrified, "Mom, you never said anything. I never knew."

"I know honey. I never wanted you to know. I just got out of it as quickly and as quietly as possible."

I hug her. "Oh, Mom. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, baby. It only happened a few times. I knew right away I wasn't going to let that happen again. It took a lot of guts to leave, because I was so in love with that man. But I decided I wasn't going to allow anyone treat me like that and take away my self-esteem, my pride. And I certainly wasn't going to let anyone hit me. Besides it hurt. It wasn't easy to do, Ana. But it got better in time and it was the best decision I ever made."

"Do you have any decisions to make, Ana?" Mom looks at me sympathetically.

"I'm thinking about things."

"Well, Ana, remember you have gotten used to a certain lifestyle over the past few years and you have two children to take care of. That's something to take in to consideration."

"Mom. You know Christian didn't let me sign a prenuptial agreement don't you?"

"I recall you mentioning something about it. Why?"

"Well, Mom, that means that right now I own at least 50% of everything Christian has. If we divorce I could walk away with several billion dollars."

"Billion?" She looks horrified.

"Billion. With a 'B'. A big 'B'. A really. Big. 'B'."

"Ana I had no idea."

"It's not something I talk about, Mom. I have never been with Christian for the money. I love him, Mom."

"Anyway, I'm thinking about things. I'm seeing a therapist and he has put me on some medication. That's helping a lot."

"Well, that's a good start. You stay as long as you want to, sweetie. You take all the time you need. I'm here if I can do anything to help you. But, knowing you as I do, you will make this decision all on your own."

"Thanks, mom. You're a good friend." I throw her a weak smile.

"Anytime, baby."

"Now, why I called you in here. Bob wants to take us to dinner at the club tonight. I've called the girl next door and she has agreed to take care of the children for a few hours tonight. We are going to go out and have a nice dinner and a few drinks and put all this behind us for a few hours."

"Mom, I don't know how Christian would feel about me leaving the children with a babysitter."

"Is Christian here?"

"No."

"Are those your children?"

"Well, yes, but..."

"No buts. It's time for you to go out and enjoy yourself for a little while."

"Well, I guess I could ask Sawyer to stay around here and make sure the children are okay while we're gone."

"Well if you must, then let's do it. Go look in your closet and pick out something pretty to wear."

"Thanks, Mom. I love you."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

"I think I'll have the Lobster Thermidor. Baked potato, butter and sour cream, spring greens salad with the blush wine vinaigrette. And a glass of Chardonnay. If I were with Christian, he would be ordering a bottle of Bollinger. But, Christian isn't here. Mom and Bob are having the best time. Mom is in her element. She looks so pretty and happy. I'm quite uneasy, though. Bob invited one of his golf buddies, Paul Sanders, to join us for dinner. Christian would go ballistic if he ever found out.

Paul is very distinguished looking. He is 40ish. Not extremely tall, maybe 5'11". He has neatly trimmed brown hair that is beginning to show the first signs of gray and intense blue eyes. He has an athletic build. He is wearing khaki slacks with a crisp pleat down the front, a white shirt open at the collar and a nice navy sport jacket. No tie. And leather slip-ons on his feet. He is well mannered and gracious. He seems to have a good sense of humor and an all-round good, catch.

"Tell me, Ana. How long do you plan to stay in Savannah?" Paul asks.

"Well, I'm not really sure right now. It depends on several things."

"I see. Bob tells me you worked in publishing."

"Yes. After I graduated, I worked for SIP in Seattle and became a full editor there."

"Well, I just happen to own South Atlantic Publishing, here in Savannah. And I know for a fact that we are looking for new editors. Who have you worked with?"

"Well, I worked with Boyce Fox and we had good luck with his things."

"I should say so. I'm very familiar with his work. I'd really be interested in talking to you. That is if you decide to stay in Savannah."

"I'd be quite interested, Paul. Thank you. I'll let you know if my plans change."

My mother excuses herself to go to the ladies room, "Ana would you like to powder your nose?"

"Well, I guess I can." I reluctantly follow her.

"Excuse us gentlemen." My mom. Always the lady.

"Ana, I think he is interested in you. He seems quite attentive." Mom looks like a school girl discussing boys.

"Mom, I'm a married woman with two children. Please don't push this." I will admit I'm a little flattered that someone so attractive is showing some interest in an old married lady. Maybe I would like to go back to work. I will say the evening has been interesting. Not just another charity function with a lot of boring millionaires throwing their money around. I hope Christian never finds out about this. But then I'm not doing anything wrong. This is just a friend of my parent's having dinner with us. Not some skanky submissive with a bondage contract.

We return to the table. Mom announces, "Bob, I'm getting tired, perhaps we should go."

"Oh, no not so soon," Paul says. "I'm just getting to know your lovely daughter, Carla."

"Well, just because we need to go, doesn't mean Ana, has to go." Mom looks down at me, "Why don't you stay and enjoy the rest of the evening, honey."

I look at her with daggers shooting from both eyes. "Oh, I think I'd better go as well. "

Paul stands, "Ana I'd be happy to drive you home if you want to stay and have another drink."

"Thank you, Paul, but I really should get back."

"Nonsense, Ana. Bob and I will take care of the kids. "You stay and we'll see you later." Gee, thanks Mom.

"Okay, maybe just a quick drink. Then I really do have to get home." I have no idea how to get out of this gracefully.

Sawyer isn't going to like this, and there isn't a way in hell, Christian won't find out.

Paul is quite an interesting person. He not only owns a publishing company, but he is quite the animal welfare activist. He plays polo and sails in his spare time, besides golfing. He sits on several corporation boards in Atlanta, New York and Houston. He was married once, but has been divorced for 10 years and has two teenage daughters. Quite a catch it seems. I'm not fishing.

He seems interested in me, and asks tons of questions about my education, my work experience, who we knew in common. He asks about the children and he gives me lots of advice on raising teenage daughters.

I stay for one more drink and all I can think about is how much I miss Christian. I wish Christian were sitting across the table instead of Paul.

"Well, Ana, would you like to take a walk out on the terrace. The Atlantic ocean is beautiful by moonlight."

Yes, so is the Pacific. And Lake Washington is literally in my back yard. I want to tell him, but I keep my mouth shut. I still haven't told him who my husband is. Wonder if he knows? Oh, well. I won't mention it, at least not right now.

"Paul, I really need to get home."

"Oh, come Ana. Just a quick stroll on the terrace."

I really feel uncomfortable. Christian is the only man I've ever had any experience with. I'm not sure how to handle myself in a situation like this. I don't know how to get out of it gracefully, so I agree to a short walk.

"Ana. I have enjoyed meeting you tonight. You are a very interesting woman and I'd really enjoy seeing you again."

"Paul. That's very sweet and I am flattered, but I'm afraid I'm married. I have a husband."

"Oh, I see. I got the impression from Carla, that you were separated from your husband."

"Well, we do have papers drawn up, but neither of us has signed anything yet."

"I see. Well, as long as the intent to separate is there, there couldn't be any harm."

'"Paul, I wouldn't feel comfortable going out with you, or anyone for that matter, while I'm still a married woman."

"I understand. That's very admirable of you, Ana. That's not something you see much of these days."

"Paul stops, and grabs my waist, pulling me to him. Ana, I really don't care if you're married or not. I'm interested in you. You are a beautiful, intelligent woman. You are fun to be around and I would like to spend some time with you." Paul leans in as if he is going to kiss me.

Oh, Christian, how did I get myself into this mess? "Paul, don't." Christian, please come and save me, like you did with Jose.

"I'd really like to kiss you, Ana. You are so beautiful."

"Paul. I mean it. I'm married and I'm not entirely sure that I don't still love my husband."

Paul releases his hold on me, "I see. I'm sorry Ana. I just hoped that maybe I could convince you to go out with me."

"Paul. I really am flattered, and I would be more than interested if I were free, but I'm not."

"Well, if things change, please let me know."

"Thank you, Paul."

"I'll take you home now."

Paul escorts me to his Lexus convertible and opens the passenger door for me. He gets in the driver's side and we head for the house. The drive is a long quiet one.

Then Paul breaks the silence, "Ana, I really am sorry if I misunderstood your situation. I didn't mean to make any unwelcomed advances toward you."

"I know. Thank you, Paul. I'm sorry if my mother gave you the wrong impression of my situation."

We arrive at the house and Paul gets out and comes around to open my car door. He holds out his hand to help me out of the car and walks me to the door."

"It's been a pleasure, Ana."

"Thank you again, Paul."

"Perhaps sometime in the future, then."

"Perhaps. And thank you again."

I walk inside and have never been so glad to be home.

I dial Christian. I have an overwhelming need to talk to him.

"Ana."

"Hi, Christian. I haven't heard from you. I didn't know if you were back from Taiwan or not."

"Yes. I got back this morning." He is being very short.

"Christian, is something wrong? No Ana. Nothing for you to worry about."

"Christian, something is wrong. What is it ?"

"Nothing, Ana."

"Christian Grey. I know your voice and I can tell, when something is troubling you."

"Drop it, Ana."

"Christian."

"What, Ana."

"Christian…I'm sorry I hung up on you the last time we talked."

"Why are you sorry?"

"Christian, I was just very angry. And I just handled it badly."

"Thank you."

"You can make me so angry, sometimes, Christian."

"I understand."

"Christian. "

"Yes, Ana."

"Are you at home?"

"I'm at Escala, if that's what you mean."

"Yes that's what I meant."

"Christian."

He sighs, "What is it , Ana?"

"Did you have a pleasant trip?"

"It was business, it wasn't meant to be pleasant. But I accomplished what I went there to do. Did you have a pleasant evening, Ana?"

**SHIT! **

"I went out to dinner with Bob and Mom. Bob took us out to the club."

"Really. Have you met anyone interesting since you've been down there?"

"What do you mean interesting, Christian?"

"Oh, I don't know. I'm sure Bob and Carla have some friends that might be of interest to you."

"No not really. Bob did invite one of his golf buddies to have a drink with us this evening. I wouldn't call him interesting. Christian, why did you ask me if I had a pleasant evening?"

"I called Sawyer several hours ago to get a security update and he said you were out with your parents."

"So you called Sawyer, but you didn't call me?"

"I thought you wanted to be separated from me, Ana. In fact, the last time we spoke, you told me to go to hell, if memory serves me correctly. People who are separated don't stay in contact every day."

"Oh... Well... I guess, I thought that if we weren't formally separated yet, then we were still together, so you might still call me." My voice sounds like a lost little girl.

"Is that what you want, Anastasia?"

Anastasia! Wow. This is serious.

"Christian.'"

"Yes, Ana."

"Would you possibly, be coming to Savannah any time soon?"

"Would you like me to come to Savannah, Anastasia?"

"Yes, I think I would like that, Christian."

"When would you like me to come to Savannah, Anastasia?"

"When can you come?"

"Well, I have some business to take care of in the morning, but I could probably be there tomorrow evening around dinner time."

"Oh, could you, Christian?"

"Yes, Ana. I could."

"I miss you, Christian."

Christian sighs and lets down his guard, "I miss you too, baby."

"The kids really want to see you."

"I want to see my kids, too. I'm really tired of coming back to this fucking apartment by myself every night."

"I know. I think we need to talk, Christian. This whole mess is just tearing us, the kids and everyone concerned apart. "

"I'm not thrilled about it either."

"I know, Christian."

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow evening, then."

"Christian."

"Yes, Ana."

"I love you."

There is a long pause, "I love you too, Baby."

"Always."

"Always, Ana."

"Sleep well, Christian."

"Ana, I never sleep well without you."

"We'll fix it." Tears begin to fall down my cheeks and my voice begins to tremble.

"Ana. Baby don't cry. Please don't cry."

"I'm not."

"Mrs. Grey, I know you better than that. I can tell when you are crying. I want to be there with you, baby."

"I wish you could, Mr. Grey. Be careful, tomorrow, Christian. Have a safe trip."

"Nothing will keep me from getting to you, baby."

"Call me before you leave?"

"Absolutely."

"Okay."

"Better, Mrs. Grey?"

"I won't be better until you're here."

"You'll may make me cry, Mrs. Grey,"

"You're in my heart, Christian. In good times and in bad, I will share your joy as well as your sorrow, I will love you unconditionally, support you in your goals and dreams, honor and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, share my hopes and dreams with you and bring you solace in times of need and cherish you as long as we both shall live."

I hear Christian trying to clear his throat. His voice is husky. "I'll see you tomorrow. I love you."

"Bye,"

"Morning, mom."

"Well, did you have a good time last night honey?"

"Mom, please don't ever do that to me again." I give her the look.

"I just thought it might be good for you, Ana. You know, there's nothing like a little male attention to lift the spirits."

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, well if Christian Grey ever finds out, we'll all be a world of hurt."

I put my arm around my mother and hug her, "I know what you did, Mom. And thanks. Christian will be here for dinner tonight."

"She smiles up at me. Sometimes we moms know what we're doing."

"Will I ever be that smart?"

"Probably."

"Hey, Mom. Come here quick." Teddy yells from the den.

"What is it Teddy? Mom's moving kind of slow this morning."

"Hurry. It's Dad. He's on TV."

My heart stops. I turn to run into the den and just as I do, Sawyer appears through the back door and grabs my arm.

"Mrs. Grey I will need you and the children to come with me."


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

**A/N: Thank you for all of the kind words and encouragement****. ****Christian and Ana continue their journey. **

I turn and stare directly into Sawyer's eyes. "Mrs. Grey." He says to me sternly.

"Sawyer let me go; I need to get to my son."

I race into the den to see Teddy sitting in front of the TV, still in his PJs. He looks up at me with worried little gray eyes. "Mom, what's going on? I don't understand." I look up at the TV to see a female reporter with a blonde bob haircut delivering a news piece. I turn the sound up to hear"… Grey was 35 years old."

WHAT!

My heart is beating out of my chest "Teddy run to your room and get dressed, Honey." My eyes are glued to the television.

"But, Mom. What's going on with daddy?"

"I'm trying to find out sweetheart." Oh, my God. What does that mean, '_Grey was 35 years_ _old_'? Please God. Please, let Christian be okay.

My hands are shaking so badly I can hardly hold the remote, but I frantically race through the channels trying to find out what is going on. Finally, I see Christian's picture come on the screen of CNN. There is a female reporter standing in front of Harborview Trauma Center in Seattle.

"Mom." Teddy whines.

"Ssshh. Please Teddy. Mom will you please take Teddy and help him get dressed?" I can't let him hear this.

The reporter continues…."Billionaire business man and philanthropist, Christian Trevelyan-Grey of Seattle, was shot early this morning in his office at Grey House, at the corporate headquarters of Grey Enterprises Holdings in down town Seattle, in an apparent suicide/murder attempt. The reported assailant is Seattle attorney Mark Jernigan. Jernigan was able to gain entrance to Grey's office as he is a staff attorney at GEH. Jernigan apparently held Mr. Grey at gunpoint for over an hour before security at the building and police could gain entrance to Grey's office. As security and police entered, Jernigan shot Grey and then turned the gun on himself. Jernigan's injuries were fatal. Jernigan was the husband of prominent Seattle attorney, Amy Patterson. It has been rumored that Grey had been romantically linked to Patterson for a short while, however we cannot confirm that. Grey remains at Harborview Trauma Center in critical condition."

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! "Mrs. Grey." I hear Sawyer's voice. Tears begin to spill down my cheeks. All I can think about is Christian.

"Sawyer, I have to get to Seattle. Right now! Where is the plane?"

"Ma'am. Taylor has grounded all Grey aircraft."

"I don't give a damn, what Taylor has done. Where is the fucking plane?"

"I believe it is at Sea-Tac, Ma'am."

"It will take too long to fly here and then fly back. Can you rent me a private jet to get me back to Seattle?"

"Ma'am. Taylor has given strict instructions that you and the children are to remain…"

Sawyer's phone rings, "Yes, T. I am with Mrs. Grey and the children now…..yes….I understand….but she insists…."

I grab the phone out of his hand, "Taylor what is going on?"

"Mrs. Grey. Mr. Grey has been shot. The bullet entered his chest and has lodged near his spine. He is in surgery now. That's all I know."

"Taylor. Get me home."

"Mrs. Grey. Mr. Grey had a pre-determined plan in place in case of this type of situation. It is his expressed instruction that you and the children not travel, no matter what the circumstances."

"Taylor. I don't care. I am on my way to Seattle. You can help me or I can do it by myself. If I have to do it by myself you will suffer the consequences later. Am I making myself clear?"

"Yes. Mrs. Grey."

"Now get me a fucking jet and get me home to my husband."

"I'll see what I can do to obtain transportation for you."

"Taylor, I don't care if you have to buy a fucking plane off of the runway. I'll write them a check for it. Just get me to Seattle."

"Yes, Mrs. Grey."

"And Taylor. You keep Christian alive until I get there. Do you understand?"

"I'll do my best, Mrs. Grey." I hand the phone back to Sawyer.

"Yes, T. … I understand…..remain with the children…..you'll let me know….got it." He hangs up.

"Mrs. Grey. Taylor will advise when we have obtained transportation for you back to Seattle. I will remain with the children."

"Thank you, Sawyer.'

"Yes, Mrs. Grey."

"Yes. This is Anastasia Grey, Mrs. Christian Grey. I am inquiring about the condition of my husband."

"I'm sorry, but we are not allowed to give out any information about Mr. Grey." I hear on the other end of the phone.

"But I am his wife. I have a right to know what is going on with my husband."

"I understand, but we have very strict instructions to give out absolutely no information on Mr. Grey, to anyone. No matter who is inquiring."

I slam the phone down. Damn it!

I push a button and dial Grace.

"Dr. Trevelyan-Grey."

"Grace."

"Oh, Ana, sweetheart," I can hear the fear in her voice.

"Grace. Please. Tell me. What is going on? How is Christian?"

"Oh, Anna. All I know is that he has been shot and is in surgery right now. Oh, my God. My baby. My little boy." I hear Grace fall apart.

I am trying with everything I have to hold myself together. I can't fall apart.

"Grace, I'm getting there as fast as I can. Grace?" All I can hear is sobbing on the other end of the phone.

"Ana. This is Carrick, honey."

"Carrick. How is Christian?"

"Well, we don't know much right now. We are here at the hospital, but they aren't telling us a lot."

"Carrick, I'm on my way home. You have my number. Please call me as soon as you hear anything."

"I will, sweetheart. How are the children?"

"They don't know anything yet. I'm going to leave them here with my mother."

"Okay, Ana. Safe travel."

"Carrick, don't let my husband die."

"If prayers help, then we're doing our best."

"I'll call you when I get to Seattle. Please call if you hear anything. Anything at all."

"Yes, Ana. We will. "

"Mother." I yell.

"Yes, Ana." She comes running into the den.

"Mom, something has happened to Christian."

"Is it serious, Ana? You look simply distraught."

"Yes, mom, it's pretty serious. I am going to have to get back to Seattle as quickly as I can. Taylor is trying to find a jet to get me there. Listen, can I leave the kids with you and Bob? Just until I can figure out what is going on?"

"Of course, Ana. We'll take good care of them."

"Thanks mom. Listen, they don't know what is going on and I don't want them to right now. I'll deal with things when it becomes necessary, but no sense in upsetting them right now."

"Goodness, Ana. You're pale as a ghost. What on earth has happened?"

"Someone has shot, Christian, Mom. I don't know why or how. I just know I have to get to him. I'll go talk to the kids. I know Teddy heard just enough to be upset."

Sawyer walks in, "Mrs. Grey."

"Yes Sawyer."

"Ma'am. Taylor has located a Gulfstream in Atlanta. They can have it here in about two hours. I can get you to the tarmac by then. Let me know when you are ready to go."

"Two hours?"

"Yes ma'am. They have to fuel up, and get a flight crew on board then fly here to pick you up."

"Okay. I'll be ready to go in about 45 minutes. Thank you."

I walk in to talk to the kids. Teddy is visibly upset and Grace is still in her PJs and playing in the floor. "Hi baby", I walk over and sit on the bed with Teddy.

"Mommy, what's going on? Is Daddy okay?"

"Well, sweetie, Daddy has been in an accident, but I think he is okay. I need to go back home to check on him and make sure."

Teddy looks like he is going to cry. I pull him to me and hug him. "Hey it's okay big boy. You know Daddy would never let anything happen to himself. He knows we need him too much."

"I know, but Mommy, I'm scared. I don't want Daddy to be hurt." He is my sensitive baby boy.

"Oh, me either, Baby." I start to cry and Teddy is crying. Grace looks up at us and even though she has no idea of what is going on, she sticks out her bottom lip, frowns up and her tears begin to flow.

"I bend down and pull her to my lap. Oh, sweet girl, don't cry." I kiss her head and rock her in my lap.

"Mommy will have to leave in just a few minutes and Grandma Carla is going to look after you while I am gone, okay?"

"Don't go mommy. What if something happens to you and you can't come back?" Teddy begs.

"Baby, I have to. But I'll call you every day and I'll be back for you as soon as I can." I know he's scared that something will happen to me. He must feel so vulnerable right now. He doesn't know if he is going to lose his daddy and he doesn't want to lose me, too. "I'll be fine Teddy. And you'll see Daddy soon."

"And, you, Miss Grace. You be a big girl for Grandma Carla." She really starts to scream now and clings to me like she is welded to me.

I get up and go into the bedroom, to pack a few things and get dressed to leave. I throw on some clothes and brush my teeth. My blackberry rings.

I push a button on my phone,"Ana"

"Kate. Have you heard anything?"

"No. I was just checking to see if you had. Elliott says they aren't telling anyone much of anything. Are you coming back to Seattle?"

"Yes, Sawyer has procured a jet for me and I take off in about an hour and a half."

"Do you need someone to meet you at the airport?"

"I think Taylor is supposed to pick me up and take me directly to the hospital."

"Kate do you have any idea what happened? You work for the paper; I just thought that you might have heard something."

"Not too much. I heard that this Jernigan was trying to blackmail Christian."

"Why?"

"Ana are you sure you want to know everything right now?"

"Yes Kate. I need to know what I'm dealing with."

"Well it seems that Jernigan's wife was Amy Patterson. Ana I'm so sorry for sending you to her."

"Kate you couldn't have known."

"Well, from what I hear, she had some sort of relationship with Christian. Is that what happened, Ana? Was Christian fucking around with Amy Patterson?"

"I wouldn't say fucking around, but I did walk in on something."

"Oh, Ana. How awful."

"We can talk about that later. Finish telling me what you know."

"Well seems that Jernigan found out about it. And he was trying to black mail Christian over it. Evidently, it was something more than an affair. Something Christian wouldn't have wanted to get out. Ana were Christian and Amy into some of that weird shit that he did before you were married?"

"Kate I really don't want to get into all of it right now. I just wanted to have some idea of what was going on. I knew something was wrong. Christian had been acting so strange the last few times I talked to him and Amy called me to withdraw as my attorney. I guess this would explain it. I can't talk anymore Kate. I have to get ready to leave. Call me if you hear anything? Okay?"

"Sure thing, Ana. See you soon."

"Bye Kate."

"Bye"

I sit in the plane and stare out of the window. The world looks so small from up here. It makes me feel removed from everything below. Tears continue to roll down my cheeks. What if something happens and Christian doesn't make it? How in the fuck can I live without him? How do we keep getting in these life and death situation with his subs? He is going to get rid of this lifestyle he indulges in or I can't continue with him. I can't continue like this. And I refuse to have my children caught up in all of this sordid mess.

As we are making our descent into Seattle, the world becomes larger and closer again and once more I am thrust into this awful situation. The plane pulls up to the hanger and Taylor is standing out on the tarmac waiting for me. I disembark and he greets me. "Mrs. Grey. I'll get your bags."

"Don't bother. I didn't bring anything but this overnight bag." I tell him as I rush to the SUV.

Taylor opens the door for me and I slide into the back seat and buckle myself in.

Taylor gets in the driver's seat and we start our trip to the trauma center. I catch Taylor's eye in the rear view mirror. "Taylor, I'm sorry I was short with you this morning. I didn't mean it."

"I understand Mrs. Grey. We're all operating under a strain right now."

"Thank you. How is Gail?"

"Good, Ma'am. Worried, but good."

"Taylor, you know I would never fire you, don't you?"

"We are all stressed out right now, Mrs. Grey."

"Thank you for getting me to Seattle."

"Welcome, Mrs. Grey." His voice softens and his eyes meet mine again in the rear view mirror.

"Have you heard anything more on Mr. Grey's condition?"

"I believe he is out of surgery, ma'am, but he is still critical. It's touch and go."

"I see."

I am barely holding it together. I just want to see Christian. I need to see him and touch him.

We pull up at the trauma center and Taylor deposits me at the entrance. "I'll park the car ma'am and then meet you inside. He's in surgical ICU."

"Thank you, Taylor."


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

I stop at the desk and frantically ask for directions to the SICU. I walk down the hall toward the elevators. They are so slow and there are so many people using them. They stop on every floor to let people off and collect new ones. Finally I'm at my floor. I get off the elevator and as I walk toward the SICU, my pace picks up until I am running toward the unit. I reach the desk and tell them that I am Christian's wife. Oddly, they ask for identification before I can go in. I show the nurse my driver's license and see Grace walking toward me.

"Ana."

"Grace, how is he?"

"He's alive."

"I need to see him." I am almost sobbing.

"I know dear, I just want you to be prepared. He looks pretty bad right now. There are a lot of tubes running in and out and he is on a ventilator. They have him in an artificially induced coma right now to keep him from fighting the vent."

"I just want to see him."

Finally the nurse gives me permission to go in and I follow her as she shows me to his bed. I'm not prepared for what I see. I stop in my tracks and my breath catches. The tears begin to flow and I put my hand to my mouth to catch my sob from being audible.

I walk over to him and touch his hand. "Oh, Christian. I'm here, Baby." He looks so small and vulnerable, so beaten up, so broken. I run my fingers through his copper hair which is still matted with blood. His blood. "Christian, I know you can hear me. I'm here, baby. It's Ana, I'm here. I'm not leaving you." I can't stop the heaving in my chest and the tears that stream down my face. "I'm staying right here. Christian, it's Ana." I sit in the chair beside him and hold his hand in mine and rub my lips over his hand. "I'm here Christian." I sit and stare into the face of my husband, my lover, father of my children. He looks so broken. But I will not let him die. He will not leave me. I will not spend my life without this man.

"Ana." I feel someone tap me on the shoulder. I have fallen asleep with my head on my arms which re crossed in front of me on Christian's bed. I stir and look up.

"Christian," I say as I jump awake. "Oh, Grace. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep. "Grace looks so tired and drawn and her face is swollen from crying.

"Ana, honey it's late. Do you want something to eat?"

I shake my head. "No thank you."

"You really should eat something."

"I can't. How is Christian?"

"He's holding on. It's still touch and go, but it's encouraging that he is still with us."

I look at my sweet husband. And I want to fall apart.

"Mrs. Grey" the nurse says to me. She is young maybe in her mid-twenties. Her dark blonde hair is pulled back into a pony tail. She has very little makeup on and her face is sweet and innocent looking. She has a soft voice and she has been kind and supportive to me. Her name is Barbara, I believe. "Mrs. Grey, it's late and it's time for you to leave."

"I'm not leaving him, I tell her."

"Mrs. Grey, he needs to rest. There are lounge chairs in the overnight room down the hall and you can make one out into a bed if you want to stay."

"No mean I'm not leaving this chair. I'm going to be here until he wakes up. Right here. I'm not moving. He needs me to be here."

"Mrs. Grey. I'm afraid it's against SICU rules. You can't stay."

Grace breaks in, "Ana, honey, you really can't stay."

"Well, I'm going to. If I have to buy the hospital, I will. But I'm not moving."

Grace, motions to the nurse to walk with her and leave me alone.

"Christian, Baby. Can you hear me? I'm right here, Christian. I won't let them make me leave. I'll never leave you, Christian. I love you, baby." I begin to sob and the tears fall on his hand that I am still holding.

The rest of the night passes slowly. I think I will go insane listening to the constant beep of the heart monitor and whooshing sound of the ventilator that is helping him to breath. The stream of nurses coming over to check IV lines, pulse oximeters, ventilator settings, catheters, bandages, feeding tubes, chest tubes and vital sign continues through the night. Christian still lies motionless and I am still holding his hand. Finally light begins to flow through the windows in the SICU and the unit begins to come to life. The shift of nurses and staff changes. I hear Barbara give report to Christian's day nurse and she tells her not to try to make me leave. I feel a little relieved that I don't have to fight that battle again.

A doctor walks into the unit followed by a gaggle of residents in tow making their morning rounds. They are all in blue scrubs and white lab coats. They come over to Christian's bed and I get up from my chair to give them room to check him over anxious to find out what is going on and how he is. The doctor greets me, "Hello Mrs. Grey. I am Dr. Reynolds. I performed the surgery on your husband." I shake his offered hand. It's a firm reassuring handshake.

Dr. Reynolds is a middle aged man in his late 50's probably. He is of average height with prematurely gray hair that could use a cut and a gray moustache. He could lose about 40 pounds, but he is warm and amiable. I like him immediately.

"I see. How is he Dr. Reynolds?"

"Well, Mrs., Grey, will you walk with me?"

I don't want to leave Christian, but I follow his instructions and we walk and talk about Christian.

"I don't like to talk around a patient's bed. I feel like he can hear us even though he is in a coma."

I remember when I was in a coma and I could pick up on conversations even though I was unconscious.

"Mrs. Grey, I won't lie to you. I believe in being upfront and honest with my patients." I nod in agreement.

"Yes. Please doctor." I insist.

"Mr. Grey is in very serious condition. The bullet entered his chest and tore his Aorta; he lost a great deal of blood. So much so, that he arrested twice on the table during surgery. It punctured his left lung and ruptured his spleen. We had to remove his spleen. The bullet is lodged dangerously close to his spinal cord. So close that we can't risk trying to take it out. I can't tell you if there is any damage to his spinal cord yet. If he wakes up, I can't tell you right now what condition he will be in. He could make a full recovery or he may never have any sensation below his waist."

"What do you mean 'IF' he wakes up?"

"Mrs. Grey, Mr. Grey is still far from being out of the woods, yet. All we can do is wait and hope for the best. I wish I had better news." I'm stunned. I had no idea it was this bad. I had no idea Christian had arrested twice.

"Thank you doctor." I have so many questions, but I'm too stunned to think of anything to ask him.

"Mrs. Grey, You won't be any good to Mr. Grey if you wear yourself out. The best thing you can do for him is to eat something and get some sleep. This is going to be marathon not a sprint. You are going to need your stamina."

I smile and nod at him. "Thank you."

I see Grace and Carrick walking into the SICU. It looks like they have been home to bathe and change. Grace puts her arms around me and embraces me, "How are you, Ana? "

"Dr. Reynolds was just in to see him. Grace I had no idea it was this bad." I break down and begin to sob. " I'm just numb right now. I don't know how to feel. "

"Ana, you need some sleep and some food."

"I know, but I'm just not hungry. Actually, what I need is to call the children. I told them I would call every day. I don't want Teddy to worry and think I've abandoned them."

Grace puts her arm around me." Okay darling. Carry and I will stay with Christian for a while. Tell the children that we love them."

I nod."I will Grace. Come and get me if he anything changes?"

"Of course we will."

I walk out to the terrace and sit down to get a little air. I take out my phone and dial mom's house.

"Hi, mom."

"Honey, how is Christian?"

"Oh, Mom. It's not good. It's just not good at all. " I begin to sob into the phone.

"Honey do you need me?"

"Yes, but I feel better knowing the kids are with you. At least I won't have to worry about them and can concentrate of Christian."

"Can I speak to them?" I try to gather myself so I won't scare my children.

"Just a minute." I hear mom call for Teddy and Grace.

"Mom!" I hear Teddy's little voice.

"Hey sweetie."

"How's Daddy?"

"Well, he's been sleeping since I got here, but he seems to be okay. He's just kind of sick right now, Baby. How are you and Grace making out?"

"Okay, I guess. Grace is driving me crazy, Mom."

"What's she doing, honey?"

"Oh, you know she's just being a pain."

I smile, "I know Teddy. She can be difficult at times, but take care of her for me. Can I talk to her? And Teddy. I love you, Baby."

"I love you too, Mom. Here Grace, Mom wants to talk to you." My mother holds the phone up to Grace's ear.

"Grace? Baby, its mommy. How's my girl?"

"Mamaaa….", and she begins to cry.

Mom gets back on the phone. "Ana, I think she is just tired and cranky. She'll be okay."

"Okay. I have to go now, Mom. I'll call tomorrow."

"Ana." Have you let Ray know about Christian?"

"No, Mom. I haven't thought that far."

"Do you want me to tell him?"

"Would you? Just tell him I'll call as soon as I have any news?"

"Sure sweetie. Take care of yourself." Thanks, Mom. Kiss the kids for Christian and me. Bye Mom."

God. I'm so tired. The plane trip and sitting in that chair all night. I need to get some rest, but I won't leave him. I remember how I felt after that Jack Hyde incident. When I woke up, Christian was there. He took such good care of me. He wouldn't leave me.

What would I ever do without him? I feel like I've been with him my entire life. He is such a part of me. We can work all of the problems out. I know we can. He just needs to wake up so we can get started on the rest of or life.

I wearily get up and head back to the SICU. Grace and Carrick are at his bedside. They look so tired. I don't think I could bare it if anything happened to Teddy or Grace. I can't imagine what they must be feeling. I walk over to Christian's bed side and Carrick puts his arm around me and gives me a reassuring hug. Carrick and I haven't been extremely close, but I like him and his attitude toward me has softened over the years. Being an attorney, he was definitely opposed to Christian not making me sign a prenuptial before we got married. I could understand his concern, but it bothered me all the same. I'm sure other family members had the same concerns, but they didn't voice it like Carrick did.

Grace has always been in my corner. Her only concern was that she wanted Christian to be happy. I seemed to be so relieved to find out that he wasn't alone, that he had finally found someone to care about, and someone to care about him. Then there are the children. I think she was so happy that Christian had children, that he finally had his own family.

Grace is sitting in the chair beside his bed. I put my hand on her shoulder and she looks up at me. She stands up and we walk a few feet away to talk."Did you reach the kids?" she asks.

"Yes. They seem to be fine, under the circumstances. I just want Christian to wake up and come home so the kids can come home and we can all be together."

"I know, dear. Hopefully soon." Grace wipes the tears from her eyes. She holds his hand. "This is my baby. This is my little boy. He's had such a difficult road in life. Lord knows he wasn't the easiest child to raise. But he grew into a fine man. I'm so proud of him."

"Grace. What's your opinion on all this? What do you think his prognosis is? Dr. Reynolds wasn't all that encouraging."

"Well, Ana. Dr. Reynolds is very good and he's very honest. He won't gloss over things. He'll tell you exactly what the situation is. Right now, I agree with him. It's really too early to tell. Once he stabilizes, we may know more. The longer he stays with us, the better his chances are."

"Thanks."

"Ana, if we brought you some food would you eat?" grace asks.

"Yes. I'm getting so tired."

'You should try to get some rest. Carry and I can sit with Christian for a while."

"Thanks, but I doubt I could rest."

"Okay. Elliott will be over later and I'll have him stop and pick up some food. Anything you want to eat?"

I shake my head. "Anything's fine."

I resume my position in the chair beside Christian' bed. I can't believe this has happened. I look up at my husband and remember the confident CEO, the controlled dominate, the tender father and the loving husband. The Christian lying in the bed looks like none of them. He is quiet, motionless, depending on machines and specialists to keep him alive. How will I survive if he is taken from me?

The routine remains the same. Sitting, waiting, hoping, praying. The constant stream of doctors, nurses, therapists. The noise of all the machines working in the background. It's been 2 days now and there is no change in my husband. How long can he stay like this? I guess no change is better than a change for the worse. At least he is still alive.

"Excuse me Mrs. Grey." I hear a soft familiar voice. I look up into the eyes of Taylor. I stand up and give him a hug. "Taylor. It's so good to see you. How is Gail?"

"She's been crying a lot ma'am. She misses you and Mr. Grey and of course the children."

"Please thank her for her me. I certainly miss her. How are you doing, Taylor?"

"Well enough ma'am. I want to apologize for letting this happen, Mrs. Grey." He looks at the floor while speaking.

"Taylor. This isn't your fault. Please don't think that it is." I put my hand on his and squeeze it. His fingers are stubby and hairy and his skin is rough, but he squeezes back in a reassuring way.

"I shouldn't have let Mr. Grey meet with Mr. Jernigan. I knew nothing good was going to come of it. I advised him not to do it, but he insisted."

"Taylor. When has anyone ever told Christian what to do? He makes up his own mind and doesn't pay attention to what anyone else says. I think Christian got himself into this. It's just not your fault."

"How is he, Mrs. Grey?"

"Well, the doctor hasn't been very encouraging, but he is hanging in. Would you like for me to give you a minute with him?"

He nods. "Thank you Mrs. Grey."

I give Taylor a sad smile and turn to walk out of the SICU. When I look back Taylor is sitting in the chair next to Christian's bed. He is talking to Christian. I can't hear what he is saying, but his head is in his hands and my heart goes out to him.

There has been a constant stream of visitors, Elliott and Kate, Mia, Ethan. People from work as well, Andrea, Ros, Barney, Welch and some I've never heard of and have no idea what they do. For a man who thinks he is so undeserving of love, he has an awful lot of it. I'm so tired and stressed out, I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. Grace and Carrick have been so kind to bring me food and to go by the house and bring me a change of clothes every day. I feel like I could sleep for a month.

It's been 4 days and Christian still hasn't woken up. I walk outside the SICU to get some air and use the restroom. On my way back to SICU, I hear someone call to me from down the hall as I head back to enter the SICU. "Mrs. Grey."

I turn to see Ros walking down the hall. "Mrs. Grey."

"Hi, Ros." I give her a tired smile.

"Mrs. Grey, how is Mr. Grey?"

"He's holding his own. It's been 4 days now and he is still hanging in there. His vitals are stable now, that's good, but he is still in a coma. They are thinking about trying to take him off of the vent maybe tomorrow, so they are backing off the medication that put him in the coma."

"That's encouraging." Ros smiles at me. "Listen Mrs. Grey, do you have a moment, I need to talk to you.

"Sure, Ros, we can sit in the waiting room. I think they have some coffee there, too."

We sit down at the small round table and Ros opens her brief case. "Mrs. Grey, I don't know if you are aware but, Mr. Grey has made you his power of attorney for all of his business, financial and healthcare affairs should he not be in a position to make decisions for himself. Should he become permanently incapacitated he has appointed you as his guardian to make all of his decisions."

I look surprised. "Well we had discussed it, but I hadn't thought any more about it."

"Mrs. Grey, GEH can't continue to function without a CEO. Mr. Grey has been away for over 4 days now and we have decisions to be made and papers that need signatures, or we stand to lose a great deal of business."

"You mean you want me to do it?" I have a look of horror on my face.

"Well someone has to. Mr. Grey has made it clear that he wants you to fill that position in his absence. "

"Ros, I know nothing about the business. I'm not qualified to run Christian's company."

Ros looks sternly at me," You have to, Mrs. Grey."

"Good heavens," I put my head in my hands. "Can you help me Ros? You know more about what goes on there than anyone."

"I'll be glad to Mrs. Grey. I can advise you, but you will have to actually make the decisions and sign the contracts. I have a stack of contracts here that Mr. Grey was working on before the accident. He had reviewed them and had his attorneys make the needed changes, but they need to be signed. I'll need for you to sign them please."

Ros hands me the stack of contracts and a pen.

I can't bring myself to sign my name. What if I sign something that I shouldn't? What if I make a really big mistake?

Ros looks at me. "It's okay Mrs. Grey. I wouldn't tell you so if it weren't. Mr. Grey has read and approved these."

She puts a contract in front of me and shows me where to sign and continues the process until I have signed all of them. "Thank you Mrs. Grey."

"You may have to come into the office one day soon, to attend some meetings that Mr. Grey had already scheduled. I'll let you know."

"Okay. I can't say I'm looking forward to it." I feel so inadequate.

"And Mrs. Grey." Ros looks apprehensive. "Mr. Grey's office is quite a mess. The carpet and some of the furniture will have to be replaced as they can't be cleaned. Some of the walls will have to be cleaned and repainted as well. Do you want everything restored as it was? Same furniture and carpet as well as same color paint?"

I put my hand to my mouth to keep from sobbing. As tears fall, all I can do is nod. I can't bear to think of Christian's blood all over his office floor. I gather myself.

"Yes. Put everything back like it was. Thank you, Ros. Just keep me informed."

Ros smiles at me, "You sound like him already. You'll do fine, Mrs. Grey."

I watch as Ros exits down the hall with her briefcase in tow. I get up and walk back to the SICU. There is still no change in Christian. I'm so weary. I sit down beside his bed and take his hand in mine. "Christian, I'm back. I'm here Christian." I feel a slight twitch in his hand. It scares me. "Christian? Baby, can you hear me? Can you hear me, Christian? I'm here." The nurse assures me it was just a reflex.

I start to talk to him. I talk to him constantly about anything just to try to stimulate him. To try to reach down and pull him up. "Christian, I love you so much. Please hear me. Please wake up. I'm going to stay right here until you do. Remember, Christian. I give you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, to stand by your side in good times and in bad, to share your joys as well as your sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals and dreams, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, to share my hopes and dreams with you, and bring you solace in times of need, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live. I love you, Christian." I begin to sob, "Oh. Please Christian, please come back to me."

I stir and realize I have fallen asleep again with my head on Christian's bed, still holding his hand. I look up at his beautiful face and he looks into my eyes. "Christian!" I get up and lean over brushing my hand over his hair. I kiss his cheek. And I begin to cry uncontrollably.

The nurse is busying herself checking all the tubes and lines running in and out of my husband. She looks down at me and smiles. "He has been awake about 10 minutes, Mrs. Grey. Doctor Reynolds is on his way and they will probably try to extubate him this afternoon. You can stay with him. I know he's glad to see you."

"Hey, baby. I'm so happy to see you. I've missed you, Mr. Grey. I was expecting you in Savannah for dinner. What kept you?" I can't take my eyes off of him. He is the most beautiful sight I have ever seen.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

"Good morning, Mr. Grey. How are you today?" I ask walking into ICU and over to Christian's bed. I lean over and give him a sweet kiss and a smile.

"I'm better now that you are here, Mrs. Grey." Christian gives me a weak smile.

"You are so beautiful, Mr. Grey. I never get tired of looking at you." I run my hand through his copper locks.

Christian weakly shakes his head and rolls his eyes.

Dr. Reynolds walks in just as I get there. "Mrs. Grey, it's good to see you. It looks like Mr. Grey may be going out to the floor today. I think he is graduating from the ICU."

"Oh, That's wonderful news." I smile over at Christian.

Dr. Reynolds leans over Christian and shines a light into his eyes and checks them out. He has Christian squeeze his fingers. He then runs an instrument up the sole of Christian's foot and Christian flexes his foot. "Well, Mr. Grey everything is looking good."

"Good when can I get out of here and go home?" Christian whispers, his throat still sore from the ventilator.

"Anxious to leave us so soon Mr. Grey? Well, probably a little while longer. You know Mr. Grey," he nods at me," this beautiful lady has been here as long as you have. I think she's a keeper." He winks at me.

"I intend to keep her, doctor. For as long as we both shall live." Christian whispers and looks at me. He reaches up and takes my hand and squeezes it.

I mouth, 'I love you', to Christian and smile. My beautiful Fifty is back.

In a few days, they move Christian out to a regular room. He begins working with Physical therapists who are making him do exercises to regain his strength. Thank god the bullet didn't damage his spine, but he is weak from being in the bed for so long and he's lost quite a bit of weight. He will need to regain his strength and regain some muscle use in order to walk on his own. Needless to say, he can't stand to have anyone try to help him. He isn't the most cooperative patient in the world.

There has been a constant flow of people in and out. And flowers! The room looked like a florist until I started having the arrangements diverted to other patients who were less fortunate. I saved the cards from the flowers and am sitting in the chair next to Christian's bed reading the well wishes to him. There are cards from people I've never heard of.

"Christian. Who are all these people? I have never heard of most of them? Like this Phillip Weston. Who is he?"

"He is a business acquaintance. His company supplies us with most of the parts that we use at the shipyard. Most of those are from people that I do business with, Ana. They don't really care other than they don't want to lose a contract." Christian says as he rubs his face.

"Oh. Well, there seem to be a lot of people who do care about you."

Christian smiles over at me. "I couldn't care less about all of those people. The only person that I need to care about me is you, Mrs. Grey."

I lock eyes with him and get up walking over to his bed. I run my fingers through his hair and bend down to place a kiss on his lips. "I love you."

"I never get tired of hearing that, Ana. I hope to hear you say that for the rest of my life."

"I think we can arrange that, Mr. Grey. Just make sure that the rest of your life is a very long, long time."

"I'll work on that."

"See that you do."

The nurse comes in to check on Christian. She looks him over, checks all of the lines running in to him and makes some notes. "How are you feeling Mr. Grey?"

"Fine, I guess", he answers.

"Were you able to eat much dinner?"

"If you call that food, yes I guess I ate a fair amount." Christian grumbles at her.

"Have you been up to the bathroom?"

Christian frowns and gives her a nasty look. I can tell Christian hates all of these mundane questions.

"Christian, just answer her." I prompt him.

"Yes. I've been up to the bathroom."

The nurse goes into the small en suite to record the amount of Christian's deposit.

"Very good Mr. Grey. You are making really good progress. I imagine the doctor will let you go home fairly soon."

"Not soon enough." Christian mutters.

The pretty little nurse turns and leaves the room.

I scowl at Christian. "You know, she is just doing her job. You could be a little more pleasant to her."

"I know. I'm just ready to be out of here. I want to be home with you in our bed."

I remember how much it comforted me to have Christian snuggle with me when I was in the hospital after the kidnapping incident years ago. "Let me see if I can help." I smile.

I kick off my shoes and walk around the bed. I lift the sheet and slide in next to Christian in the small bed. My front to his back. I put my arms around him and pull myself up snugly next to him. "Better Mr. Grey?"

"Much, Mrs. Grey."

I kiss his back and snuggle my cheek up next to him. "Now. Sleep Mr. Grey."

The black Audi SUV pulls up to the front door. Taylor gets out and runs around to open the back passenger door. I slide out and go around to help Taylor. Christian, eases out of the back seat, stands up and tries to straighten up. He winces when he does.

"Careful, baby, don't hurt yourself." I remind him.

"I'm fine. I'm just stiff. I need to get back to working out." Christian says as he looks over the front of the house. "Yep, I like this place."

I go over to try to help him in to the house, "Me too. But I like it better when you are in it."

Christian looks back toward the front gate," I wish those fucking reporters would go away."

"I know they have been at the gate everyday as well as at the hospital. You made national news." I smile at him.

Christian shakes his head, "That's fucking ridiculous."

"Come on, Mr. Grey, let's get you in and up to bed."

"Mmmm, I like the sound of that Mrs. Grey." He smells my hair as I put my arm around his waist to try to help him in.

I roll my eyes at him and smile.

"Did you roll your eyes at me, Mrs. Grey?"

"Yes I did, Mr. Grey, but you are in no shape to do anything about it."

Taylor shakes his head and smiles as he follows us with Christian's things.

"Where are the kids?" Christian asks.

"They are still with my mother. Now that you are home, Sawyer will be bringing them home in a day or two. The plane is going out to pick them up."

"I miss the munchkins."

"They miss you. Teddy has been beside himself. Maybe you could call them this evening and talk to him. He has been so worried about you, Christian."

"That sounds good."

"Oh, Mr. Grey, it's so good to have you home." Gail smiles at Christian and touches his arm.

"It's good to be home Gail. What's for dinner?"

Gail laughs, "Well what would you like? I'll make anything you want."

"Hmm. Let's, see. Some of your chicken stew, maybe. Yeah, I think I'd like chicken stew."

"You got it Mr. Grey."

"Mrs. Grey is there anything I can do to help you get Mr. Grey settled?"

"I'm fine Gail. I want to take care of him myself. I'll call if we need anything."

"Good. I'll let you know when dinner is ready."

I get Christian upstairs and into bed. I get him changed into his flannel pajama pants, and a tee shirt. He has lost weight. He almost looks frail but he is still so gorgeous . He has one more scar on that beautiful chest. That just gives me more to kiss.

Christian is propped up in bed on stack of pillows and has the duvet covering him. "Come here Mrs. Grey." I go over and sit on the edge of the bed beside him. "Now that we're home, I want to kiss my beautiful wife."

I lean over and gently kiss Christian. Then he pulls me to him and gives me a deep passionate kiss, exploring every inch of my mouth. " Christian, you might hurt yourself." I try to pull away.

"How am I going to hurt myself kissing my wife?"

"Well, you never know, you might."

"I have wanted to do that for weeks. I love you, Ana."

"I Love you too. Christian."

"It's so good to be home again and in my own bed with my own wife. Too bad I had to get shot to get here."

"Christian you were well on your way home, before you ever got shot."

I kick my shoes off and curl up on the bed beside him and put my head on his chest. Christian kisses my hair. "You smell so good."

"Christian, one day we have to talk about what happened. You know… with Mark Jernigan."

"You mean you don't believe what the papers are saying?"

"No, I don't."

"Good." Christian kisses my hair again. "We'll talk about it and I'll tell you everything, but not today. Today I just want to enjoy being home again and spend time with you, baby."

Gail's chicken stew is spectacular as usual. I have brought up a tray for Christian with his dinner on it and I am sitting next to him on the bed eating a bowl of stew as well. Shades of 7 years ago. Staring at Christian , I smile as he devours his chicken stew.

"What?" Christian looks up at me after finishing his meal.

"Nothing. Just you."

Christian cocks his head to the side, "What me?" he asks.

"It's good to see you eat. You've lost weight."

"It's good to have something worth eating for a change." He flashes his gorgeous grin at me. "What is it, Ana?"

"I'm sorry, Christian. I just can't take my eyes off of you. I came so close to losing you." Tears well in my eyes and begin to fall over my cheeks.

Christian reaches to put his arms around me and flinches.

"Christian, be careful. Please don't hurt yourself."

I put my empty bowl on the bed tray and Christian moves the tray out of the way. He grabs me anyway and pulls me across the bed and holds me in his arms. "Baby, I'm not going anywhere. You have me for as long as you want me. And I hope that is a very long time. It will take more than some crazy fucker with a bullet to keep me away from you."

I turn and begin to sob into his chest.

"Baby. What is it? I'm here Ana." Christian cradles me in his arms.

"I just couldn't stand to ever be without you. Not knowing if you were going to live or die was agony. I realized that I can't live without you in my life, Christian." I sob uncontrollably purging myself of all the pent up tension, pain and grief that has consumed me over the past several weeks. Christian holds me in his arms and rocks me and lets me cry until I can't cry anymore.

The sun is setting and it is casting a golden glow over our bedroom. I am exhausted from my cry and Christian has fallen asleep with me in his arms. I move to get up and he wakes.

"Hey, Mrs. Grey. Better?" Christian looks at me with those gray eyes.

I smile and nod. "Thank you."

Christian frowns and looks at me quizzically. "For what?"

"For letting me cry. For not dying. For being you. For loving me."

Christian traces my lips with his index finger and I kiss the tip of his finger.

"You know what? We need to call our children and let them know you are home." I smile.

"Well hand me the phone, Mrs. Grey. Let's dial up the little intruders." Christian says with a huge grin on his face.

I awake, once again, to my beautiful husband sleeping peacefully beside me. I watch him as he inhales and exhales. The look on his face is so peaceful and I don't want to wake him. I look at the clock and it is 9 am. Christian never sleeps this late, but he needs all the rest that he can get. He will be going 110% much sooner than he should. I know I won't be able to contain him.

The phone rings and it is Christian's mother. "Hi Grace." I try to whisper as I sneak out of bed and try to make it to the hall to talk so as not to wake Christian.

"Ana. How is Christian? What kind of night did he have?"

"He is doing well. Grace. He ate a really good dinner. I was surprised to see how much weight he has lost."

"He'll put it back on, dear, once he's up and going and his appetite improves."

"That's good. Anyway, he slept through the night." Except for our brief midnight encounter. "In fact, he is still asleep. I just stepped out of the room to talk."

Christian walks out of the bedroom door, yawning and running his hand through his hair. "Who is it?"

"It's your mother. She is just checking on you. Here say good morning." And I hand him the phone.

Christian takes the phone, "Morning mother. How are you?" Christian smiles down at me and puts his arm around my neck pulling me to him and kissing the top of my head.

"That's right mom…yes much better and just glad to be home…we talked to them last night….right…they'll be home tomorrow…Ana's mother is flying back with them…..because Sawyer can't handle two children by himself, mother." Christian looks at me and rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

I stifle a giggle.

"I appreciate it mom…okay….we'll see you later…..Thanks for calling. Bye"

"Good grief!" Christian turns the phone off and hands it back to me. "Let's go down and see if Gail has something for breakfast."

I put my arm around his waist and we go down stairs to forage for breakfast.

"Good morning Mr. Grey and Mrs…. um Ana." Gail smiles at us. It is obvious she is nervous calling me Ana in front of Christian. "Good to see you up and about Mr. Grey. Can I fix you some breakfast?"

"Gail." Christian starts, "You call Mrs. Grey whatever she wants you to call her. Don't pay any attention to me. That's between the two of you. And yes, I am starving this morning."

Will wonders never cease?

Gail has prepared Christian a western omelet with O'Brien potatoes and fresh fruit, coffee and orange juice. I have fresh fruit with granola and hot tea.

"It's good to see you eat." I just can't take my eyes off of him. It's as if I close my eyes, he will disappear.

Christian looks over at me with concern on his face. "Ana. You have to stop staring at me. I'm not going anywhere."

"I like staring at you. You are one gorgeous hunk of husband." I say sarcastically.

Christian flexes his arm muscles in a joking gesture. "Just a pretty face, baby. Thought you'd be used to it by now."

"It is a thing of beauty, Mr. Grey." I lean over and kiss him.

"Well, what's on the schedule for today, Mrs. Grey?" Christian smiles at me and places his napkin on the breakfast table.

"Bed rest for you Mr. Grey."

"I'm tired of being in the bed. I want to get out."

"Christian. You aren't strong enough yet. You need to conserve your strength."

"I'll show you how strong I am Mrs. Grey."

"Will it get you back in to bed?"

"Only if you come with me."

"You have a deal. Mr. Grey."

If I have to stay with him all day, I will, if it will keep him in the bed. We go back upstairs and slip between the sheets. I snuggle up next to Christian and we cuddle like we were teenagers. Within a few minutes Christian is fast asleep again. He just doesn't realize how weak he still is.

I am up and dressed. I sneaked out of bed while Christian was still sleeping. I am in his office talking to Ros on the phone. "Yes, he's doing well, Ros, but still weak…right…..I really don't want him bothered by work right now….yes….I know…..we'll keep things as they are for now…let me know if there's anything that needs to be addressed….sure Ros he's up to having visitors…..come by anytime. Thanks for your help and keep me informed…..Thanks. Bye."

As soon as I hang up the phone rings again. "Hey Kate."

"Ana. How's my brother-in-law?"

"He's doing well, Kate. I'm having trouble keeping him in bed, though."

"I didn't think you ever had trouble keeping Christian in bed." She snorts.

"Well, not usually. I'm having trouble keeping him at bay with that, too."

"What's up?"

"Well Elliott wants to see Christian and we were wondering if he was up to visitors."

"On, I think he is. In fact I think it would be good for him. The kids are due back tomorrow. Give them time to acclimate and spend some time with Christian and then maybe we can all get together. In fact, why don't we all get together here Saturday evening. We'll have dinner here. Bring the kids and I'll invite Grace and Carrick, and Mia and Ethan. I think that will be fun."

"We haven't all gotten together in ages. Are you sure you're up to that much company?"

"Yes. It will be fun and everyone can see Christian."

"Ana."

"Yes, Kate."

"How are you and Christian doing?"

"We're good. Good for right now."

"Has he gone into any detail about what happened?"

"No. Not yet. We are going to discuss it, but not right now."

"Okay. Don't want to pry. I'll let you go. Call if you need anything?"

"I will. See you Saturday. I'll call you with a time."

"Okay. Give our best to Christian."

"Bye Kate."

"Bye Ana."

Yes. Christian and I really do have to talk. I need to go see John, too. I'm way over due and I'll run out of my medication. I saw him briefly at the hospital when he came to see Christian, but I need to talk. I'll make an appointment for next week.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Thanks to everyone for taking your time to read my story. I have never written anything before and I have appreciated all of the comments, questions and contacts. I try to stay several chapters ahead, so if you have questions let me know and I will try to work an answer into a future chapter or answer directly. Perhaps if I were a more experienced writer, all would be clear to start with. Your response to my story has touched me. Your time is valuable and I appreciate you giving it to this story.**

**Chapter 17**

I am sitting with Christian in the family room and we hear the front door fly open, "Dad!" a little voice screams. Teddy comes running into the house at warp speed.

A huge grin breaks across Christian's face. "In here son." Christian yells to Teddy.

Christian gets up from the sofa and turns to see Teddy run into the room and launch himself at his dad. Christian winces as he catches his son in his arms.

"Teddy, be careful baby. Daddy still hurts a little." I try to interfere.

My two men are oblivious to me. Christian throws his arms around his son as Teddy encircles his around Christian's neck. Christian has his eyes closed so tightly, but I see the tears forming around his lashes.

"Oh, son. I've missed you so much. So very much." Christian manages to get out, his voice cracking.

Teddy begins to cry into Christian's neck. "Daddy. Are you really okay?"

Christian pulls back to look at his son's face, "Yes son. I'm really okay. Christian kisses Teddy's cheek and wipes the tears away. "It's okay, son."

Teddy continues to cry. "Daddy I was so worried about you. I didn't want you to be hurt."

"I wasn't hurt bad, big guy. And I'm much better now. I just missed you so much." Christian continues to squeeze Teddy and it doesn't look like Teddy is going to release Christian any time soon.

Mom walks in carrying Grace. She has tears in her eyes, overwhelmed by the scene unfolding in front of her.

"There's my baby girl." Christian beams. He sits down on the sofa still clutching Teddy and stretches out his other arm for Grace. Mom places Grace on his knee and he pulls her close to him. Grace pouts and puts out her little arm and tries to push Teddy out of the way, but Teddy doesn't retreat. Christian kisses her chestnut curls and is trying to hold himself together.

Grace looks up at Christian and takes his face in her little hands, "Daddy. Home."

"Yes, baby. Daddy's home." Christian rubs noses with his baby girl and smiles.

I've never seen such happiness. And this is the man who once said he didn't have a heart.

I look over at Mom, who appears to be a bit overwhelmed by it all. "How was the trip , Mom?"

"Long, but good. Grace slept most of the way. Teddy slept a little, but couldn't wait to get home to see his daddy. They ate lunch on the plane, but I imagine they are pretty hungry by now."

I walk over and give my mother a hug. "Thanks for bringing them, Mom. We really appreciate it. Did Bob come with you?"

"No." Mom sighs, "He decided to stay home and golf. I think the kids are a little too much for him."

"I understand." I nod.

"Ana."

"Yes Mom?"

"I hate to ask, but. Why are all those people at the gate? They look like photographers."

"They are, Mom."

"Why? There were some at the airport, too. Sawyer did a good job of avoiding them, but they frightened the children."

"I know. It's something Christian and I haven't gotten around to discussing yet. I keep hoping if we wait them out they'll lose interest and go away."

"I see."

"You do?"

"No. Not really."

"I'll explain when we have some time alone." I give her another quick hug.

I look over at poor Sawyer and he has finished bringing the luggage in from the car. He looks absolutely stunned.

I walk over and put my arm around his shoulder. He stiffens up. "Sawyer. You have no idea how much we appreciate you staying with the kids and traveling back with them and my mother. We can't ever thank you enough. I know it was a little out of your usual scope."

"Yes. Mrs. Grey. It was a different experience."

"Well, Christian and I have talked about it and we would like for you to take the next week off. Just to recharge and get some rest. It is with pay and in addition to your regular vacation time. We didn't know how else to show our appreciation. You went above and beyond the call."

Christian stands up and puts the kids on the floor. He bends forward and kisses my mother on the cheek. "Carla. Good to see you. Hope the trip wasn't too bad."

She smiles, "It's good to see you too, Christian."

Christian walks over to Sawyer. He extends his hand and Sawyer accepts it with a puzzled look on his face. Christian shakes his hand. "Sawyer. I can't thank you enough."

"Yes. Mr. Grey." Sawyer nods.

"Did Mrs. Grey tell you that we'd like for you to take the next week off with pay to show our appreciation?"

"Yes, sir. She did."

"Good. And if you would like to get away from all of this while you are off, please feel free to use the jet to go somewhere. Just let Stephan know what you need. And take a guest if you'd like to."

Sawyer looks surprised. "Thank you Mr. Grey. That's more than generous."

"Mrs. Grey and I just want you to know how much we appreciate you."

"Thank you. Will that be all sir?"

"Yes. Thank you."

Sawyer turns and exits the room.

I'm really basking in this change in my husband. He rarely tells the staff that he appreciates them. He is usually so formal and distant with them. I know he appreciates what they do, but I've never seen him actually verbalize it.

Finally. I fall onto the sofa in the family room with a huge sigh. The babies are fed, bathed and tucked in and asleep. Mom is settled in her room and talking to Bob on the phone. Christian has managed to find his lap top and is in CEO mode. He is staring intently at the screen rubbing his index finger over his bottom lip.

"Christian."

"What, Baby?" he never takes his eyes off of the screen.

"Christian." I'm a little more forceful.

Christian reluctantly pulls his eyes away from the screen and looks at me. "Yeah. What is it, Baby?"

"Put that away. Please."

He starts to give me an excuse, but decides not to. "Okay. I'm sorry. Are you requiring attention, Mrs. Grey?" He saves his work and closes the lap top.

"What I require is a hot bath. Would you like to join me?"

"I believe I would, Mrs. Grey."

"Good. Let's go."

I take Christian by the hand and together we turn off all the lights. Christian locks the door and sets the alarm and we ascend the stairs together arm in arm.

We get up to our bedroom and I go in to start the water in the tub. I add the bath oil and a wonderful sweet scent fills the air.

I pull my tee shirt off over my head. Then I unzip my jeans and slide them down my legs and step out of them. I am left standing in my blush colored satin thong and bra. As I bend over to pick up my jeans and fold them I catch a glimpse of Christian. He is in the doorway to the bathroom. His arms crossed in front of him and his shoulder leaning against the door frame. He has lost his shirt and jeans and has only his boxers on. And sexy ass bare feet. His eyes are fixed on me. "Well, Mr. Grey. Like what you see?" I ask coyly.

"No actually, Mrs. Grey. I don't like what I see." He moves toward me with his eyes fixed on mine then moves behind me wrapping me in his arms. "I love what I see." He brushes my hair off of my shoulder and trails kisses from my shoulder up my neck. I can feel his warm breath as he moves from my shoulder up to my ear. I move my head to the side to give him access to all of my neck. Then I lean my head back and rest it on his chest giving him a slight moan.

"Mrs. Grey. Do you know just how beautiful you are? Do you know just what you can do to me?"

"Mmmmm." I smile and move my hand up to cup his face behind me. "Mr. Grey. Much as I am enjoying this, you are still a sick man."

Christian takes my earlobe between his teeth. "Oh, Mrs. Grey. You don't know just how sick I really am."

"I think I have a clue." I glance around at him.

Still holding me, Christian tries to take me. "Mmmmm. Somebody's ready. Very ready." Christian whispers against my neck.

"Christian. You aren't playing fair." My breath is catching. "You don't need to be exerting yourself right now."

"I'm not the one breathing hard, baby." Christian whispers.

My legs are about to give way underneath me. I lean back on him for support.

"Oh, Christian." I whimper.

"Yes. Baby? What is it Ana? What do you want, baby?" He whispers in my ear as he continues. "Yes." I whisper. "Yes, please."

"I can feel you, Ana."

"Oh, God, Christian." I catch my breath and press against him. My body goes limp against my husband.

"My innocent, sweet, baby." Christian whispers in my ear. "You are so beautiful. So beautiful."

"Christian. The bath tub. The water." It's all I can do to get the words out.

Christian grabs me around my waist and pulls me up to my feet again. He releases me and takes my hand. " Come. Let's away to the tub. Mrs. Grey." Looking over at me, Christian sticks his fingers in his mouth. "Mmm. That's pretty good. 'Ana' was always my favorite flavor."

"Christian you are so bad." I smile at him.

"Yes. I am Mrs. Grey. I'm a bad, bad boy."

We sit immersed in the warm sweet smelling water. He is behind me and I lean back on his chest with my legs entwined in his. We just sit relaxing and enjoying the peace and quiet. "Christian. I have a question."

"What is it, Baby?" Christian asks.

"When I was signing all those papers at the office, Rosg showed me some of the contract files and spreadsheets some of the companies that you own."

"We own, Ana."

"Okay. We. But I noticed that a few of the companies, especially the smaller ones, don't do very well."

"And?"

"Well I asked Ros about it and she said that from time to time you carried companies. I don't understand, Christian."

"What don't you understand, Ana? I buy companies that are in trouble and try to turn them around. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. Hopefully it works more often than not."

"But on the ones that don't work. You keep them? I mean I saw, _Wall Street_. I know the idea is to buy a struggling company and then break it apart and sell the pieces for a profit. Why do you keep companies that don't make any profit or a very small profit?"

I turn around to look at Christian.

"Well, Ana. I really want to see those companies turn a corner and begin to become profitable. But if we can't do that, then I like to try to hold on to them and maybe integrate them into another company that I have that is doing well or just carry them. Sometimes a losing company can be used as a tax write off. But then sometimes, I just don't want to put people out of work. What does it prove to close down an operation and throw the employees to the wolves?"

"But how can you keep them on the books. Aren't you required to try to make a profit?"

"Ana. I own my company. No board. No stockholders. I just answer to me. I can do whatever I want to and if I want to carry a company to keep from having people's homes foreclosed on or them not be able to afford to go to the grocery or be without medical care, then that's what I do. I do it because I can." Christian strokes my hair. "We have so much, Baby." He wraps his arms around me. "Could you sleep at night if we had all of this at the expense of other people?"

I shake my head. "No. I couldn't. Christian, you are such a good man."

"Well, I figure, if I can't be good lookin', I'll just be a nice guy." He smiles at me.

I turn and give him a perturbed look and splash water into his face. "Asshole."

Christian grins, "Hey. A second ago I was a nice guy."

I can feel Christian's growing up against my back. Without saying a word I turn around to face him. We both gasp. And I take him.

"Well, what did I do to deserve that, Mrs. Grey?"

"Just being you." I encircle his neck with my arms and bend in to kiss him. His lips never leave mine and he explores every part of my mouth. Christian wraps his arms around me and I bend my head back and Christian skims his tongue up my neck and on to my lips. "Oh, Christian." My breathing is getting more rapid. "Oh, Christian. I have missed you. So much."

"Me too, Baby. Look at me, Ana." Christian breathes.

I open my eyes and look into the gray eyes of my husband. The loving, sexy gray eyes of my husband.

Christian whispers. "I want you. "

"I can't take anymore and give everything up to him whimpering his name."

I open my eyes and watch as Christian buries his head in my breasts, catches his breath and releases everything into me.

We collapse into each other's arms. Christian tries to catch his breath.

"Oh, Christian." I gasp. "Are you okay, Baby? Did I hurt you?"

"If you hurt me, then I'd like you to hurt me again. And often."

He pops me on my ass. "Up with you wench. Out of the tub. You'll get all pruney. I hate pruney wenches."

Christian and I are finally in bed and I am snuggled up against him. "Christian. I hate to ask, but are you ready to tell me what happened. I deserve to know, Christian. Kate said that Jernigan was trying to blackmail you. Is that true?"

"Thank you, Kate." Christian says sarcastically.

"Don't get on Kate. I asked her what she knew and she told me."

"Then why are you asking me?"

"Because, now I want to know the truth."

"Yes. I do owe you the truth." He pauses. " I told you that I had been feeling so out of control lately. I had my hands on the reins at work, but I was totally adrift at home." Christian cradles my head and kisses my hair. "Baby you just seemed so lost and I didn't know how to help you. It killed me to see you so sad all the time, so lost, so unhappy. I didn't know if I was the cause or the kids, or hormones or what. I had started seeing John again and discussed it with him. He suggested that we come in to talk to him, but I didn't know how to begin to approach you about that. I felt like you were slipping through my fingers and I didn't know how to stop it."

"Christian, I felt lost and sad. I didn't know how to help myself much less help you."

"I have no excuse for what I did, Ana. I know that. But I began to feel like I was headed back to that dark place again. I would think back about the subs and the feeling of control that they gave me. I could have a session and come out feeling so cleansed, renewed. So in control of my life and everyone in it."

"Christian you can't wield control over all the people in your life. It doesn't work like that."

"Do you want to hear this?" I nod. "Anyway, I knew I never wanted to be unfaithful to you. I never want to have sex with anyone but you, Anastasia. I can't even imagine sex with anyone other than my wife."

"That would make you one exceptional man, Mr. Grey."

Christian lets out a big sigh. "Let me preface this to say, it's hard to find anyone who engages in BDSM that doesn't require sex in some form. That being said. Do you remember about 2 years ago, right after I hired Jernigan, I took him and his wife out to dinner to be polite and get to know them a little better in a social setting?"

"Truthfully. No I don't." I tell him.

"You had just had Grace and weren't up to it, besides you were nursing and didn't want to be away from her for very long, so I went by myself. We had a pleasant meal and I found them both to be very interesting. I was glad that I had hired him. All through dinner I kept getting the feeling that I had met his wife before. She kept giving me this weird look. God knows with some of the things that I had done before I met you, I could have come across her God knows where. We went our separate ways after dinner, but I never could figure out where I had seen her."

I yawn. "If this is boring you Mrs. Grey, we can do this some other time." Christian says sarcastically.

"Oh, no, no. Please continue." I urge him.

"Anyway. I never saw her again after that dinner and I rarely saw Jernigan. I usually meet with senior advisors and he wasn't at that level yet. With the issues at home, I had begun to feel the need to play out some aggression and get some control in my life. I knew I didn't want another sub. I never wanted to hurt you like that. I knew I couldn't pay for a session and take the risk of being exposed. I couldn't go to one of those clubs and engage with a group of people and have someone recognize me. So, I just put it out of my mind. That's why I started going back to see John again. I needed help controlling the urge to act on my needs. He was trying to work with m on ways of redirecting my anger and we were actually getting somewhere."

"Then one day at the office. I had been down to finance and I got on the elevator to go back up to my office. When I got on, Jernigan's wife was on the elevator by herself."

"What is it about elevators?" I grumble.

"Hush. I nodded to acknowledge her. And she looked up at me in a peculiar way. I asked her if we had ever met, because I had the feeling that I had seen her before. She said that she thought that we had. I asked her where and she said that she used to give' lessons' to help pay her way through law school. All of a sudden a light bulb went on and I remembered where I had met her."

"Where?" I ask.

"Ana, do you remember once I told you that there were places one could go to learn how to participate in BDSM, learn what to do and how to do it?"

"Yes, Christian. I remember."

"Do you remember that I told you I had paid for sex in the past?"

I scrunch up my face and look up at him. "I tried to forget it, but yes. I remember."

"Well it turns out that Ms. Patterson gave me some instruction at one point in my life."

I sit up and stare at him in horror. "You mean you paid her to have sex with you?"

"No, Baby. No." I paid her for instruction years and years ago. She remembered me for some reason, even though I didn't remember her. We had a short conversation on the elevator and then she got off at Legal and I went on up to my office."

" Just that casual? Hey. How are you? Nice to see you again. Can I beat the shit out of you every other Tuesday afternoon?"

"No, I wouldn't put it like that. Later that morning, Andrea buzzed me and said that there was someone to see me that didn't have an appointment and she said it was Mark Jernigan's wife."

"So you saw her? Knowing who she was, you had her in your office?"

Christian lowers his head. "Yes. Yes I did Anastasia. I know it was wrong and I didn't mean to hurt you. I think on some level I rationalized that I could just have a conversation with her about the subject. A kindred soul, so to speak. It's not a topic you can just bring up for discussion at a cocktail party."

"I can see that. Not having her in your office. The cocktail party part."

"Anyway, she started talking about the last time we saw each other and then started in on how much she missed it but that her husband just didn't understand. Then how hard it was to find someone who would agree to a nonsexual contract. The next thing I knew we had a verbal contract."

I sit up and face him. "Christian, you are the love of my life, but for a supposedly brilliant man you are so fucking stupid. To have been with so many women, you know absolutely nothing about them. Can you not tell when a woman has her claws out? She grabbed you by your dick and didn't turn loose."

"Ana. I told you it never involved sex. I never touched her. Not in that way."

"Yeah. Right."

I hear Christian sigh. "Anyway, we had just had our second session on the day you came over to the apartment and walked in on us. She had a copy of the NDA and the contract. Mark found them. Somehow. I have a very sneaking suspicion that she let him find them. I think she was seeking attention from him and didn't know how else to get it. So she tried to make him jealous."

"Evidentially, from what I am told, he was angry because he hadn't moved up in the department as fast as he had hoped and was holding some sort of grudge. In addition to what his wife was doing. He had a right to be angry about that. He came to me with the information and I guess he thought I would pay him rather than be exposed, but I called his bluff. I knew if he exposed me it would expose his wife and he really didn't want to do that. I refused to pay and in fact fired him. I think he went off the deep end. He made an appointment to see me and decided to kill us both."

I sit up and turn to look at Christian. "Good Lord, Christian! And you couldn't tell me? Didn't you didn't think I might need to know this?" I pull back and punch the hell out of his bicep.

"Ooowww. What did you do that for?" Christian asks.

"Because you just make me so fucking mad and I don't know how else to reach you. Maybe if I beat the shit out of you, I can get through to you."

"Christian Grey. I am your wife. The person that is closest to you, above anyone else in the world. You are supposed to confide in me. I knew something was going on with you and when I asked you about it, all you could do is tell me to drop it." I continue to punch the shit out of his arm. "If you ever keep anything like that from me again…I'll…I'll string you up by your balls with genital clamps. Do you understand me?"

Christian tries not to smile and feigns a look of fright.

I'm up on my knees on the bed and yelling at him. "Don't you dare laugh at me. You almost got yourself killed because of your stupid, careless behavior. And then you don't tell me that someone is trying to blackmail you and wants to kill you?"

"Ana. Seems like we had this same discussion 7 years ago only the tables were turned." He's still trying not to laugh.

"I'm serious as a heart attack, Grey."

"Yes. I can see that Mrs. Grey."

I burst into tears and sobs.

Christian reaches up to me, pulls me to his lap and holds me, "Oh, Baby. I'm sorry. I have no excuse and I will work the rest of my life trying to get you to forgive me. Don't cry."

"Christian. Do you know what you have put me through? I almost lost you. You have two children who love and need you. Do you want them to grow up without a father?'

"I guess I just didn't think."

"How can you control billions of dollars, hundreds of companies and thousands of employees and be so damned stupid?"

"I know. I'm an idiot, Baby."

"Yes you are."

"You know what I can't figure out Ana?"

"What?"

"How I can control billions of dollars, hundreds of companies and thousands of employees, but I can't seem to control you."

"Well you might as well stop trying, 'cause it ain't 'gonna happen. You're fighting a losing battle, so you might as well save your strength."

I wipe my tears and nose with the back of my hand. "Here use the edge of the sheet. "Christian offers up the corner of the sheet. He quickly plants a soft kiss on my mouth. "Your lips are so soft when you cry."

"Is that why you make me cry so damn much?"

Christian rolls his eyes, "Well, I guess every cloud has a silver lining."

Christian crawls out of bed and reaches over and scoops me up in his arms. He heads towards the bathroom with me.

"Christian! Put me down. You'll hurt yourself. Do you hear me?"

"Nope can't hear a thing. Remember I'm deaf."

He sits me down on the bench in the bathroom and takes a washcloth and soaks it in cool water. He wrings it out and then gently wipes my face with it. "Here look up at me." He orders. "You're all puffy looking. Let's get rid of all those tears. Then he wipes my runny nose. "Yuck."

"Now. Can we go to bed and get some sleep? I'm worn out. These discussions are killing me." Christian admonishes me.

He takes my hand and pulls me off of the bench as he leads me back toward our bed. He lifts the sheet. "In." and he motions for me to get in the bed. He follows in after me and reaches over to turn out the light then he pulls me into his arms and snuggles next to me.

"Christian." I whisper.

"Sleep. Now." He commands

"But."

"But nothing. Hush."

Christian kisses my neck. "I love you, Mrs. Grey"

I drift off to sleep in his arms.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

"Christian! Hey Little brother"" Elliott hugs Christian and tries to hold back the tears. Christian flinches. "Sorry Christian. I guess you're still pretty sore, huh?"

"Oh, I'm doing okay. I not running any races but, I'm sure better than I was."

"Christian. You would have had to be dead to be any worse than you were."

"Oh. Sorry, but you were pretty close. You looked bad, son. First time you ever looked uglier than me. Hell, you looked uglier than just about anybody."

Kate yanks Elliott's arm. "Elliott stop that."

Elliott leans in to whisper, "Hey who are those people at the gate? They are just hanging out."

"They are fucking reporters. I have no idea what they are looking for. We can't get rid of them."

"Kate." Christian hugs Kate and kisses her on the cheek. "You guys come on in. Can I get you anything?"

"Yeah. A beer would be great." Elliott grins at his little brother.

Christian points to the kitchen. "Help yourself. Right in there, Elliott. Kate can we get you anything?"

"I'll have some wine, if you have any." Kate looks on Christian with amazement. "I thought you'd still be in bed Christian. How are you feeling?"

"Pretty good. Moving a little slower than usual. But the doctor gave me a good report before I left the hospital."

"That's great. I know Elliott has been worried sick. You scared the shit out of him. Please try not to get shot again."

"I'll do my best. Kate."

"Where's Ana?"

"I think she's out back with the kids." Christian tells her.

It's a beautiful, mild, sunny Saturday afternoon. Kate and Elliott have just arrived with their boys. Grace and Carrick are already here. Carrick is in the family room with Ethan and Christian and Elliott joins them. They are drinking beer and talking, I think. Grace and Mia are on the patio with me watching the children and the activity out on the sound. The sun is sparkling on the water and the sound is alive with boats of all shapes and sizes. Teddy is playing in the yard with Kate and Elliott's boys, who have just arrived, Simon and Trevelyan, or Trevi as he is called. They are sweet boys. Blond hair blue eyes and one year and two years younger than Teddy, respectively. They seem to have sticks and I have no idea what they are doing with them. Just as long as they don't hurt themselves.

Grace is sitting on her grandmother's lap, telling her some story in gibberish and Grandma Grace seems to understand every word or pretends to. Mia is being Mia. All beautiful and atwitter about something. I really don't understand her and Ethan. They break up and then get back together on a regular basis. This has been going on for years. I wish they would just make up their mind and do something one way or the other."

"Ana?" Kate calls as she walks out of the family room onto the patio. The large glass wall that Gia designed for us folds back and opens up the family room onto the patio, making it one big room that opens to the outside.

"Out here, Kate."

"Ana. I'm sorry Carla couldn't stay for the get together today. I haven't seen her in ages." Kate sits down in the chair next to me.

"I know, Kate. I tried to get her to stay, but I think having the kids for so long did her in. She flew home this morning. Christian is sending her and Bob on a get- away for a few days to thank them for taking care of the children and to give them a little rest."

"Great. Where are they going?"

"Christian gave them their choice and they chose the gulf coast, so Bob can do some deep sea fishing."

"That was nice of him. Ana. How is Christian doing? He sure looks better than I would have expected." Kate asks me.

"He's doing pretty well. I can't seem to keep him down. He has only been home a few days but he is going full speed. He tires easily, but he won't admit it. He has a follow up with the surgeon later this week. He hasn't been released to go back to work yet, but that hasn't seemed to stop him."

"What about the bullet? Are they going to remove it at some point?"

"Well, the surgeon doesn't want to mess with it unless it starts giving him trouble. He said we're better off leaving it alone, at least for now. Christian has to go see him for follow ups on a regular basis just to keep tabs on it. Make sure it doesn't start to migrate."

"Wow. I still can't believe it." Kate shakes her head. "Has he ever explained what happened?"

"It turns out that Mark Jernigan was just disgruntled because Christian had fired him."

Kate looks up at me and raises her eyebrows. "Are you sure that's all, Ana?" Kate asks.

"Yes. Kate. That's all."

"Okay. I'll let it go at that, but I feel sure there is more to it. I'll get it out of you, Steele."

I just shake my head. I get up and walk into the kitchen to see if I can help Gail. It is a Saturday, but she has volunteered to help out with the gathering. "Gail. Can I help you with anything?"

"I think I have it, Ana. Is there anything I can get for you?"

"No. I think we are good. Those homemade rolls smell like heaven."

"It's the yeast. They always smell good while they're cooking."

I hear Grace scream bloody murder. I rush out to the patio to see my baby girl on her hands and knees on the rough stone. She has fallen down and skinned the shit out of her palms and knees. Christian is there almost before I can get to her. I scoop her up and hug her close.

"Here baby girl. Let Mommy see what that bad patio did to you. I look at her little hand and kiss her palm.

"What happened?" Christian looks horrified.

"Oh, Grace tripped on the patio and skinned her hands and knees."

"Come here and let Daddy make it better, sweetheart." Christian stretches out his arms and Grace climbs over into them, still screaming.

"Let's take her upstairs and clean her up." And I head for the stairs, followed by Christian carrying Grace.

Christian and I take our baby girl up to our bathroom and get out the first aid kit. Grace is still crying. Christian sits on the bench in the bathroom and holds Grace in his lap kissing and rocking her while I clean up her wounds and put antibiotic ointment on the skinned places. By the time I have finished she is sound asleep in her Daddy's lap. He continues to rock her, kiss her curls and quietly hum to her.

"Let's put her in her bed." I whisper. "She is worn out."

Christian looks up at me, "But she hasn't eaten dinner yet.

"She's more tired than hungry. She can eat when she wakes up."

Christian lays his daughter in his arms. "Christian. Let me take her. You don't need to keep lifting things." I tell him.

"No. I've got her. She's not heavy." He carries her to her room places her in her bed and pulls her pink quilt up to cover her. He gently kisses her forehead and sets the baby monitor.

I watch in amazement at just how much love he has for his children. He is so dear to me at times and I love him so. When I think how close I came to losing him it brings tears to my eyes.

Christian meets me at the door and puts his arms around me and hugs me. "Why are you tearing up again, Baby?"

"I just keep thinking about how I almost lost you."

Christian kisses my hair. "Well, you didn't lose me. I'm right here."

Christian leans down and kisses me softly and sweetly.

"Ohhh. You two." We turn to see Grace coming down the hall toward us. She has a huge grin on her face.

"Just making out with my girl, Mom." Christian pulls me closer.

"I just came up to see how Grace is. I just hate it when the kids get hurt." She smiles up at Christian and rubs her hand over his back.

Christian tells her, "She's fine. We got her cleaned up and she's conked out. We just put her down."

"Let's go down and eat." I suggest.

Christian smacks me on my bottom. "Come wife. I'm starving." Christian smiles. He puts one arm around me and one around his mother. "Ladies. Shall we go?"

I look up at him, beaming. "You need to eat. You're skinny."

"Really? You think so? I just thought I was lean and mean." He flashes that Christian grin. "I knew using that natural stone on the patio wasn't going to be good for the kids. It's too uneven and hard to walk on. I'm going to have it changed out first of next week. I'll talk to Elliott about getting it done."

"Whatever you think best, Christian." I murmur.

We have eaten and the dishes are cleaned up. The sun is setting over the sound. The sky, as usual, is a technicolor opalescent. Everyone has gone into the family room except Grace and me. We are finishing up in the kitchen.

"Ana."

"Yes Grace."

"Come out and sit on the patio with me for a few minutes. Will you dear?"

"Sure. I'm finished here." Grace and I walk out and sit in the wrought iron patio chairs that face the sound.

Grace looks over at me. "Christian is really making progress. Dr. Reynolds tells me he's way ahead of the curve. I just can't believe how close we came to losing him. I have nightmares about it." Grace blots her tears and turns to face me.

"Ana. How are you and Christian doing? I know you two hadn't really had time to work on things before his 'incident'."

"I know. Well we're still working on it, but I don't think everything is resolved yet. We still have things to work out. But it seems to be better. I guess I've just been so busy trying to look after him that I haven't thought much about it. It's hard to stay mad at him after almost losing him."

"Ana. I want you to know that Carry and I are aware of some of the aspects of Christian's lifestyle."

I look over at her horrified. "How? I mean what?"

"Please, Ana. Don't ever repeat a word of this to Christian. It would kill him to know that his father and I are aware of some of his issues."

I shake my head. "No. I won't. Grace. I don't understand."

"I know Christian is a very private person and I also know that he thinks that he has kept all of his lifestyle issues a secret. But you see, when Christian was a teenager, he stayed in trouble. Drinking, fighting, failing in school, thrown out of so many schools. We were beside ourselves. We didn't know what was bothering him. We didn't know how to help him. Finally Carry decided that Christian was going to get some help to try to get himself straightened out. That's when we started sending him to a psychiatrist to try to help him work through his issues."

"Since Christian was a minor and we were his parents, his therapist kept us informed as to what was going on with him and his progress with therapy. We found out that Christian had been involved with an older woman. It was a _romantic_ relationship, for lack of a better word. We had no idea who it was. By the time we became aware of the relationship, it was too late to do anything about it. Besides Christian would never name the woman. We never let him know that the therapist had told us, because the therapist thought that would be the best way to handle it."

"I never knew who it was until that day at his birthday party." Grace's lip begins to tremble and her eyes tear up. "Let me just say that Bellevue is a small community and there are no secrets there. Everyone knew what kind of lifestyle that Elena lead. All that mess that she was into. To make it worse, her divorce from Linc was less then amicable and he was not particularly discrete when they separated." Grace begins to cry and is visibly shaken. "When I overheard the discussion at Christian's party, it was like a dagger in my heart to think that my son had been with that woman. All that I could think about was what had she done to my son? What had she put him through? What kind of pain had she inflicted on him? My little boy. My baby boy. He had already been through so much in his little life. He didn't deserve to have that happen to him."

I lean over and put my arm around Christian's mother and hug her. "He did get a pretty rough start. But he has come so far Grace. You and Carrick saved his life and he knows that. He loves you both so very, very much."

"Thank you, dear. I just can't tell you how much I hate that woman."

"I'll hold her if you want to hit her." I try to lighten her mood.

Grace gives me a weak smile. "I just want him to get his life straightened out, Ana. You are so good for him, dear girl. He needs you. I don't want him to hurt you and have you leave him. Ana, he could never live without you and the children. When he told us what he had done it broke my heart. I couldn't have blamed you if you'd left him."

"Grace. I don't want to ever have to leave Christian. I love him just as much as he loves me. I'm going to do my best to stay with him. I owe it to him and the children to try to work on this. I can't make any guarantees, but I want to try."

"And just what are you two ladies gossiping about over here?" Christian says as he saunters over and sits down in a chair across from us. "It's beginning to get chilly. Don't you want to come inside?"

"Oh, we're just talking about raising children." I smile over at Christian.

Grace gets up and smiles down at me. She leans in and kisses me slightly on my cheek. Then straightens her blouse and hair. "Well it is getting chilly. I think I will go in and join the party." She heads into the family room.

"Mrs. Grey. Don't you want to go inside?" Christian asks.

"Actually, I think I'd like to take a walk down to the water with my husband, Mr. Grey."

Christian gets up and extends his hand to me. "Whatever makes you happy, wife let's go."

I take Christian's hand and we walk toward the water. We are almost there and Christian tugs my hand and pulls me toward the boathouse. He opens the door and we go in closing the door behind us. Christian pulls me close and kisses me. I put my arms around him and his kiss deepens. He moves his mouth to my neck and my breathing begins to quicken. Christian stops and grabs my hand again. "Come." and I follow him up the stairs to the guest quarters. Christian closes the door behind us. The guest quarters consist of a small kitchen, a living room, an eating area, a bedroom and a bath. All very contemporary décor. Christian again begins to kiss me and I feel his hard erection against my thigh.

"Christian. Please. You're rushing yourself. Take it easy, Baby."

"I'm more than fine, Ana. You are what I need."

"Christian. We have guests." I whisper to him.

"My house. My wife. They'll just have to do without us for a bit." he hisses on my neck.

He glides his cheek up the length of my neck and kisses my earlobe.

"Christian. You're going to kill yourself if you don't slow down."

"Am I being rejected Mrs. Grey?"

"No, never rejected. Just giving you a rain check."

Christian places my hand in his and kisses it softly. "Okay, then. I think we have guests waiting for us." We head back to the main house hand in hand. "I expect you to make good on that rain check, Mrs. Grey."

"Oh, I will, Christian. I will."

"What happened to the two of you?" Elliott yells out as we reenter the family room.

"I needed to check on the boat." Christian winks at Elliott and Elliott throws him a large toothy grin.

"Oh. How was the boat?" Elliott says.

"She was yare. Very yare." Christian grins as he falls in to his chair.

Kate slaps Elliott's leg. "You two stop it. You're acting like teenage boys." Kate admonishes.

The guests are gone and the house is finally quiet. I slip into the bed beside Christian. He is working on his laptop and his mind is miles away. I am wearing a soft pink silk slip of a nightgown. Without moving his eyes from the laptop screen he places his hand on my thigh."Mmmmm. I like the feel of that gown. It's soft."

"What are you working on?"

"Just work stuff." He is still intently staring at the laptop.

"Christian. I had to take care of 'work stuff' while you were sick and I had no clue what was going on. Can't you share a little information with me occasionally?" I'm looking over at him.

"Well this isn't anything major. I'm just looking at some property that I might be interested in." Christian closes his computer and puts it on the nightstand. He turns on his side and faces me.

"What kind of property?" I ask him hoping for an answer.

"I have something I'd rather talk about. Our anniversary is coming up shortly." He says.

"Mr. Grey you remembered." I smile over at him.

"Best day of my life, Mrs. Grey. Anyway, is there anything you'd like to do to celebrate? Any place you'd like to go?"

"Oh, I don't know. What would you like to do, Christian?"

"I have some thoughts on it, but I just thought I'd ask you first."

"Surprise me Mr. Grey. But, I don't know how you're going to top Maui. Just give me some notice so I can make childcare arrangements."

"Don't you want the rug rats to come with us?"

"Well?" I pause. "No. I love my babies, but I do like my alone time with you Christian."

"Okay. I'll surprise you." Christian takes me in his arms and snuggles up next to me. He kisses my forehead. "Thank you for the rug rats, Mrs. Grey."

"My pleasure Mr. Grey."

Christian chuckles. "You didn't look like you were having much pleasure while you were getting them here."

"You weren't having much fun either as well as I remember."

"You got the short end of the stick, baby."

"Well, I'm just glad there here."

"Me too. I was so worried about becoming a father. It scared the shit out of me. I was a nervous wreck for months. I didn't calm down until Teddy got here and I held him."

"That's what they say, 'A woman becomes a mother when she learns she's pregnant and a man becomes a father when he first holds his child'."

"I never heard that."

"You haven't heard of a lot of things, baby." I kiss his nose.

"Nice Mrs. Grey."


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

I awake to Christian hovering over me. I open my eyes and look into his. "Good morning Christian." I say through a sleepy yawn.

"Good morning beautiful." He gives me a quick kiss on my lips.

I throw my arms around his neck and pull him back for a deeper longer kiss.

"I have to go, Baby." Christian murmurs against my lips.

"What? Why?" I just now notice that he is dressed. "Come back to bed. I need my husband. I'm not ready for you to go back to work yet."

"I need my wife too, but I also need to get to work. I didn't think the doctor was ever going to release me to go back to work and I have early meetings scheduled to try to catch up."

"Oh. Well do you have just a minute?" I ask sweetly as I pat the edge of the bed, motioning for him to sit.

He sits. "Well just one. What do you need baby?"

Christian is wearing a summer Khaki suit with white shirt and red tie. I reach over and put my hand on his crotch giving him a coy smile.

"Ana. I really have to go baby." Christian puts his hand on mine and tries to pry it off of him. I pout and quickly move myself to my knees on the floor in front of him. I kiss him and without moving my lips from his, I pop his top button and unzip his khaki slacks with one swift move. My hand reaches to free him. He feels so warm and firm.

I romance this part of him inviting him to relinquish control to me. "Mmmm." He has a smell of Christian and sex.

"Ana. I can't. I really need to go, Baby." Christian tries to talk and catch his breath. I pay no attention to him. I want him this morning. I take him and I hear Christian moan and know that he is now mine. I can hear Christian as he tries to catch his breath, "Good God, Ana. What are you doing to me?"

He fists his hands in my uncombed morning hair as I continue to make love to this part of him. "Oh, God, Baby." Christian moans. I look up at him through my lashes and moan. "Oh, fuck Ana. Fuck." Christian finds release. The warm peppery liquid slides down my throat. Christian falls back on to the bed. "Good God woman! What has gotten into you this morning?" he gasps as he tries to catch his breath.

I smile and wipe the corners of my mouth with my middle finger. Then place him back into his slacks and zip his fly. I get to my feet and turn to walk to the bathroom. I smile back at him over my shoulder, "Have a good day, Baby." Then continue in to the bathroom. I do love to watch him lose his control, especially when he loses it to me.

I reach for my medicine bottle and look inside. Shit I am almost out of my medication again. Good thing I have an appointment with John this morning. I hear Grace stir. I need to get going and get the kids fed so I can get into town. I go into Grace's room and she is awake, but still just lying in her bed amusing herself. "Morning sleepyhead. Are you ready for some breakfast?" Grace beams up at me and nods her head. I pick up my baby girl and head down stairs.

When I hit the bottom landing I hear Teddy in the family room. Looks like he is already up and has the TV on. I'm beginning to worry that he watches too much television. Well, he's out of school for the summer so I'll let him enjoy himself. I hear the doorbell ring. Hmmm. Gail must have buzzed someone through the gate.

I turn to head for the front door. "I'll get it!" I hear Teddy scream and he races past me to the front door. About the time I get to the door, Teddy is already opening it and Sawyer is racing in from the kitchen. "No. Mrs. Grey!" I turn to see who is at the front door and a flash blinds me. I put my hand up and hear, "Mrs. Grey. Was your husband having an affair with Amy Patterson? Was it a bondage relationship? How long has he known her? Did Mark Jernigan try to kill your husband over it? Was he being blackmailed? Mrs. Grey?"

Sawyer slams the door shut. "Are you alright Mrs. Grey?"

Gail comes running toward us. "Oh, Ana. Are you okay. Are the children okay?"

I'm still stunned." I'm okay." Teddy is clinging to me and Grace is screaming bloody murder. I put my arm around Teddy." It's okay baby." I try to reassure my children." What was that Sawyer?"

"It looks like one of the reporters was able to breach the gate and avoid the CCTV surveillance. I'll take care of him." Sawyer gingerly opens the front door and exits.

I'm still shaken. I feel wobbly. "I'm going to go sit down." I make my way into the family room and lower myself onto the sofa. I'm still holding Grace and I put her on my lap. Teddy sits beside me and I put my arm around him.

"What was that all about, Mom?" he asks.

"I'm not sure Sweetie." I'm still trying to acclimate and assess the situation.

I hear the phone ring. "Gail can you get that for me?"

"Yes, I have it Ana." She answers. "Yes, sir. She's right here. One moment." Gail hands me the phone, "It's Mr. Grey."

"Ana. Are you okay? Are the kids okay?" I hear Christian scream through the phone. "How the fuck did they get through?" I hear him roar to someone in the room. "Well get over there and get it fixed. And find that fucking reporter and get that photo. I don't want to see it in any God damned publication anywhere or on the fucking internet either. Do you fucking hear me?"

"Ana?"

"I'm here Christian. We're okay. It just scared us." Grace is still crying. "Shhh. Shhh. It's okay Sweetie." I try to sooth her.

"I'm on my way home."

"No. Christian. It's okay. We're fine. Sawyer is handling it."

"If he had been handling things, it wouldn't have fucking happened."

"No. Really Christian. We're okay. It's your first day back. I'm sure you have mountains of work to take care of. Really we are fine." If he comes home it will be hell here all day long.

"Are you sure you no one is hurt? You're all okay?"

"Yes. Christian. It's under control."

"I seriously fucking doubt that. Look I have one more meeting and then I'll head home."

"Really it's not necessary."

"Ana. I 'm aware that it's not necessary. But I'm coming home anyway. I'll see you around lunch time."

I let out a sigh. "Okay. Christian. Be careful."

"I will, Baby. And don't answer the fucking door again."

"I won't. See you soon."

'Bye, Baby."

I hug Teddy and he appears to have calmed down. Grace has stopped crying. "Well, why don't we go see Mrs. Taylor about some breakfast?"

I take the kids and we head toward the kitchen.

Teddy is finishing his pancakes and bacon and a gallon of maple syrup. Grace is still working on hers and has sticky syrup up to her elbows. I should never let her have syrup. I am still on my tea and English muffin with cut fruit. I've called John and cancelled my appointment. I know Christian will have a fit if I try to leave the house today.

"Gail?"

"Yes, Ana?" She replies from the kitchen.

"Have you heard from Sawyer?"

"No. I haven't. Not yet."

"Okay. I was just wondering if he was able to catch that guy and get the pictures."

Gail walks over to the breakfast table. "I certainly hope he was able to catch him. Mr. Grey will not be pleased if he hasn't."

"No. Mr. Grey will not be pleased. Not at all. I almost dread him coming home, but I couldn't talk him out of it. Oh. I forgot. He'll be home for lunch, so I guess we'd better get something prepared."

"What would you like, Ana?"

"Oh, it doesn't matter. It's a warm day. Maybe turkey and avocado Paninis with some cut fruit."

"Very good. I'll have everything ready to put on when he gets here."

"Thanks Gail."

"I hope poor Sawyer still has a job after lunch." I mutter to myself.

"Okay kiddies. Daddy will be home at lunchtime. Let's go get you both cleaned up and dressed." I gingerly pick Grace up trying to avoid the syrup and we head upstairs to get cleaned up and dressed. Teddy bounds up the stairs. I'm carrying Grace. My darling girl hugs my neck and I give her a big squeeze. "I love you Gracie, girl." Grace gives me a big kiss on my cheek. She smells of pancakes.

Everyone is washed up and dressed. I am on the sofa that is on the patio and we are enjoying a warm breezy summer day on the sound. I have a child on either side of me and I am reading a story to them. "A mother bird sat on an egg. The egg jumped…" I am reading, 'Are You My Mother'? to my children. Christian hates to read this to them, but they love it, so I try to read it to them occasionally when he isn't around. Teddy looks up at me, "Mom, if I got lost would you come and find me?"

I give him a big hug and kiss him on his head. "Teddy. I would never lose you, baby. I'll always keep you close. I love you so much."

"But you went away and left me with Grandma Carla." He looks up at me with a sad little look in his eyes."

"Baby, Grandma Carla is my mother, and I knew she would keep you safe. Daddy was very sick and he needed me to be with him. To help him get better."

Teddy has a look of amazement on his face. "Grandma Carla is your mother?"

I giggle. "Yes, Teddy. That's what makes her your grandmother. Just like Grandma Grace is Daddy's mother."

"So is papa Carry Daddy's daddy?"

"Yep." I nod my head. "That's how it works."

"And Grandpa Bob, is your daddy?"

"Well. No. Grandpa Bob isn't my daddy. He is married to Grandma Carla. So that sort of makes him your grandpa."

"So who is your daddy, Mom?'

This is about to get real confusing so I decide to curtail the discussion. "Well, Papa Ray is my daddy. It's just that he isn't married to Grandma Carla anymore."

"Oh." He looks so confused.

"Well, why aren't they married anymore?"

"They got a divorce, sweetie."

"What's a divorce?" he asks me.

This is getting way too deep. "Well, when two people decide that they don't want to be married anymore then they get a divorce. Then they aren't married anymore. Then they don't live together anymore."

"Oh. Will you and Daddy ever decide not to live together anymore and get a divorce?"

"I seriously doubt that, Theadore. Now do you want me to finish reading this story?"

Teddy nods his head and smiles up at me.

Story time is over and the kids are playing together in the family room. I dial up Kate.

"Ana."

"Hi Kate. Do you have a minute?"

"Sure. What's up Steele?" I hear her speak to someone." That will be all for now Jamie. Thank you." She whispers to me. "I wanted to be able to talk to you, Ana."

"Kate did you hear what happened here this morning."

"Yes. It's all over the newsroom."

"What?" I can't believe it.

"Yes. It seems that Sawyer guy was able to get that photographer arrested for trespassing and had his camera confiscated."

"Oh. That's a relief. I haven't seen Sawyer since it happened and wondered if he was able to catch the guy."

"Unfortunately not before he sent the pictures in. Evidently he was able to sell them to The Reporter. Our paper wouldn't touch 'em. They'll probably hit in this afternoon's edition."

"Oh. Kate. No." I gasp.

"What happened Ana?"

"This guy somehow got through the gate and rang the bell. Teddy answered the door and the guy took a picture of Teddy, Grace and me standing in the foyer."

"Oh. Ana. I'm so sorry. I assume Christian knows."

"Of course he knows. I'm sure he knew about it almost before I did, and I was there. Anyway, he's on his way home. He will be here shortly. He will absolutely combust when he hears that the paper intends to publish it. Shit!"

"Kate. Do you have any idea what they are going to say?"

"Ana. I don't know for sure. But. There have been so many rumors about Christian lately. I would imagine that it will propose that Christian had an affair with Amy Patterson and Mark shot him in a jealous rage. Or…"

"Or what, Kate?"

"Or it could question what Mark was trying to blackmail Christian about. I really don't know, Ana."

"Is there any way to find out? Do you have any contacts at The Reporter?"

"Ana. I'm married to Christian's brother. That makes me his sister-in-law. No one will discuss anything with me."

"Will you give me a heads up if you hear anything?"

"Of course I will. Ana? Can I do anything for you? You've had so much shit to deal with lately. Are you holding up?"

"I'm okay. Okay for now. I guess we'll see what the rest of the day brings. Thank you, Kate."

"Take care, Ana. Really. Call if I can do anything."

"Thanks Kate."

"Bye, Ana."

The front door slams and that has to be Christian. Is it noon already? I haven't gotten anything done today, except to get my picture in the gossip column.

"Ana?"

"Up here, Christian."

I hear Christian bound up the stairs and Teddy running down the hall to meet him. Christian picks him up and gives him a hug and a kiss.

"Daddy. Did you know that Grandma Grace and Papa Carry are your mom and dad?"

Christian smiles at him. "Well, yes, son. I knew that."

"But did you know that Grandma Carla was Mom's mom, but Grandpa Bob isn't her daddy, but that Papa Ray is, but he's not married to Granma Carla anymore 'cause they got a divorce."

Christian looks at Teddy, with bewilderment written on his face. "Yes, son. I knew all of that. What has Mommy been telling you this morning?"

"Oh, she just explained some stuff. But she said that she didn't think you and her would get a divorce."

"Well, that's certainly good to know, Teddy. Thank you for clearing things up for me." Christian kisses him again and puts him down.

In an instant he is walking through our bedroom door. I'm just sitting on the edge of the bed, still numb over the morning's activities.

"Hey Baby." He gives me a sweet smile. "Teddy tells me we aren't getting a divorce."

"Well, at least not today." I stand up and walk over to give him a hug. "Hi, Christian. It's a long story. I'll explain later."

I wrap my arms around his waist. He puts his hand on the back of my head and bends down to kiss me. "Auggg. What the hell?"

"What is it?" I ask him.

"You hair is sticky. What is it?" Christian has a horrified look on his face.

I run my hand through the back of my hair and feel the sticky strands. "Oh. It's maple syrup."

"So that's why you smell like pancakes. How did you get maple syrup in your hair?"

"Grace was covered in it after her pancakes this morning. She must have put her hands in my hair." This is the least of my problems this morning.

"Come with me." Christian commands. He takes me by the hand and leads me into the bathroom. He soaks a washcloth in warm water and wrings it out.

"Turn around." He grabs my shoulders and turns me facing away from him. He then takes the wet cloth and gently wipes the syrup from my hair. "Well that didn't get it all, but it's better. I'll get you in the shower and wash it for you later." He puts his arms around my chest and kisses my hair. "How are you Baby?"

"I'm okay. I thought you would be fuming. Aren't you mad?"

"Yes. I'm beyond livid. But not at you." He continues to hold and rock me and he nuzzles my neck. "I'm so sorry that you are having to go through all of this, Baby. You don't deserve it."

"It's the kids who don't deserve it. I paid my money and took my chance when I married you." I turn around and put my arms around him pulling him close. "I love you so much, Christian Grey. We'll just have to stick together to get through this."

"Anastasia. Every day I wake up and pray to God that you won't leave me. That I can make it through one more day and still have you in my life. I would never be able to survive you leaving me again."

"Well try to behave yourself then." I smack him on his butt. "Let's go see if Gail has lunch ready yet."

We've finished our lunch. Christian is in the family room playing with his children, in between phone calls. I am trying to avoid him. I don't want to be around when he hears that we are going to make the evening edition of The Reporter.

Christian's birthday is tomorrow. I'll bake his traditional chocolate cake for him. But, I need to come up with something for him. I am sitting on the patio thinking and listening to the kids squeal and Christian laugh. I haven't been able to get out and do any shopping for him. I can't think of anything to get him. And damn if I'm going to Escala to celebrate anything. That rules out the playroom. I'll come up with something.

"Yes….What?...When?...Can we do anything?...I see….Thanks Barney." I hear Christian on the phone again.

Christian walks out on the patio and sits down next to me on the chaise. "Hey Baby. How are you feeling?" he asks.

"I'm okay, Christian. How are you doing? You look tired. I think you may have overdone today. Maybe you should try to lie down for a while." I stroke his cheek.

Christian grabs my hand and moves it to his mouth and kisses it softly. "Baby, I need to talk to you."

"What is it?" God please no more bad news.

"I just heard from Barney. He has been looking for that fucking picture that was taken this morning. It seems he's found it." Christian hangs his head and looks down. "A story just popped up on the internet with the picture accompanying it."

"Really? Can I see it?" I know this is going to be bad.

"I haven't pulled it up yet. But it seems that it will also be in the evening edition of The Reporter, this afternoon."

"It appears they will be alleging that I had a brief affair with Amy Patterson and that Mark was trying to blackmail me over it. Then shot me when I wouldn't pay." Christian still has not made eye contact with me.

"Well. That is what happened isn't it?" I try to lift his chin with my hand, but he resists.

"No. I mean. I guess it's close to the truth."

"Close? Christian I think that's pretty damn accurate."

"Ana. I never had an affair. I never touched her. Well not in that way."

"Look Christian. Consider yourself lucky. At least they didn't report the real nature of the relationship. People understand affairs. They can't really relate to BDSM contracts."

"I just don't want my private life, our private life, made so public. I don't want everyone being privy to it."

"Then, Christian, you need to do a better job of how you conduct your private life. Now days nothing is private." This brings to mind what Grace told me about Elena. She thought no one knew about her shenanigans either.

Christian kisses my hand again. "I know. Oh. I have an appointment with Flynn this evening. Do you want to go into town with me? Maybe grab some dinner?"

"No. I think I want to hide out here for a while. I want to assess the fallout before stepping out in public."

"I can't blame you, Mrs. Grey. I'll run into town later and be back in time for dinner."

"Okay." Christian stands up to go back in the house. I grab his hand before he can walk away.

Looking up at him. "Christian. We'll get through this." He just nods his head and walks back in to the family room.

Christian walks in the front door. He looks absolutely ghastly. I walk to the foyer to meet him. I put my arms around him and pull him close. "Christian. What in the world is wrong?"

"Nothing, why?"

"You look like you've been through the wringer. What happened?'

"I just had a rough session with, John."

"What happened?"

Christian just shakes his head. "We'll talk about it later. I'm not really ready yet."

"Okay. But, you know you can tell me anything, Christian."

He pulls me close and hugs me and kisses my hair. "I know, Baby. Just not yet."

I nod. "Okay. When you're ready."

Gail appears. "Dinner is ready."

"Thanks Gail." Christian smiles at her.

Christian and I are at the small informal dinner table with the children. Grace is in her highchair making her usual mess. Gail has prepared a wonderful pot roast with potatoes and carrots. And macaroni and cheese. She tends to bypass the haute cuisine when the kids eat with us. The kids love the mac and cheese, so does Christian.

"Elbows off the table, son." Christian admonishes Teddy.

"But Grace can. Look at her." He wines back at his dad.

Grace is covered in mac and cheese from elbow to elbow. She has a huge frown on her face and throws a macaroni at Teddy.

"Hey! Grace. That's not nice. We don't throw our food." I walk around to her and wipe her hands and face. Good thing we put tile flooring in the informal dining area.

Christian just shakes his head and smirks.

"Grace is still too young to understand. But you're getting to be a big boy and big boys need to learn table manners."

"Okay." Teddy pouts.

Christian looks over at his son,"Teddy have you thought about any kind of instrument that you might like to learn to play?"

"Christian, don't you think he is still a bit young to start that?" I ask.

"No not really. Actually he'll learn more easily, the younger he starts." Christian looks back over at Teddy. "Well, son? Any ideas."

"Well. Dad." I can see the wheels turning in his little head. "I think I would like drums."

Christian stops in mid bite. "Want to try again son?"

All I can do is giggle and try to hide a smile. "You deserve that Grey." I mutter.

"But you asked me, Dad." Teddy looks up at his father.

"I know, but I was thinking maybe, more like the piano."

"But what's wrong with drums, Dad?"

"They are very noisy." Christian has a distressed look on his face.

"You did ask him, Christian. And he did answer you." I shake my head.

"Well we can talk about this later, Ted. You just think about the piano. Okay?"

"Okay. Dad. I'll think about it." Teddy looks so disappointed.

The kids are down and Christian and I have settled in on the sofa in the sitting area off of our bedroom. I am snuggled up next to him with my feet up on the sofa. Christian has his arm around me. Christian hands me the remote. "Well you might as well find some drivel to watch. Just please no reality shows. That's all I ask."

I click on the television and flip through the channels. "Stop. Turn the sound up." Christian barks.

I stop on a national news channel that has Christian's picture on it. "Christian do you really want to hear this?" I ask looking up at him.

"No. I really don't, but we might as well know what they're saying."

The anchor behind the desk is reporting on the shooting and the relationship between Christian and Amy. ….."It is being reported that the shooting was a result of a failed blackmail attempt. According to our sources, Mark Jernigan, Amy Patterson's husband, and the assailant, found a contract that was an agreement in writing between Mr. Grey and Ms. Patterson to engage in BDSM activities.

For those in our audience that may not be familiar with the term, and without going into too much detail, BDSM stands for Bondage/Domination/Submission/Masochism. An alternate lifestyle allowing participants to engage in consensual acts of bondage and submission."

"Turn it off." Christian commands.

I do as I am told. I look up at Christian.

"I don't need to hear any more." His icy stare is fixed on the blank television screen..


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

"Christian?" I'm trying to gage what is going through his mind.

I sit up and move myself in front of him and look into his eyes. The look of fear and anger staring back at me scares me. "Christian. Talk to me."

"What do you want me to say, Ana? It's over. I'm finished. Everyone will know. My business, my reputation. All ruined. My parents will be humiliated. And you….God only knows what you must be feeling."

"Maybe not. Maybe we can put some spin on it. Do some damage control. Don't you have a public relations team? A legal team that can help diffuse this?"

"I never wanted anyone to know. I never wanted my family to find out. What will my children think of me? They'll see this one day and hate me."

"Christian. Now is not the time to give up and start feeling sorry for yourself." I tell him. Think Ana. Think. "Christian. I remember you telling me that you started the agreement with a verbal contract." I'm grasping at straws here.

He nods still staring into nothing. He is slumped back on the sofa rubbing his lower lip with his index finger and his eyes fixed on thin air.

"Well I remember that day in the apartment, I heard you tell Amy, that you would get a revised copy of the contract to her to sign. Did you do that?"

"Ana, I had already sent her a hard copy of the contract. That's why I was going to send a revised copy. She has a copy of it."

"Okay. But did you ever sign anything? As well as I remember with our agreement, you wanted me to sign first, before you signed. Did you do the same with Amy?"

"Yes. I never sign anything until the other party has agreed and signed first." His voice softens.

"So she doesn't have a contract with your signature on it. Right?"

"No. She doesn't."

"Then how can they connect you to that contract? Did you email or fax it to her?"

"No. I messengered the hard copy to her. I'd never be so foolish as to let something like that be transmitted via email or fax."

"So there is nothing on the contract that can link you to it?"

"No. I don't suppose there is. Nothing but my name printed on it."

"Then you just deny it. No one can prove anything to the contrary. For all anyone knows Jernigan made the whole thing up just to try to blackmail you. Anyone could make up a fake contract and put you name on it." I feel desperate, like a passenger on the Titanic looking for a lifeboat."

"Ana. I just don't want the suspicion hanging out there. I don't want people looking at me and wondering if it is true or not. Especially my family." He reaches around and hugs me around my waist and puts his head in my lap.

I gently run my fingers through his hair and resist the urge to pull it out by its copper roots. It seems my plight in life has become to try to clean up after hurricane Christian has blown through. "All we can do is play the cards we have been dealt, Christian. We can't change what has happened. We just have to deal with it."

"You're right. I guess we'll have to wait until morning and assess the fall out." His mood seems to have lightened a bit.

I'm not particularly happy with him right now, but he needs a diversion. If I don't try to take his mind off of this, he'll have poor Barney out of bed at 3 am trying to hack into some data base somewhere. I'm tired and I want to get to bed. "Want a shower before bed?" I ask him. "It might relax you."

"Sure. Let's go, Mrs. Grey. I need to finish washing the syrup out of your hair."

I walk into our bathroom and turn on the water in the shower that is almost as large as the apartment I was living in before we got married. Christian is right behind me. He is sans clothing and his beautiful body looms next to me. He puts his arms around me. "What would I ever do without you, Ana?"

"I hope you never have to find out Christian." I pull away from his arms. Sex with Christian is not high on my list right now. I grab my pale blue linen shirt by the hem and pull it off over my head. Christian pulls me to him again. I can feel him firm against me. He kisses me deeply exploring my mouth. "Oh Ana. I need you right now." He says against my neck. There is sadness and desperation in his voice. "I need to lose myself in you. I need you to take me far, far away from all of this. Just you and me."

"I love you, Christian." I whisper. I'm vacillating between anger and hurt for what he has done and the love that I still feel for him.

Christian drops to his knees in front of me his hands on my hips. My breathing begins to hitch. I fist my hands in his beautiful hair and look down at him. The sight of Christian on his knees in front of me sends waves of anticipation and excitement through my body.

"Oh, Baby. Your skin is so soft, so smooth, so beautiful"

Christian takes me relentlessly until I begin to shudder and I lean back against the counter to brace myself. I fist my hands in his hair. This is becoming more than I can take and I begin to pray for relief as Christian continues his sensual punishment.

"Christian." I whimper. "I can't take much more." Christian will not release his hold on me and he intensifies his attack, until I can hold it no more. My release hits me like a tidal wave that washes over my entire body. But Christian doesn't stop. He continues to possess me. As my trembling begins to wane, it builds again and once more I fall over the precipice. Still Christian does not release me. He continues with more determination and I cannot stop the delicious feeling that consumes me. I can't catch my breath. I feel lightheaded.

"Stop. Christian. Stop. I can't. I can't." I plead. The delicious sensation will not subside. As all-consuming as the feeling is, I can't take any more and I pull his hair trying to get him to release me from his carnal hold. "Christian!" I yell. "Please!"

Christian stops and looks up at me. He stands and pulls me close kissing me passionately. He goes to his knees again, taking me with him. I feel the cold tile floor against my back and Christian's weight on top of me. Without hesitation he takes me with determination.

He stares down into my eyes. "Oh, how I love you, Mrs. Grey. So soft and warm." He braces to continue the passionate assault. I look at my husband, his body radiant with sweat looms over me. His eyes lock onto mine and they are filled with a craving. He again begins to take me hard. I am shoved backwards on the tile floor, and he is following me not allowing me to escape. If he hadn't said that he loved me first, I would assume that it is a punishment fuck. It is both delicious and harsh at the same time.

I am building once more and the thought of another release is almost painful. I fist my hands in his hair. I realize that he needs this now. He needs to release the aggression and the tension. Maybe we both do. I command him to continue. My hands are in his mane pulling his copper locks.

I think he is going to completely overtake me. "Yes. Oh. God. Christian. Yes, Please." I gasp out loud. Christian has pushed me over the edge and all I can do is accept the painfully delicious release that begins. "Christian, I can't stop it. Christian. "

Christian commands me. "Give me what I need now. I want all of you now. You're mine."

I open my eyes and look into his. Intense gray to wanton blue. "Aaahhhh." I give everything to Christian, over and over again. He continues until he continue no more and his body releases. His face the color of scarlet and contorted with pleasure.

Christian is trying to catch his breath. "Ana, Ana. Ana. My beautiful, sweet Ana." He whispers as he sweeps kisses over my face. We are dripping with a mix of perspiration and sex. My muscles are so tired I can barely move. I am totally spent. Totally spent and totally, thoroughly fucked.

"Christian. I do believe there are certain positive aspects to you being mad." I look up at him and smile.

Christian looks down at me and smiles. "I think the water is ready. Maybe we ought to get into the shower before we drain the Seattle water supply."

I am lifted out of a deep sleep and stir to the sound of music. I reach over and Christian is not there. I finally wake enough to realize that the music is coming from downstairs. I slide out of our bed and walk down the hall toward the stairs. On my way I peek in on Grace and Teddy to check on them. They are both still deep in sleep. I follow the music down the hall and then down the stairs and into the living room. There sits Christian. Alone at the baby grand. Covered only by his drawstring pajama bottoms. The room is dark but for the light that illuminates the piano. The sound from the piano is mournful and achingly sad. I haven't heard Christian do this in years.

I stop at the entrance to the room and just listen quietly without disturbing him. I'm trying to understand what I feel. I can't seem to settle on an emotion. I am so angry at him and so very hurt by what he has done. I feel so betrayed and deceived. Yet, at the same time I still love him so deeply that my heart aches for the pain that he is in. How do you separate that? I just can't seem to do it. I wouldn't be so angry and hurt if I didn't love him so much. And it's because I love him that my heart goes out to him. Why can't life be easier?

Maybe I would have been happier marrying someone like Jose. Christian's wealth and position has brought excitement into my life. Never a dull moment. But, maybe I would have been better off with a little house on a nondescript street that was mortgaged to the hilt and a husband that worked 8-5 every day. PTA meetings, bridge every Tuesday afternoon and an annual trip to the beach or Disney World. Did I really need all of this? The houses, the cars, the staff, the trips to wherever we want to go on a moment's notice, the subs and all of Christian's emotional baggage.

But how do you change what your heart feels? How do I make this overwhelming love for this man go away? How do I deny it? I could no more deny him than I could deny Teddy or Grace. I just get so angry when I think of all of the people who have scarred Christian. The mother who denied him love, comfort and nurturing and the ability feel safe and cherished. The man who tortured and abused his little body and infused his heart with fear. And that woman who physically and sexually abused a poor confused young man, instilling in him twisted and aberrant ideas about love and sex. My poor Christian never had a chance. My cheeks are wet as tears fall silently down my face.

I want so badly to save him. I want to wrap him in my arms and protect him and love him and lift this dark veil that shrouds him. Christian continues to play repeating the melody over and over. I finally find my feet and silently walk over to him. I stand behind him and circle his chest with my arms. I lay my cheek on his head. Christian ceases playing. He places his hands on my arms and leans his head back into my breast. I silently rock him in my embrace and begin to feel the heaving of his chest as his tears begin to fall. I pull him to me tighter and hold on to him for dear life. His life. At this moment, I feel as though Christian is somewhere else and I am trying to reach him trying to bring him back to me.

I release him from my hold and turn to sit on the bench facing him. I stare into his sad gray eyes and place my hands on his face wiping his tears away with my thumbs. "Christian, what's wrong? Where are you? Talk to me please."

Christian takes me in his arms and holds me tight. "I can't yet. I just know that I would give anything, anything in this world to be the man that you need me to be. The man that you deserve. Ana. You deserve something so much better."

"But it's you that I happen to be in love with, Mr. Grey." I stand and hold out my hand to him. "Come back to bed with me, Christian."

It's morning once more. The sun always seems to rise. I look around the room trying to engage my brain. Christian is draped over me, as usual. I try to turn over on my back and it wakes him. He doesn't move but to kiss my shoulders. I certainly hope the mood is lighter today.

"Good morning, Baby." he whispers.

"Good morning Christian." I move to turn over. "Owww." I wince.

Christian jumps. "What is it, Baby?"

"My body aches all over. I'm so sore I can hardly move." I groan as I try to turn over.

"Oh. Ana. Baby! Baby, I'm so sorry." Christian begins to kiss my back. "Ana, baby. I had no idea."

"Christian. What is it?" I am finally able to turn and sit up.

"Your back. Ana. I…." He shakes his head and runs his hand through his hair.

"What Christian?" I get out of bed and walk to the full length mirror and turn to see my back side. A smattering of bruises that runs from my shoulders to my hips greets me in my reflection. In addition there are a select few on my thighs and upper arms. "Oh. Good heavens! No wonder I am so sore."

Christian has leaped out of bed and is at my side softly running his hand over the skin on my back. The look of remorse in his eyes makes my heart twinge.

I cup his cheek with my hand and he takes my hand in his and kisses my knuckles. "Baby it's okay. It doesn't really hurt. I'm just sore." I try to reassure him.

"I was just so rough with you last night, Ana. I don't know what got into me. I'm so sorry, Baby."

"Christian. I asked for it as well as I remember. That tile floor in the bathroom is just hard. Next time we'll use a carpeted floor. Really. It doesn't hurt. My muscles are just sore."

I reach up and hug my husband and he encircles me with his arms and pulls me close. I look into the mirror and see us naked, entwined in our embrace. Yes. This is where I want to be, I think to myself. I'll do what I need to do to make this work. I only hope that Christian will work as hard to keep us together.

"I need to get going Christian. I have an appointment with John this morning." I break away from our embrace.

Christian walks back over and sits down on the edge of the bed. He runs his hand through his hair and yawns.

"Okay. Be careful. I think those vultures are still out at the gate."

"Christian. Thank you for not firing Sawyer. The kids have become so fond of him and he is so good around them."

"The only reason I didn't is because you begged me not to, Ana. He'd better not fuck up like that again or he's gone. I don't care how much the kids like him."

I walk back over to him put my fingers under his chin and tip his head up to face me. I kiss him sweetly. "By the way, happy birthday, husband."

Christian rubs the back of his head, "That's right I had forgotten. I guess we are due at my parent's this evening."

"Yep. Birthday dinner duties. I think your mother said 5:00."

"Isn't that awfully early for dinner?"

"Christian the kids can't wait much later. They'll get too hungry."

His morning erection is still in-tact. And I softly run my fingertips up its length. "I have to get ready to go, but I'll take care of this later."

"Promises. Promises. Mrs. Grey."

Christian won't let me drive anymore. Not since all this mess started and we have reporters around constantly. Taylor is able to navigate through the crowd at our front gate. Christian was right, this is ridiculous. We arrive at John's building and Taylor lets me out at the front door. "I'll park the car and then wait in Dr. Flynn's front office for you, Mrs. Grey. Call me if I'm needed."

"Thank you Taylor. I'll be about an hour."

John opens his office door and greets me with a smile.

"Good morning, John." I smile up at him.

"Good morning, Ana. It's good to see you. Come in. Have a seat."

Once more I am sitting on the leather sofa in Dr. John Flynn's office. I glance over to my side to ensure that the box of tissues is in its proper place. Yes it is. All is right with the world.

"Well, Ana. A lot has transpired since we last talked."

"Yes it has. First I want to thank you for coming to the hospital when Christian was injured. We both appreciate it."

"Christian has been my patient for some time, Ana. I was quite upset at the events that took place. How have you been dealing with all of this?"

"I think so much has happened that I have become numb. Sometimes I feel like I'm on autopilot, just going through the motions."

"Sometimes I think that's the brain's way of protecting us when we are emotionally overloaded. Did the getaway to Savannah give you any time to think?"

"Yes. I believe it was beneficial for all of us."

"Did you come to any conclusions?"

"I think so. I realized that I can't just walk away. I owe it to the children and to Christian to try to work on our relationship."

John nods his head." What do you owe to yourself, Ana?"

"I owe it to myself as well. I truly love Christian, John. I don't want to have to live without him. I want to give us the opportunity to make some changes, if we can, so that we can make this work for both of us. For all of us. I don't want to look back years from now and have any regrets. Wish I had at least tried and didn't."

"Is this a decision that you made in Savannah or since the shooting?"

"No. I made it in Savannah. In fact, I had asked Christian to come to Savannah the night before the accident. He had agreed to fly out the next day. But.."

"How do you feel about what has happened since then?"

"Terrified. Overwhelmed. Sad. Such terrible sadness over all of it." I look down at my lap and the tissue that is knotted around my fingers. "You know all of this sordid mess has gotten out."

John nods. "Yes. That is unfortunate."

"It's heartbreaking. None of this should have happened. Christian shouldn't have taken another submissive. I just don't understand why. He doesn't even seem to think that what he did was wrong. Just because he didn't have sex with her, so he says, he just chalks it up to a mistake. 'Ooops, I messed up. Sorry'. "

"What are you going to do about it?"

"God. I don't know. How do you stay with someone who hurts you? But how do you leave someone that you love?" I blot tears away with a tissue from the box that lives next to my seat. "I don't know what he's going to do about all of this being made public. I caught him at the piano again late last night. He hasn't done that in years."

"Has Christian told you how he feels about all of this?"

"No. He won't talk to me, but I get the feeling that he is just hoping that it will all go away. He doesn't want to address it. Like addressing it publicly will give credence to it somehow. John, he seems to be so embarrassed by it. He seems to worry what everyone will think. His business associates. And especially his family and the children."

"Ah. Yes. Christian with a conscience."

"Yes. He always seems to think that he is so dark and lost. I can't convince him that if he were truly dark that he wouldn't give a damn what anyone thought. He wouldn't care how his actions affected other people. I just wish that I could make him see that he truly is a good, compassionate, caring person with a good heart."

"Ana. You can't make him see anything. That's not your job. Christian has to come to that all on his own."

"I know. I just want him to do it and get over all this shit that he thinks he needs." I sigh.

"I think Christian is making progress. I think all of the events that have transpired, especially you and the children removing yourselves from his life for a while has had an effect on him."

"But, John. Why does it always take me leaving him to make him change? "

"Christian responds to loss. When his own actions actually cause the loss, it makes him stop and think about the cause and effect. It makes him realize that his actions have resulted in his own pain as well as pain for others."

"That makes sense. I guess."

"Back to you Ana. It is encouraging that you want to work on your relationship. But I don't want you to think that Christian is the one that has to do all the changing. This doesn't fall 100% on his shoulders. You can't expect Christian to know what you need from him. You have to tell him. He doesn't have any type of built in radar to gauge how you are feeling."

I nod. "Yes. You're right."

"When he is cruel to you or hurts your feelings. It's your job to let him know. Call him out for his behavior toward you. You don't have to be cruel, but you need to let him know that the way he acts toward you or what he says is hurtful to you. He needs to understand that his actions and his words have an effect on you and how you feel about yourself. I think he is ready to hear these things from you. I think he needs to hear them. For your sake. You can't continue to absorb the negative environment that he can create for you."

"You're right. I can't put this all on Christian's shoulders. I am as responsible for my feelings as Christian is for his."

"That's correct."

"Christian looked ghastly after his last session with you."

"Christian is doing some difficult work right now. Examining things he has been afraid to confront. But I think he'll come out the other side. Unfortunately, sometimes you have to go through a tunnel to get to that other side."

"He said something about us coming to the next appointment together."

"Excellent. I wanted him to be the one to ask you. He needed to decide when he was ready."

"Do you have any questions for me, Ana?"

"I don't think so. I do realize that Christian isn't the cause of all of my problems. But I do need to start standing up to him more."

"Ana. Have you ever heard of the term codependence?"

"I guess I've heard Dr. Phil mention it on occasion." I smile.

"Just a moment." John goes to his book shelf and pulls a volume down and flips through it. "I want you to hear this verbatim. "_Codependency_ _refers to the dependence on the needs of or control of another. It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of another_."

"Sound familiar, Ana? Simply put, Codependency, by definition, means making the relationship more important to you than you are to yourself."

John continues, "Often people who have low self-esteem feel as though, 'I'm no good, no one would want me, and therefore I have to put up with this.' These negative thoughts are very common, and they have a big impact on why people stay in relationships that may not be good for them."

John pauses giving me time to absorb what he has said.

"We touched on this before, but do you remember saying to me that Christian wouldn't want you unless he was broken?" John asks.

"Yes. When I first came to see you, before we were married."

"This is why I asked you to examine your feelings further, Ana. I was never worried about Christian harming you physically. But with Christian's control issues, I had great concern about your ability to survive his psychological domination. So, do you see what I'm getting at Ana?"

"Yes. I think so. Christian has had so many issues, that I have put his needs before my own and he has allowed me to do it. I tried to love our problems away."

"Exactly. Having Christian was more important to you than your own self-worth. Does this mean that you should leave Christian? No. It just means that you have to do what is healthy for you. If working this out with Christian is what you want to do, then we can certainly take that road, but you have to be prepared to work on yourself, not just on the relationship."

He continues, "As much as you would like to, you can't fix Christian. But not to worry. As I said, Christian is doing some good work on himself. I think he may just make it through this."

"You aren't saying much, Ana."

"I'm just taking it all in I guess. Do you think all of this is what drew Christian and me to one another to start with? I mean, I was drawn to him because he needed me and he was drawn to me because he could control me?"

"What do you think, Ana?"

"I think there is something to that."

"Ana, it doesn't mean that you don't love Christian or he doesn't love you. Who knows why people fall in love? If I had that answer to that, I'd have more money than Christian does. It just means that now you understand where the crooks in the road are and you need to work to straighten them out. Makes traveling your path easier."

"John, you always make it sound so simple."

"Not really. I just sort of clear away all the bullshit, so you can see things more clearly. So. You and Christian get together and decide when you want to start therapy together. Give me a call and we'll set it up. But this doesn't mean that you can't still come by yourself when you need to."

"Okay."

"Oh. Any problems with the medication?" John asks me.

I shake my head.

"Here's another month. Call if you have any problems."

"I will. Thanks. See you soon."


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

**A/N: Thank you all for taking your time to read. I really appreciate your reviews and look forward to each and every one. Since I've never written anything before, they help me to know what makes the story interesting and what doesn't. Occasionally I need a not so interesting chapter to get me from where I am to where I want to be. Ana and Christian both need to grow up. So hang in there. Things are coming. In the words of the Wicked Witch of the West, "All in good time my pretty, all in good time."**

Taylor pulls the SUV up to the gate and it is assaulted by the human herd of reporters waiting there. They try to rush the car with questions. Like I'm really going to answer any of them. "Mrs. Grey. Is your husband a sadist? Did he have an affair with Amy Patterson? Does he beat you Mrs. Grey? Are you and Christian swingers?" Taylor plows through them and we finally pull up to the house. Taylor comes around to open my door. Christian has stopped letting Sawyer accompany me. He seems to feel I am safer with Taylor. Poor Sawyer has been grounded, so to speak, and his duties are at the house for now.

"Thanks, Taylor. Annoying aren't they?"

"Yes. Mrs. Grey. I'll be glad when all this settles down."

"Not as much as I will. Jason," I ask as we head toward the house. "You've been with Mr. Grey a long time. I don't want to put you on the spot, but how in the world have you dealt with Christian's lifestyle all these years and all of the fallout from it?"

Taylor looks surprised at the question but answers me. "I just keep my eyes looking straight ahead and do what is needed. It's not my job to think or judge. But.."

"Yes? But what Jason?"

"I don't like to speak out of turn. Mrs. Grey."

"It won't go any farther, Jason."

"Well. I can say I was a bit worried when he met you and started bringing you to the apartment, Ma'am.?"

"How so?" I stop and look up at him.

"I had a pretty good idea of what went on that room. But, it wasn't any of my business. You were different, ma'am. You were so much younger and from what Gail told me, pretty inexperienced."

I look down and blush intensely. Well I did ask. And Taylor is nothing, if not straight forward.

" But you seemed to really care about Mr. Grey. The others seemed more sophisticated, older. I don't know they just seemed to know what they were in for."

"And I didn't?"

"No ma'am. You sure didn't." Taylor shakes his head and has a half smile on his face. "But Mr. Grey. He's a good man. And I could see that he had some pretty deep feelings for you. Not like the others. He was good to them, but he didn't care. They were more like entertainment. Something to pass the time." Taylor snickers. "Gail and I kept wanting to tell you to turn around and run as fast as you could. But you held your own with him."

"I appreciate the concern, Jason."

"Yes, ma'am. Gail and I could see the change you made in Mr. Grey. He seemed happy for the first time ever…. since I had known him anyway. We watched him fall in love with you. And Gail. She adores Mr. Grey. She wanted whatever made him happy. As long as you didn't get hurt, ma'am. Gail is very fond of you, Mrs. Grey. And does she ever love those children. "

We reach the house. "Jason. I do believe that is the most I have ever heard you say."

"I'm sorry if I overstepped, ma'am."

"Good heavens no. It has been a pleasure and this will be just between us. "I reach up and put my hand on his shoulder and give him a squeeze.

"Thank you. Mrs. Grey."

"Thank you, Jason."

"Good afternoon, Ana" Gail greets me. "Did you and Taylor have a good talk?"

"Oh. You saw us?"

"Yes. But my lips are sealed. Oh, by the way. There was a delivery for you. I put it on the table in the dining area."

"Where are the children and Christian?" I ask.

"Well Mr. Grey said he was going into the office for a bit before his party tonight and Grace is napping. Teddy is playing with Walter on the patio."

"Okay. Thank you Gail." Oh good I ordered Christian's birthday gift yesterday and had it overnighted. I was worried that it wouldn't get here in time.

That's strange. I can't imagine Christian going out in public today. It's so soon after that news announcement. Oh, well. I guess he had to go back into the office at some point. He might as well face the music and get it over with. I take the package upstairs to our room to open it. I'll get it wrapped before he gets home.

I carefully open the package and look at the contents. Yep. Just what I ordered. Hope he likes it. I place part of it in a separate box and cover the box with wrapping paper and add a ribbon and bow. I place it on our bed for Christian to see when he gets home.

I take the rest of the contents and hide the box in my closet. I'll deal with it later. Cake. I need to get the cake made. I quickly get changed into my jeans and head to the kitchen.

"Okay, Gail. I am throwing you out. Time for my annual chocolate cake for Christian's birthday."

Gail smiles at me. "Gladly. Ana. I'll go out on the patio and check on Teddy and that rabbit."

"Mmmmmm. Something smells delicious." I hear Christian bellow form the foyer.

He walks toward the kitchen. "When will it be ready?" he asks with a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye.

"Soon enough, birthday boy." I smile back at him as I spread the chocolaty goo on to the cake.

Christian walks around behind me and puts his arms around my waist and kisses my cheek. Damn he smells so good. He swipes his finger in the frosting bowl and sticks it in his mouth. "Mmmmm. That's good. You know Mrs. Grey. I think I'd like to frost you with this sometime. Then take my time licking it off of you."

I smirk at him. "Christian you never give it up do you?"

"I only give it up to you, Mrs. Grey"' He kisses my cheek again.

"Why don't you go find the children and start getting them ready to go." I suggest.

"Gladly. Where might I find said children?"

"Grace is still napping and Teddy is on the patio with Gail and Walter."

"How was it at the office today?" I gingerly ask.

"Same as always. Why?" Christian looks over at me.

"I just wondered if the news piece had any fallout at work."

"Well if it did, no one would fucking dare mention it. Not if they wanted to keep their job. Everyone that works for me knows that personal lives are left at the front door. Once they are in Grey House, they belong to me. Besides, I pay very well, Mrs. Grey."

I shrug. "I just wondered. I didn't want it to be uncomfortable for you."

"It won't be. I'll go locate my children."

The cake is finished. Pretty good job I think as I look at my handiwork. You know I just might like to have Christian frost me with chocolate icing and lick it off. It has possibilities.

I walk upstairs to get cleaned up and ready to go and find Christian sitting on our bed with his present in his hands shaking it.

"Just what do you think you are doing?" I ask as I enter the room.

Christian turns to look at me with a smile on his face. "Is this for me?" He asks.

"Has anyone given it to you?" I stare at him and walk toward the bed.

"No. But a man can hope."

"Of course it is for you. I don't know anyone else in the house having a birthday today."

"Can I open it now?"

I sit down on the bed beside him and put my hand on his back giving him a quick rub. "Yes. Go ahead and open it."

Christian takes his time untying the ribbon. Then he carefully loosens the paper removing it. He is always so meticulous when he unwraps gifts. He is so genuinely happy that someone has given him a present. Christian opens the box and pulls back the tissue paper. His eyes widen as he removes the black leather belt with middle strap. Then he finds the remote control device. "Good lord, Ana!" he looks at me incredulously.

"Well, you said that you wanted me to wear it when we went out sometime. So I thought it would make a good birthday present. "

"You went over to the apartment to get it?" He asks.

"God, no Christian! I never want to go back there. I ordered it." It came this afternoon.

"Will you wear it tonight?" he has an ear to ear grin plastered on his face.

"Thus making it a birthday gift. I will as long as you don't embarrass me in front of your family. Do you hear me? I am trusting you to use your control wisely, Mr. Grey. I mean it. I will never forgive you if you misuse this thing."

Christian smiles. Zzzzttt. He presses the remote quickly and it vibrates. I see the wickedness written all over his face. What have I let myself in for?

Christian drops the device and puts his arms around me forcing me back on the bed. He kisses me passionately and deeply his breath quickening. Before I can protest he has popped the button on my jeans. "Christian I need to get dressed." I try to protest.

"This won't take long, baby." He whispers on my lips. "Just relax." His hands takes me."God, Christian." I whimper.

"I know Baby." He continues his assault while he is propped up on one elbow beside me and looking down watching my face. He kisses me softly and sweetly.

I begin to quiver and my breath catches. " You're so ready. Be still."

Christian continues and I am building. " Look at me, Ana. That's right, Baby. I want to watch you." I let go and find my release until I am spent.

Christian pops me on my butt. "Okay, Mrs. Grey. Let's get moving. Time to get this birthday celebration on the road."

How does he recover so quickly? I'm still trying to catch my breath. Then I remember. I had the orgasm, not him. I'll take care of that later.

I have bathed and powdered. Dried my hair and dressed. Including the belty, zzztttt thing that I gave Christian. I decided to wear a cotton sun dress with a white background and big pale sunflowers printed on it. I put on a white, light cotton sweater to hide the bruises on my back and arms. I examine them closer. They look worse than they did this morning. Oh, well at least most of the muscle soreness is gone. Christian insisted that a couple of Naprosyn and a warm bath would do the trick, and it did. It just looks pretty bad. I grab my purse and head down the hall to find Christian and the children. As I reach the of the stairs I hear the piano again. But this time it is a sweet tune. I recognize it. _Sonata Pathetique_, but the melody is so simple and child- like, not the usual way he plays it. I walk down stairs and in to the living room and see Christian sitting at the piano. He has Teddy in his lap. Teddy's hands are placed on top of Christian's, so that his little hands move with Christian's as he plays. Teddy's face is filled with delight, as he beams up at his father. Christian finishes the tune and wraps Teddy in his arms and kisses his copper curls. It is the dearest thing I have ever seen. Oh, Christian, Christian. What shall I do with you?

I walk into the room and over to the piano. I bend and kiss Christian chastely on his lips and look into those wondrous gray eyes. "What are my men up to?"

"Daddy was letting me play the piano. "Teddy beams up at me."

"Just showing my boy the advantages of the piano over the drums. "Christian smiles up at me.

"Well, let's collect our daughter and head out, Mr. Grey." I rub Teddy's sweet head.

The SUV arrives at the residence of Grace Trevelyan and Carrick Grey. We get the kids out of their car seats and head inside. Carrick meets us at the front door. Teddy greets him first. Carrick bends down and Teddy throws his arms around him, "Papa Carry!"

"Hey Teddy. How are you young man? Come on in and see your grandmother." Carrick gives me a hug. "Ana so good to see you. Come in." Then Carrick puts his arms around Christian, who is carrying Grace. "Christian. My boy. Good to see you. Happy Birthday, son. And my little, Grace." Carrick kisses her cheek and she bats her lashes and smiles coyly giving him the Christian Grey treatment. God help me. Christian and his daughter. What a pair.

We make our way into the house greeting and kissing everyone. Grace and Mia are in the kitchen. Elliott and Ethan are in the front room chatting about some sort of sporting event. Kate and Elliott's two boys are running through the house chasing each other followed closely on their heels by Irving, Grace and Carrick's springer spaniel. "Everyone come in and sit. Christian. Ana. May I get you two anything to drink?" Carrick asks.

"I'll take a Pimm's cup if you have it." I tell him.

"I think I can manage. Christian, you?" Carrick asks.

"I'll make it easy and take the same, Dad."

"Coming right up."

"Elliott. Where is Kate?" I ask.

"Oh, she escaped to the powder room. She'll be out in a few."

"Okay. Thanks." I turn and head toward the bathroom.

Oh my God! I stop in my tracks and grab my tummy as I feel a quick vibration. I look around to see my dear husband with his hand in his pants pocket and a sly smile on his face. I stare daggers at him. This isn't going to be an easy evening. I recover and I run into Kate in the hall.

"Ana!" She throws her arms around me. "I haven't seen you in forever."

"Hi Kate. It's good to see you, too."

As Kate releases her hold on me she accidentally brushes my sweater off of my shoulder. She exposes my shoulder and the fresh bruising.

"Good God, Steele! What has happened to you?" Kate gasps.

"Oh. It's nothing Kate. Just rolling around with the kids."

"Ana Rose Steele Grey. I know that you don't get those playing with your children. Tell me."

"Kate it's really nothing."

Kate grabs me by my elbow and drags me into the powder room and closes the door. She pulls out the top of my sundress and looks down my back. "Ana you tell me right now or I'll go out there and ask that husband of yours just what the hell he has done to you."

"Well if you must know Miss Kavanaugh, my husband and I had some pretty mind blowing sex last night. It was on the bathroom floor and I was too busy to notice how hard the tile floor was. There. Satisfied?"

Kate's jaw is almost hitting the floor. She grins. "Mind blowing? That good?"

I just smirk at her smugly and shrug ."I happen to be married to a very accomplished man."

"Well, Christian Grey." She says with disbelief.

Just as we open the door to exit the powder room Christian is standing there. "Your drink, Mrs. Grey." He hands me my Pimm's cup.

Kate looks up at him and smirks. Christian looks bemused. He puts his arm around my waist. "What was that about?"

"Oh Kate accidentally saw the bruises on my shoulder and wanted to know how I got them."

"What did you tell her?"

"I just told her that my husband had fucked the ever lovin' shit out of me last night and made me come like a locomotive."

Christian stops in his tracks, "You told her WHAT?"

"I didn't put it in those exact words."

"I certainly hope not."

So far no one has mentioned the news piece that was on TV. I'll hold out hope that it remains that way. I head toward the kitchen to see if I can help Grace and Mia. "Hi ladies. Can I help with anything?" I ask as I walk into the kitchen.

"Oh, Ana dear. I'm glad you all made it." Grace smiles up at me.

"Christian wouldn't miss his own birthday dinner." I respond.

Grace walks over and gives me a big hug. She whispers to me. "How are you both doing? We heard the news. I'm so sorry, Ana. I've warned Mia not to mention a word about it. I want Christian to enjoy his birthday without having to get into any explanations. We can talk later."

"Well. What can I do to help?" I ask.

"Well, will you check the potatoes in the oven and see how they are doing?"

"Sure." I grab the oven mitt and suddenly, grab my abdomen and bend over slightly. I frown and bite my lip.

"Ana? Darling are you okay?" Grace asks me.

The sensation stops and I straighten up and relax. "I'm fine Grace. Just having some cramps. That time of the month."

"Oh. I remember how that can be. You take it easy. Cramps shouldn't be that bad."

"Really. I'm fine" I look in the oven and report, "The potatoes look good. Bubbling away."

"You go sit down Ana. Mia and I can finish up in here. Do you need any Advil or anything?"

"No, thank you. I'm fine."

I walk back to the family room to join everyone. Christian looks up at me with a smile. I shoot daggers back. I sit down next to him on the sofa. "Okay baby?" he kisses my cheek.

"It's 'gonna be a long night isn't it Christian?"

"I'm afraid so, Mrs. Grey. But you're a big girl. You can deal with it." Christian begins to sing softly, "Happy Birthday to me..."

"You are an evil, evil man, Christian Grey." I shake my head.

Kate and I are in the kitchen just helping to finish up with the after math from dinner. Kate motions for me to come out on the patio with her.

"What is it Kate?" I ask her once out on the patio.

"I haven't asked all night, but how are you and Christian doing after that thing on the news?"

"Were fine Kate. Christian isn't any too happy about it, but we're dealing with it."

"So?"

"So what?" I ask her.

"So is it true?"

"Kate. I've told you before. Mark was angry that Christian had fired him and he wasn't a well man to begin with. He made the entire thing up. He tried to blackmail Christian and it backfired on him."

"So there is no written agreement between Christian and Amy?"

"Absolutely not, Kate."

"Sure?"

"Yes. Kate. I'm sure."

"Okay. Just checking."

Grace sticks her head out the back door. "Oh. There you two are. I was wondering."

"Well, I'll head inside." Kate gives me a hug and disappears into the house.

"Ana."

"Yes Grace." Here it comes.

" I'm glad Kate left us alone for a minute. I want to ask about the news piece."

"What about it , Grace?"

"Is it true, Ana? Has Christian started up with that mess again?"

"No, Grace. He hasn't." I'm not a good liar. I hope she believes me.

"Are you sure, Ana? It would kill his father and me if he fell back into that lifestyle."

"Grace. We are okay. Mark Jernigan was a troubled man and he was unhappy that he hadn't been promoted like he thought he should have. He tried to blackmail Christian and it backfired on him. Christian fired him and Mark went off the deep end. End of story."

Grace hugs me. "Oh. I'm so glad to hear that's all there is to it. You have no idea how worried I have been over it."

"Please don't worry , Grace. We're fine." I hug her and smile. "Let's go back inside. It's getting a bit chilly.

Grace puts her arm around me and we head inside.

Christian greets us in the kitchen where he is depositing his empty glass.

"That was delicious, Mom. Thanks." Christian hugs his mother and gives her a kiss on her cheek.

Grace puts her arm around Christian's waist and gives him a hug. She reaches up and kisses his cheek. "You are welcome, sweet boy. I'm just so glad that you're here to enjoy it," Grace begins to cry and Christian puts his arms around her and rocks her. "It's okay, Mom. It's okay."

Grace wipes her tears. "Christian, honey, I think Ana needs to go home. She keeps holding her abdomen and wincing. She said she's just having cramps, but she looks pretty uncomfortable."

"Oh. She didn't mention it. We'll collect the children and head home. It's getting late anyway."

I have gone to the family room and am sitting next to Kate on the sofa. Christian comes over to sit next to me. "So, Grace tells me you are having pretty bad cramps. Do we need to go?" He smiles at me.

"Jerk. Stop smiling at me." I catch my breath and grit my teeth. Damn him! I hold my breath and grit my teeth until the vibration stops. "I'm warning you Grey."

Ethan stands up. "Everyone. I'd like to say something. Not to make this any kind of tradition or anything. But I just wanted to say that…"

Mia jumps to her feet and screams. "We're getting married!"

Ethan looks at her and sighs. "Mia, you didn't let me finish."

"I know, baby. I just couldn't wait." She gives him a hug and kisses him. She can't seem to stop bouncing.

Christian is the first to jump up and extend a hand to Ethan. "You should be used to this by now Ethan. And I don't think it's going to change."

Ethan smiles as Christian shakes his hand. Christian puts his arms around his baby sister and gives her a big hug lifting her off the ground. "It took you long enough, Mia. Congratulations."

We all take our turns congratulating the happy couple. Admiring the ring. Kate is weeping a little. Grace and Carrick are over the moon that Mia will finally have some direction in her life and be a burden to someone else.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

We have collected our children and are in the SUV heading back to the house. When we reach the gate at the house, there are still a few reporters there, but the crowd seems to have thinned. "I can't believe there are any of these fuckers still here this time of night." Christian says.

"Christian! Please watch what you say. The children." I admonish him.

"They're asleep. They won't hear anything." Christian snaps.

"You never know when they are listening, Christian. And why are you snapping at me? I didn't do anything."

"I'm sorry, Baby. I just feel irritable and I don't know why."

"Could it have anything to do with Mia and Ethan?"

Christian shrugs.

"She's your baby sister, Christian. You're bound to feel like you are losing her."

"Maybe." Christian reaches over for my hand." I have enjoyed my birthday present, Mrs. Grey. But I was sorry to hear that you had cramps all night." Christian smirks over at me and winks.

"I'll be glad to get this thing off." I say to him." It is most uncomfortable. I am about to die of frustration."

"Oh, Mrs. Grey. Say it isn't so." Christian feigns a pout.

I jump as I feel a quick sap of vibration. "Ooops. Sorry Mrs. Grey. My fingers slipped."

"Christian. You are on thin ice."

He flashes me a quick wink. "Let's get these kids to bed and finish celebrating."

The kids are tucked in and Christian is finishing a story to Teddy. I sneak out of the house and up to the guest house over the boat slip.

I send Christian a quick text.

:

I am in the guest house and await your instruction, 'Sir'.

My hair is in a single long braid down my back. I am wearing a red satin thong and I have a plain black leather collar around my neck. I have ordered an assortment of 'toys' and placed them out on the dining table in the guest quarters. Some of them I am familiar with some I have no idea what they are for. I'll let Christian decide how to use them. I have dimmed the lights.

I hear footsteps coming up the stairs from the boat slip. The door opens and Christian stands before me. I am in the center of the living room. On my knees. Knees spread wide. Arms resting on my thighs. Eyes cast down. Christian is in an old pair of jeans. Not the same ones as before, but another pair of soft slightly tattered jeans. They hang low on his slim hips and expose his happy trail. Top button open and feet bare. He is wearing a white linen shirt that is unbuttoned giving me a glimpse of his well chiseled chest and abs.

"Well, well. Ana. You please me."

"Thank you. Sir."

"You weren't told to speak."

Christian spies the toys on the table. "What have we here?" He slowly examines each one. "Excellent choices, Ana. Now what to do with you." He slowly removes his shirt and slings it across the floor and it lands in the corner of the room.

"Stand up. And don't look at me."

I do as I am told. Christian walks behind me and nuzzles my neck and I feel his warm breath as he glides his tongue from my shoulder to my ear. He takes my earlobe in his teeth and gives me a quick bite. I wince slightly and Christian slaps my butt with his hand. "Did I tell you that you could move?"

Christian glides his palm over my chest and wraps it around my throat. He pulls me to him by my throat and kisses my neck. He walks around to the front of me. I'm going to blindfold you now. Do you understand? You won't be able to see." Christian starts to place the blindfold on me and hesitates." What's the safe word, Ana?"

"Red. Sir"

"That's right. Red." "Hands in front of you. Now!" I feel Christian places a leather cuff on one wrist and then on the other, binding them together. He pulls my braid forcing my head up and kisses me hard and deep. My body is responding. After all the stimulation throughout the evening I am so on edge and ready. "Poor baby" Christian whispers. " Are you in need? In good time, but not yet." Christian continues with my instruction assuming his dominate role over my submissive. He claims his birthday present, which consists of me and his' birthday toys'.

We are soaking wet with perspiration as we collapse on to the bed. He softly kisses my back and moves from me taking me in his arms. He gently kisses me and takes the braid out of my hair stroking my hair and untangling the knots. He removes my blindfold and places his forehead against mine. He strokes my nose with his and then kisses me softly and sweetly. "Are you okay, Ana?"

I smile at him and nod. I place my hand against his cheek and he leans into it. "I love you Christian." I look into his loving gray eyes. Christian wraps me in his arms and pulls me to him tightly. "I love you so much, Ana Grey." He begins to weep into my neck. I hear his soft sobs and feel his wet tears against my skin and I turn to cradle him in my arms.

We lie like this for an eternity. Christian's sobs have stopped and I still cradle him. Our bodies and legs entwined. I am playing with locks of his hair twirling it around my fingers and running my hand through his hair. His face is nuzzled at my breast and I can feel his warm breath on my skin.

Christian looks up at me. "Thank you, Ana."

I give him a puzzled look, "For what, baby?"

"For giving me everything. Your love. Your body. Your trust. The children. I would have no life without you, Ana. You saved me. You saved me from the dull, gray, emotionless life I was living. You brought light and color into my world. I will love you until I take my last breath, Ana Gray."

Tears begin to fall silently from my eyes. I gently kiss my husband. And he makes tender, sweet, romantic love to me, until we fall asleep in each other's arms. "Happy Birthday, Christian."

It's barely light and I wake to Christian still engulfing me. I love waking to this. I turn and kiss him gently on his nose.

He leans over and kisses me softly without opening his eyes. "Good morning Mrs. Grey. How are you this morning?"

"I'm good, Mr. Grey. Do you feel any older?"

"Yes. I feel ancient this morning." Christian leans up on his elbow and runs his hand through his hair." What time is it? It's not light yet."

"I know. I thought we'd better get back to the house before the kids wake up."

"You're probably right." Christian drapes himself back over me with his head on my chest, hugging me tightly and closes his eyes again.

I wait a minute and hear his breathing becoming slow and deep. He has gone back to sleep.

I shake him gently. "Christian?"

"Huh?" He murmurs.

"Are you awake?" I ask running my hand through his hair.

"Working on it, Baby." Christian nuzzles my neck.

I gasp ever so slightly. Christian gently moves to take me again slowly and sweetly.

"Mmmmm. You feel so good, Mrs. Grey. So warm. So soft. You smell so good, Ana. I love you so much." He nuzzles my neck and kisses me sweetly.

I soon find release, but not the usual mind blowing event. It is a comfortable, pleasant sensation. Christian moans and stiffens and finds his release as well. He relaxes and I feel his weight on top of me.

He goes to move. "No. Don't. Stay here for a while. "I ask. I hug him tightly.

Christian raises his head and looks down into my eyes. He rubs his nose against mine, smiles and kisses me gently. I can feel his erection has waned as he finally leaves me.

Christian and I have dressed and walk hand in hand through the damp grass back to the house. The morning mist is still hugging the ground, the sky is still gray and it is chilly. Christian puts his arm around me. "Cold, Baby?"

I smile up at him. "Not when I have you."

We get up to the house and Gail is already in the kitchen. She smiles at us. "Good morning, Ana. Mr. Grey. Coffee?"

"I'll have some Gail. Thanks." Christian and I take a seat at the breakfast bar.

"Here you go Mr. Grey. Ana. Here is your tea."

I smile at her. "Thank you, Gail."

"Can I fix either of you any breakfast or is it still too early?" she asks.

"I could go for an omelet." Christian says. "How about you, Sweetheart?" He looks at me.

I don't believe I have ever heard Christian call me 'Sweetheart'. I am taken aback.

"I could eat a scrambled egg, bacon and toast."

Christian smiles. "Hungry are you?"

"Famished." I smile up at him.

Christian leans over and kisses me gently.

"Did you have a pleasant birthday, Mr. Grey?" Gail asks as she busies herself getting our breakfast together.

"More than pleasant. Thank you. Are the kids still asleep?" Christian asks.

"Haven't heard a peep out of them yet." Gail tells him.

"Good. Maybe they'll sleep late this morning."

I give him a wry look. "Good luck with that."

"One can hope, Mrs. Grey."

"That was great, Gail. Thanks." Christian says as he finishes his breakfast and places his napkin on the counter.

He stands and holds his hand out to me. "Come wife. Let's go see what happened in the world while we were fucking our brains out."

"Ssshhh." I put my finger to my lips and nod at Gail.

Christian rolls his eyes and whispers. "She knows we're married."

I take his hand and we walk into the family room. Christian sits on the sofa and I slide in next to him with his arm around my shoulder. He aims the remote and turns the television on and scans the channels settling on a morning news show. The local morning news anchor is on as it is still too early for the national shows to start. I feel so warm and safe here snuggled up next to Christian. Christian is still sipping on his coffee. I begin to doze a bit. Suddenly I feel Christian move his arm and sit up.

I jump awake. "What is it?" I see Amy Patterson on the screen and the banner at the bottom reads. 'Breaking New Conference'.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

"What on earth?" I sit up to see what this is about. I hope it's not bad. I can't take anything else bad. "Turn the sound up, Christian."

"Are you sure you want to hear this?"

"Yes. Turn it up. What is she going to say, Christian?"

"Ana. I have no idea. I know what I hope she says. Actually, I am about to slit my throat. How much more do we have to deal with?"

"Ssshhhh." I try to quiet him.

Amy moves to the podium. "I would like to read a statement and then I will take your questions." She opens the paper and places it in front of her. "I want to begin by saying that I loved my husband, Mark Jernigan, very much and miss him terribly, but, my husband was a very troubled man. Now I want to address the events surrounding the death of my husband and the near fatal gunshot to Mr. Christian Grey, CEO of Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc. In doing so, I need to speak to recent accusations that have been leveled regarding my relationship with Mr. Grey. It has been reported that Mr. Grey and I had been involved in a romantic relationship. It has also been reported that Mr. Grey and I were involved in activities of an alternate lifestyle. I would like to dispel those rumors. Mr. Grey and I are not now, nor have we ever been involved romantically. Neither have we engaged in a Dominate/submissive relationship as has been reported."

"These accusations were invented by my…." She puts her hand to her mouth, catches herself and tries to keep from crying. "Invented by my late husband, Mark Jernigan. My husband was employed by Mr. Grey as a staff attorney at GEH. He was both disappointed and angry that he had not advanced as far in his position there as he thought he should have. My husband invented these accusations in order to try to blackmail Mr. Grey. He became angry when Mr. Grey did not respond to his money requests. This led to a confrontation in Mr. Grey's office and the shooting incident that took place there resulting in injury to Mr. Grey and the death of my husband."

"My only, and I repeat, only relationship with Mr. Christian Grey is/was that of the wife of one of his staff attorneys. Mr. Grey had no involvement in this situation other than to be the employer of a disgruntled employee. Thank you."

Reporter: "Ms. Patterson, what about the contract that you had with Mr. Grey to engage in a BDSM relationship?"

Amy: "There was never a real contract between Mr. Grey and me. It was invented by my late husband to try to force Mr. Grey into complying with his money demands."

Reporter: "Ms. Patterson, is it true that you were retained by Mrs. Grey to handle her divorce from Mr. Grey?"

Amy: "I was retained by Mrs. Grey, to handle a separation agreement for her. Due to attorney/client privilege I am not at liberty to discuss the details of that case. However, because it is public record, I can say that Mr. and Mrs. Grey did not move forward with a separation, much less a divorce. To my knowledge, nothing was signed by or filed for either party."

Reporter: "Ms. Patterson, how could you serve as representation for Mrs. Grey if you were involved with her husband?"

Amy: "I repeat. I was not involved with Mr. Grey in any way other than to be the wife of one of his employees. This left me free to represent Mrs. Grey."

Christian turns off the television. I am sobbing into my hands. I throw my arms around him and we hold each other tight. " Oh, Christian, Christian. I can't believe it! I can't believe she did that! Maybe this nightmare will finally go away."

"I know, Baby. I'm just so sorry that you had to be involved and go through all of this shit. Oh, Ana. Thank you for staying with me. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for loving me."

I let out a huge sigh. "Christian why do you think she did it? Why did she hold that press conference?"

"Self- preservation. I figured it would happen sooner or later. Hopefully sooner."

"Really? You think so?"

"I know so. Ana," He turns to face me. "First of all, it would have been bad form for her not to have denied everything. Doms and subs don't out one another. If she hadn't denied it, no one would have ever fucking touched her again. No one would ever consider a contract with her if they thought there was the possibility of her making it public. Second. Her career was going to go down the tubes if she didn't deny all of it. She had to fucking say something. She had to try to clear her name and in doing so she ultimately cleared me."

I can't help but think to myself that Amy's statement was incredibly similar to the scenario that I had talked to Christian about after the first news release. It has all been tied up far too neatly and quickly. But I push it out of my mind. I am so relieved. "If you thought she would eventually do something like this, why didn't you say something to me?" I ask him. "Why did you let me worry and cry when you suspected what she would do?"

"Well, I couldn't be sure, Ana. I knew she had to do it, I just didn't know if or when she would muster the courage to actually follow through."

"Christian Grey. If you don't…"

Christian puts his fingers to my lips. "I know. If I don't start telling you what is going on you're going to suspend me by my balls with genital clamps." He smiles at me.

"Well I'm glad you've heard something that I've said."

I snuggle up to my husband and he holds me in his arms for an eternity. Or at least until the kids wake up.

"Are you going in to work today?" I ask Christian.

"No. I think I'll hang out with my family." Christian sips on his coffee. " I don't feel like dealing with the assholes at the gate or anywhere else today. I'll let Ros know to call if she needs anything."

"Christian, do you feel like going out to dinner tonight?" I ask.

"We can if you want to, Baby. Any place special you want to go?" Christian squeezes me and kisses my hair.

"Oh. I don't care. I just thought it might be nice to go somewhere quiet and have dinner. Just the two of us."

"Okay. I'll come up with something."

"Morning Mom. Morning Daddy." Teddy stumbles into the family room to join Christian and me. He is in his PJs and rubbing his still sleepy little eyes with his hands.

"Come here baby boy." Christian says as he grabs Teddy and pulls him up into his lap and cradles him in his arms. Christian sweetly kisses his head. "Did you sleep well?"

Teddy nods "Uh huh."

Christian rubs his thumb across Teddy's cheek. "You still have sleep in your eyes, Sweetie."

"Well. Since the heir apparent is up, I guess I'd better go check on the darling girl". I stand up and bend over to kiss Teddy's head. Then I kiss Christian on his soft lips. I smile at him. "I'll be right back."

I enter Graces room and she has just wakened. Her little blue eyes twinkle up at me and she stretches out her arms for me to pick her up. "How's that big girl bed sleeping? Do you like it?" I ask her.

"Good Mama." I take her to the bathroom and let her relieve herself. Her pull ups are dry. She may be almost potty trained. Life is good. I pick her up when she is finished and we head down stairs to join our men. "Let's go see Daddy and Teddy."

When we get down stairs to the family room, Teddy has fallen back to sleep in Christian's arms. Christian has his eyes closed and is rubbing his nose in Teddy's hair. They both look so peaceful and sweet. It's a Kodak moment.

I sit down with Grace and as usual she puts her arms out for her father. "Da dee." she squeals.

"Grace Baby, I can't hold both of you." Christian tells her. But she is having none of it. She is about to start to cry so I turn her loose and she crawls over to Christian.

"Well I can see who wins this popularity contest." I look over at Christian with a smirk on my face.

"Well Baby. It's hard to go up against a face like this." Christian grins over at me.

"Full of yourself this morning aren't you, Grey?" I sneer at him.

"Mrs. Grey, you have a very smart mouth this morning. What shall I do about that?"

"Anything you feel like you're big enough to do, Mr. Grey."

"I'll see to you when my arms aren't so full. But don't think I'm going to forget about it."

"Yeah. Yeah. I'm shaking in my boots."

"You're just making it worse, Baby."

I smile over at him. "Yes. I know."

It has been such a pleasant day. Christian has been so relaxed with all this Amy Patterson shit out of the way, supposedly. I just still have an uneasy feeling about all of it. The kids have enjoyed him being home and spending time with them. We have walked down to the water's edge and gotten thoroughly soaked. We have gone out front and played hide and seek in the tall grass in the meadow. We have fed and played with Walter. Grace has given us a caterpillar. We have had grilled cheese and tomato soup for lunch. And now we are taking a nap. I am on our bed on my stomach with my chin propped on my folded arms. Christian is on his side next to me propped up on his elbow and he is gently rubbing my back. All I can think about is how lucky I am. How lucky was I to find this man and for him to love me and give me this wonderful life.

I turn on my side and look up at Christian. "I love you so much, Christian. "I run my finger over his lips.

He smiles down at me. "I love you too, Sweetheart."

I look puzzled. "Christian. Why have you started calling me Sweet heart? You've never had any pet name for me other than, Baby."

"Well. Aren't you my sweetheart?"

"I hope so. I was just wondering why that's all."

Christian shrugs. "I don't know. It just came out and seemed right."

He is staring at me as he slides his fingers softly down my cheek. "So beautiful." He kisses me softly and puts his arms around me. We doze off and nap after the day's activities.

"Christian where are we going to eat?" I ask as I run a towel over my head drying my hair. I'm in my fluffy terry robe and feel so good after a warm bath. Christian is almost dressed. He looks so damn hot in his soft summer gray slacks that hang on his hips. Maybe they still hang a little too much right now. He'll put his weight back on. He has on a crisp white shirt and a pale blue tie. His jacket is still on the hanger. Christian is putting his watch on, snapping it on his wrist.

He looks over at me. "I thought we might go to the club. What do you think?"

"That's fine with me. Hungry for anything special?" I ask him.

He walks over and swats my butt, "Just you, Mrs. Grey."

"Now how did I know you were going to say that?" I say sarcastically.

"Careful" He warns. "I already owe you a spanking for your smart mouth this morning."

"You see me running don't you?" I tell him as I slip into my panties and bra.

"Careful." He looks over at me with a stern look on his face.

I giggle at him. He walks over and puts his arms around me. He smells clean and sweet. He smells of Christian. "A cute giggle won't save you, you know."

"Get away from me. I'm trying to get dressed." I smile and nudge him away.

Christian releases me. "You wound me Mrs. Grey."

Christian runs a brush through his hair. Mr. Perfect. "I'll go down and visit with the kids while you finish getting ready." He grabs his gray jacket and slings it over his shoulder and walks by and kisses my cheek.

"Okay. See you in a minute." I tell him.

"A minute. Right." He says sarcastically and disappears down the hall.

What to wear. What to wear. I have a closet full of clothes and still don't have any real interest in them. I grab a black linen sheath with capped sleeves and a deep 'V' neckline. I slip it over my head and it hits my leg just above my knee. I pull my hair back into a sleek, straight pony tail and add some mascara, blush and some light pink lip gloss. I finish off with a graduated strand of pearls and a pair of drop pearl earrings. I slip into my black paten leather pumps. Pretty fair. Christian will like.

Christian opens the door for me on the R8 and I slide in. In one continuous move, he walks around the car and throws his jacket in the space behind the front seat and slides into the driver's seat and starts the car. The man moves like a panther. Christian lowers the top and we take off with a lurch. Christian has on his aviator sunglasses and looks his usual level of hotness. When we get to the gait there are still a couple of reporters hanging around. Christian stops briefly before pulling out into the road. The reporters approach the car yelling questions at us, but Christian peels out leaving only a dust cloud in his wake.

We begin the long ride into town. This is so nice. The late afternoon air is incredible. Christian and I haven't been out together in ages. We have avoided the public ever since this whole mess started, weeks ago.

I look over at my husband with his copper hair blowing and he flashes me a Christian smile. "Christian?"

"Yes, Baby?" he looks over at me.

"Why didn't you tell me about being your power of attorney?"

"Ana, we discussed it. Don't you remember signing the papers?"

"Yes. I just didn't know that meant I would have to run the company while you were sick."

"Is there a problem with that?" he asks me.

"Well, yes. Christian I have no idea how to run a company. I could have made a wrong decision and lost everything. Everything you have worked for."

"Baby, I know Ros will be there to help you. At least I hope so. Ana, you are the only person in the world that I would trust with our business. Note I emphasize 'our'."

"But Christian, I don't have any business sense. I could give away the store without realizing it."

Christian takes my hand. "Ana, you are the smartest person I know. I trust you with anything and everything we have. I wouldn't feel comfortable with anyone but you taking the reins."

"Christian, are you sure?"

"Absolutely. 100%. No doubt in my mind. With everything." He smiles. "And, yes. I know I need to keep you better informed about what goes on. And I will really try to do that."

I don't know if I feel better or worse.

We arrive at the building where the club is located and the valet opens my door and helps me exit the car. Christian slides out with his usual grace and tosses the keys to the valet. He takes his jacket from the car and slides into it.

The valet nods."Mr. Grey."

Christian comes around to me and takes my hand and the doorman opens the door for us. "Dinner Mr. Grey?"

"Yes thank you." Christian replies.

The doorman presses the elevator button for the club dining room.

We wait for the passengers to exit the elevator and then we get on.

"I like this elevator, Mrs. Grey."

"Makes me squirm, Mr. Grey." I look up at him and he is smirking.

"Really? I can't imagine." He says indignantly. He looks down at me quizzically. "I do owe you a punishment, don't I?"

"No. No I don't think so." I shake my head.

"No. I believe you are wrong. I'm quite sure I owe you a punishment " Christian looks straight ahead and smiles.

The elevator door opens. And we enter the dining room. The maître de greets us. "Mrs. Grey. Mr. Grey. Good evening. I have your reservation. Please follow me." I follow the maître de and Christian follows me closely with his hand on my waist. I am a little wary about what our reception will be considering the events of the past several weeks.

Christian has to stop at almost every table. The club members stand to speak to him and shake his hand at most every table we pass. They seem genuinely glad to see him and have nothing but well wishes for him. I am polite and smile and make brief small talk with the wives, or girlfirends as the case may be. Finally we reach our table in a dimly lit romantic corner near the window with a panoramic view of Seattle by night.

Christian orders a bottle of Bollinger Blanc de Noirs Vieilles Vignes Francaises 1997. "Christian. That's obscenely expensive." I whisper.

"I don't care." He almost admonishes me. "What do you want to eat?"

"How does the Bollinger go with grilled cheese?"

"Ana. I wanted it. We can afford it and more. Stop worrying and try to enjoy yourself. Please."

"Okay. I'm sure it will be fantastic. Thank you. Actually I have a taste for lobster. I haven't had one in a while. Drawn garlic butter. Potatoes dauphinoise. I do love those. And a strawberry salad with blush wine vinaigrette dressing."

"Actually, Mrs. Grey that sounds delicious. I think I'll have the same."

Christian places our order and adds raw oysters for an appetizer. Hmm. Another fishy meal.

The sommelier has delivered and poured the champagne. I take a sip of the bubbly liquid in my glass. "Mmmm. The champagne is wonderful. Mr. Grey. I'm sorry I complained."

"I thought you'd like it, Baby."

"What are you thinking about so intently, Mr. Grey?"

"What your punishment is going to be." He smiles.

"Oh. Christian. Really. Don't ruin my dinner by making me think about that."

"Actions have consequences, Baby. By the way we have that fundraiser tomorrow night. Do you have anything to wear?"

"Crap. I forgot about that. I'm sure there's something in my closet. Do we really have to go?"

"I'm on the board for the charity, Ana. I don't see us getting out of it."

"Can't you just give them some money instead?" I ask.

"No. Ana. I can't. We'll just make an appearance and not stay long. Okay? Besides, we already give them 'some 'money'. Go buy something to wear."

"Why is it I have to buy a new evening gown for everything and you just have to wear a tux? You have a bunch of them, but they all look the same."

"I don't make the rules, Ana."

"Well who does?"

Christian sighs and looks over at me sideways. "You're being very obtuse this evening, Mrs. Grey."

"I'm sorry. I think I'm just tired."

"I thought it was you who wanted to come out for dinner?" He reminds me.

"I did and I do. Is it okay if I just find something in my closet for tomorrow night? I hate shopping for that stuff."

"Fine with me, Ana. I just thought you might want a new dress."

"I'll think about it."

"Here eat an oyster. You'll need it for later." Christian squeezes the lemon on the raw mollusk and holds it to my mouth. I tilt my head back and he lets it slide down my throat.

He has his arm around my shoulder and takes his finger to wipe the oyster juice from my lip. Then he kisses me quickly and softly. We laugh and touch like newlyweds as we consume most of the obscenely expensive bubbly. I look up and notice that people are looking over at us.

"Christian, people are watching us. Maybe we'd better save some of this for later." I try to curtail his affections.

"We could just give them something really worth watching." He whispers in my ear.

"No. That's probably not a good idea."

"They're just jealous, Baby. I have an incredibly hot wife, and an obscenely expensive bottle of champagne at my table. Why wouldn't they be envious?"

Our salad arrives and I think I am rescued. "This looks wonderful!" I remark. Christian starts on his salad. He puts a strawberry on his fork and puts it to my mouth to feed it to me. I take it. "Christian. I'm serious. Cool it."

I feel his fingers tickle the area behind my knee. "Christian. I mean it!" I whisper.

His fingers travel up my thigh and slip under the hem of my dress. I put my hand on his and try to stop his advance. "Christian I know where you're going with this and you can forget it."

We are sitting at our table facing the room and luckily the white table cloth has a long drop and it hides Christian's activities.

"But Mrs. Grey. You've misbehaved and I promised you a punishment. Don't you remember?"

"This isn't funny, Christian." I'm trying to keep a smile on my face.

Christian's fingers continue their journey and they reach my black satin panties. Christian runs his fingers over the crotch of my panties. I shudder. "Mrs. Grey. Your panties seem to be moist." Christian continues to calmly eat his salad with his other hand.

"No shit. Sherlock. Now cut it out."

No matter how tightly I squeeze my legs together, Christian's fingers slip beneath the satin fabric and hit his favorite spot on my body. I let out a small gasp and stiffen. I put my fork down and fold my hands propping my elbows on the table. I rest my temple on my folded hands and look at my husband. I fix my eyes on Christian. I brace for my punishment. Christian' fingers circle and circle me and I do my best to smile and control myself.

"Your control is improving, Mrs. Grey." Christian whispers.

"Just get it over with Christian." I'm trying to control my breathing.

"I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about, Mrs. Grey. You look a little distressed."

Christian continues to attack me with one hand and calmly eat his salad with the other. I am building to the point that I dread. I'm going over the edge. I unfold my hands and move one of them to Christian's thigh. I prop my head on the other looking over at Christian and squeeze the shit out of his thigh, digging my fingers into his flesh through his slacks. I fix my eyes on his, grit my teeth and catch my breath as I fall over the edge.

Christian smiles at me and leans over to kiss my nose as my spasms begin to subside. He removes his hand from my panties and licks his fingers as though they had vinaigrette on them.

"Mmmmm. Good." he muses. "Well done, Mrs. Grey." He smirks at me.

"Fuck you Christian." I glare at him.

I am trying to collect myself as the waiter startles me. "Was the salad not to your liking, Mrs. Grey?" I look questioningly at him as I try to make sense of what he has asked me. "Oh. No it was fine. I'm just not as hungry as I thought. Thank you." I smile politely at him as he removes my salad plate.

I shake my head. "Oh Christian, Christian. What will I do with you?"

"I can make a few suggestions, Mrs. Grey. I'm sorry you didn't care for your salad. Mine was delicious."

God help me.

The waiter delivers our entrée and we continue with the rest of our evening.

We are in the elevator headed back down to the car. "Aren't you speaking to me Mrs. Grey?" Christian asks me.

"Not right now, Christian." I keep my stare forward.

"I'm at a loss. Mrs. Grey. I have no idea what you could be upset about. We had an excellent bottle of champagne, a gourmet meal, a little pleasure under our table."

"Christian. It wasn't pleasurable for me." I admonish him.

"But I made you come. I don't understand."

"Christian. It is not my primary objective in life, to have an orgasm. I don't want to 'come' in the middle of a fucking restaurant full of people." I sternly tell him still without looking at him.

"But you earned a punishment. Your behavior warranted it." He looks so puzzled.

The elevator door opens and we walk out the door to our waiting car. The valet opens my door and I slide in to the passenger seat. Christian gets behind the wheel and we roar off headed home.

I turn to look at my husband. "Christian. I'm tired of all this punishment shit."

"Ana. I thought you liked to play."

"Christian. I do. I like to play but at home. In our bedroom. You can punish me all you want to there."

"But I don't understand. We have done things in public before and you've always enjoyed the risk. It always seemed to make things exciting." Christian looks over at me with a look of dismay on his face.

"I know, Christian. Sometimes it's hard to explain and I realize I can't expect you to know what I'm thinking or feeling, unless I tell you." I think for a moment. "Christian we have our kinky, fun, recreational sex. And I love it. I never want to stop. But then there is our sweet, gentle lovemaking. Our vanilla. I like that as well and I never want to stop that either. Sometimes I may not be in the mood for spicy and I wish you would respect that."

"Okay, Baby. I just need to know." He tries to take my hand and I move it.

"Like tonight. There has been so much on the news about your sexual escapades lately. What would have happened if we had been caught? What if someone even suspected what we were doing? Baby, we certainly don't need that right now. Besides, I just wasn't in the mood for that. I just wanted to have a nice, quiet, romantic dinner with my husband."

Christian reaches over and takes my hand and kisses the back of it. "I'm sorry, Sweetheart. I was just playing."

"Well, when I say 'no', please respect that. Especially if we are in public."

"I understand. I'm sorry Ana." He looks over at me so contrite. "Forgive me?"

"I guess. This time."

"It was fun though wasn't it?" There is a twinkle in his eye.

"Thin ice Mr. Grey. Very thin ice." I shoot daggers at him.

We pull up at our front door and Christian walks around and opens my door for me, helping me out of the car. He takes me in his arms, "In case I forgot to tell you, you look lovely tonight, Mrs. Grey." He kisses me sweetly on my nose.

"Thank you, Christian. You look unusually hot yourself. But I'm not in the mood." I break away from his hold.

"Ana, I don't understand." We head into the house and upstairs.

Christian breaks away from me and heads into the living room. "Ana, I'm going to have a glass of Armagnac. Can I bring you a glass?"

"Yes. Please. That would be nice." I continue up stairs without him.

I walk into Teddy's room and he is sleeping so soundly. I kiss his sweet head and pull his quilt up over his shoulders. Then I walk to Grace's room to check on her. She is dead to the world. I look down at my sweet girl. Her little pout of a mouth makes a sucking motion and I suddenly miss nursing her. She is growing up so fast. She won't be my baby much longer. I kiss her and pull her pink quilt to cover her. I make sure the baby monitor is on and quietly leave her room.

I walk into our bedroom and kick my shoes off. Christian walks in carrying two glasses of Armagnac.

"Here. Let me," he says setting the glasses down. Christian walks over and unzips my dress. He kisses my neck and slides his hands over my breasts.

"Christian. I'm just not in the mood."

Christian backs away from me and has a hint of disgust in his voice, "Oh. Is this it now? Is this where it starts that you aren't going to be in the mood? Is this where we start to become an old married couple that doesn't have sex anymore, because you're too tired, or you have a headache?" Christian looks at me indignantly.

I turn to look at him and I'm furious. "How dare you, Christian Grey. How dare you say that to me. Have I ever rejected you? Have I ever told you that I wasn't in the mood?"

"No but I guess it has to start somewhere." He throws back at me as he loosens his tie.

"Why does it have to start somewhere? Can't I just be angry and not in the mood to fuck you? I'm allowed to have feelings Christian. I'm allowed to be angry and I'm allowed to be hurt. And I'm feeling all of that right now."

"I don't need or want to be controlled all of the time. I am an adult. I don't need your permission to live my life, Christian."

"What the hell are you talking about, Ana?" Christian is getting angry as well. "Of course you are an adult. And since you are, you might fucking try acting like one."

"Well, from now on I will. I've let you control and manipulate me since the day I met you. I wasn't happy unless you were. I wasn't content unless you were. Well fuck that."

I look at him with narrowed eyes. My hands fist on my hips. "It's a new day, Christian Grey. I'm not a business acquaintance. I'm not an employee. I'm not some failing business that you need to make better. And I'm certainly not some skanky submissive. I'm your wife and believe it or not, I have an equal stake in this marriage."

"I will no longer put up with this behavior of yours. You need to decide just how much our marriage means to you, because there will be no more second chances. No more, 'whatever you need Christian'. No more 'how can I make you happy Christian'?"

"Christian looks as if he has just been shot. "Do you really think that I need someone else to make me fucking happy? I'm quite capable of living my own life as well, Anastasia Grey"

"Then give it a try, Christian. In fact give it a try right now and get the fuck out of this bedroom. I am not getting into that bed with you. Not tonight."

"I'm sleeping in my own bed. If you don't want to sleep with me, then you go somewhere else. I've heard just about all I fucking want to hear tonight, so make it snappy."

"That suits me to a tee". I grab my night gown and turn to head out the door.

"Ana. Ana wait. Don't go. I didn't mean it. "I hear Christian call after me.

"Too late. I meant every damn word." I coldly answer back at him. I disappear down the hall.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

I wake up and need to hit the bathroom. I realize that I am in one of the guest rooms. That's right. I remember the awful fight Christian and I had last night. I drag myself out of the bed and head to the en suite bathroom. When I pass the mirror, I get a glimpse of myself. I look ghastly. Hair everywhere. Mascara under my eyes. I relieve myself and decide to head to my bathroom to get my face wash. I really don't want to run into Mr. Wonderful this morning. I tread down the hall and our bedroom door is open. I cautiously peek in and the bed is still unmade , but Christian isn't in it. For some reason I feel a twinge disappointed. I walk in to the bathroom and quickly wash my face and brush the lobster and champagne off of my teeth.

I head down stairs for some tea.

"Good morning, Ana. How are you?" I'm greeted by a smiling Gail.

"Good morning, Gail. How are you?" I drag myself onto a stool at the breakfast bar. "Has Christian left already?" I know he has but I ask anyway.

"Yes, ma'am. He left bright and early this morning. Didn't even eat. Just grabbed some coffee and headed out. Oh. He said to remind you about the fund raiser this evening. He said he'd be back about 7 and expect to leave about 7:30."

"Mmmm. Thanks Gail. I was hoping to get out of it. But, no luck I see. Did Christian seem okay?"

"I take it you and Mr. Grey had words last night. " Gail sets my tea in front of me.

"We had a whole lot of words, Gail."

Gail smiles. "Sort of reminds me of the disagreements you and Mr. Grey had back in the beginning." Gail smiles and shakes her head. "Goodness. You two could have some whoppers." Gail snickers. "I'd never seen Mr. Grey get so mad. But you always worked it out. You will this time too."

"I'm sure we will, too, Gail. It will just take some time." I drink my tea and reach for an apple from the fruit bowl.

"Can I fix you some breakfast, Ana?" Gail asks me.

"No thanks. I'll just have this. Oh, by the way can you watch the kids for me this morning? Seems I have to go into town and find a dress for this evening."

"Of course, Ana."

"Oh and try not to let Teddy watch so much TV. I really need to let him go over and play with Kate's boys more. He needs to get out from in front of that television and outside in the fresh air more."

"Sure thing. Will Taylor be taking you into town this morning?"

"Nope. I'm going to drive myself."

"I'm not sure Mr. Grey would like that Ana, what with the reporters and all."

I look at her and shrug. "I don't really care what Mr. Grey would like. I'd like to drive myself in my car. And I think I will." Gail flashes me an approving smile.

I am driving in to town with the top on the car down and I feel so free this morning. I zoomed past the few straggler reporters left at the front gate and haven't looked back. I hate to fight with Christian, but it felt good to get him off of my back for a change. I have called Caroline Acton and made an appointment to pick out a dress. She no longer works for Neiman's. She now has her own business as a personal stylist. I've let her know what type of gown I'm looking for and she should have some picked out for me to try on. I need something to cover these bruises. They have faded but are still visible.

I pull into the parking lot and enter the salon of Ms. Acton. "Hello, Ana. So good to see you again." She greets me by giving me air kisses on both of my cheeks. Whatever. "Please come in. I have pulled some lovely gowns for you."

We enter her showroom and I look through the selection. I pick several that interest me and go to the fitting room to try them on. I settle on a black column dress. It has long sleeves to cover my arms and a high back. But the front. The front has a deep 'V' that plunges between my breasts and exposes their inner mounds. It has just enough spandex in the fabric to really hug my body and accentuate all of my curves. There is a slit from the hem to mid-thigh on the right side and slight ruching on the sleeves from my elbows to my wrists.

I walk out to the showroom and Caroline gushes. "Oh. Ana. That is perfect. You look so grown up in it. So sexy. All it needs is an adjustment in the length, but that won't take any time."

"You know Caroline. It's about time I grow up a little. I'm tired of looking like a teenager. Would your salon have time to put my hair up for me?"

"Oh. Of course Ana. How about a manicure and maybe some makeup?"

I smile and nod. "Yes. That would be great."

Caroline gets on the phone and talks to the salon. "They are waiting for you Ana. Your dress will be ready by the time you are finished downstairs." She looks seriously at me. "Ana, I've wanted to do this for years. You are going to look breathtaking when we are finished."

"Well, I guess there is something to be said for breathtaking."

I have been manicured, facialed, pedicured, war painted and coiffed. Caroline hands me my dress as I exit the salon. I feel like a million bucks. Even though I'm really worth a billion. I head home and decide to take a detour to really splurge. I pull into the drive through at a local hamburger joint and order a greasy burger and a decadent chocolate shake. I unwrap the greasy delicacy and bite into it. Oh. My. God. It is heaven. I devour the burger on my way home and savor the milkshake. I finally reach the front entrance to the property and never even slow down to turn in. I almost take out 2 reporters as I do, without ever looking back. I park, grab my dress and shoes and head into the house.

"Gail. I'm home." I announce.

"We're out here, Ana." I hear her reply.

I walk out on to the patio and Gail is out in the grass with Teddy, Grace and Walter. They seem to be thoroughly engrossed in trying to feed Walter some grass. The new patio surface that Christian had put in looks really nice and it is a lot easier to walk on. Gail looks up at me, "Did you find a dress Ana?"

"Yes I did. I really like it."

"Oh, Ana. I like the hair and especially the make- up. I've never seen you in very much make- up before. It really is nice. You look so… sophisticated."

"I thought it might be time for me to go for more of a grown up look. I'm glad you approve."

My phone rings." Christian?"

"Yes, Ana. I was just calling to remind you that we need to leave the house at about 7:30."

"Yes. I'm aware. Gail told me this morning. You were gone when I got up this morning."

"I had early meetings. Hold on."

I hear him talking to someone in the background. 'No…. that's out of the question….we discussed it at the meeting earlier…if he doesn't like it he can fuck himself…that's the final. Walk if he doesn't accept….'

"I'm sorry. Where was I?"

"You were gone when I got up. Something about early meetings."

"Right. I kissed you goodbye, but you were still asleep."

"Oh? You should have wakened me. Christian, I…"

"I've got to, Baby.. The shit's hitting the fan around here today and I seem to be the fan."

"Okay. Well, I'll lay out your tux for you."

"Thank you. I'll just have time for a quick shower and to dress when I get home. Are you okay, Ana?"

"I'm fine Christian. I'll see you when you get home."

"I'll see you about 7 then."

"Okay. Be careful." I remind him. "Bye."

"Bye Ana."

Well, frosty but better than last night.

I hug my kids and spend a little quality time with the rabbit. Teddy has been so good with Walter, maybe it's time for him to have a dog. I'll talk to Christian about it. I don't recall Christian ever mentioning a family pet. Well, a dog might be good for the kids.

I make sure Gail will get the kids fed and down for the night. I give her instructions as to where we will be and for how long. She knows the drill, but I make sure anyway. I make my way upstairs to bathe and get ready for the evening. I run a deliciously warm tub of water with bubbles and descend into it. I have the iPod turned on to some soothing soft jazz. I have poured myself a cool glass of Sancerre. I relax. I try not to fall asleep as I don't want to get my hair wet and ruin my fresh chignon. After relaxing, I make sure I am shaved and bathed. I exit the tub and go into my dressing room to get ready. I hear Christian come in and then hear the shower start. I begin to dress, sliding into my black satin thong and, well, no bra with this dress. Luckily the dress has a built in bra. I put on my misty black thigh highs and then step in to my dress. It fits like a glove. And with my paten pumps it is the perfect length. I look at myself in the full length mirror. I look like a grown up. My breasts mound just inside the plunging neckline. My hair is sleeked back and in a chignon at the base of my head. My eyes are dark with eye shadow, eyeliner and mascara. I refresh my blush and my lipstick which is an intense rose color. A little powder on my nose and I put on my earrings and walk out into the bedroom.

Christian has just finished dressing and is adjusting his cuff links. He looks at me as if he has never seen me before. Like I am a stranger, a delicious stranger. "Ana. You're breathtaking. What have you done different?"

"I just decided to look a little more sophisticated. I decided it was time to leave the teenager behind and look more like a grown up. After all I am a mother of 2 and the wife of a billionaire CEO. It's time I look like it. Do you like it, Christian?"

Christian walks toward me and reaches out. "May I ?"

"Of course, Christian."

He puts his arms around me and gives me a hug. "I didn't want to piss you off again. I'm so sorry, Baby."

"Me, too. I hate to fight with you. " I hug him tight.

He releases me." Just one moment wait here." Christian disappears down the hall and returns several minutes later with a box in his hand. He holds the case out to me. I can tell that it is a jewelry case. This was for your anniversary. I have been working on it for months and it arrived today. I know it's early but, I'd like it if you would wear it tonight."

I open the case and it takes my breath away. "Oh, Christian." I gasp." It is exquisite." Inside the box is a strand of huge golden south sea pearls. Perfectly matched, perfectly round, no blemishes and perfectly colored. At the end of the strand is a canary yellow diamond. Cut in a pear shape. It is not an intense treated looking yellow and it's not too pale. It matches the pearls perfectly. It is about the size of a walnut. Placed inside the curve of the necklace is a matching set of teardrop pearls that dangle from canary yellow diamonds. This is so not me. But I can't deny how absolutely gorgeous they are.

Christian pulls the necklace from the case and opens it. He holds it up, "Here. Let me."

"Of course." I look at the vision of the two of us in the mirror. Christian is so gorgeous in that tux.

Christian puts the necklace around my neck and fastens it at the nape. He kisses me softly on my shoulder. I have been working on it for months with the jeweler. It is custom made. All the pearls were individually hand- picked and the diamond was purchased from a private collector. It was custom recut for the necklace.

"Christian. Why did you do this?" I ask as I stare in wonderment at the vision in the mirror.

"I wanted you to have something that was almost as beautiful as you are."

The necklace hits just at the curve of my breasts in this dress. It fills in the deep 'V' of the plunging neckline. I take off my current earrings and replace them with the matching golden pearl and diamond earrings. I look like I walked off of a page of, _Vogue_. "Christian, I don't know what to say."

"Just getting to look at you is enough, Ana. You are so beautiful."

I turn and put my arms around his neck. "Thank you Christian."

I kiss him sweetly and he hugs me tight. "I'm sorry Ana. You know I love you."

I nod my head and stroke his cheek with my fingers. Tears are brimming in my eyes and I don't want to cry.

Christian extends his hand. "Shall we go Mrs. Grey?"

I take the hand of my husband and we walk down stairs. "There's never a dull moment with you, Christian Grey."

"Mommy. Daddy!" We hear the kids scream as they run over to hug us good bye. Christian catches Grace just before she puts her gooey hands on my dress and swings her into his arms. "Whoa. Don't get Mommy's pretty dress dirty." He kisses her and I lean in for a kiss as well. I lean down to kiss Teddy and Christian gives Grace to Gail.

"Ana, Mr. Grey. You look like you stepped out of a magazine." She smiles at us.

"Hopefully not MAD Magazine." Christian muses.

"We'll be back early, Gail." I remind her.

"No worries. I'll get them all tucked in. You two have a good time."

Christian opens the door to the Bentley Rapier. And I slide in. I've never seen this car before.

Christian gets in the back beside me. His phone buzzes and he takes it out to check emails.

"Christian? Where did this car come from? I've never seen it."

"I got tired of going to events in the SUV, so I got us a proper car." He is still preoccupied with his phone.

"It's incredible. Where did you get it?"

"What? Oh. It's custom. You have to have it built especially. It arrived earlier this week and I just got it out of customs today."

"Do I want to know how much it cost?"

"No. You really don't." Christian tells me. He finally puts his phone away.

I look up front at Taylor and I do believe his eyes have glazed over with joy just driving this car.

I take in the vision that is my husband. No man ever looks more sexy that when he is in a tux. And for the first time I feel as beautiful as he is.

We arrive at the event and the valet opens my door to a host of flash bulbs. Christian walks around and takes me by the waist and we walk up the steps at the front of the building. We are greeted by the event hosts at the door. We exchange pleasantries and Christian shakes hands with them. Always glad to see Mr. Grey and his checkbook. We turn and pose with the event hosts for a photographer. Christian has his arm around my waist and pulls me in close. I'm sure the picture will be in the society column tomorrow.

We enter the gala and mix with the other guests. Christian has gotten both of us a glass of champagne. I see Myra Gates across the floor. I hope she hasn't spotted me. I can't stand that woman. She is married to the president of the bank where Christian does business, so I try to be polite to her. But I'd really prefer to avoid her if I can. She always has something snide to say about everyone. Oh, Gosh. She has seen me. Christian whispers in my ear, "Careful here comes hurricane Myra."

"I know. I was trying not to be seen." I whisper back.

"Ana. Ana, darling" I see her waving to me and making her way across the floor.

I smile as she reaches me. She air kisses both of my cheeks. "Ana, it's just been ages. What have you been up to?" she gushes.

"Oh just the usual. The kids are out of school, so mostly dealing with them." I watch as her eyes keep gravitating to my necklace. "Well, we must get together, soon. We need to catch up."

"Yes Myra. It's been ages." And I'd like to keep it that way.

"Oh, Ana." She reaches out for my necklace. "May I?"

"Of course." I say.

She fondles my diamond. "Oh, Dear. This is just magnificent. Christian really must be a bad boy more often." She winks at me.

"Actually, Myra. It is an anniversary present. Christian and I have been married 7 years this week. And they said it wouldn't last." I wink back at her and turn on my heels to walk back over to Christian.

"How much longer do we have to stay?" I ask Christian when I get back over to him.

"What did that vile woman say to you?" Christian asks.

"Oh, nothing. I'm just tired."

"I can move my money any time, baby. Just let me know."

"It was nothing really. I took care of it." Christian puts his arm around my waist, pulls me close and kisses my forehead. I look up into his eyes and he sweetly kisses my lips. And this time I don't care who watches us.

Kate and Elliott finally arrive and I'm glad to see familiar faces. Kate looks spectacular, as usual. She has on a coral gown that really sets off her complexion and blonde hair. They make their obligatory rounds and then find us.

"Oh, my gosh, Ana. You look gorgeous. And what the hell is that hanging around your neck?" Kate gushes.

"Thanks, Kate. You look great in that color."

"No. Really Steele. That is some serious jewelry hanging off of you."

"Oh, this old thing? Just something I pulled out of my jewelry box. Seriously, Christian gave it to me as an early anniversary present."

"If that's the early present I can't wait to see the real one."

"We had a major blowout last night and I think it was an apology as well as an early present."

"I gotta' give it to that man. He can give some rightous gifts. He always has excelled at that."

"Yes. He does pretty fair."

"How are the kids?"

"They're great. That reminds me, can we set something up for Teddy to get together with Simon and Trevi. I feel like he is so isolated during the summer with no playmates. He watches television all day and that's not good for him. "

"Sure. Why don't you come over for lunch one day. The kids can get together and play in the pool and we can have some wine and catch up."

"Sounds great Kate. I'll give you a call and we'll get it worked out."

They call for us to find our tables for dinner. We make our way to ours. Grace and Carrick are already there and seated. We take our seats along with Kate and Elliott, and Mia and Ethan. That rounds out our table for eight. Mia is in a scrumptious white sequined gown and it looks spectacular with her dark hair and red lipstick.

"Ana. That necklace is exquisite. Is it new?" Grace looks over at me and smiles.

"Thank you. A gift from my husband." I smile up at Christian. He takes my hand and kisses it smiling back at me.

"You look so different tonight. So sophisticated." She comments.

"Yeah. All grown up." Elliott pipes in.

"Fuck off Elliott." Christian admonishes his brother.

"Boys! Settle down." Grace warns them both like they were 12 years old. "Christian. Watch the language." Christian smirks and looks over at his brother.

"Well I think Ana looks just divine." Adds Mia. "I'd kill for that dress. Not to mention the necklace." She turns to Ethan. "Baby. Take a good look at that and remember it for when we have our seventh anniversary."

"Remember it is about all I'll be able to do." Ethan scowls.

"It seems I clean up pretty well. I should do it more often, evidently." I blush at everyone.

Luckily the speaker takes the podium and all eyes turn to the front of the room. Christian puts his arm around my shoulder and gives me a squeeze.

We have made it through the speakers and through the semi-edible meal. The band begins to play, " The Way You Look Tonight" and everyone is welcomed to the dance floor.

Christian gets up and walks behind my chair. He gently kisses my neck. "Mrs. Grey? Would you care to dance?"

I take his hand. "Delighted, Mr. Grey." Christian dances like a dream. He takes me in his arms and we take to the floor. All I have to do is hang on and he makes me look good. Christian holds me close and whispers in my ear. "Ana, you look so beautiful. I can't wait to get you home, Baby." As the song comes to a close, Christian twirls me and then dips me deeply kissing me sweetly. The man can sweep me off my feet.

"Christian. Careful." I'm afraid he'll drop me or hurt himself. He pulls me close once more and kisses me again with more determination.

"Christian." I admonish him.

"What? Can't I kiss my beautiful wife?" He smiles down at me.

I just shake my head and we return to our table. Mia is ebullient as usual. "Oh, you two look so good together. I hope Ethan and I are still that much in love after we've been married as long as you have." Mia gushes. She turns and kisses Ethan. He blushes.

"You have to get married first, Mia." Christian reminds her. "So have you two set a date yet?"

"Well, we're working on it. We have to arrange it around Ethan's work schedule and when I can get a dress made. It just takes so long to get a designer gown sketched out and the sample made and….."

Ethan interrupts, "No, we haven't settled on a date yet."

Christian smiles and nods. I think I need to be excused for a moment. I stand to go to the ladies room. Christian stands and pulls out my chair for me.

"I think I'll go with you, Dear." Grace adds.

Grace and I make our way to the ladies room. I have finished and am adding some powder to my nose and refreshing my lipstick, something I'm not used to doing. I look into the mirror and Amy Patterson exits one of the stalls. Our eyes meet in the mirror.

"Mrs. Grey. How are you?" Amy says coldly and she nods at me.

"I'm fine, Ms. Patterson. How are you?" I give her a polite smile. I turn to look at her. "Amy, for what it's worth, I was so sorry to hear about your husband." I give her a concerned smile.

"Thank you, Mrs. Grey." She takes out her compact to powder her nose.

"Amy. I want to thank you for what you said in your news conference. It meant a great deal and we both know that it wasn't exactly the truth. I know it must have been difficult for you."

"Your husband is a most persuasive man, Mrs. Grey." She says coldly.

"What do you mean?"

"What I mean is, I wanted to keep my practice and my clients. Accommodating Mr. Grey made that much easier for me."

"So. It wasn't your idea to make the statement?"

"No, Mrs. Grey. No it wasn't. But as I said, Mr. Grey can be very convincing." Amy says matter of factly.

I knew there was something just too convenient about that statement that she made.

I steel myself and look directly at her. "I believe I warned you Ms. Patterson. Getting involved with my husband is not something to be taken lightly. I certainly hope that you will remember that in the future."

Amy has a look of surprise on her face. "Mrs. Grey." Amy nods at me and exits the bathroom.

Grace exits her stall and walks over to me. She hugs me, "Well done Ana, Grey. Well done."

"Let's get out of here, Grace." We turn and leave the ladies room.

The evening winds down and we have polished off more than several bottles of wine. "Christian nuzzles my neck and whispers in my ear. "Ready to go, Baby?"

"I am if you are, Christian." I turn and tell him.

"I'm ready to get you home, Mrs. Grey." He kisses my neck.

"Christian! What are you doing?" I giggle at him.

"I'm kissing your neck, Ana Grey. And I don't want to stop there." He kisses my earlobe. "So either come with me or suffer the consequences." He kisses my neck again.

"Ana. I think my son needs to get you home." Grace smiles over and winks at me.

"Good grief. I've never seen such public displays of affection." Carrick grumbles." I thought we raised these children better, Grace."

"Come on Carry. Quite your grumbling." Grace rebukes him.

We are all waiting for the valet to bring the cars around. The Bently pulls up first with Taylor behind the wheel. He gets out and comes around to open the door for us.

"Good God, bro'. When did you get that?" Elliott says as he picks his jaw up from the sidewalk.

Christian beams. "Just picked it up today, big brother."

Elliott runs his hand through his hair and looks on the car with amazement. "Christian, do you know how much those things cost?"

"I'm afraid I do. I wrote the check for it." Christian looks on his car with pride.

"There are only 6 of those in the world." Elliott continues to marvel at the car.

"7 now Elliott."

"Christian, that's a mighty expensive car, son." Carrick stares at the vehicle.

I look over at Kate and shrug. "It's just a car."

"I know, Dad. But I wanted it." Christian tells him.

"So, do I understand that there will be no happy meal crumbs on the seats, Mr. Grey? No spilled juice boxes?" I ask sarcastically.

"I don't even want that image in my mind, Mrs. Grey." Christian clinches his eyes shut.

"Good night everybody. See you soon." Christian and I wave and slide into the back seat of the car.

"Christian. How much did this thing really cost?" I ask him.

Christian just shakes his head. "You better off not knowing. Just enjoy the ride."

"Christian, what are you going to do when it gets a door ding?" I ask him.

"Please, Ana. No. Don't even say the word. Let me have my dream for a while longer."

I kick my shoes off and Christian pulls my feet into his lap. He rubs my feet and I about melt. "Oh, that's wonderful." I smile at him. Christian pulls my feet and I slide across the smooth leather seat. He then pulls me into his lap and puts his arms around me. I lean my head against his chest and close my eyes. Christian takes his index finger and traces the outline of the neckline of my dress. He passes his finger over each breast mound. "I like this dress, Mrs. Grey. A lot."

"I hope so, you paid enough for it."

"Whatever it cost, it was worth every penny." Christian pulls me close and kisses me intently. I clasp my arms around his neck and deepen the kiss. I look into the face of my husband who is cradling me in his arms.

"Mrs. Grey. There is no more beautiful sight, than your face." Christian smiles at me and sweetly kisses my nose.

I look toward the front of the car and Christian has raised the privacy window between us and Taylor. Thank you God.

I reach up and kiss Christian cupping his face in my hands "I love you, Christian." I whisper. Christian kisses my forehead as he tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Thank you for reading. The story posted here has been altered from the original to comply with the rating requirements for this site. I have finally been able to post my original version of this on Writer's Coffee Shop. Same title, same author, more explicit and some chapters will be added. I will continue to update here as well as Writer's Coffee Shop.**

**Chapter 25**

Taylor pulls the car up to the front of the house. Christian kisses my forehead and I wake up. "We're home sleepy head. "He whispers to me.

I stretch. "I'm sorry, Baby. I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"Want me to carry you in?" Christian asks.

"That's sweet." I kiss his nose. "I think I can make it under my own steam."

Christian opens the door and exits the car and holds his hand out to help me from the car. We circle our arms around each other's waists and head into the house.

Christian nods at Taylor, "Thank you. That will be all for tonight."

"Would you like to try the Armagnac again?" Christian asks.

I smile at him, "Yes please." I head up stairs, "I'll check in on the kids."

"Wait for me. I want to kiss them good night, too." Christian tells me.

Christian follows me upstairs and takes the two glasses of brandy into our bedroom to set them down, then joins me in Teddy's room. I kiss Teddy's forehead and he stirs and turns over. Christian pulls his quilt over his shoulder and runs his hand through Teddy's hair. We turn out his light and then walk down to see Grace. She is sleeping soundly in her bed. Christian kisses her cheek and covers her up. "She's getting so big. She won't be a baby much longer." I whisper. "Before you know it there will be boys crawling all over this place."

"Not if I have anything to say about it they won't." He whispers.

"Christian, I think this one is definitely out of your control." I smile up at him.

He puts his arms around my waist and rests his chin on my shoulder. "Maybe we should have another one."

"Ohhh. I don't think so Mr. Grey."

"Well, what if I want a third child?" he asks.

''Then have one." I tell him.

"Well, I might need a little help, Mrs. Grey."

"You're a big shot CEO. You'll figure it out."

"Let's go have our brandy, Mr. Grey."

We walk back to the bedroom and sit on the sofa in the sitting area and sip our brandy. We both kick our shoes of and slide back into the comfortable sofa.

"Christian. Have I ever told you that you have really sexy feet?" I ask him.

He looks down at his bare feet. "Nope. Don't recall it." He says dryly.

"Well you do. I've always loved your feet." I look down admiring them.

"These old things. Why I've had 'em all my life." He muses.

"Speaking of old things, what are we doing for our anniversary?" I ask Christian.

"I was sort of thinking about going back the Heathman and locking you in the suite with some room service for a few days. How does that sound?" he asks me. "We could work on that baby."

"The Heathman sounds good. The baby not so much."

"No baby?" Christian looks wounded.

"Are you serious, Christian?" I ask him.

"Well, sort of. I kind of liked the thought of it."

"We'll think about it." I stroke my hand against his face.

Christian rubs my thigh. "Ready for bed Madame?"

"More than ready."

I stand up and Christian follows me. "Come here."

He takes me in his arms and begins to dance with me. "Christian. There's no music."

"I don't care. I just wanted to hold you." He nuzzles my neck and inhales. "Mmmm. You smell so good, Baby. You feel good too."

I nuzzle up to my husband and follow his lead.

He stops and he turns me facing away from him. Let me help you." Christian unzips my dress and lets it fall to the floor. I reach to pick it up. "Leave it." Christian orders. He turns me back around. He pulls me in tight and kisses me intensely. Electricity sparks through me. I respond pulling him to me tightly and fisting my hands in his hair. Christian backs me onto the sofa and lays me down. He kneels beside the sofa and expertly slides his fingers into the top of one of my thigh highs. He slowly peels it down my leg and off of the tips of my toes. He kisses the arch of my foot and puts my big toe in his mouth, sucking and caressing my toes with his tongue. He takes my other leg and again slides my stocking down and off of my toes. His fingers tickle as they glide over my skin.

He kisses my other arch and slides his tongue up my instep. I think I will come off of the sofa. He slides his fingers under the waistband of my thong and pulls it slowly from my hips and down my legs then off of my feet. I am now on the sofa naked wearing only the exquisite anniversary gift around my neck. Christian takes my head and gently removes the hair pins and releases my hair. He runs his hands through it to untangle it. It falls around my breasts.

I recline back on the sofa and look up at my sweet Fifty. Christian stands up and without breaking his gaze into my eyes, he removes his tux jacket. It falls to the floor. Then his cuff links. He unbuttons his shirt and slides it off of his shoulders. He unzips his pants and grabbing them and his boxers together slides them down his legs. Without hesitation he picks me up in his arms and carries me to our bed. He gently places me on the bed and with the same movement he moves on top of me. Looming over me we lock eyes. Longing gray to needy blue. He kisses me deeply and slides into me slowly and softly. His mouth continues to devour mine as he makes delicious vanilla love to me. His weight feels so good on top of me. It engulfs me and makes me feel safe and needed. His body slowly and rhythmically enters and exits me until I am filled with him. He is around me, over me, in me, and I can't get enough of him. He is so sweet and tender yet he fills me with need and desire for him. We are silent. Not needing to say anything. He is telling me everything I need to know with his body. I look into his eyes and release everything I have to him. And I watch as he gives everything to me. He takes me in his arms and never leaving me, our bodies entwine and we silently cling to one another. So exhausted and so in love with each other.

I wake with Christian's head resting on my belly and his arms around my waist. It's barely light, but I have to go to the bathroom. I really have to go to the bathroom. I jump up and Christian wakens looking bewildered. "Huh? What?" he shakes his head trying to wake up. "Ana? Are you okay?"

"Yes. I just had to go to the bathroom really bad." I yell out to him as I relieve myself. Oh. That feels so much better. I glance in the mirror as I pass by on my way back to bed. Good Lord! My hair has that 'I've just been well fucked' look. I am totally naked except for an obscene necklace hanging around my neck. I head back into the bedroom and Christian is awake leaning back against the headboard of the bed with his hands behind his head. "Stop!" Christian commands.

"What?" I look bewildered, but comply.

"Stay there a minute." Christian tells me.

"Christian. What's wrong?" I ask him still half asleep.

"I just want to look at you. You look so beautiful right now."

"Christian, I'm still asleep." I walk back toward the bed. I pull back the covers and slip back into bed. I reach up to my neck and go to unfasten the necklace.

Christian reaches over and stops my hand. "Don't. Leave it on." Christian says. I see that look in his eyes that I know so well.

"Christian. It's uncomfortable to try to sleep in this thing." I tell him half annoyed.

Christian wraps his arms around me and pulls me to him. "I'm not going to let you sleep."

He kisses me and all is lost to him.

I finally wake up again. This time and the sun is full. I stretch and yawn. Christian is beginning to stir. I look at his beautiful chest and see all the scars on it. The gunshot wound is still fairly fresh and pink. I bend over and kiss his chest lightly. I feel his hand in my hair. I look up and see his gray eyes and he is smiling down at me.

"Morning beautiful."

"Good morning, baby. Did you sleep well?" I ask.

"Yep. Both times. I have to say waking up this morning is a fucking sight better than yesterday morning."

"You don't like waking up alone?" I ask coyly.

Christian grabs me and pulls me close hugging me tightly. "No Anastasia. I don't like waking up alone. I'm sorry, Baby. I guess I get carried away sometimes. I need to listen to you more. I didn't mean to embarrass you. And I really didn't mean what I said about ….everything."

I have my arms around my husband. "Thank you. Christian. I'm sorry too. But I was sort of serious about what I said."

Christian smirks and looks at me, "Gee. Thanks."

"But I do like the necklace." I smile and bat my eyes at him. "Can I take it off now?"

"Here. Turn around." Christian unfastens the necklace and takes it off. He sets it on the nightstand next to him. "Better?"

"Yes. It's beautiful, but not good sleepwear."

"You looked so beautiful last night, Ana. I was almost jealous. Everyone, was staring at you, especially the men. I didn't it."

"Christian they were staring at the money hanging around my neck. Not at me." I frown at him. " Speaking of money, are you going to explain that car?"

"There's nothing to explain. I just bought a car."

"Why?"

"Well, the only vehicles we have are 2 seaters and SUVs. I just thought that we needed a decent car."

"Decent?" I shriek. "Christian. Elliott told me how much those things cost. What's gotten in to you? The necklace and the car?"

Christian wraps his arms around me again. " I guess near death makes you realize that you can't take it with you. And having a fucking bullet lodged precariously close to my spine doesn't help. I figure I might as well enjoy some of it while I'm still here."

"You work so hard, Christian. If you want to enjoy the fruits of your labor, then you deserve to."

"Speaking of labor, have you thought any more about that baby?"

I swat him. " No. But I wouldn't mind practicing."

"Insatiable wench. Come here." We are lost in each other again.

"Oh, God. Baby." Christian finally collapses on me and we lie together catching our breath drenched in sweat.

We both begin to giggle. "I guess this was make up sex." I tell him.

"I don't care what it was." Christian breathlessly mutters. " All I know is, it was fucking great."

"Mamma!" I hear.

Shit! Fuck! "Christian. Did you lock the door?"

"Nope. I forgot last night." We scramble to cover up and I turn to see Grace standing in the doorway. She has opened the door and is walking in our room. Christian scrambles to grab his boxers from the floor and slide into them under the covers. I have pulled the sheet up to cover myself. Grace holds her arms out and Christian pulls her in to the bed with us. Grace crawls over into my arms and I hold her close, kissing her curls. She is still so sleepy. Her little cheek is resting against my breast and she looks so small and sweet. Maybe I do want another one.

Christian snuggles up to us and puts his finger on her pout of a mouth. He looks up at me.

"Okay. Okay. I'll think about it." I smile down at Christian. Christian grins and rubs Grace's chubby pink cheek with his index finger.

"Our anniversary is Thursday. Have you made arrangements for the kids?" Christian asks still playing with Grace who is in my arms.

"No. You haven't let me in on that secret yet. Where are we going and for how long?"

"Well I figure we can leave Thursday morning and then come back Sunday afternoon."

"Okay. Where will we be Thursday through Sunday?"

"Portland." Christian kisses me quickly.

"Portland? What are we going to do in Portland?"

"Remember I told you I wanted to lock you in a room at the Heathman with room service for a couple of days?"

"I thought you were joking."

"I never joke about a fuck marathon, Mrs. Grey."

"Eat right and get a lot of sleep this week. You are going to need it, Baby."

Christian takes Grace from my arms. "I'll take her to the bathroom." He disappears around the corner with my daughter in his arms. The Heathman? I thought he was kidding.

I am thinking about pulling myself out of the bed and Teddy wanders in. "Morning, Mommy." He smiles at me.

"Hey Sweetie". I smile back over at him. I stretch out my arms. "Come here and give me a good morning hug."

Teddy runs over and launches himself on to the bed and crawls into my arms. I hug him tight and kiss his cheeks. He puts his arms around my neck. He is such a sweet little boy.

"Mom?" He looks into my eyes with his little gray eyes so serious.

"Yes, Baby?"

"What happened to your night gown?" I forgot that all I was wearing was the sheet and duvet.

"Um. It was dirty and had to be washed."

"Okay. I just wondered." Thank God he accepted that answer.

He gets up and wanders toward the bedroom door. He stops and looks over at my evening gown and Christian's tux on the floor. "You know ,Mom, if you picked up your clothes, they wouldn't get dirty."

"Thank you, Teddy. You are right. It's not good to leave your clothes on the floor."

Christian walks back in wearing his boxers. He looks at Teddy and watches him as his son walks out of the room. "What was that all about?" he asks me.

I shake my head. "Teddy wanted to know why I wasn't wearing my night gown."

Christian flops down on the bed on his side propped up on his elbow. "So what did you tell him?" He is tracing the outline of my nipple through the sheet.

I swat his hand. "Stop that. I just told him that it was dirty and had to be washed."

"Did he buy it?"

"Yep. But he wanted to remind you to stop leaving your clothes on the floor."

"Cheeky little bastard." Christian quips.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

"Hi Grace." I lean over and kiss my mother-in-law's cheek.

"Mother." Christian hugs his mother and gives her a quick kiss on her cheek.

"Grace we really appreciate you and Carrick taking care of the kids for us." I have Grace on my hip and she is cranky today.

"All of you come in. Come in." Grace bends down and and cups Teddy's face and kisses him on his forehead then she puts her arms out to take Grace.

Carla Grace turns red and frowns and puts her finger in her mouth. The tears begin to flow and the scream is deafening. "Oh, honey. Don't you want to see Grandma Grace?"

Christian is on his last nerve. He is carrying diaper bags, small suitcases, book bags , toys. He is currently on overload. We are trying to deposit our children with their grandparents, so we can get to Portland to celebrate our anniversary. Somehow, right now, it seems to be more trouble than it's worth. Teddy spies Irving the springer spaniel and takes off chasing the dog, who is now barking and streaking through the house with Teddy hot on his heels. Grace is screaming and Christian is about to melt down. We finally make it inside the house and Christian dumps everything he is carrying into a heap in the foyer.

His phone buzzes and he pulls it out to see who is calling. "God bless fucking America." He grumbles. "I can't catch a fucking break today." He presses the button. " Grey... Fuck no!...Do I have to come down there and handle this myself?... just get it done…I've already signed the damn paperwork…..Ros has it…..look check with Ros first before you fucking call me again."

"Christian..." his mother starts.

"Don't even go there mother." Christian holds his hand up to silence his mother.

"I'm sorry Grace. We aren't getting a very pleasant start to this get away."

"I know, Ana. Hopefully things will get better once you are on your way. I wish Christian would try to watch is language more. We didn't raise him to talk like that."

"You might as well give up Grace. That's just Christian and I doubt it will change. I'm sorry Grace is so cranky. She needs a nap. I'm sure she'll perk up after she has rested."

"Ana. Are you ready to go?" Christian asks running his hand through his hair. He is so exasperated.

"Christian, I haven't given your parents the information of where we'll be and what the kids need."

"Ana. They raised 3 children. Mother is a pediatrician. I think they can handle it." Grace continues to scream and won't turn loose of my neck.

"Sweet, girl. Come to Grandma Grace." Grace tries to take her, but she is having none of it.

"Oh, for fuck's sake." Christian takes Grace out of my arms prying her fingers off of my neck and hands her to her grandmother. "Mother everything they need is in one of these bags." He points to the heap of luggage on the floor. "You have our cell numbers. That should be everything. Come on Ana."

I kiss my baby girl and wipe her tears. "You be a good girl. Mommy and Daddy will be back soon and we'll call you." I hate to leave her like this.

Christian leans over and kisses Grace on her cheek and she begins to cry harder. Christian holds up his index finger and points it toward her. "Grace. I mean it." She quiets to some degree.

"Bye Teddy. I holler." He's still running around." Grace, Carrick. Thank you so much. We'll see you Sunday."

"Mom. Dad. Thanks again." Christian says as he points me toward the door.

Christian drags me out the door and we get in the car and head to Portland.

Christian shakes his head and adjusts his seat. "Good God in heaven. I'm not sure it was worth all of this." He takes a deep breath and relaxes a bit.

I look over at him. "And you want another one? "

Christian shrugs. "What's one more in the grand scheme of things?"

Christian takes his phone out of his pocket and throws it on the dash. "That better not fucking ring the rest of the weekend."

We are finally on the interstate and Christian's hair is blowing in the breeze. He has his aviators on, jeans, a black tee shirt and leather slip-ons. His jacket is thrown behind the seat.

I look over at him. "Better?" I ask.

Christian takes my hand. "Much." He flashes me a Christian grin.

"What are we going to do this weekend? Do you have any plans?"

"Fuck."

"What?" I'm sure I have a puzzled look on my face.

"You asked me what I had planned for us to do and I answered you."

"That's it? That's all you want to do?"

"Baby, the kids are taken care of. Ros is in charge at work. We have a beautiful suite waiting on us with room service. I've had it stocked with champagne. And I am so fucking horny I'm about to die. Yes. That's all I have planned."

I glance over at him. "Well, I guess all I needed to pack was a toothbrush."

We hit I5 and head down to Portland. Things have relaxed. Christian has relaxed. It's a beautiful afternoon. I am looking forward to alone time with Christian. We do our best talking in bed. We should have a lot of that this weekend.

Hopefully I can get him to tell me about Ms. Patterson, and just how all that got resolved so quickly. That has been driving me crazy, but I've been afraid to bring it up. It was just all tied up too neatly and quickly to suit me. And I'm dying to know what he and Flynn have been working on, as well. He comes back from those sessions so strung out. I just wonder what is going on. That's going to be a touchy subject though. I'm not sure I'm ready to approach him about that yet.

He seems to have a lot going on at work right now, too. He's buying something, but he won't discuss it. Damn it. I have no idea how to get him to talk to me about work. He seems to think that he is protecting me by not including me. I don't know how to convince him otherwise.

I want to talk to him about Escala. We need to do something with it. Burning it would be fine with me. I do miss it. Christian and I began there. Teddy was conceived there. I'm so torn. Good memories, but then Ms. Patterson came upon the scene and blew it out of the water. I miss the playroom, but I don't think I could ever be comfortable there again. Damn him for messing all of that up.

This ride down is great. I'm so relaxed. Maybe I might approach Christian about me going back to work. Teddy is in school and Grace ….well Grace is not really a baby anymore. I miss it. I envy Kate, being able to do it all. She's an editor at the paper, now. She and Elliott really have a good marriage. Elliott is so unlike Christian. He is always joking and laughing. It looks like he is always in a good mood. Kate says it gets on her nerves after a while.

And Mia. Good Lord. This wedding is driving the entire family batty. You'd think…

"Baby?"

"Huh? What?" I look over at Christian.

"What are you thinking about? You're so quiet." He takes my hand.

"Oh. Nothing and everything. Just enjoying the ride."

"Getting hungry?"

"Not really. Not just yet."

"You?"

"I'm getting there. We aren't too far from Portland. It won't be long now." Christian smiles over at me. "I love you, Baby." Damn he is so fucking hot. I'm getting a little antsy myself.

We finally arrive at the Heathman. Christian tosses the car keys to the valet. "Mr. Grey." He nods at Christian. The bell captain unloads our luggage and we head for the elevator.

"Christian. Aren't we going to check in?" I ask.

"Nope. All taken care of." The elevator arrives and we get on and head up to the Grand Suite. I look over at Christian he is grinning from ear to ear. "I do love this elevator, Mrs. Grey."

"Yes. Something about paperwork, I believe." Christian reaches out and puts his arm around my waist. We finally arrive at our suite. The bell captain brings the luggage in and offers to unpack for us. "No. Thank you. "Christian tells him. "We'll take care of it ourselves." He tries to go over the amenities of the suite and Christian cuts him off. Christian is obviously trying to get rid of him.

"Very good , Mr. Grey." The bell captain leaves us and closes the door. Christian locks the door and puts the latch on.

Christian walks over to me and kisses me. He reaches down and picks me up behind my knees and puts me over his shoulder.

"Christian!" I squeal.

Christian takes me to the bedroom and tosses me on the bed. I can't help but giggle.

Christian looms over me. He is on his knees on the bed at my feet. He pulls his tee shirt off over his head. He looks down at me. "Mrs. Grey. Let the festivities begin."

Christian grabs the hem of my tee shirt and strips it off over my head. He makes quick work of removing my bra. Next he unzips my jeans and grabs each leg by the hem and yanks, pulling them off. I can't help but giggle uncontrollably and squeal every time he removes a piece of clothing. He is peeling me like a banana. Next are my panties. One swift yank and they are flung over on the chair. Clothes are flying everywhere. Christian, makes quick work of getting rid of his jeans and boxers. In one swift move he has parted my thighs, lowered himself and is inside me.

"Oh, My God in heaven. You feel good." Christian bellows. This will be quick, because I can't wait, Baby."

"God, Christian!" I grit my teeth.

"Look at me, Baby." Christian commands me. "You're mine, Ana. Only mine."

"Yes. Only yours." I gasp.

" I'm gonna' make you come so fuckin' hard, Baby." Christian hisses. He is getting faster and harder.

"Christian. I can't wait anymore." I gasp.

"Go ahead, Baby. I want to watch you. I want to see you come."

I arch my back and catch my breath as my body is taken by the carnal spasms. I dig my fingers into Christian's arms as I fall over the edge. Our eyes are locked. Christian gray to Ana blue. Christian makes one final move and the veins in his neck distend and his face is scarlet. He catches his breath and then makes a loud moan and spills everything into me as he collapses on top of me.

We are both out of breath and dripping in sweat. Christian goes to move off and I stop him. "No stay with me. Stay a while longer." I ask him. Christian smiles down at me and kisses me deep and long and wet. Christian jumps with surprise as I have a rogue spasm unexpectedly.

"What was that?"

"A straggler." I smile up at him.

"Ready for a shower, Mrs. Grey." I nod.

Christian gets up and holds out his hand for me. I take it and follow my husband to the bathroom." This looks familiar." I giggle.

Christian turns on the water in the shower and picks me up and carries me into the water. Kissing me. He stands me on my feet and suddenly pins me to the wall. The warm water is washing over us. "Mmmmm. So good." He whispers against my lips. Christian drops to his knees before me and before I can move, I feel his mouth on me.

"Oh, God Christian." I moan. He is sending a current of electricity through my body. He has his hands on my hips and holds me still. I am about to melt into a heap. I fist my hands in his hair. "Christian. God help me." I almost scream as I fall over the edge again. I can feel the warm wet mixture of Christian and me and the undulation of my muscles. Christian continues and just as my orgasm wanes, another set of spasms takes me. I catch my breath. Christian will not relent. I pull his hair and scream. "Baby, please stop. I can't do any more. Please."

He looks up at me and smiles. Out of breath, he stands and grabs my arms with his hands kissing me deeply.

"Christian. What are you trying to do?" I gasp.

"I'm gonna' make you come on every surface in this suit before we head home Sunday."

Oh dear. It's gonna' be a long weekend.

I exit the bedroom in my fluffy white terry rob with a big "H" on the lapel. I am towel drying my hair. Christian is sitting on the sofa reading the paper. He is in jeans and only jeans. I sit on the sofa beside him. "What are we doing for dinner?"

"I'll call room service as soon as you decide what you want. Baby."  
"Aren't we going out?" I'm disappointed.

"Nope." Christian's eyes never leave his paper.

"But why?"

"We aren't leaving the hotel room before sunrise Saturday."

"But, Christian. I don't understand. I mean if you want hotel food we could go down to the dining room. Why room service."

Christian puts his paper down. "Because, Mrs. Grey this is my fantasy anniversary. You and me locked in a hotel room. Just the two of us. No kids. No phone. I want to be able to fuck you at the drop of a hat. "

"Oh, my. Mr. Grey. Aren't you the romantic one." I say sarcastically.

"No smart mouth, Mrs. Grey."

"But I thought you liked my smart mouth, Mr. Grey."

Christian glances at me out of the corner of his eye, and smirks at me. "Keep it up."

"What are you going to do about it, Grey?"

"Ana. I'm warning you."

"Do I look scared?"

Christian throws his paper down and lunges at me, but I jump up and move before he can catch me. I run over to the dining table. Christian stands up and stares at me. He narrows his eyes. And slowly begins to walk toward me. I slowly begin to back up. My eyes never leaving his. Christian lunges forward and I retreat just as fast, running to the other side putting the table between us.

"Baby. You're just making it worse.'"

"It won't be worse, if you don't catch me."

"Oh. I'll catch you. Don't worry about that." Christian moves toward me slowly and I move around the table to keep it between us. I realize that he may be backing me into a corner. I bide my time and then make a run for the bedroom. Christian catches the edge of my robe and it pulls off as I make my escape for the bedroom. "

"Well. Well. Well. Mrs. Grey. I do believe you have lost something." Christian holds out my robe to taunt me. He pulls the belt from its loops and holds it in both hands. He begins to slowly wrap the belt around his hands and snapping it tight.

"I'm trying to cover myself with my hands. One arm covering my breasts and one my nether regions. Christian keeps slowly advancing toward me and I keep backing up. I make a break for the living room and Christian leaps over the bed diving at me and he catches me around my waist. We fall to the floor. Christian turns me on my back and he straddles me.

I let out a scream. And I start to giggle. "Christian! No!'

"What do you propose to do now, Mrs. Grey? Seems I have apprehended you."

I begin to try to buck him off. He grabs my hands and clasps them together. I put up a fight, but he is so much stronger than I am.

"Fight all you want. You'll just tire yourself out." He smirks looking down at me.

He holds my wrists together with one hand and ties them together with the belt from the robe. I try to buck him off again. He is so heavy I can't budge him. "Go ahead. Fight all you want, Baby." I'm really trying to fight him off, but it isn't working. Christian bends down to kiss me and I turn my head.

"Oh. It's like that is it? I can fix that. "Instead of kissing me, Christian suddenly grabs one of my breasts in his mouth and sucks hard. I increase my efforts to get him off of me, but to no avail. He sucks hard and nips. Christian sits back up and looks at me.

"Well, Ana. What to do with you now. What? Did I hear you beg me to let you go?"

"No you did not." I say coldly.

"Oh. I thought surely I heard you beg."

Christian reaches up and stretches my arms above my head. He ties the belt to the leg of the dresser, making it impossible for me to move.

"Now I can use both hands." He gives me a sly grin.

Christian sits up and flips me over on my stomach. I begin to kick my legs. "Now. Now. Mrs. Grey. That's not very nice." I feel Christian begin to caress my butt cheeks. Then I feel the sting of a smack.

"Ooowwww." I scream at him.

"I'm sorry. Did that hurt? Let me make it better." Christian kisses my skin where he smacked me. He slides his tongue over my skin. I feel another sharp smack on the other butt cheek.

"Oooowww." I scream again. Again Christian caresses my skin where he struck me. Again he smacks me.

"How many do you think you deserve, Ana?"

"None!" I scream. "Get off!"

"Is there a safe word Ana?"

"Yes."

"What is it?"

"Red."

"I won't stop until I hear 'red'." He smacks me again.

I feel his fingers slide between my legs. "Fighting seems to make you wet, Ana. I like that."

Christian smacks my butt again. "Your skin is such a beautiful shade of pink, Baby." Christian caresses my butt. Again I feel his fingers slip between my legs again. This time he slips them inside and plunges them in over and over again.

Christian smacks me again. "Oooowww. Christian!"

"What is it Ana? What? Did you say you want another?"

"No." I gasp. I'm getting so tired and I so want to give into him. But I won't.

I feel Christian smack my butt again. He continues to work his fingers. I feel him remove his fingers and sit up. He flips me over on my back and sits back down on my legs to restrain me. He is smiling down at me. But it is a wicked smile. I can see him thinking. I am breathing hard, but I stare at him. He sits up and spreads my legs farther apart then sits on them again. He slips his finger in the wetness again and begins to caress. I gasp.

"What? Is that good?" He taunts me. He increases his speed and I try to move. He smacks my hip. Don't move. He continues to increase, harder and faster until I am about to come. I feel my muscles tighten, Christian stops. I gasp and relax.

"Oh. Too bad," Christian pouts.

"Christian when I get out of this, I'm going to kill you." I tell him sternly.

"What's the safe word, Ana?"

"Red. Damn it."

"Good girl."

Christian begins to caress my wetness again. I respond. He stares down at me and intensifies his assault. "You are so wet, Ana Grey." Christian smiles down at me. He continues harder and faster until my belly is heaving.

"Come for me. I want to watch you, baby." Christian whispers. He continues his intense manipulation until I am about to come. "That's right. Come on. Let me see you."

I scream. "Christian!" as I begin to heave and convulse. "My God." Christian keeps up the pace of his fingers and the spasms won't stop. "Christian. You're going to kill me." He stops and in one move he unzips his fly and pushes his jeans down. He parts my legs wider and slips into me.

"Oh, God, Baby." He gasps. He puts his head down and engulfs a breast. He bites and tugs almost to the point of pain, but not quite. He continues to intensify his assault until he stills and releases. Christian falls on me and both try to catch our breath.

Christian moves from me and unties my hands. He takes me in his arms and holds me close.

"Red." I gasp. Christian and I both break out into laughter.

"Are you okay, Baby?" He whispers.

"No. I'm hungry."

"I can do something about that."

He strokes my cheek and slides his thumb across my lips. Still cradling me in his arms and looking down at me. "I love you, Baby." He whispers.

I finish dressing and walk out to the living room. The waiter has just delivered dinner. I've never seen as much food. "What did they do sent the entire kitchen?"

"I wanted you to have a selection. Sit." Christian motions to the dining room table. The waiter has set the table and covered it with food. I sit and start removing the covers from the entrees. "I am famished! I could eat a horse." I muse.

Christian whinnies. He grins over at me.

"Christian you are so bad. You have a one track mind."

We pick and choose and sample all of the food. Crab-Stuffed Filet Mignon, Lobster, Balsamic-Glazed Salmon Fillets, Champagne Shrimp Pasta, Chicken Piccata and everything to go with it. Christian has popped a bottle of Dom Perignon 1966. We drink it like water and I'm getting a little giddy.

We have finally finished the meal and concentrate on our third bottle of champagne. Christian is leaning back in his chair, one leg folded with the ankle resting on his other knee. He has the stem of the champagne glass between his fingers and is swirling the liquid that remains in the glass.

"Mrs. Grey, I do believe you are tipsy." Christian leans over and kisses my nose. "Just a little. Mr. Grey." I smile over at him. "Christian?"

"What, Baby." He responds while he sips the expensive champagne.

I reach over and take his hand. "Christian, do you know just how much I really do love you? It has always scared me how much in love I am with you."

Christian nods. "I know, Baby. Because I feel the same way."

I begin to pout and get teary. I frown and begin to weep.

"Ana. Baby. What's wrong?" Christian comes around and holds me.

"I just love you so much." I hug his neck and sob.

Christian looks at me and chuckles. "Ana, Grey. You're drunk."

I continue to weep. "No." I shake my head.

Christian nods. "Yes. Yes you are." He takes me in his arms. "Come here, Baby." He laughs.

"Stop laughing at me." I sniffle.

"Baby, I'm not laughing at you."

I tune up again. Christian tries to wipe my tears away. I wrap my arms around him and begin to sob. "I just love you so much."

"Well, I guess I'm not getting any more tonight." Christian muses.

Christian picks me up and carries me to the bedroom. And plants me on the bed. He points his finger at me. "Stay."

He goes into the bathroom and starts to run a tub of warm water. He pours the sweet smelling Jasmine wash into the water and clouds of bubbles begin to build. He goes to walk in to the living room. He stops and looks at me. I'm still sniffling. "Don't move. I'll be right back."

Christian returns with two Advil and a glass of water. He hands them to me. "Here. Take these." I do as I am told.

Christian begins to remove my clothing and when he is finished, he removes his and then he picks me up and carries me into the bathroom. He gets into the tub still carrying me and we sink down into the warm clouds of bubbles. He leans back against the end of the tub and pulls me into his lap. He puts his arms around me an holds me close. "Better?" He asks me.

I nod and smile. He kisses my forehead and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. "Oh, Ana Grey. What shall I do with you?"


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

Christian is sliding the warm sudsy sponge over my back and down my neck. The champagne is wearing off a little. But I am still so relaxed. The alcohol, the warm water, Christian's arms have all made for the most delicious cocktail and I am drunk with it. I lean back on my husband and feel the soft, sudsy sponge drift across my breasts and down my belly. I let out a soft sigh.

"Feeling better Mrs. Grey?" Christian whispers against my earlobe.

"Mmmm. Much, Mr. Grey. But please don't feel the need to stop."

"I love touching your skin, Ana. I always have." He trails kisses up my shoulder and neck.

"I hope you always will, Christian."

"I can't see that ever changing, Baby."

"Christian. Can we talk about something?" I ask him.

"Do we have to?" Christian is nuzzling my neck.

"I'd like to."

"If we must. Shoot."

I take a deep breath. "Christian, do you remember the fund raiser last week?"

"Yes. I believe we were both there." Christian hugs me. "You looked so beautiful that night."

"Don't try to distract me. Your mother and I went to the ladies room and while we were in there, I ran in to Amy Patterson."

"You did? I'm sorry. I had no idea that she was there."

"The atmosphere was so tense so I decided I'd take the high road and speak to her. I didn't say much, I just told her that I was sorry about her husband."

"Fucking bastard."

"Christian. Evidently Amy, really loved him. I sort of felt sorry for her, in spite of what happened. I mean, I almost lost you. I knew what she must be feeling."

"Yes. I suppose she did." He sighs.

"Anyway. I mentioned the news conference that she gave and thanked her for coming forward. Christian. She basically said that you had given her no choice, but to do it."

"I don't know why she would day that, Baby. I haven't spoken too her since that day at Escala."

"Christian. Did you threaten to destroy her career, if she didn't?" I turn around to look at him.

"Ana. I wouldn't do that. I swear I haven't laid eyes on or spoken to that woman since Escala. I cancelled the contract, told her to leave and haven't looked back."

"Then why would she say that, Christian?"

"Baby. I don't know. I imagine that she is hurt and angry. Revenge maybe?"

I sit up and to look directly into his eyes. "Are you sure? Christian, be very honest with me. I'll find out if you aren't. Please don't let that happen, because that would be the final straw."

"I swear to you, Ana. I haven't had contact with Amy Patterson. And I did not threaten her. I did take your advice, though."

"What advice?" Can't imagine that Christian would take my advice on anything.

"I turned the entire thing over to my senior legal team. I met with them one morning. I laid it out for them, not all the details, but most. Then I let them do what they felt best. I didn't ask what they did, or how they handled it. I extracted myself from the situation."

"So your lawyers threatened her? How could you let them do that?" I don't know why I'm so outraged. It would have given me pleasure to see her reduced to rubble. I just hate the thought of Christian being so vindictive.

"Ana. I've never asked them how they resolved things. My concern was for you and the children. I wanted it taken care of. I pay that legal team an outrageous amount of money to handle issues for me. I expect them to earn their money."

"As much as I hate her, I sort of feel sorry for her in a way." I can honestly say I don't feel too bad about it. I really despise that woman. Reap what you so and all that.

"Ana. Amy Patterson is a big girl. She can take care of herself. Trust me, if there had been any impropriety, any loophole, she would have taken advantage of it and come after me. She was a far better attorney than her fucking husband ever was."

"So. Is it done and over, Christian?"

"Done. Over. And I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you, Sweetheart." Christian pulls me close. "It was the wrong way for me to handle things. I'm finally able to see that."

"I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. But just this time. Please don't let me find out you're not being honest with me. Not to change the subject, but how are things going with John?"

"We're getting there. Flynn has helped me take a hard look at my past and see the reality of what happened. Seeing situations for what they really are. It's not easy, Ana. It's really been hard to take a good look at things and come to terms with them."

"Are you ready to talk to me about it?"

"Not yet. I'm not there yet, Ana." Christian sighs. "Soon. Hopefully soon, Baby."

"I won't push. I just want you to know that you can tell me anything, Christian. I love you. Unconditionally. I can't think of anything that would change how I feel about you." I stroke his face and he takes my hand and kisses my palm.

"I know, Ana. Don't ever change, Baby."

"Are you enjoying your fantasy anniversary, Mr. Grey?"

"No complaints, so far. We still have 3 more days to go."

"Christian. I won't be able to walk in three more days."

"Yeah. I know. Isn't it great?" He squeezes me.

Who in the world is Christian talking to? I'm still fuzzy and trying to wake up. I fall back down on the bed. God. He's giving someone down the road again. Does he never stop? I don't care how much he pays, I would never work for him. Speaking of work, I need to try to find a way to bring that up with him. I really want to try to go back to work. I need more than just running after the kids and trying to keep him happy. He isn't going to like it. Oh, well, there are a lot of things Christian doesn't like.

Christian walks into the bedroom, still on his phone,"…you should have told me….I don't give a fuck…..I believe the name is still Grey Enterprises Holdings and I happen to be Grey…..it would behoove you to retain that for future reference…not a fucking thing happens unless it goes thru me….. if I'm away, then going thru Ros is the same as going thru me." Christian throws the phone over on the sofa. "Fuck!"

"Christian? What in the world?" I sit up in bed.

"Fucking idiots. I may have to do a little house cleaning."

"Baby. What is it?"

Christian is wearing jeans and jeans only. It's just not fair. "Nothing for you to worry about, Baby."

"Oh, trust me. I'm not worried about it, because you're not going tell me anyway." I stretch, yawn and run my hand through my hair.

"Mmmm. Nice breasts, Mrs. Grey."

"I forgot I wasn't wearing anything." I cover myself with my arms and pull the sheet up.

"No. Don't do that. Don't cover yourself." Christian moves toward the bed. "I love looking at you."

I am leaning against some pillows propped up against the headboard. Christian slides in next to me. He pulls the sheet down and takes me in his mouth. Sucking, pulling, nuzzling. Oh, God.

"Christian. We've already done this surface."

"I didn't say we'd only do them once. Besides it's hard to talk with my mouth full."

"Christian. This feels wonderful, but I'd really like some breakfast." My breathing is catching.

"I want you for breakfast." Christian mumbles. "Besides, the hat just dropped again."

"Oh, fuck the hat." I slide down and meet Christian and partake of my delicious husband...again.

I join Christian at the table. He has already started to devour his omelet. I lift the lid and see the most delicious looking eggs benedict.

"Mmmm. This looks wonderful, I'm starved." I cut in to the delicacy and devour it.

"My you're hungry this morning, Baby." Christian notices.

"Evidently, I didn't prepare well enough for my anniversary. I had no idea it would be so…..physically taxing."

"Are you disappointed?"

"No. I just wish you could relax more. I was hoping you would be able to stay off the phone this weekend. At least you didn't bring that damn lap top."

"Me too, Baby. I thought I had everything wrapped up before I left."

"But I thought Ros was taking care of everything."

"She is. I can't seem to convince certain fucking employees, that Ros makes decisions while I am gone. Shit. They don't need to contact me. When I'm back on Monday. I'll leave no doubt in their minds what the fucking chain of command is and what procedures they are to follow. I've got more to do than deal with their shit."

"Speaking of work." I'm tip toing on this. "What would you think about me going back to work?" I smile over at him.

Christian sips his coffee. "Why?"

"Because I'd really like to Christian. I got an education to be able to use it. It doesn't have to be full time, at least not at first."

"But what about having another baby?"

"Well. It's not high on my list, I will admit. But it's not totally out of the question."

"How are you going to work and handle the kids as well as a new baby?"

"Christian. Your mother did it. I think I can manage."

Christian nods. I can tell he's thinking. "Well. If that's what you really want."

"Really!" I can't believe that he is not opposing me. I walk around and sit in his lap and put my arms around his neck. "You really wouldn't be opposed?"

"Well, where do you plan on working?"

"I don't know. I haven't really looked into it."

"How about GEH?" Christian pulls my hair behind my ear.  
"Christian. I don't know a damn thing about your business. Beside I was an English Lit major. That's what I know. Mergers and acquisitions just wasn't covered."

"Okay. Look around and decide what you want to do."

"Christian. Promise me you won't interfere again. I can do this."

Christian nods. "Okay. I'll be a good boy." Christian holds his arms out. "See I'm getting better. I'm trying. I really am trying."

I hug him. "Yes you are, and I love you for it." I kiss him on his cheek."So what is on our agenda today?"

"I don't know. More of the same. Depends on when the hat drops." He pops me on my ass.

"Are you sure you don't want to leave the hotel? Maybe just go do something?" I ask him.

"Just what do you want to do, Mrs. Grey?" Christian asks me.

"Well, I don't know. Surely there is something we can get into."

"Well, do you want to take Charlie Tango up and look around for a while?"

"Charlie Tango is here?"

"Yes. I had her flown down to be here. She's on stand-by just in case we need to get back to Seattle quickly."

"Why?"

"What if something happened to one of the kids? Wouldn't you want to fly back rather than drive? It's a hell of a lot quicker."

"You're right. I never thought about that. Thank you. Why don't we just get out and take a drive and see where we end up?"

"Ana, have you looked outside? It's dismal. The sky is just before opening up."

"I guess you're right. Well, I brought a book. Maybe I'll just get some reading done."

"Good choice. Now finish your breakfast."

Christian was right. It is absolutely pouring outside. So what else is new. I've gotten my book and have curled up on the sofa with an afghan to read. Christian has turned on the gas fireplace to take the chill off and is currently sitting at the dining table working on his laptop, that he swore he wouldn't bring.

I look up from my book to rub my neck which is getting a little stiff and look over at my husband. I put my book down and walk over to him putting my arms around his neck. I kiss his cheek. "Christian, why do you enjoy working so much?"

He shrugs never taking his eyes off the laptop screen. "I don't know. It's not really work to me. It's all a great big game and I do like to win."

"Most people don't like to put that much of their life into work." I turn and sit in the chair next to him.

"That's why I win a lot, Baby."

"What would you do if you lost it all?"

"I'm smart enough not to let that happen. What would you do if I lost it all, Mrs. Grey?"

"I'd live with you in lot smaller house. Can you stop for a minute?"

"Sure. Christian stops and sits back in his chair." He pats his lap and motions for me to come sit with him.

I move over to his lap and snuggle up to him. "I'm enjoying having you all to myself for a few days." I tell him.

Christian kisses my hair and tucks a strand behind my ear. "Baby I was all yours the day you fell in to my office."

"You know tomorrow is our actual anniversary. Maybe we could do something special?"

Christian nods. "We will. Have we ever had an uneventful anniversary, Baby?"

"Not really. You've already given me the necklace Christian. I just want to spend time with you. That's what means the most to me."

"I don't deserve you, Ana. You are just the damnedest woman I have ever known."

"Yeah?" I ask smiling at him.

"Yeah."

"What do you think we should do with Escala?" I ask him.

"What do you mean, do with it?" he looks puzzled.

"I just don't know how I feel about it. I mean, we started there. We conceived Teddy there. The playroom is there. But seeing you with Amy there, just makes me never want to go back."

"Well, the market is still down and there is a glut of condos out there right now. I doubt there are many buyers in the market for a $6 million property at this time. It's a great location. I hate to get rid of it. How would you feel if we gutted it? Took it down to the beams and just redid the whole thing."

"I don't know. Just driving into the garage, would be difficult. I guess we don't have to do anything right away. Maybe hang on to it until the market improves. Maybe by that time I'll have changed my mind."

"Christian, why are you wanting another baby all of a sudden? This is something new for you. I thought you were satisfied with Teddy and Grace?"

"I don't know. They're just so soft and sweet and innocent. I love Teddy and Grace so much I just want to have more of that. I just want to give love to someone else, you know? I want to take care of it and protect it and love it. Give something to someone that I never had. Besides, they smell so good. And your breasts get really big when you're pregnant."

"You don't like my breasts?"

Christian puts his face between my breasts and nuzzles me. "I love your breasts. They're all mine."

"Seriously? You want to change diapers, clean spit-up off of your clothes, not sleep a full night for the next 18 years?"

Christian nods. "I think so."

"I don't know, Baby. I'm just getting to the point where the kids are getting big enough that I finally have a little freedom. Another baby would tie me back down again."

"Well. We both have to be on the same page about it or it won't work. If you really don't want to, I'm perfectly happy with what we have." He kisses my hand. "You have given me two very beautiful children, Mrs. Grey."

"Well, I had a little help with that."

Christian slides his hand up my shirt and pulls my top up. He puts his face between my breasts and inhales. "Mmmm. You smell so good." He kisses the part of my breast that mounds over the top of my bra. He slides his other hand around me and unhooks my bra. Pushing it up he takes a breast in his mouth. He stops and lifts me and places me to straddle him in his lap. Christian pulls my shirt off over my head and slides my bra straps down my arms and off. I sit before him naked to my waist. Pressing me to him again he takes my breast with his mouth. My breathing begins to catch and I emit a soft sigh. I fist my hands in his hair and hold him close. He begins to kiss the skin on the top of my breasts and work his way to my neck. He spreads kisses up my neck and stops at my mouth, kissing me softly and deeply.

He feels so warm and tender. Christian stands and sets me on the table sliding his laptop out of the way. He presses me down to the table and never breaking his kiss, he begins to trail kisses down to my belly. His lips are soft and warm and excite me each time they touch my skin. He sits back down in the chair and unbuttons my jeans tugging the hem and sliding them off of me. My bum is at the edge of the table letting my legs dangle over the edge. Christian rubs his nose along the satin material of my panties. Inhaling deeply. He looks up at me over the plane of my belly. His fingers catch the waistband of my panties and he slowly slides them down my legs and off of my feet, leaving me exposed.

Christian slowly and softly starts at my knee and trails kisses up my inner thigh stopping at the apex. He repeats the journey on my other thigh and then I feel him. His mouth finds me and he begins its sweet caress. I arch my back and push up to meet him, but he places his hands on my belly to still me. He softly slides his hands down my belly to my thighs. I am building feeling every muscle in my belly tense. Christian passes two fingers past my threshold. Exploring me while never breaking his the sweet carnal dance. Sweetly and smoothly he enters and exits over and over again.

Christian presses harder and intensifies his sweet assault. I look down and watch as my husband is driving me over the brink; seeing his sweet face buried in me and consuming me. My beautiful husband that loves me and lives to give me pleasure. It is all too much and Christian pushes me over the edge. I catch my breath and my body tenses as the intense feeling washes over me until I am spent.

As I begin to relax, Christian stands up and removes his jeans. He leans over me and kisses my lips softly spreading the wet cocktail over my face. He lifts my upper body from the table and descends sitting back in his chair taking me with him. He moves me and lowers me into his lap. I gasp and encircle his neck with my arms, kissing him with all of the passion that is in me.

He begins to enter and retreat raising and lowering my hips to meet his gentle movements. He wraps me in his arms and buries his face in my breasts. "My God, Ana." He whispers against my skin. "God, how I love you." He takes my breast in his mouth suckling sweetly like a baby. He looks up and into my eyes. "Let's go slow." He whispers. "I don't want this to ever end. I want to stay buried in you the rest of my life." I cup his face in my hands and kiss him. "My sweet, beautiful husband." I murmur against his lips. "Never leave me, Christian. Never leave me."

Christian continues at this achingly slow sweet pace for what seems like an eternity. But the gentle motion is building me higher and higher. "I can feel you, Baby." Christian whispers. His gentle pushing continues. "Come for me beautiful girl. Look at me, Baby. I want to watch your face." I look at Christian and we lock eyes, just as he pushes me over. I catch my breath and begin to tremble never breaking his gaze. I whimper and whisper his name. "Christian."

"Oh, Baby." Christian gasps as he pulls me to him tightly and increases his drive until he buries his face in my breast and hisses. "Fuck. Ana. Fuck." His body tenses and then stills as he finds his sweet release. We hold each other close never breaking our embrace.

Christian stands, never withdrawing from me. I circle his waist with my legs and his neck with my arms. He carries me to the bedroom and we descend on to the bed. Christian's weight on top of me feels erotic and I feel him growing again. He is on top of me kissing me and nuzzling my neck. I feel him begin his gentle drive again. I look up into his eyes as I begin to match and meet his movements. My legs still encircle him. This time he is hard and deep. He gasps with each forceful movement. "O, God, Baby." He growls. He raises his torso above me and braces lifting my hips up with each movement. I jolt with every push. "Look at me, Baby." He commands me. I open my eyes and they meet his. "Good God, Ana. What you do to me. I can't wait much longer." My hands grab the duvet and I ball the fabric in my hands as I find my voice and shriek, " My God, Christian." The sweet feeling overtakes me and it feels like my body will explode beneath him. He raises his torso and makes one final deep push and hisses, "Oh, my fucking God." As he catches his breath and his body tenses, I feel every muscle in him begin to tremble. He finds his breath and I feel him relax . He collapses on top of me enveloping me in his arms. I feel his warm moist breath on my neck as his breathing begins to slow.

He looks down at me and kisses me sweetly and softly on my lips then quickly skims my nose with his. He rolls off lying beside me on the bed.

"Jesus, Christian. Are you trying to kill us both?" I ask.

"It's the last day I have you locked in this suite with me and I intend to take full advantage of it, Mrs. Grey. We couldn't do this at home with the kids roaming around. It's probably bad form to fuck you on the table that our children eat off of."

I nod. "Fair point well made, Mr. Grey."


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

We are sitting together on the sofa waiting. We have ordered dinner and it is on the way up. "Christian aren't people going to wonder why we never leave this room? I mean we've had 3 meals a day delivered for 2 days straight."

"Do you think it matters to me what they think, Baby?" Christian takes my hand.

"No not really."

"Ana. You are acting like you don't want to be here."

"Oh, no, Baby. I just was wondering if people would find it strange. Won't they begin to wonder what we are doing all locked up in here."

Christian leans over and kisses me. "I think they can guess what we're doing."

We hear a knock at the door and the waiter brings our dinner in and lays the table for us.

He smiles and leaves us. I feel uncomfortable.

"Shall we try another bottle of champagne, Mrs. Grey?"

I nod. "No more getting tipsy, understand. I'm not finished with you for today."

"Yes. Sir. I'll watch it."

Christian pops the cork on the champagne and pours it in each of our glasses. "Mmmm. This is so good, Christian. Have we had it before?"

"Probably. It's one of my favorites."

We sit down and uncover our meal. "Christian. Didn't we just make love on this table a few hours ago?"

"Yes. Actually. I believe we did." Christian is busy preparing his baked potato.

I give him an eeww face. "Doesn't it bother you to eat off of it now?"

"Mrs. Grey, Considering all the places I've put my mouth in the past two days, I'm not really worried about the table."

"I guess you have a point. At least I wiped it off afterwards."

"This really looks good. We need to call the kids tonight. We didn't do it last night."

"Sorry. I was dealing with a tipsy wife last night. We'll do it after dinner." he smiles over at me and winks.

We finish our meal and are sitting talking and drinking the last of the bottle of champagne. Christian is actually trying to explain a lot about what is going on at work. I'm beginning to be sorry that I asked. I really have no idea what the hell he's talking about and it doesn't interest me in the least.

"Baby you're getting a little glazed over. Am I boring you." he asks.

"Oh, no. I'm really interested. I think the champagne has made me a little sleepy." I try to cover.

"Right. Okay, let's call the kiddies before they go to bed." He stands and holds out his hand to me.

Christian places the call. "Mom. Hi…we just called to talk to the kids. How are they doing?...good….I figured you could handle it…..yes….a great time…..well not much it rained all day today…okay I'll put her on."

He hands me the phone. "Ana. Mom wants to talk to you."

"Grace"

"Hi, Ana. Are you two having a good time?"

"Yes. I think so."

"What have you done that was fun."

"Well…um…just spending quiet time together." Christian is silently laughing his ass off. I stick my tongue out at him.

"Oh. Well have you eaten any place good?"

"Well, just here."

"There at the hotel dear?"

"Um yes."

"That's odd Christian usually doesn't like hotel food."

"Well. I know that, but the food here is unusually good. How are the kids? Did it take Grace long to quiet down after we left?"

"She was fine as soon as you closed the door."

"Good. I hate to think about her being so upset."

"And how is Teddy? Has he been good?"

"Yes, Ana. He's been just fine. He and Carrick have been spending a lot of time together. Carrick is teaching him how to fish."

"Fish?"

"Yes. They were down at the dock after dinner last night and are down there now. He hasn't caught anything mind you. But he's having fun."

"Well that's good. Is Grace still awake?"

"No dear she fell asleep while she was trying to eat dinner. I put her down about 30 minutes ago."

"Oh. Okay. Well tell them both that we miss them and love them." Tears are welling in my eyes. I miss my babies and wanted to talk to them.

"Okay darling I will. You two enjoy yourself and we'll see you Sunday."

"We will Grace." The tears have spilled out of my eyes and I wipe them away with my hands.

"Tell Christian good bye for me."

"Okay. Good bye Grace."  
"Good bye dear."

Christian walks over and puts his arms around me. "Baby what's wrong?"

"I miss my babies. I wanted to talk to them but Teddy was at the dock fishing and Grace was already asleep."

"Baby they're fine. We'll see them Sunday."

"I know." I straighten up and wipe my face. " I just miss them when I'm away from them."

Christian puts his fingers under my chin and tips my head up and kisses me sweetly.

I put my arms around him and our kiss deepens. He scoops me up in his arms and carries me to the sofa. He sits down and puts me in his lap. He straightens my hair and kisses my cheeks.

"I wish I'd had a mother like you, Ana."

"Christian, Grace was a wonderful mother."  
"No, I mean in the beginning. When I was so little and couldn't take care of myself. I wish I'd had someone to cherish me and love me like you do our kids."

"I wish you had too, Baby. But I love and cherish you now." I sit up and cup his face in my hands and kiss him.

"You're do damn beautiful, Baby." Christian strokes my cheek.

I snuggle up to him and I always feel so small and protected when I'm in his lap.

Christian takes me off of his lap and sets on the sofa next to him. He forces me back to lie on the sofa. And he is on top of me kissing me deeply and softly. He unbuttons my blouse slowly and pulls its hem out from my jeans freeing me. He places his head on my breasts and hugs me. I run my fingers through his copper locks. He turns his head and places his nose between my breasts kissing my skin. His warm breath and soft lips cause my breathing to hitch. He moves my bra up over my breasts and he frees them. He takes my breast in his mouth and I feel the undulation of his tongue as he suckles me. He makes a soft groan and he continues to softly pull and tug at me. I sigh and stroke his hair and watch him as he nuzzles me. My belly begins to pull and I am building. My hips are grinding in to him. He looks up at me, "You taste so good, baby."

Christian pops the buttons on my jeans and raises my hips to pull them down as well as my panties. He is on his knees and looms over me as he unbuttons his jeans and slides them off. He lowers himself back down to me. His is at my entrance and I raise my hips to meet him taking him in and enveloping him is the soft, warm, wetness. Christian emits a soft groan as he slips into me. He pulls my legs up to his waist. "Put your legs around me, baby." I do as he requests.

Christian begins his rhythmic movements. "God baby. You are always ready for me. Only me, Ana. You're only mine." He breaths into my neck. He begins to move with more determination and my hips meet each movement until he stills and his belly quivers against mine. He collapses on me and kisses my nose and smiles. "I'm sorry, baby. I didn't wait for you. I'll owe you one. Later. We aren't finished yet."

I giggle and shake my head. "Christian it's not like I'm lacking in that department."

"I like to give you pleasure, Baby. I love to watch you and know that I am responsible for it."

There is a knock at the door. "Who is that?" I ask.

Christian pulls up his jeans and I get up and straighten myself. My hair is a giveaway, though.

"It should be room service. I ordered dessert." Christian opens the door and the waiter rolls in a cart of sweets and fruits. He looks around and begins to flush, not able to make eye contact with either of us.

"Thank you. I'll take it. "Christian tells him.

"Yes, Mr. Grey." He smiles and leaves.

"Christian, you rarely eat dessert. Why did you order an entire cart of desserts?"

"I didn't. I just asked what they had and they sent this up."

"You are getting awfully good service this trip. Is it 'cause you're the Grey in Grey Enterprises Holdings?" I tease him.

"Probably."

"Don't start that dessert without me. I have to go to the bathroom." I rush of to the bathroom.

I am walking back to the drawing room and here Christian on the phone. It's sort of late for him to be talking to someone at work. Oh, well, he probably has some poor employee paying penitence for some minor transgression.

"Yes that's right…..early…before 7…you have the key I believe….lock it back when you leave…."

"Christian who were you talking to?" I surprise him and he jumps.

"Oh. Hi, Baby. Um...it was just work. Just making sure things are taken care of. Tomorrow is Saturday and I don't want anything hanging until Monday."

Christian and I sit down on the floor with the dessert cart and take at least one bite out of everything and open another bottle of champagne. He feeds me a cannoli with his mouth. I take a sip of champagne and kiss him letting the cold liquid drip into his mouth. At some point during the evening we seem to have lost our clothing and Christian covers my breasts and belly with crème cheese frosting from the red velvet cake and then cleans me with his mouth kissing and licking the sweet delight from my body. I return the favor with the chocolate icing and his evening erection. I have had my toes dipped in whipped cream and then Christian cleaned them with his tongue.

I have had food in places I don't even want to think about. I didn't know that I could enjoy being locked in a room with someone for two days this much. It's as if all of the hurt and pain from the past several months is a million miles away. We are back to the beginning. Just Christian and me. I'm happy for the first time in so long. And Christian looks relaxed for the first time in …well forever. He looks like a kid and is acting like one. Mr. CEO left back in Seattle. We are at our best when we play and spar with one another.

"Well, Baby. Are you ready for a bath. You seem to be quite sticky." He murmurs against my mouth as we make out on the floor. Yes Christian has learned to make out. And gosh is he good at it.

"Yes, I think I need to get this sticky stuff off before bed." Christian stands and holds his hand out to help me up. I look around. "Baby we made a real mess of this place. There is dessert and clothing everywhere."

"Don't worry, someone will clean it up later. Come wife."

Christian turns the water in the tub on while I put my hair up and brush my teeth. The soft clouds of bubbles are building. The tub is filled and Christian turns the water off and sinks into the clouds. I step over into the water and Christian stops me from sitting down with him in the sweet smelling clouds.

"Sit on the edge." he instructs me. I sit on the side of the tub with my feet in the warm water. Christian is submerged up to his neck in the warm water and bubbles. "Just sit there a minute, I want to look at you. You are so beautiful." Christian moves over to me and parts my legs. I think I owe you, Mrs. Grey. Without breaking his gaze into my eyes he slides a finger through my wetness starting at the top and stopping when he puts his finger inside me. I gasp as he plunges in and out. He removes it and all at once he buries his head between my thighs and I gasp as I feel the first sweet caress of his mouth on me. He places his hands on my thighs to still them as he devours me with his relentless carnal dance. He presses into me harder caressing, sucking and swirling driving me to the brink. I lean forward and grab Christian's shoulders to keep from falling as I feel myself begin to shudder. The delicious spasms take me and l begin to tremble under the sensual manipulations of his mouth. My trembling subsides and Christian takes me by my waist and pulls me into the warm water with him and envelopes me in his arms.

I am leaning back on my husband and he is kissing my neck. I have never felt so content and at peace. Christian pours bath wash in his hands and lathers them then begins to rub my breasts, presumably cleaning the sticky off of me. He lathers the bath sponge and bathes me clean. When he is finished, I turn and slide behind him letting him lean back on me. I have engulfed him in my arms and legs. I slide the soapy sponge over him to bathe him. I've never seen him so utterly relaxed and quiet. Very unChristian like. I kiss his ear and bite his earlobe as his head leans back into my breasts.

I hear Christian let out a bit of a snore and realize he has fallen asleep resting on me.

"Are you getting sleepy, Baby?" I whisper in his ear.

"Huh?" he stirs trying to pry his eyes open.

"Are you ready to go to bed, Baby? You are so tired." I run my fingers through his hair. "You've had a big weekend, Mr. Grey."

Christian stretches and nods. "Yeah. Let's go get between the sheets, Baby." He stands up and pulls me to my feet. We dry off and he gets into his pajama bottoms. He's put on a little weight, but they still hang on his hips and drive me crazy. I pull on one of his T-shirts. We slip into the soft bed and he pulls me to him, his front to my back and he holds me tight. He whispers in my ear, "Good night, Mrs. Grey. I love you."

"I love you too, Mr. Grey." I whisper.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

I wake and stretch. This bed feels so good. I realize that Christian isn't beside me. He must be on that damn phone or lap top again. I get up and run in to relieve myself and quickly brush my teeth. I head for the living room and open bedroom door. The most delicious sent hits me. I gaze in wonderment as I look around. The entire room is covered in flowers. It looks like a fairyland of flowers. The arrangements are all soft pinks and pale yellows with white and they are on every flat surface on the room. The scent is almost overwhelming.

"Christian?" I gasp.

Christian appears from across the room. He is still in his pajama bottoms, bare chested, tousled morning hair. He walks over to stand in front of me. "You have my heart. Here are the flowers." And with that, he drops to his knees," Anastasia Grey. I love you. I want to love, cherish and protect you for the rest of my life. Be mine. Always. Share my life with me. Marry me " he whispers.

I drop to my knees never breaking our gaze, and trace his lips with my index finger. I stroke his cheek. "Always, Christian."

Christian puts his arms around me and pulls me to him holding me tight. "Happy anniversary, Baby." He whispers in my ear.

"Happy anniversary, Christian." I whisper back.

Christian stands and pulls me to my feet. He scoops me into his arms and takes me back to bed. He lays me on the soft mattress. I look up at the beautiful man that looms over me. He removes his pajama bottoms and slides in to bed next to me. He takes me in his arms and pulls me to him tightly and kisses me softly, yet long, slow and wet. He traces my curves over my silk nightgown finally sliding his hand under the gown and over my skin. His hand starts on my thigh and slides upward and then over the curve of my behind, up my back and under my arm until it softly rests on my breast, caressing and stroking it. It makes me quicken.

"I love you so much, Ana." He whispers against my lips. He gently slides my gown up and over my head and I lift to help him. I bend to kiss his chest softly and gently. I hear Christian let out a soft moan as I trail kisses across his bare chest. My hand falls to his belly and then skims downward slowly and I take him in my hand. Softly stroking and kneading, I feel his breathing quicken.

Christian cups my face in his hands and pulls me up until his lips meet mine. Again he wraps me in his arms and he kisses me. He turns over until my back is against the mattress and he is hovering over me. I feel his hand between my knees as he softly skims it upward until he gently finds the apex of my thighs. I gasp. Christian nuzzles and kisses my neck as he slowly parts my legs and moves between them. As gently as if were the first time, he slides himself into me, slowly and sweetly. I raise my legs and slide my calves down the length of his legs until my ankles entwine with his.

Christian begins to gently move, entering and leaving me with soft, slow, steady advances. He looks into my eyes and presses his lips to mine. His kiss is long and slow and steady. I can feel his heartbeat against my chest. I circle my arms around his neck and continue to stroke the length of his legs with my feet and calves. Our lovemaking is sweet and gentle, almost delicate. I can feel every muscle in his body flex and relax with his every movement. He bends his head and I feel his breath against my breast. It is warm and moist against my skin. He trails soft kisses over my breast before he takes it into his mouth. His eyes closed, he gently pulls and suckles and I hear a faint moan but I don't know if it is Christian or me.

We never speak. We don't need to. I can see the love and adoration for me in his eyes. He is professing his feelings for me with his gentle, easy, lovemaking. I can feel my body beginning to tense under him. Christian raises his head and stares down into my eyes. He increases his speed without sacrificing his gentleness. I look deep into his gaze as I catch my breath and fall over the edge. I surround him with my undulations and he stills as his face tenses and his belly shudders. As I begin to wane, he relaxes and lowers his body onto mine engulfing me with his arms.

I hear him softly utter, "I love you, Ana Grey."

I hold him tightly," I love you Christian Grey."

We lie like this for an eternity, Christian has not left me. His head rests on my breasts and he is teasing my breast with his fingers, tracing its outline and kissing my skin. I run my fingers through his beautiful copper hair and kiss the top of his head as I stroke his back with my fingertips. We are still in silence.

"I can hear your heart beat." Christian whispers.

"I can feel yours."

"Christian, how did you get all those flowers in there? They weren't there last night."

"I arranged it with the concierge. I had them bring them up bright and early this morning. First I had them clean up the dessert cart mess."

"I didn't hear anyone come in."

"I made sure they were quiet. Wasn't easy."

"You are so sweet, Mr. Grey. You never cease to amaze me."

"I do try, baby."

"Yes you do. And I thank you."

"Well, Baby. It's Saturday, do you want to get out today? Find something to do?" Christian asks.

"If you want to. I'm not in any big rush. It's so nice just lying here with you."

Christian lifts his head and kisses my tummy and skims his nose across my skin. "You smell so good."

He rolls over and stretches. "I guess we could start with a shower, then get out for a while and see what's going on in the world."

"That sounds pretty good."

Christian rolls over and kisses me. "Mmmm, you taste good too."

He kisses me again. And then he kisses me again. "I think I could kiss you all day, Mrs. Grey."

I smile at him and tweak his nose. "As long as you kiss me the rest of your life, Mr. Grey."

"Okay. I'll turn on the shower. Get up. "Christian throws off the sheet and rolls out of bed. I watch him walk toward the bathroom. Every muscle in his trim body flexes as he makes his way across the room.

I watch and admire. " , have I ever told you that you have a mighty fine ass? Not just good, but mighty fine."

Christian stops and looks over his shoulder, "Huh." He shrugs and continues on into the bathroom. Damn he's still so hot.

I hear the water start and drag myself out of bed and head to join Christian in the water. Christian soaps up the bath sponge and washes me from the neck down. Then he gets the shampoo and lathers my hair, massaging my scalp and neck. This is wonderful. I return the favor.

We are out and getting dried off and dressed. Christian is in his jeans, white linen shirt and leather slip-ons. I'm in a floaty skirt, linen top and sandals. Hair in a ponytail. "Ready Mrs. Grey?" Christian extends his hand and I take it and we walk down the hall to the elevators. Christian punches the button and elevator 3 opens.  
"Aww. It's our elevator." I wink over at him.

Christian steps in and I follow. The door closes and we begin our descent to the lobby. Christian looks over at me and smiles a wicked glint in his eye. He lunges at me. He grabs both of my hands in one of his and holds them up above my head. His hips pin me to the wall. He pulls my ponytail to force my head up to his and he kisses me. He stops just long enough to quickly press the stop button and the elevator quickly comes to a halt.

Christian's mouth returns to mine and begins its long slow exploration. He releases my hands and I circle his neck with my arms. His hand gathers my skirt up until he is able to reach my bare leg. He slowly slides his hand up my thigh. I am able to break away from his kiss.

"Christian. We can't do this here." I gasp.

"Why? This time I have the paperwork." He breaths against my neck.

"Baby, this elevator is going to start up again soon."

"No it won't." he is kissing my neck and I am breathless. Christian pulls the elevator key out of his pocket and puts in to the control panel and turns the key. The elevator locks, disabling the it for anyone else. Remember I told you that someday I'd rent this elevator?"

I gasp. "You rented the elevator?"

"No. No I didn't." Christian's breathing is heavy and he gains access to my mouth again. "They wouldn't rent it. Some legal thing. But don't worry it won't start or open." His hand continues up my thigh.

Christian. There are cameras that monitor elevators. Someone will see us somewhere.

"Nope. Taken out." He moves his hand up under my shirt and pulls my shirt up kissing the breast mounds above my bra.

"Taken out? I don't think you can do that." I am gasping as Christian moves his hand into my panties and pulls his fingers along the wetness. I gasp and quiver. He continues to stroke me and slips his finger inside me sliding in and out briefly.

"I can do it, and I did. Baby, you never disappoint." He murmurs against my neck.

"Christian I don't understand."

Christian pulls back catching his breath and stares into my eyes. "My fucking hotel. My fucking elevator. I can do whatever I fucking like. "Christian slips my panties down and off my feet. He puts his hands around my butt and lifts me. "Put your legs around me, baby."

I comply and Christian pins me to the wall long enough to pop the button on his jeans and unzip his fly. He is able to spring free and he positions himself underneath me. As he lowers me, I feel him slide into me. He fills me so easily in this position. He begins to push upward bumping me up against the elevator wall. His face is buried between my breasts. He is driving hard and I begin to feel the quivering in my belly.

"God, I've wanted to fuck you in here for years, baby." He hisses as he jolts me upward.

"Christian, I'm…" all I can do is gasp.

"I know. Come for me. "He looks up into my eyes.

I never break his gaze as I feel the pulling begin. "Oh, God, Christian." I feel the beautiful pulling and releasing as I give my release to him.

Christian continues his forceful upward thrusts until he forces one final deep penetration and he stills. He catches his breath as he begins to quiver and his release seizes him.

I feel him relax as we both try to regain our equilibrium. Gasping, Christian's mouth finds mine again and we kiss deep and long. Not breaking our kiss, Christian lowers me to my feet and I try to find my footing. Christian bends down and finds my panties. He holds them as I step back into them and he pulls them up to their proper place. He zips his fly and buttons his jeans, then turns to help me readjust myself. I try to straighten my hair and return to normal except for the flush on my face.

"Ready?" he asks me and I nod. Christian takes out the key and inserts into the panel with the buttons and gives it a turn. He pushes the button for the lobby and we start down again. The door opens and staff in the lobby look over at us. They nod and smile politely.

"Christian, I'm going to hit the ladies room a minute. I need to freshen up a bit. I'll be right back."

Christian bends down and gives me a light kiss on my lips. "Take your time, baby. I'll wait here."

I go into the ladies room off of the lobby and try to wash up a little. When I return to the lobby, Christian is talking to some of the staff. Smiling and casual, his hands are shoved down in his jeans pockets. He looks so relaxed and friendly. So unChristian like. He smiles and puts his arm around me as I return to him. He introduces me as his wife and then we head out the door.

"Your car Mr. Grey?" The valet asks.

"No thanks, we'll walk." Christian and I walk through the door to the outside and we take off down the sidewalk arm in arm. He has his aviators on. Damn he always looks so hot in those sunglasses.

"What do you feel like eating, Baby."

"Oh, I don't know. Let's just see what comes along."

We amble down the sidewalk, stopping to window shop and talk. There isn't much that we haven't seen in this part of town. We finally stop at a little pastaria and decide to have lunch.

It isn't fancy but the menu looked good. Christian orders roasted artichoke garlic spread with bruschetta as an appetizer and a bottle on Sancerre. Then we follow up with lunch, Farfalle with asparagus and lemon for me and spring vegetable linguini for Christian. And another bottle of wine. He is just so relaxed. It is so easy being around him. I'm not tense and worried that I'm about to misstep and make him mad. His arms are crossed on the table and he is leaning up on them looking at me while he talks. He looks so casual. Not the usual demeanor for my husband.

"Christian, what possessed you to buy the entire hotel?"

"Well. Like I said, I've been wanting to fuck you in that damn elevator since the first time we were in it. I thought about renting it and then when the fuckers turned me down, I decided to buy it. Now I own this key." He holds up the key for the elevator." And we can fuck our brains out in there anytime we take a notion to."

"Christian, that' s a mighty expensive fuck."

"I did look at it before I bought it, baby. The hotel is doing well, but could do a lot better. I intend to make it do a lot better."

"So, are you saying that it really is your fucking hotel. Literally, your _fucking_ hotel." I smirk at him.

"Very funny, Mrs. Grey."

"No wonder everyone has been so nice to us. Sending up all that food and the entire dessert menu."

"Ana…. I put the hotel in your name. It's still part of GEH, but the title is in your name."

"Christian, why did you do that?"

"I thought you might like to take it on as a project, you know try your hand at running it."

"Baby, do I look like Leona Helmsley?" I ask. "I don't know anything about doing that."

Christian shrugs. "I just thought you might like it."

I reach over and take his hand. "Baby, I appreciate it and I love you for it, but I just don't know anything about that stuff. Business is what you do, and you do it so very well. It's just all foreign to me. I really don't have any interest in that sort of thing."

"Okay. Thought I'd give it a try."

"I'll be glad when Teddy is old enough to start learning the business. You can teach him everything you know. Maybe even Grace. Something tells me she is going to be the one to follow in your footsteps."

Christian grins and shakes his head. "She is quite a girl, Mrs. Grey. I wouldn't put anything past her."

"Christian, you do know she will be hell on wheels when she reaches puberty. Especially if she is anything like you were."

Christian runs his hand through his hair and shakes his head. "God, help us. I was hoping she'd be more like you."

"It isn't going to be easy."

Christian sits back and drains his wine glass. "Are you about ready to get back?"

"Yes. I'm stuffed. It'll be nice to walk some of this lunch off."

"Come. I have a better idea." Christian holds out his hand and I take it. We stroll out of the restaurant with our arms around each other.

We have a pleasant walk back to the hotel. It's a sunny warm day. Not really hot, just pleasant.

We are having such a good time, just relaxing and being together. Christian is actually laughing, so unusual for him. We finally get back to the hotel and Christian stops and dips me kissing me, right at the entrance. The doorman smiles, nods and opens the door for us. We head through the lobby and back up to our room. Luckily our elevator is occupied, so I'm safe until the next time.

I kick off my shoes once we are inside the suite. "I think I'm going to lie down and read a little, Baby. Is that okay with you?"

"Since you are going to do that, I think I might work a little? Would you mind if I join you on the bed with my laptop?"

"Well if I can't keep you off of it, I'd rather have you in there with me instead of in here at the table."

Christian walks over behind me and puts his arms around me and kisses my neck. He swats my butt. "Go on. I'll be there in a minute." I take off my clothes and pull on a T-shirt with my panties and flop down on the soft bed to read for a while. Christian walks in with his laptop and pulls off his shirt and kicks off his shoes and props himself up against the headboard with several pillows behind his back. After a while I move over and snuggle up to him. He moves one arm and drapes it around my shoulder, never taking his eyes off of the screen. I continue to read until I fall asleep with my book in my hand and my head on Christian's bare chest.

I wake up to Christian snuggled up with me, his front to my back and me engulfed in his arms. He is kissing my neck and whispering in my ear, "Baby. Time to get up."

"Hhhmmm?" Is about all I can get out.

"Time to get up. I made dinner reservations for us and we need to get ready."

"Mmmm. Where?"

He is kissing my neck and breathing in my ear. "It's a surprise, sleepyhead."

"Okay. What time?" I murmur.

"In about an hour. We need to get a shower and get ready."

"Okay." I mumble and make no move to get up.

Christian whispers, "Don't make me take drastic measures, Mrs. Grey."

"Okay." I still don't open my eyes.

I feel Christian's hand slide across my tummy and slip down into my panties. I gasp. "I'm up."

I try to move and Christian holds me tight. "Sorry. I've got you where I want you now. You had your chance to get up." Christian slides his fingers down into my panties until his fingers hit his favorite place and I jump."

"God, woman. You are always wet." He continues to spread kisses up my neck as he strokes his fingers through the warm, slick, wetness. I lay engulfed in his arms and I make a little moan as my stomach begins to pull."

"Good baby?" Christian whispers softly in my ear.

"Uh, huh." I whimper. I feel Christian growing large against my back. My breath begins to catch and my tummy starts to quiver as he continues his soft rhythmic stroking.

"Go ahead, baby." He whispers softly. "Go ahead and let it all go." He kisses my neck again.

I feel the delicious sensation beginning to take me starting in my belly and moving through me until the clinching and releasing begins. My breathing stops and I begin to tremble.

"That's my beautiful girl. Come for me." Christian whispers in my ear. "So beautiful."

I finally stop and relax back into his arms. "Christian I have to go to the bathroom."

Christian kisses my neck quickly. "Okay. Get up and lets get showered and dressed." He swats my ass.

"You'd make a pretty good alarm clock." I tell him as I head for the bathroom.

Once again we are showered and dried off. I finish drying my hair and Christian is already dressed in his pale grey suit. His slacks hang at his slim hips and he is wearing a crisp white shirt and dark gray tie with Italian leather slip-ons on those oh so sexy feet. He is adjusting his cufflinks the ones I gave him for our wedding. He always remembers the finer details. Things that most people would overlook. Maybe that's why he is so good at what he does. So successful. He sweeps everyone off of their feet, even business acquaintances. He knows just how to romance people, how to woo them. They always end up eating out of his hand.

"What?" he asks.

"Huh?"

"Anastasia, you're staring at me. Did you need something?"

I shake my head. "No. Nothing. Just watching you."

He walks over and kisses my cheek. "Get dressed. We need to go."

"I'll be ready in 5."I tell him.

I slip into my bra and panties and then step into a white, sleeveless linen sheath. I pull my hair back in to a sleek straight ponytail and fasten it. I add light eye shadow and some liner. Mascara, pink blush and pink lipstick and gloss. I put my pearl studs in and don my nude pumps. I grab my clutch and head out to the living room. I walk over to Christian who is sipping on a glass of Sancerre, "Baby, can you help me?" I ask him.

He puts his glass down and walks behind me to zip my dress up. He kisses my neck when the zipper reaches the top. "You look beautiful." he whispers.

"Thank you, Baby." I smile at him. "Can I have a sip?"

He hands me his wine glass and I take a couple of sips of the cool white wine.

"Ready?" he asks. I nod.

We walk out of the suite and down the hall to the elevator. Getting on Christian pushes the button for the dining room. He reaches over and grabs my hand and kisses the back of it. We get off and walk toward the dining room. The maître de greets us. " Mr. and Mrs. Grey. We have your table ready. This way please." I follow the maître de and Christian follows me through the elegant dining room. I know exactly where we were going. He shows us to the intimate dining room, with just one secluded table. The room small but sumptuous. Beneath the shimmering chandelier, the table is all starched linen, crystal glassware, sliver cutlery and a white rose bouquet. An old-world, sophisticated charm pervades the wood-paneled room. The waiter pulls out my chair and I sit. He places my napkin in my lap. Christian sits opposite me.

"I've ordered already. I hope you don't mind."

"Christian, somehow I expected it." I smile over at him.

The sommelier pours our wine after Christian approves it.

"Christian, how do you think of everything? You've haven't left anything out today. The flowers this morning, the elevator, this dinner." I ask him.

"I just wanted to make it perfect, Ana."

"Well, you have, baby."

The waiter enters with our oysters. Christian prepares them with the fresh lemon. And we each take a raw mollusk and let the fleshy, saltwater delicacy slide down our throat.

"Mmmm. Delicious." I tell him. We continue until we have competed the fresh dozen.

I still can't get over how at ease he is lately. I hope it's not just a phase. He is still loses it when it comes to work and business issues, but I'd rather him vent there instead of at home. Even his face isn't as tense and his jaw is relaxed. Maybe it's all the sex this weekend. He's had enough tension relief to last for the next 5 years. But he has always been a sexual creature. Sex has always been a major motivator for him. Lucky me.

The waiter removes the spent oyster tray and breaks my train of thought.

Christian extends his hand on the table and I put my hand in his. "Are you having a good time, Christian?" I ask him.

He nods. "Yes. Yes I am. I can't remember when we've had so much time alone, just the two of us. Since the beginning. I love Teddy and wouldn't take anything for that boy, but I did miss having you all to myself for a while."

Christian stares down at our entwined hands and he is stroking my knuckles with his thumb. "Baby." He hesitates. "I'd like to try to start over."

"What do you mean start over?"

"I haven't been the husband that you deserve. Certainly not the husband that I wanted to be. I know that. I've been driven, and self-centered, and angry. God, I've been angry all my life, it seems like. I've never known why or who I was angry at, just carrying around all this rage."

"I know I have turned it on you. I never meant to and I don't think I even realized it when I was doing it." He lifts his eyes to mine. "Ana, I'm trying to change. Flynn is really helping me see why I feel the way I do and how to deal with it. Getting angry with you is certainly not the way to handle things."

The waiter brings in our dinner and breaks the conversation, darn it.

Christian has ordered just what I expected; black cod, asparagus and crushed potatoes with hollandaise. "Looks delicious. I haven't had this in, well…7 years I guess."

"Will there be anything else, Mr. Grey?" the waiter asks.

"No. Thank you. Everything is fine Edward."

I whisper," How do you know his name?"

"I make it a point to know the name of everyone who works for me. Makes them feel special. Just good business." He shrugs.

We eat our meal and the conversation has turned to the children and work and the rest of life's mundane issues.

"Christian. That was perfect."

"Glad you enjoyed it, baby. Do you want to help me finish this?" Christian holds up the wine bottle.

I nod and he refills my glass. Then tops his off with the last of the bottle.

We finish off the wine and the Edward has cleared the table. I have declined dessert. I figured I had enough dessert last night to last for a while.

"Ready to head back up. Mrs. Grey?"

"Yes." Christian walks around and helps me out of my chair. I put my arms around his waist and give him a sweet kiss. "This was just lovely, Christian. You made this weekend so special."

"I just want to try to make you happy, baby." He puts his arm around me and we exit the small room and walk through the main dining room.

"Good evening, Mrs. Grey. Mr. Grey. I hope your meal was enjoyable." The maître de nods to us as we exit the restaurant.

"Thank you Phillip. I appreciate your help." Christian smiles at him.

"Mr. Grey." Phillip responds.

With our arms around each other we walk across the lobby and head for our elevator.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

Christian slides the card in the door and we enter our suite for the last night of our weekend.

"Shall I open the last bottle of champagne, Mrs. Grey?" Christian asks.

"Why not. I hate to let it go to waste." Christian removes the foil and untwists the wire securing the cork. He gently pops the cork and pours two glasses. I am on the sofa and he walks over handing me a glass and sitting down with me.

He pats his thigh. "Here. Give them to me." He reaches down and picks up my feet and pulls my stilettos off dropping them to the floor. "I don't know how you wear these things. I'm just glad you do. You look sexy in them. I like to watch you leave a room when you're wearing them." He is rubbing my feet and it feels marvelous.

"Why do you think I wear them? Certainly isn't for me."

Christian has left my feet and is messaging my calves." Your legs are always so soft and smooth. Christian moves up and slides his in next to me. His hand glides up my neck cupping my head and kisses me long and slow. "Let's take this champagne and finish it in the tub." He whispers to me.

"Sounds like a plan."

Christian gets up and extends his hand to help me off of the sofa.

We walk to the bedroom together turning off the lights as we go. "I'll start the water." Christian says as he walks to the bathroom and turns the water on in the huge tub. He pours the delicious smelling bath oil in and it fills the air with a warm sweet smell. Christian walks back in to the bedroom unbuttoning his shirt and removing his cufflinks. He walks over to unzip my dress for me and kisses my neck. He takes the hair tie out of my hair and my ponytail comes undone. He runs his hands through my hair massaging my scalp and letting my hair fall around my breasts. I slide out of my dress and remove my earrings. Christian has doffed his slacks, shoes and socks. He walks over and puts his arms around me and leans to gently kiss the part of my breasts that mound over my bra. I kiss his hair as he does. He helps me out of my bra and panties and removes his boxers.

"Come with me." He takes me by the hand and leads me to the now full tub. He gets in and holds my hand to steady me as enter the warm bubbles. Christian sits and leans against the back of the tub and as I sit he pulls me to him. I lean against his chest and we entwine our legs. Christian wraps his arms around me and cups my breasts in his hands.

I let out a sigh, "I think I could stay like this forever."

"I know. I don't see why we can't baby." Christian hugs me.

"Christian, before the waiter interrupted us you were talking about being so angry. Why is that? Why are you so angry, baby?"

"Well. It took a long time to figure it out and to come to terms with it. It irks me to do it, but I will give Flynn credit. He's the first shrink to make me dig deep enough to figure it out. I think it took you almost leaving me to make me want to deal with it."

"Can you talk to me about it, Christian?"

"I want to, but I want to do it with Flynn. I think you may have some questions and I may need some support to get through it."

I turn to look at him. "Christian. You have me worried now. I won't push. I know you'll tell me when you're ready. But I'm here whenever you need me."

Christian kisses my cheek. "I do want to finish something from our conversation. Baby… I want to try to start over. I think that is why I tried so hard to recreate the beginning. I wanted that feeling back. You know… when it was all so new. I wanted to try to erase this past year. I want to… forget all that has happened to us over the past few months and wipe the slate clean."

"Christian. I understand. But, remember I told you that I could forgive you, but I would never forget?"

"I know. But can you forgive me enough to stay? Can you give me the chance to try to change?"

"Christian… I had already decided that I don't think I want to try to live without you. I love you far too much. I don't want the kids to go through all of that either. I know what it's like to go through a parent's divorce and I never want that for my kids. I want to try to work on our problems. That being said, I will leave you if you ever even think about cheating again."

"You don't ever have to worry about that, Baby."

"Well, I will worry about it. How would you feel if you walked in on me and another man?"

"It would destroy me, Ana. I don't think I could ever recover from that." Christian pulls me to him.

"Well. That's how I felt. You don't have the market cornered on feelings, Christian Grey."

Christian hugs me tightly and kisses my cheek. "So, you're going to give me another chance?"

I give out a big sigh, "Yes." I nod.

"What would you think about renewing our vows?" Christian asks.

"Why?"

"I just want to renew my commitment. I want to show everybody that I am committed to you."

"Christian the only one who needs to know that you are committed to me… is me. Getting married implies a commitment to the rest of the world. We're already married."

"Okay. I just want to prove it to you."

"That will be a day by day process, Mr. Grey. Besides, this is Mia's year. I wouldn't want to steal any of her thunder in the ceremony department."

Christian snorts. "That's if she ever sets a date. She'd better go ahead and do it, before poor Ethan gets cold feet. It's not all about the dress and the party."

"Christian. They've been together for 7 years. Granted it has been off and on, but I think Ethan has a fairly good idea of how Mia operates, by now. I'm not too worried about him getting cold feet."

"I guess you're right. Are we getting pruney yet, Mr. Grey?"

"I believe we are. Besides the water is cooling off. Are you ready?" Christian asks.

"Yep."

Christian helps me up and he follows and we exit the tub. Christian wraps a towel around his waist then grabs the fresh, fluffy, terry robe and wraps me in it. He hugs me tight and briskly rubs my back. I look up at him and put my arms around his neck and give him a long, slow deep, wet kiss. Christian puts his arms around my waist and lifts me off of the floor never leaving my mouth.

We quickly brush our teeth and I slip into pale blue silk panties and a matching silk teddy. Christian is in his usual drawstring pajama bottoms. Christian is already in bed leaning against the headboard propped up on a stack of pillows. I pull up the sheet and slide in next to him. He wraps his arm around me and I snuggle up next to him.

"Thank you for staying with me, Anastasia." He rakes his fingers through my hair.

"Christian, I don't know where I would go if I left you. I don't feel at home anywhere, if you aren't there. You are my home, Christian Grey."

Christian pulls me to him and tilts my head up and his lips meet mine. So soft, so warm, so complete.

Christian slides down in the bed and pulls me to him, his front to my back with his arms engulfing me. He whispers in my ear. "We haven't completed all the surfaces yet and we leave tomorrow."

"We'll work on it in the morning before we leave. Besides, you own the hotel. We can come back anytime and finish." I snuggle down against him and drift off.

"We. Anastasia. We own the hotel." He kisses my hair. "Goodnight, beautiful girl."

Morning breaks through the window. I am on my back and wake to look at the ceiling. Christian is sprawled all over me, his head on my belly and his hand, somehow has gotten under my teddy and is clutching my breast. What in the world does he do when he sleeps to get in to these positions? As I stretch, Christian wakes and rubs his face against my belly, kissing it softly.

I jump. "Christian! That tickles."

He looks surprised. "Does it now?" he holds my hips and nuzzles my belly again and I giggle. Christian blows on my navel and I squirm. "Be still. Stop squirming." He whispers against my skin.

"Christian. I can't help it. You are tickling me." My belly heaves as he ever so lightly slides the tip of his tongue around my navel and I try to stop him. "Still, Baby." He whispers.

"No Christian, please." Christian tugs at my panties and slides them off as his tongue glides down from my navel. I feel his mouth reach its warm wet destination and I stop my struggle. His morning assault is soft and gentle and oh so sweet. I slide my fingers through his copper hair as I relish this early morning pleasure. My breathing is becoming erratic as he kisses and romances this part of my body.

"Christian, baby." I gasp. I begin to move to meet his mouth. Christian continues to push my body to the edge. "Baby… Baby... Oh please." I catch my breath and arch my back and my tummy begins to quiver. Christian doesn't move and continues his sweet assault as my body falls over the edge. The spasms wane and Christian moves up my body to kiss me, his face still glistening with his early morning feast. He kisses me and I cup his face. I move my legs up and circle his waist. I can feel him against the part of me that his mouth has just abandoned.

"Please, baby. I want you. I need you." I whisper to him my lips against his.

Christian raises his hips and with one slow move he buries himself in me. I feel all of him. As use to him as I am, I still need a moment to accommodate him. I love that about him. He fits me so well. It's like a key in a lock. It either works or it doesn't. Christian and I work.

"God, Ana. You are so warm and wet. You feel so good." Christian whispers. He starts to move slowly. I can hear his gasps against my ear with each gentle push.

I begin to move up to meet him with each slow entry. Christian begins to increase the speed and force of his drive. He raises his head to look down at me and our eyes meet and fix on one another.

"Ana." Christian gasps.

"What baby?" I am barely able to speak.

"God. Just Ana." He whispers.

"I love you Christian." I breathe.

"I love you, baby." He responds with an earthy growl.

"Christian. Don't stop." My breathing catching.

Christian increases his speed and force. "Come on baby. Give it up to me."

I arch my back and stiffen as I catch my breath. My belly quivers as my releases takes me. Christian stills and pours himself into me.

He collapses on me trying to catch his breath as we find our equilibrium.

"God Christian. Don't you ever rest?" I breathlessly ask.

"I can't stay away from you, baby. I've never been able to stay away from you." He looks down at me, " You have bewitched me, Ana Grey and I am forever under your spell." he says facetiously.

I giggle. "Christian that was so corny."

"Corny, but true, Mrs. Grey." He gives me a quick kiss on my lips and rolls off of me.

"I guess we need to get up and get packed to go home." I tell him. I turn on my side to look at him. "Christian, I feel like I've been on another honeymoon. Just being here with you. Alone. No kids. No work. No Gail and Taylor. I think we need to do this every year. We let so much get in the way and it's good to just concentrate on each other for a few days. Reconnect with each other."

Christian strokes my cheek. "I know. We shouldn't have waited 7 years to do it. Maybe we could have saved ourselves a lot of the crap we've been through lately."

I'm in the bedroom packing our things for the return trip home, "Christian?" I call out to him.

"Yes." I hear him answer from the living room.

"Have you checked the bathroom and bedroom to make sure you got everything packed?"

Christian ambles in checking his phone for emails. "Yes, baby. I've checked everything. Are you about ready?"

"Almost." I hate packing up to leave…anywhere. I think that's it.

"I'll call the bell captain to come up and get everything."

Christian picks up the phone. "Yes. Can you send someone up to take our things to the car. And have the car brought around. Right."

I walk over and slip my arms around his waist. "I 'm really sort of sad to leave. I've never stayed in my own hotel before."

Christian finally puts his phone back in his pocket. "We never made all of the surfaces."

"Well. We can come back and finish sometime. Besides, we did a few of them several times, so it should all average out."

The car is packed and Christian is thanking the staff. He slides in the car and we are off headed toward I5 N back to Seattle. "We've got a pretty day for the trip." I mention.

"Yes, we do baby." Christian takes my hand and squeezes it. I seem to note a bit more tension in his jaw today.

"Christian? Are you okay?"

"Sure. Why?"

"I don't know you just seem less relaxed today than you were over the weekend."

"I'm fine. Just hate to go back. That's all."

"Is it work?"

"No work is fine. Except I may have to kick some fucking ass Monday morning."

"But you love to kick ass, Baby. It's what you do." I smile over at him.

"Yes, Mrs. Grey I do love to kick me some ass."

"You know we didn't pick anything up for the kids." I remind him.

"Don't you think they get enough already?"

"Probably…Christian, what do you think about getting Teddy a dog?"

"I hadn't really thought about it, why?"

"He took such good care of that rabbit over the summer and he spent a lot of time with it. I just thought that maybe a dog would be good for him. Besides, I like dogs. You've never mentioned a pet. Did you have a family pet when you were growing up?"

"No. There were times that I wanted a dog, but it just never was the right time or whatever." He shrugs." I guess we could look into it. Has he asked for one?"

"No. But I just think it would be good for him to have a companion. We are so far out and he really doesn't have any playmates. Grace is still too young to really play very much. He really only interacts when he gets together with Simon and Trevi."

"Okay. Let's talk to him about it and see if he is even interested first."

We finally pull up to Christian's parent's home and park. I stretch. Christian leans across the seat and kisses me. "Ready Mrs. Grey?"

"I guess so, baby. Let's go get them."

Christian gets out and comes around to open my door. He takes my hand and we walk up to the front door and ring the bell. It swings open.  
"Mom! Dad!" Teddy flings himself at us.

I bend down and pull him to me," Baby, I missed you so much. Did you have a good time while we were gone?" He looks up at me with a huge smile, "Papa Carry taught me to fish."

"He did?"

Christian reaches down and pulls Teddy to him and Teddy throws his arms around his dad.

Grace comes to the door. She looks frazzled. "Come on in you two." She kisses my cheek and Christian bends down to kiss his mother. "Teddy has been on pins and needles waiting for you to get here."  
"Hi mom. I see you're still alive." Christian smiles at his mother.

"Yes. I seem to be. Come on in and sit down. I hope you didn't stop for dinner on the way back."

"No we didn't. We thought we'd wait and eat with the kids."

"Good. I've got dinner almost ready. We can all eat together." She tells us.

"Oh, Grace. You shouldn't have gone to the trouble." I tell her.

"Nonsense. It's been ages since we all had a Sunday meal together."

"That sounds great, Mom. Thanks." Christian tells her. "Where's my daughter?"

"Oh. I believe she is with Carry. They were out in the back yard."

"Grace. Let me help you." I walk toward the kitchen with her.

Christian and Teddy head out to the back yard to find Carrick and Grace.

Grace is motoring across the back yard and Carrick has her by the hand trying to keep up.

Christian stops to watch them before going out the door. He shakes his head and smiles. "Come on son. Let's go rescue Papa Carry."

"What can I do Grace?" I ask.

"Well. Actually there isn't much. Sit and talk to me while I get things finished up."

"Did you two have a good time?"

"Yes. Yes we did." I tell her.

"Good. What all did you do?"

"Well, Christian locked us in the suite for the first two days and ordered up room service." I look up at her sheepishly.

Grace smiles at me. "That's why you didn't go out to eat. You two probably needed that. It's a good way to get a lot of talking done."

"Yes. We got a lot of talking done."

"Anything get resolved?" She looks over and asks.

"We're going to work on things. We are going to see Dr. Flynn together and Christian is going to work on loosening the reins on me a bit. He has even agreed to me going back to work."

"Has he? Is that something you want to do, dear?"

"Yes. I never really got to do very much of that before the kids. I'd like to be more independent, not tied to the house all the time."

"I certainly understand that, Ana. I've worked all my adult life and I thoroughly enjoy it. I think it's a brilliant idea."

"He wants another baby, Grace."

"Really. Where did that come from?" She stops to look at me.

"I have no idea. But I really don't. I have Teddy and Grace and I'm content with that. I love them more than anything, but I really don't want anymore."

"Have you told Christian that?"

"Yes. I think he understands, but I think he's disappointed."

"Well. He'll get over it. I think it's just something he's going through. You know, like having more children will keep him young."

"Will you put these on the table dear?"

I take the bowls of veggies and place them on the dining table. And go to the door and call my family and Carrick in to dinner.

We finish up our meal and load our children in the car along with the mountain of toys, diaper bags, suitcases, etc. and head for home. Grace and Teddy both fall asleep on the way home.

At the house Christian opens the back door of the car and removes Grace from her car seat and hands her to me. I cradle her in my arms as Christian goes around and unloads Teddy. We unlock the front door and head into the house.

"I'll get Grace down. Can you get Teddy into his PJs and to bed?" I whisper to Christian.

"Yep. I'll meet you upstairs, baby." Christian disappears up the stairs with his son.

Finally, everyone is in their PJs and tucked in. I head back down the hall and meet Christian in our bedroom. He is sprawled on our bed looking at the ceiling. I fall on to the bed beside him. "Goodness. I'm tired. We didn't unload the car." I remind him.

"We'll do it in the morning. I'm not about to fucking do it tonight. I just want a bath and then hit the bed."

"May I join you, Mr. Grey?"

"I'll start the water. You get out of your clothes." Christian says as he gets up.

"Seems like whatever we do, I'm always getting out of my clothes." I smile over at him.

"I like it that way." He has a glint in his eye.

I step into the tub and descend into the warm water. Christian is already there and I lean up next to him. I love taking a bath with him. It's our quiet time. Time to relax and just be with each other.

"Are you ready for work tomorrow?" I ask him.

"I'm always ready for work."

"Hopefully there won't be too much ass to kick. Take it easy on them."

"You got any big plans tomorrow, baby?"

"Oh. I think I'll start working on getting my resume up to snuff, so I can start looking for a job." I want to get started. I don't want to give Christian any time to change his mind.

"Baby. I don't see why you don't just come to work at GEH. We still own Grey Publishing."

"I just don't want to. I want to work somewhere that I'm not the bosses' wife. I want it to be my job and not have people think I only got it because I'm married to you. I don't want people to have to tiptoe around me."

"I get it. I just want to make it easier for you, that's all."

"I appreciate that, but I really want this for me. I really need this Christian." I think for a moment. "Christian. The last time I went to see John, he said for us to decide about going to see him together. Do you still want to do that?"

I can feel Christian tense. He sighs." Yes. I guess."

"Do you want me to set up something for us?"

"Yes. Go ahead and make the appointment. Just make it an evening. I want to be able to take whatever time we need."

I turn around and hug him. "Baby. It will be okay. Whatever it is. I'm here for you and that will never change."

Christian puts his arms around me and pulls me to him tight. "I hope so. I hope so."

We finish our bath and dry off. I slip into my gown and Christian dons his drawstring PJ bottoms and pulls a T- shirt on. We slip into the fresh sheets and snuggle up together. It feels so good to be back in our own bed.

I wake to Christian walking out of the bathroom in a towel. I stretch and look over at him. "Mmmmm. You're already up."

He walks over and sits on the bed next to me while he towel dries his hair. "Yep. Gotta' get back and see what kind of fuckedupness was done while I was gone last week."

"I'm sure it all fine." I lean on my side and stroke his back. "Ros knows how to handle things."

"Yes, she does. It's the rest of the crew that worries me sometimes."

"I'm sure your empire is in-tact, Mr. Grey. Can I have a quick kiss before you get ready?"

Christian leans over and wraps his arms around me, "You can have more than that, Mrs. Grey."

"In fact, I think you may be in need of a spanking." Christian caresses my ass through my night gown."

" , I think you just gave me a thorough spanking a couple of days ago. Surely I don't need another. I've tried so hard not to be a bad girl." Christian engulfs me and kisses me passionately. I can feel his erection against my thigh. He is an impressive boy.

We hear a faint knock on our door. "Huh? What?" Christian breaks his kiss and shakes his head trying to regain himself.

I smile at him, "Hark. Me thinks it is a child. Welcome back to reality, Baby."

Christian gets up and walks over to open the door. "Christian! You can't let him in. Look at yourself." I loudly whisper.

Christian looks down and there is an amazing erection peeking out from the towel around his waist. He shrugs, "He'll have one just like it sooner or later."

"You'll scar him for life. Get in the bathroom and get dressed. I'll go to the door." I throw on my robe and open the door for my rosy cheeked, copper headed son. "Morning baby. Did you sleep good?"

"Yep." he nods. "I like my bed better."

"Me too, baby." I pick him up and walk back over to the bed to sit down. "Teddy you are getting so big. I can hardly pick you up any more."

"I know. I ate all my vegetables for Grandma Grace. She said they would make me grow."

"Well, they seem to be working." I hate to see him grow up so fast. I especially hate the image Christian just put in to my head about the erection. Not my baby boy.

Christian finally emerges, fully dressed for work. "Good morning, son. How did you sleep?" Christian walks over and sits on the bed beside us and runs his hand through Teddy's hair.

"Good." Teddy smiles over at his dad.

Christian stands up and takes Teddy's hand as they head for the door. "Let's go see what's for breakfast, son. Coming Mommy?"

"Yes." I stand up and grab a brush to run through my hair.

Teddy looks up at his dad, his little brow furrowed. "Daddy?"

"Yes, son." Christian stops and looks down at him.

"What did Mommy do?"

"What do you mean?" Christian looks puzzled.

"I heard you tell her that she needed a spanking. Was Mommy bad, Daddy?"

I squint my eyes and glare over at my husband. "This one's yours Christian."

"Um. No son, I was just teasing, Mommy. Mommy's always a good girl. Besides, Have I ever spanked you or Grace?"

Teddy shakes his head, "No. I just wondered. She said you spanked her the other day."

"Oh, I just popped her on her bottom. You know how I do that sometimes. It's because I love Mommy and that's how I show her."

"Oh, okay. Like you do me when we play around."

"Yes. Just like that."

I follow my two men down the hall to find something to eat.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

**A/N: I want to thank everyone who has been following this saga of the Greys on FF and on TWCS. I especially appreciate all the kind reviews. Some twists and turns coming up and questions answered. I was asked for kinky fuckery. We aim to please.**

"That was great as usual Gail." Christian has finished his waffles and fruit and is taking the last sips of his coffee.

Teddy is still working on his so I am sitting with him while he finishes. Christian gets ups and walks around and tilts my head up to give me a quick good by kiss. Teddy covers his eyes and makes a face.

I stand up," I'll walk you out." Christian puts his arm around my waist as walk him to the door.

"Christian, we have to start being more careful. Teddy is getting older and he hears everything. I don't want him telling Gail or his teacher what he hears."

"Baby, Gail knew what I was doing to you, before you did." Christian smirks as he looks down at me.

I look back with a horrified look on my face. Christian nods his head, "Oh, yes." He smirks. "I'll try to be more careful." He reaches down and gives me a quick good by kiss. "Have a good day."

"You, too. I'll see you for dinner. Anything special you want?"

Christian grabs me and growls against my neck.

"Go. Get out of here. Go harass your poor employees for a while." I swat him on his butt as he walks out the door.

I am sitting in Christian's office working on my resume. I've been typing away most of the day. It looks pretty pitiful. I haven't worked in almost 6 years and I only had one job before that. I'm not so sure I'd hire me. Oh, well. I'll let Christian take a look at it and see what he thinks. Maybe give me some pointers to make it a little more impressive. Speaking of Christian, I need to get upstairs and get freshened up, before he gets home. He shouldn't be too long.

I stop by the kitchen on my way. "Oh, Gail. That smells wonderful. What are you making?"

She smiles back over at me ."Beef stroganoff. I made some mac and cheese for the kids, just in case."

"Thanks. They really do need to learn to eat what's put in front of them. But I'm sure they'll love the mac and cheese. I'm going to head upstairs and freshen up before Christian gets home."

"Um. Gail?" I hesitate.

"Yes Ana?"

"I don't know how to ask this tactfully, so I'll just come out with it. Were you aware of Christian's….shall we say, lifestyle…before I met him?"

"Yes, Ana. Remember I had full access to the house to clean and I wasn't away every weekend."

"I see. So you knew what all….I mean, so when he and I started…."

"Ana, if you are trying to ask me if I was aware of what Mr. Grey had in store for you. Yes, I did. I can't say that I felt good or even easy about it, but I knew Mr. Grey very well. Jason and I both did. We told ourselves that it was none of our business and tried not to worry about you."

"You were worried about me?" I ask in amazement.

"Yes. To a certain extent. Mr. Grey had never brought home anyone as young as you before. Certainly never anyone as inexperienced as you. I was almost disappointed in him for taking advantage someone so young and naieve."

"I see. I appreciate your concern, but it wasn't necessary. And to be honest, I'm a little embarrassed." I tell her.

"Don't be Ana. It didn't take me long to figure out why Mr. Grey paid so well. I mean he is such a good man, but there were reasons for his generosity. I remember the parade of weekend guests. After a while, I began to notice that they all seemed to look so much alike. They would be there a while. Then just be gone. No reason. No excuse. Just gone. I would have to make arrangements to have their things delivered to them and prepare the bedroom for the next one.

"I don't see how you dealt with all that."

"It was all so strange at first, but then I got use to it. I just made sure that I never went in that apartment over the weekend. Jason had to be there and he would tell me things that he had seen and heard. I'm sure he never told me everything. Jason is a gentleman. "She smiles just mentioning Taylor's name. " I remember once, Jason told me that things seemed to have gotten out of hand that weekend and he had to take one of them to the hospital. I don't think she stayed. Just patched her up in the emergency room. But she was right back the next weekend. She was a hard one to get rid of, too. He kept her another week or so and when it was over, she kept calling and trying to get up to the apartment. Mr. Grey told me not to take her calls or let her up. She finally just went away. Just like the rest.

"Lord, one of them even tried to convince him that she was pregnant."

"Really?"

" Yes. You think he was bad when you got pregnant? I've never seen such. He about came unraveled. He insisted on a written, confirmation of the pregnancy from the doctor. When she couldn't produce one, that was it. Out the door never to be heard from again.

"He changed so much when he met you. I think that I knew he was in love, before he did. He just didn't know how to care about anyone. He was clueless about what to do. He was like a little boy, not knowing what was happening to him. It was all so foreign to him. But it has been a pleasure to watch him change. Watch him find out how to be in love. You taught him all that, Ana. I know I'm glad to be rid of the weekend guests." She shakes her head.

"Gail I'm sorry if I asked you to overstep."

"Ana. I've been waiting 7 years for you to ask me about all that. I knew the question would come sooner or later."

"It's just between us. I'll certainly never mention it."

"I appreciate it, Ana. If Mr. Grey fires me, he fires me. I've worked here a long time. Maybe it's time to retire. "

"Gail if you ever leave us….well you just can't. That's all. Just put it out of your mind."

I give her a quick hug. "I'm going up to get a shower. Thank you, for everything, Mrs. Taylor."

I am getting undressed to change from my jeans into something else and I hear Christian come in. " Ana!" I hear him call.

"Up here, Christian."

Before I can turn around he is upstairs and walking in the bedroom.

"Mrs. Grey. I missed you today." He closes and locks the door behind him.

"You did? Well, I hope you didn't miss me too much. I'm sure kicking ass kept you quite busy."

He walks over and puts his arms around me. He chuckles, "I just kept thinking about Teddy asking what you had done to deserve a spanking. I do love that kid."

He kisses me and pulls me tight. "I just kept thinking about that spanking, Mrs. Grey." he whispers against my lips.

"You did?" I ask.

"Yes. I'm sure you've done something today that would deserve me taking you over my knee," I can feel Christian growing firm against my belly.

I put my arms around him and return the deep kiss as Christian unhooks my bra and slides it down my shoulders. He places his fingers inside my panties and tugs on them sliding them down my legs and off my feet. I fist his shirt in my hands and pull the buttons open. As I kiss his bare chest he pulls his shirt off and unfastens his belt. I open his pants button and unzip his slacks, gently sliding my hand into his slacks and boxers. I take him in my hand. "Oh, God, Baby." He groans. He steps back. "Wait here. Don't move." He disappears into my dressing room and reappears, naked holding a Hermes scarf. He takes my hands and binds them together with the expensive fabric.

He can see what I'm thinking. "I'll buy you another one." After my hands are bound in front of me, he tugs on the scarf and pulls me to follow him. I obey without question and he leads me into the bathroom. He opens the glass door to the huge shower and leads me in. He pulls my hands above my head and ties the end of the scarf to a towel hook that protrudes from the shower wall. He pulls it tight so I cannot move. I am stretched out against the shower wall. Naked. Exposed. At his mercy. Christian pulls my hair and lifts my head to meet his and he kisses me deeply. He trails kisses down my neck and shoulder as he slides his hand down below my belly and strokes me. I am quivering under his touch.

"Always so ready, Mrs. Grey." He whispers.

He turns me to face the wall and begins to caress the cheeks of my ass. I know what is coming. "I understand you've been a very bad girl today." He whispers into my neck.

"Yes, sir. I have. I'm sorry sir."

"Sorry won't work. You need to be punished." He whispers as he caresses me.

"I understand, sir."

"Are you ready?"

"Yes, sir."

I feel Christian's hand slap against my ass. Then he softly caresses my skin to ease the sting. Again Christian's palm makes harsh contact with my ass. I gasp. "Don't move. You'll just make it worse." He whispers.

"Yes. Sir."

"I think you will need at least 8 today." I can feel him getting hard against my backside.

I feel the slap again and my skin is getting so sensitive. "How many is that, Ana.?"

"It's 3 sir." I feel Christian reach down and slide his fingers against me and I gasp.

"I see spanking agrees with you, Ana." Christian says as he caresses my ass.

Again he moves his hand and I brace for the sting. I feel the bite and hear the slap against my skin. "Half way through, Baby." He reminds me. I can feel Christian kiss my shoulders and reach around me to clasp my breasts. He hands are warm as he caresses them sending excitement through me.

"Ready?" he whispers.

"Yes sir."

I feel the smack again and I don't know whether to cry or come. Christian bends down and begins to kiss the skin that he has just assaulted. "Your skin is so deliciously pink, Baby. Does it sting?"

"Yes sir." Again I feel Christian's fingers and this time they pass my threshold. I am about to explode as he withdraws and enters repeatedly hitting just the right spot with each pass. I begin to tremble. "Not yet. Not until your punishment is over. Bad girls don't get to come. They have to wait."

"Yes. Sir. I can wait." I whimper.

I can feel Christian smile against my neck. "Good, girl." He whispers.

I feel the next strike against my ass. "What number is that?" Christian asks.

"6. I think, sir."

"Are you sure? If you lose count we'll have to start over."

"Yes sir. I'm sure. It was 6."

"Good. Only two more. Two more and you can come, Baby. I know you need to so bad."

"Please. Please, sir. I need another." I beg to try to get it over with.

"Christian again caresses my ass and I feel the slap. The stings are becoming exquisite. And my skin is so sensitive. He kisses my skin where he has just struck me. "Mmm. You taste good. But I know where you taste better. Just one more."

"Are you ready?"

"Yes. Please."

"This is the last one, but it will be hard."

"Yes sir. I'm ready." I gasp.

Christian strikes my ass almost lifting me off of the tile floor. I whimper as his palm makes contact with my skin.

"There. There. That's a good girl. It's all over." Christian whispers into my neck. He turns me to face him and drops to his knees. Without hesitation, he buries his face in me and I feel the luscious sensation travel up my belly. I drop my head and moan as I give my body over to him. The sweet caresses are driving me beyond reason and my full attention is focused on this part of my body. His hands are on my ass cheeks holding me still and pulling me close to him.

"Christian." I whimper. I look down and he locks eyes with mine. He is smiling as he witnesses the pleasure scripted on my face. I begin to pant to try to catch my breath as he pushes me over the edge. I catch my breath and plead, "Oh God help me." My belly quivers and my legs crumble beneath me as I am consumed by the orgasm he has just forced on me. He continues his assault and I am pushed into a second wave of ecstasy. "Sir. No. Please. Stop. I beg you. Please." I am almost sobbing.

Christian releases his hold on me and stands supporting my limp body as he releases my hands from the hook above my head. "I like to hear you beg."

"Can you stand?" he asks. I nod my head. "Poor baby. You're spent. Almost finished." He kisses my head as he strokes my hair.

I open my eyes in surprise, "Almost?"

He turns me to face the wall. "Grab that bar above the soap holder". He commands.

"Yes sir." I bend over and put my still tied hands on the dish that is waist high. I am bent over at the waist and Christian stands behind me.

"Hold on tight and brace yourself. Baby. I'm going to fuck you. I'm going to fuck you really hard. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir." I'm so tired I just want to fall down. I feel Christian slide his hands down my back from my shoulders to my hips. He grabs my hips with both hands. "Ready?" he asks.

"Yes, sir."

I feel him tighten his grip on my hips and yank them back. Suddenly he is buried in me I gasp as I try to accommodate all of him.

"Okay?" he asks.

I am still trying to catch my breath. "Yes. Sir. I'm okay."

I feel him slowly exit and push my hips forward as he does. Again I feel him grip my hips and I brace for him. He slams against me as he pulls me toward him. He gasps as my body jolts forward.

I feel him begin to exit once again. And again all of him enters at once. "I'm going to come now, Baby. Are you ready?"

"Yes. I'm ready, sir."

Christian withdraws and forces in again and again increasing his intensity. I can hear him panting as he continues his thrusting. I am climbing as well. I feel myself begin to quiver as he stills and tenses. "Fuck. Fuck." He hisses as he trembles and then collapses over me.

He pulls me to him and embraces me as we fall onto the shower floor together. He unties the once beautiful scarf, and releases me. I put my arms around him as he pulls me tightly to him. He showers kisses over my face and neck and finally stills as he reaches my mouth and kisses me sweetly and tenderly.

He brushes my hair out of my eyes." My, sweet girl. Now are you going to behave yourself?"

"No. No sir. I'm not." I shake my head. I giggle and he pulls me close.

Christian and I shower and he wraps me in a towel and carries me to our bed. He gently places me on the soft mattress and looms over me. He kisses me sweetly. "You look like you need a nap, baby. You look thoroughly spent."

I smile up at him. "Mmmmm. I'm such a lucky girl, Mr. Grey."

"You rest. I'll go see about the kids." He kisses me softly.

"Okay. I'll be there shortly. Don't let me miss dinner."

Christian quickly dresses and disappears quietly out the door.

I open my eyes and jump up. I've slept almost an hour. I quickly dress and run downstairs. Christian is in the family room and he is on the floor with both children pouncing on him. All three are laughing and squealing with enjoyment. I walk in and fall on the sofa. "Mr. Grey I don't know where you get your energy."

"Hey. Good to see you're still alive. We've been waiting dinner on you." Christian has Teddy in a headlock and Grace has her arms around Christian's neck trying to strangle him.

"Gail has been holding dinner." He tells me.

"I'll go let her know that we're ready." I walk into the kitchen.

"Gail. I'm sorry that I held up dinner. I think we're ready to eat now."

"Are you okay, Ana? You look a little tired."

"I'm fine. I just fell asleep after my shower."

Gail serves up dinner and the kids devour the mac and cheese. Christian tries to get Teddy to try the stroganoff, but he is having none of it. He makes vile faces as he sticks his tongue to it after Christian insists he at least try it.

I clear the table and clean up the kitchen. I volunteered, since I held up dinner. I didn't want Gail to work so late because of me.

I walk back in the family room and Christian and Teddy are on the sofa wrapped around each other watching some cartoons on TV. Both laughing hysterically. I don't understand why. I've never found cartoons to be particularly funny. Guess it's a guy thing. Grace is on the floor talking to a stuffed bear. It's not talking back. I walk over and pick her up and sit on the sofa with her and the stuffed bear in my lap. I just can't seem to get interested in the cartoons. I stroke Grace's curls and hold her tight kissing her cheeks. She lays down in my arms and I stroke her little face.

I wake as I feel Christian kiss my cheek. "Baby?" he whispers. Let me have Grace. I'll put her to bed.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep again." Christian takes Grace from me and I get up following him up to our daughter's room. I pull her nightie out of her dresser drawer as Christian quietly undresses her in his lap. I hand him her pull ups and he slips them on her. Then he gently slips her nightie over her head and pulls her arms through the sleeves. He carries her to her bed and I pull back the covers as he places her on the sheets. He takes the quilt from me and pulls it up to her shoulder, then kisses her forehead as he brushes her curls off of her face. "She is so beautiful." Christian marvels as he looks down at his sleeping daughter.

We tiptoe out of her room after Christian sets the baby monitor.

"Where is Teddy?" I ask Christian.

"Already in bed and conked out." Christian whispers as he puts his arm around me. "Thanks for doing that, Baby. I am just wasted today. I guess my anniversary did me in."

"Oh, Christian. Would you take a glance at my resume and give me some suggestions on how I can make it look a little better?"

"Baby, I'd be glad to, but I never look at resumes."

"I thought you hired people?"

"Well, usually the department heads hire their own people. I never see them. When I do any hiring of any senior staff, the resumes have already been reviewed by someone else and pre-interviewed before recommending to me for final approval. I look over the background check that IT has done and go from there."

"Oh. I guess I didn't think about that."

"I'll be glad to look at it though."

"Okay." Christian and I go back down to the family room and snuggle on the sofa.

"Some brandy, Mrs. Grey?" Christian asks.

"Yes. I believe so. Thank you." Christian gets up and returns handing me the snifter with the wonderful liquid in it. "Mmmm. That's good." I take a sip.

Christian snuggles back down with me. "Here, let me take a look." I hand him what I have written today.

Christian pours over it and nods. "It looks good to me, baby. I still wish you would just go back to Grey Publishing."

"That's just too easy. I want to know that I deserve the position, not that I married it. You should understand that, Christian." I sit up to face him. "Nobody gave you GEH. You earned it. You worked for it. I want to feel that."

"I understand, Anastasia. I admire you for it. You never take the easy way, do you, baby?" Christian tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. He cups my head in his hand and pulls me to him for a kiss. He cradles me in his arms and I snuggle next to him.

"By the way, I made the appointment with John for Friday evening. It's at 5:30. Is that okay?" I can feel Christian tense. "Yes. That's fine. I guess."

I sit up and look at him. "Christian. Whatever it is, it will be okay. I promise it will be okay, baby."


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32 **

**A/N: If it is difficult to read this, it was much more difficult to write. **

Christian and I pull in to the parking garage at John's office. Christian parks the car and looks over at me. "Are you ready, Ana?"

I nod. I reach over and take his hand. "Christian I love you so very much. There's nothing that you can say that will change that. Do you understand me?"

"I hope so, Baby." He looks over and squeezes my hand.

"No Christian. Don't hope so. I want to hear you say it. I want to know that you understand that I love you."

He takes a deep breath. "I know that you love me Anastasia."

"Okay. Let's go."

"Ah. Ana. Christian. It's good to see you both."

"Hello, John." I smile at him.

"John." Christian nods and extends his had to shake John's.

"Please come in and have a seat."

"Christian and I take a seat beside each other on the same sofa in John's office. I sit next to the table because I'm positive I'll need the tissues.

"Was traffic bad coming in this evening?" John asks.

"Not too bad we made fair time." Christian responds. Christian is obviously nervous. I'm not used to seeing Christian nervous. He takes my hand and gives it a squeeze and gives me quick a reassuring smile. I return the squeeze and smile.

"How are the children doing?" I feel John making pleasantries to take the edge off of the atmosphere.

"They're good. Teddy is enjoying his summer vacation. Watching too much television. And Grace is well…..Grace." I tell him.

"Good. Good." John pauses. "Well. Shall we get started?"

We both nod. We look like we are on our way to an execution. Our own.

John starts. "Before we begin I need to get a bit housekeeping out of the way. I think it's appropriate to establish a few ground rules, so to speak, before we get started this evening. First off, I think that you both are aware that I am counseling each of you on an individual basis. I will not divulge any details specific to those individual sessions while you here as a couple. Each of you, however, is free to divulge any information you wish."

"I am here to facilitate your session. I will not take sides with either of you. Since you have both decided that your goal is improve your marriage, I am on the side of the marriage. I am here to keep the discussion on track and focused on the goal. There will be no name calling and no physical or verbal acts of aggression."

Christian gives John a sour look." I would not expect that from either of you, however we do need to establish that. I am not here to change or fix anyone. This is your session. You are here to discuss whatever issues you wish. So that said. Does anyone wish to begin?"

We are both dead silent.

John breaks the silence. "Well. There have certainly been some exciting events in your lives of recent. Do either of you have any comments?"

I begin to speak." I want to start, I think." Christian I want to begin by reassuring you that I love you very much. I will always love you. I know we have already discussed this, but I need for you to understand how very hurt I was when you had that relationship with Amy. I know you think that because there was no actual sexual activity, that it wasn't cheating. But it was to me. You broke my heart Christian Grey. I'm trying to work past that, but I need for you to know how very betrayed and humiliated that I felt."

Christian hesitates. "I know Ana. I don't think there are words that can come close to expressing how terrible I feel about that."

"Could you try, 'I'm sorry'?" I ask him.

"Baby, I am so deeply sorry, for what I did. It was selfish and thoughtless. I need you to know that I never meant to hurt you."

"Why did you do it Christian?" I look into his eyes.

"I wish I could understand why. All I can say is, that it is the only way I know how to handle things when my life goes out of control. When I can't control what is going on with my personal life, I don't know any other way to get a handle on my emotions. I've been dealing with issues in this manner all of my adult life and most of my teens. It always worked until I met you."

"Christian, do you understand that you need to find different strategies to cope? You can't run to a sub every time something doesn't go the way you want it to." Christian nods, but will not look at me. "Do you understand that I am your wife? I am your best friend. I am the person who will understand you and support you. You can tell me anything. I will help you deal with whatever is bothering you."

"I know. Ana. But, don't you see that I am here to take care of _you_. I want to keep _you_ safe. I don't want you to ever have to worry or be concerned about anything. I….I just find it difficult to talk about things sometimes."

I'm becoming more insistent. "But Christian, you have to. You have to be able to trust me. You need to find a way to talk to me instead of relieving your aggression and anger by physical or psychological domination of another human being?"

"Yes. I know." Christian is still looking contrite.

Tears are welling up my eyes. "Christian. Look at me." I command. " Look at me damn it." My voice is getting louder and more demanding.

Christian slowly lifts his head but still cannot look into my eyes.

My flood gate opens. "Christian I need for you to look at me. I need for you to see me. I am here. I am a person. I have feelings. I have needs. I need for you to see that."

"I am not here for you to yell at. I am not just here to take care of the kids and make sure your needs are met." Tears begin to spill out of my eyes. "I need to be me again. I need to be able feel comfortable around you again."

Christian flashes a look of amazement at me. "You don't feel comfortable around me? Ana you are everything to me. How can you not feel comfortable around me?"

"Christian. I spend all of my energy trying to calm and comfort you. Trying to keep you on an even keel." I wipe my tears with my hand. "Do you remember when we had a talk before I went to Savannah?"

Christian nods, now looking into my eyes.

"Remember I told you that you get mad at me so often? You yell at me so easily?"

"Yes, I remember Ana. I've tried to do a better job of controlling that."

"And, I will admit that you have. You have been trying so hard lately. But I need to know that you have worked all this shit out over your mother. I need to know that when you are angry that it is truly an ' in the moment' anger and not just old feelings and insecurities bubbling up in a different form."

"Ana. I recognize that there are still issues that I need to work through and resolve. I am genuinely trying to do that. It's not easy. I can't just fix it because you want me to."

"No Christian. I don't want you to, I need for you to."

I look over at Christian and his eyes are clinched tightly and his face is contorted as if he is in pain.

He begins calmly and with control. "Ana. This is not about my mother. Not completely. Yes. I still have issues about being neglected, hurt and abandoned. But, I really do understand that she was an addict. Because of her own neglectful and abusive upbringing, she was not equipped to raise a child. She should have never brought me into the world."

I look at him in horror. "Oh Christian, no. I can't imagine a world without you. Please don't ever feel like that." I begin to realize that he knows much more about his mother than he has ever told me. "Christian how do you know that your mother was abused and neglected?"

Christian, still holding my hand, looks over to me." Ana. I knew your bank account number. Do you honestly think that I wouldn't check into my own mother's background. I needed to know where I came from. Who I am."

"Christian, why didn't you tell me?"

"It wasn't something that I wanted to share. It's not an attractive story."

"Christian. When are you going to get it through your head that you need to share things with me? I _need_ for you to share things with me."

"I will. But I'm not sure right now is the best time."

"Here we go again. Everything has to be on your terms, doesn't it?"

Christian turns to face me and his eyes are burning. He raise his voice. "Yes, Ana. It does. It has to be on my fucking terms, because I have to be able to make sure that things don't get out of control."

John breaks in. "I think that perhaps we need to tone things down a bit. We aren't here to…..."

Christian holds his hand up to John to silence him, without ever breaking his hold on me with his eyes. "Ana. I can never let a situation get out of my control. Do you understand me?" He looks so angry, I am almost afraid of him.

I shake my head. "No. I don't understand."

"Situations that get out of my control can have dire consequences. I avoid those consequences at all cost. I never… give up… control. Not to anyone. Ever." Christian's voice has an eerie calm to it.

"But Christian I don't understand why. Everyone loses control sometimes."

Christian, still facing me on the couch, breaks his stare. He tilts his head back and contorts his face. Tears begin to fall. "Because, Ana. Because it hurts. It hurts so damn much."

"Baby. I don't understand. What hurts so much? Talk to me. I want to understand, Christian." I plead.

Christian takes a deep breath and begins. "I got into a few fights when I was a teenager. But not near as many as I told my parents. I would come home with bruises and cuts and it was an easy way to explain it. But most of it was Elena. I gave control to Elena and that was the result. I didn't know any better.

"I've told you how I got involved with her. I was doing some work for Linc, cleaning up debris from a construction project on their house. Elena came out to talk to me and out of the blue, she kissed me and then she slapped me. I was 15. I'd never been with a real girl, just Playboys and Hustlers that I managed to have someone buy for me. When she kissed me it was arousing. Like I said at 15, I was walking hard on. But I didn't know what to think about the slap. Then she kissed me again and slapped me again. But you've heard this story. You know how it all started."

I nod my head. "Yes, Christian. You've explained how you got involved with Elena. But tell me whatever you want to tell me."

I didn't know what to expect or how to act with women. Elena was older, so I just assumed that the slapping was a normal part of how sex worked. Except she would never let me slap her. I guess it was sort of like Pavlov's dogs, soon the pain became arousing to me because the sex always followed it.

"She taught me how to fuck. I fucked her in ways you could never imagine. She taught me how to please a woman, physically. Tenderness and emotion was not part of her instruction. Christian finally turns to look at me. "I never knew that sex could be pleasurable without pain, until you, Ana. I guess you only know what you've been taught and Elena was my teacher.

"Anyway, I got more and more involved with her and saw her more and more often. I couldn't wait to get a fucking call from her to let me know that Linc was gone and I could come over. I will say that she did set me on straight path with my drinking and fighting and school. If I strayed and she found out about it, she would deny me. She would refuse to see me until I straightened up.

"After a while, she became more and more aggressive with her control. I didn't know what was going on with her, but I just thought she was pissed about something and I was on the receiving end of her ire. In time, I began to want out, but she wouldn't let me. I didn't know how to get out of it. Every time I tried she would threaten to tell my parents. I was too young and stupid to know that she wouldn't really tell them.

"It became a forced relationship rather than consensual. Christian stops and looks over at me and takes a deep breath. He grabs my hand and squeezes it. I squeeze back.

" What is it Christian? Baby, you can tell me."

After a moment tears begin to wet Christian's face. And he is staring into his lap. " Ana. It was so awful. So awful and cruel. She would strip me down and restrain me. She would humiliate me, verbally abuse me. Then the physical pain would start. She rarely held back and she loved that fucking cane. She loved it a lot. I would be black and blue from my shoulders to my feet. She would taunt me, bring me to the point of climax and then deny me over and over again for hours."

I don't know if I can stand to hear this. It is tearing my heart out and my face is drowning in my own tears.

Christian begins to slowly continue. I can tell this is ripping him apart. "Then things began to go from bad to worse. If she was really in a foul mood, she would have guests. Some women some… not. She allowed them to take control. Safe wording meant nothing to them or to Elena, most of the time." I was restrained and couldn't defend myself. I couldn't ….stop their forced sexual or physical assaults." Christian is sobbing and my heart is in shreds. "Ana. It wasn't consensual. I didn't want it. It started out that way, but it wasn't. Elena convinced me that it was. That I asked for it. That I willingly gave her control, because I wanted all of it. But I was a kid. I was a scared, confused, angry kid. Ana, Elena was not my dominate. She was my abuser. It has taken me so long to be able to face that. To be able to admit that."

I reach out for Christian to hold him, but he is inconsolable. He won't let me touch him. " I gave her control and she took advantage of me. Ana. It hurt so bad. So bad. You have no idea. And it happened over and over." Christian can't stop his tears and the pain written on his face is ripping me apart. " In the beginning I would start to cry when it got too bad. That just made it worse. Elena would really rip into me then. Beat me, shove things inside of me, humiliate me. So, I learned control. If I could control myself and my responses, the punishment wouldn't be as bad."

God in heaven. I don't know if I can listen to much more. I am trembling all over. But I know he needs to tell me. He needs for me to know what he has gone through. John stands and puts his hand on my shoulder. "Ana are you okay?" I shake my head. I turn and grab the waste can sitting next to the sofa and wretch into it. I cry and heave. I am embarrassed that I have had such an emotional responds to Christian. I want so desperately to be strong for him. I wipe my mouth and face with a tissue and turn to face my husband. I take his hand and look into his sad gray eyes. "I'm sorry." I tell him.

Christian hands me his soft monogrammed handkerchief. "Baby, I didn't want to upset you. We can stop this."

I shake my head. "No. No. I need to know, Christian. There isn't anything you can't tell me."

He continues. "As I got older, I began to realize that she couldn't divulge what she had done. She couldn't really tell my parents. I began to take control of the situation and somehow the tables began to turn. I became her dominate. I took all the pain and hurt and anger that I was holding in and unleashed it on her. Difference was, she liked it. She actually enjoyed the pain and humiliation, and God in heaven, I needed to inflict it. God. I was so fucking angry." Christian seems to have calmed a little, but he is still visibly upset.

"Not too long after that my parents shuffled me off to Harvard. I no longer had access to Elena, but I still had those needs, so much anger and hurt bottled up inside. So, I started going to BDSM clubs. Places where I could learn about the practice as well as have access to willing partners."

"Is that where you encountered Amy?" I ask him.

"It would seem so. Like I told you I didn't remember her, but it seems that she went to Harvard Law School and that is how she earned extra money to help with school. In addition she genuinely fucking enjoyed the practice.

"I realized that Harvard was just not for me. I wanted to get out and run my own damn company, not hear how someone else would do it. I knew in my gut how to do it and I wanted to get on with it. I knew my parents wouldn't approve of me dropping out of school especially so close to graduating. But I did it anyway."

"I had no money and needed start-up capital, so I went to Elena. She had access to Linc's money and I needed it. Basically, I blackmailed her for it. I threatened to expose her if she didn't give me the capital, so she gave it to me. She tried to start things up again with me, but I wasn't interested. I'd had enough pain to last a lifetime.

"Fairly soon I had bought my first company, turned it around and was making plenty of money. Enough so that I could start taking on the subs. Subs met my needs. I was making a name for myself and couldn't afford to have anyone find out about my lifestyle. I found that I needed female companionship, but had no interest in any type of romantic involvement. Hell. I didn't know anything about romance or how to care about or be gentle with a woman. Elena seemed to leave that part of my education out. I never knew about that until you taught me how." Christian looks into my red, swollen eyes with his and squeezes my hand.

"But I feel as bad about that as anything. His tears begin to fall again. Ana. I knew pain. I knew humiliation and domination at the hands of another person. Yet, somehow I was able to inflict the same pain on another human being. I gave them things, things that money could buy. Cars and clothes, to try to make myself feel better. But how could I whip them and beat them and treat them as anything less than human?" His tears are full on now and he is sobbing. "What kind of person am I Ana? How heartless must I be to be able to do that? How dark is my soul to be able to treat another human being like that? What kind of monster lives inside of me?" he takes a deep breath. "Ana. I looked at you in the boathouse on my birthday. I looked at my beautiful sweet, wife and saw what I was doing to you and it made me sick. Christian throws his arms around my waist and buries his head in my lap. His shoulders heave as he sobs.

I stroke his head and my tears continue to fall. "No. Christian. Please. Please, baby. Don't ever feel that way. I've never met anyone as kind and caring as you are, Christian. Don't you see? If you were truly dark, you wouldn't be able to care about other people. It wouldn't matter to you how you treated anyone else. I love you, Christian. I'm here. I'll always be here."

I look down at Christian and see the abandoned child, the tortured adolescent and the broken man who is clinging to me, and I know I will never leave him. I love this man. My fate is to always love this man. I am his and have been since the day I was born and will be until I take my last breath.

After a time, John cautiously breaks in. "Well. It has been a very fruitful evening. Ana are you okay?"

I nod to John. "I think so."

John looks at Christian. He walks over and puts his hand on Christian's shoulder. "Christian. Are you alright?"

Christian nods without lifting his head from my lap." Yes."

John returns to his seat. "Well. I know this has been a difficult evening for both of you. There were moments where I thought about stopping, but I knew that this is something Christian has been working on for a while now." John looks at me." Ana. This has been extremely difficult for Christian. Facing the truth about his relationship with Elena and coming to terms with it. It hasn't been easy for him. It has taken him a long time to get here. He has wanted to talk to you about it, but just didn't know how, so he wanted to do it here."

"I know all of this has been difficult not only to divulge, but to hear as well. It's a lot to take in. I want both of you to know that I am available to either or both of you, anytime. Day or night. Please call me if you have any questions or concerns…or if you just need to talk."

I look at John and nod. "Thank you, John. I appreciate it."

"If you are both okay, I will go to my outer office and give you two time alone to acclimate. Please take as much time as you need." John excuses himself. He pauses and puts his hand on Christian's shoulder for a moment before exiting the room for the outer office.

Christian's head remains buried in my lap, and his arms around my waist. He is clinging to me for dear life. I caress Christian's head and rub his back as I would if I were comforting Teddy.

"Christian?" I whisper. "Sweetheart? Are you okay?"

Christian nods, but doesn't move his head from my lap. "Christian?" he won't move. I finally get up, peeling his arms from around me, and kneel beside the sofa. Christian still has not moved his position. His head now is on the sofa. I look into his eyes and run my fingers through his hair. "Baby, is there anything I can do?"

"Do you still love me?" He asks.

"Christian! Of course I still love you. This doesn't change anything. I am so proud of you. I know it took everything inside of you to talk about this." I wrap my arms around him and he sits up and takes me in his arms.

"Ana. I love you so much. Please don't hate me. Please, please don't ever leave me."

"Baby. I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me."

Christian and I hold each other and for several minutes before we can collect ourselves and leave John's office. We walk out with our arms around each other, supporting each other. I still have so many questions, but I'll talk to John later. I need to get Christian home and take care of him.

We get down to the parking garage and head for our car. "Christian. Do you want me to drive?" I ask him.

Christian clears his throat. "No. I'm okay. I can drive."

We get in the car and head for the house. The cool air feels good after the claustrophobic feeling we just left in John's office.

I look over at Christian and give him a supportive smile. He looks back at me taking my hand and kissing my knuckles. I can't take my eyes off of him. He looks absolutely spent. No wonder he has been coming back from John's office looking so rough.

"Are you hungry, Baby?" Christian asks me.

I nod. "Yes. I am. How about you?"

"I could eat. What do you want?" he asks me.

"I know just what I want." I grin at him.

Christian and I sit in the car eating our greasy burger and fries. "Good?" I ask him.

"Yep. I haven't eaten this kind of food in ages." He smiles stuffing his face with a giant bacon cheeseburger. "You know I've driven by this place for years, but it never occurred to me to stop. What made you want to come here?" he asks.

"I don't know." I shrug. "A couple of weeks ago when I went into town to see Caroline to get a dress for the charity thing, I just saw it and decided that I wanted a greasy burger, so I pulled in. I've been wanting another one ever since then. Milkshake's good, huh?"

Christian takes a big sip." Yep." I lean over and kiss him licking his upper lip. "You have a milkshake moustache. Mmmm. It's vanilla." I smile at him.

Christian smiles at me. "Yeah. I really like vanilla."

**A/N: Thanks for following this story of Ana and Christian. It continues in Book II. Fifty Shades Clarity.**


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